Warning: Slight nudity and sexual content, just a drop.
Cabin Fever
By: Liv-x-Lex4Ever & E. Scribbles
Chapter 4: Call of Emotion
Alex sat in her apartment, at the desk that was the most used piece of furniture she had, but tonight she found no pleasure in sitting behind it, looking at the awards that adorned the walls of her home office. Tonight, a redhead did not seem to want to leave her thoughts.
She'd picked up the phone so many times to call her, but it wouldn't be fair, not until she'd decided what she wanted. But every second away from her felt painful. Don't be stupid Alex, you've known about your feelings for what, a few weeks. You can't be feeling this way. You never feel this way!
Without realizing, when she dialed for take-out, her hunger getting the better of her, her fingers dialed a different number.
Casey was on the couch. sprawled out in front of the TV, though not really paying attention. She didn't want to think Nick was right. Hell, by all accounts, he probably said that stuff about Alex to make himself sound more appealing. Suddenly, her phone vibrated next to her. Without looking she answered. "Novak."
Alex was silent, stunned.
"Hello?" she asked. "This is Casey Novak. Who is this?"
Alex opened and closed her mouth several times before finally spitting out the words she hadn't wanted to say. "I miss you.
Casey smiled at the thought, but... "Oh and why would that be?"
Alex shut her eyes, finally giving in to the image of Casey, sitting curled up with her on the couch, the smell of her shampoo, the taste of her kiss... "I'm sorry."
"Sorry for what? You didn't do anything wrong."
Alex stayed silent, listening to Casey's breathing, the quiet noise of her television, trying to imagine what she'd been doing when she'd called so she could ignore the stabbing pain in her heart that comment had caused.
Casey turned the volume on the TV lower. "Alex..."
"My whole life, I've worked for this one thing, wanted this one thing...to say...I want something else more...that's...scary. I'm terrified. I've never felt this way before."
Casey readjusted herself, listening intently. "What do you think you need to apologize for? I'm listening," she said, softly.
"For leaving. When Nick...he talks...to everyone...a lot. About everything. I shouldn't have left you to explain, especially not to him."
She nodded. "Yes, you're right, but even though what he said hurt, I just said I should draw my own opinions and told him to leave. I-I didn't want my perception of you to be tainted."
"...What did he say?" Alex asked quietly, sounding a little nervous.
She sighed. "Alex, please don't make me repeat it. I hate that he said it, but I'll hate it even more if I say it."
"...Did you...or do you believe him?"
She stayed quiet for a bit, then choked as she answered, "I-I don't want to, bu-but this thing between us i-it just came up an-and I really don't know what to think! I-I'm so sorry! I know I should form my own opinions, but..."
Alex was quiet for a moment before asking, "How can I defend myself if I don't know what he said?"
She nodded. "H-he said you were using me...to make your job easier. That you'd said you wanted to be 'just Alex' over and over to any available person. That-that you didn't...love me."
Alex was quiet, and it took several seconds for Casey to realize she was laughing. Loudly. Holding the phone away from herself so she could laugh.
"What's so funny? What if I believe this, hmm? Will you laugh then?"
"Do you really think, if I wanted people to do my work, I'd give them some awkward speech that makes me sound like I'm about 15 and haven't yet mastered the English language? I'd just take my clothes off and take them to bed. I don't think anyone is stupid enough to fall for an 'I love you, please do all my work' story these days, are they? No, I save my super awkward lines for people who make me feel super awkward."
Casey laughed a bit as well. "No, that really doesn't sound like you, but honestly, who wouldn't want to find a bed with you after you've stripped? I've only seen you in a bikini and I, well I was uh, pretty...interested, I guess you could say."
"I don't care who wants to go to bed with me, Casey. I only got to bed with people I care about...and I can safely say I have never cared about Nick, or anyone else who was there this weekend, ok?"
She bit her lip. "Including me?" she spat out, painfully. "Gee thanks. Glad to know where I stand."
"No! Casey, that's not what I meant! I meant anyone EXCEPT you!"
"Are you...sure? Think about it."
"I can't STOP thinking about it! I wish I could, but you're all I can think about."
"You wish you could stop thinking about me, why? Am I really that boring?"
Alex shut her eyes. "No, that's not...I meant...just...stay there, ok? Right there." A second later, she hung up the phone.
Casey hung up, placing the phone beside her, wiping her eyes.
Ten minutes later, there was a loud knock on the door.
Sighing, she answered it, knowing the urgency probably meant something important. "Yes?"
Before she could finish the word, Alex's lips were on hers crushing them as she tried to put all her feelings into one kiss.
Casey pulled her inside, kicking the door closed and pressing her against the wall, deepening the kiss. A kiss that was unruly, thirsty for more, yet safe and somewhat comforting while riding on uncertainty.
When they finally parted, breathless, Alex asked, "Does that answer your question?"
Casey wrapped her arms around her neck, leaning her head on her shoulder. "Mhm, but...I still don't know what to think of...all this. Is that okay?"
"Just as long as you know my doubts, my fears, they're not about you or how I feel about you, they're about how that affects everything else."
Casey nodded. "Come sit and tell me," she said, leading her over to the couch.
Alex hesitated, pulling Casey towards her. "I don't feel much like talking anymore."
Casey nodded, leaning into her, pulling her legs up. "Then...what do you want to do?"
Alex leant forward, capturing Casey's lips once more. They were still there, entwined, getting to know each other's bodies, an hour later, when there was another knock on the door.
Pouting, Casey pulled away, walking over. "Who is it?"
Alex lay back on the couch, a small smile on her face as her eyes drifted shut. "Elliot! I need a favor!"
Casey wrenched the door open. "What kind of favor?"
He held up a warrant, but walked past her into the apartment. "I need you to sign this. Can't get hold of Alex, she..she's..here?"
Alex waved. "Hi."
He looked between them, from Alex's half-buttoned shirt, to Casey's tangled hair, before clearing his throat. "I knew I should have sent Liv."
Casey looked over. "Alex," she mumbled under her breath.
Alex looked at her, confused.
"Look down."
Alex did as she asked, blushing furiously upon noticing the problem before correcting it.
Casey sighed. "N-no, i-it's fine. Don't worry. What do you need it for?"
He explained in short, glancing every so often towards Alex who stayed where she was, a s smile still on her face as she stretched, shutting her eyes once more. Once he'd finished talking, he added. "I've never seen her so relaxed before. Keep it up."
Casey glared. "Just keep your mouth shut and I could be up to the task."
He grinned, passing her the warrant.
Casey walked over, leaning on the end table and signing it before handing it back to him. "Here you go."
He thanked her, glancing back at Alex before giving Casey a wink, then made his way from the apartment. "Keep it down girls."
Casey shook her head, before returning to her spot next to Alex. "I really should've paid attention before opening the door. Sorry about that."
Alex stretched again, looking a little like the cat who got the cream as she just smiled up at Casey.
Casey smiled, pulling her down on top of her as she fell onto her back. "I'm not one for moving at the speed of light, just so you know, but this...feels good, safe."
Alex captured her lips once more, then dropped a kiss to her nose. "I should go, it's getting late."
She wanted to ask why, but...then she remembered. "But...you did promise."
"What did I promise?" Alex smiled, wrapping some of Casey's hair around her fingers,
"You promised you would sleep next to me tonight, remember? Unless you don't want to."
"Somehow...I don't think much sleeping would be done, especially if you normally sleep in ninja turtle pajamas." Alex glanced down at Casey's pajama pants with a smile.
She turned it around. "Do I look cheap? Easy? Really?" she asked, standing up and walking over, opening the door.
Alex bit her lip and stood, walking towards her slowly, but just as Casey hesitated, Alex made a detour and walked towards the bedroom.
Casey closed the door, walking over to sit back on the couch. She didn't want this going sour - not after one day and she was messing everything up. She sighed, leaning her head back and closing her eyes.
A few minutes later, Alex walked out in the top matching Casey's pajama bottoms...and not much else.
Casey still wasn't paying attention, eyes closed.
Alex walked closer, lifting one of Casey's hands and placing it on her bare leg as she lifted it to straddle her.
Casey inhaled sharply, feeling the smooth bare skin under her fingertips and opened her eyes to see and feel Alex straddling her lap. Her hands moved up to her back. "You look so cute," she said, pulling her close, "the thong's a nice touch by the way," she said with a smile, forgetting her anger.
"I think we need to get to know each other better, and I think that might include me learning why you wear turtle clothes to bed." Alex examined the top, then added. "And I don't think you're easy, I just think I'd find it hard to keep my hands off you in flannelette."
She smiled. "I agree on that. I just...I used to watch it when I was a kid. They were...brave and daring. Did you know that, according to Art History, some people believe they were named after the actual artists?" She waited a moment before continuing. "No, I wasn't trying to assume you thought so little of me, but the way you phrased it and what that idiot put into my head came back and..." she sighed. "I trust you. I want to believe you and I do believe we can sleep without sex." She pulled her close, resting her head on Alex's shoulder. "I want to sleep, with my arms around you, head on your shoulder and your arms around me...protectively. Is that too much?"
"I don't know, you are incredibly attractive, you know." Despite her words, Alex's arms wrapped around her tightly, their bodies seeming to fit like they were made for one another.
Casey smiled, rubbing her back. "Lex," she murmured into her hair.
"How 'bout we move to the bed? I'm a bit old for spending all night on the couch." Alex dropped a kiss to Casey's neck.
Casey let Alex slide off of her lap as she stood up herself and took her hand. "So are you going to sleep in that all night?"
"Well, I normally sleep with nothing on, but.."
"Hmm, interesting, but I don't know if I trust myself enough for that right now. I was going to go topless, but..."
Alex gave a wide grin before walking ahead of Casey towards the bedroom.
Casey smiled watching the show as Alex strutted toward the light in her bedroom, the sway of her hips making Casey sigh dreamily and wish she were more outgoing, but she wouldn't do that to herself or Alex. She followed in slowly, watching Alex sit on the bed, crossing her legs as she closed the door and walked over.
Alex stretched back on the pillows, watching Casey with a smile.
"Do you trust me if I do sleep topless? Can I trust that all you'll do is hold me close?" she asked, sitting beside her as she turned the bedside lamp on, walking over and turning off the overhead one before resuming her spot.
Alex bit her lip, torn. She would love to hold Casey close, skin to skin, but..."You decide."
Casey thought a moment. "Okay, then can I trust that you won't do anything other than touch, caress...maybe a kiss or two, tonight...at least without telling me?"
Alex smiled at her, one hand sliding up to rest on Casey's middle. "Ok."
"Are you sure?"
"Not at all, but after all this, I really want to see what you're hiding under there." Alex cocked her head, giving Casey a reassuring smile.
Casey nodded, kissing her gently, before gently lifting up and shedding her shirt, smiling widely at Alex's expression. "So? What do you think?"
Alex was silent, but as Casey began to feel uncomfortable, she spoke quietly. "You said a kiss...or two? And a caress right? Do I get to pick where those kisses go?
Casey looked directly into her eyes, taking a shaky breath and nodding, her body trembling slightly.
Alex moved forward, taking one nipple into her mouth, her breath tickling it and making Casey gasp, before she rolled it with her tongue. A moment later, the warmth of her mouth was gone and a second kiss landed gently on the top of her breast. "Beautiful."
Casey moaned, her hands gripping the sheets. "Alex..."
Alex moved a little closer, wrapping her arms around her and drawing her close.
Casey leaned her head on her shoulder, arms folded protectively over her chest. "Warm," she whispered, "but why only one?"
"I'm saving the second one 'til morning." Alex smiled at her, unfolding Casey's arms and pulling her closer so her body pressed against her own.
She smiled. "Mmm, good reason," she answered. "What do you say we climb under the sheets?"
Alex kept Casey close as she wriggled the sheets from under them, pulling it over them.
Casey leaned over, switching off the light and turning back over and wrapping her arms around Alex and laid her head on her shoulder. Her hands found their way under Alex's shirt, feeling her smooth skin under her fingers, drawing circles. "You're so...muscular..."
Alex was willing herself not to do anything to scare the younger woman. She was trying to lie as still as possible, and not give into the moans that threatened. Instead, she released a sharp breath that tickled Casey's cheek.
Casey smiled. "It's okay, Lex..."
"Please go to sleep." She managed to squeak out, her stomach muscles dancing under Casey's fingers.
"Okay." She sighed, turning over.
Alex moved to press her body against her back, one arm moving around her to rest on her stomach, pulling them closer together. She breathed in Casey's shampoo, sighing her name before dropping a kiss to her shoulder blade. "I'm sorry. I'm not used to this."
"To what?"
"Lying in bed with someone and...really liking them. I want to do what you want, I want to explore you, I want to know everything about you, I want to just listen to your breathing and heartbeat, I want to just hold you, I want to...bang you until we both pass out. And I don't think I'm handling it very well."
Casey's hand rested on hers, entwining their fingers. "Can you...do anything of that without sexual contact?" she whispered.
"That's just...normally how I show my feelings. I'm not used to talking about them or anything I just...take my clothes off. Oh god. I sound terrible." Alex sighed, rolling away from Casey to lie on her back.
Casey rolled onto her side to face her. "So...he wasn't lying completely? Not that I think you think I'm an object, but with...others? That—you just have sex and..."
Alex spoke rather defensively, crossing her arms as Casey had done earlier. "I never said I slept with a lot of people! But thanks, nice to know you think I'm a slut."
Casey shook her head, pulling her arm away. "I never said that. I'm sorry! How did you expect me to respond?"
"I don't know! I've never met anyone like you, that's what I've been trying to say! Everyone else has been quite happy to show their feelings that way."
"It-it's not that I don't want to! I just...I feel a lot of things are possible between us," she said, sitting up. "I'd like an actual relationship with someone I can count on and trust." She sighed. "It's been a while since I've felt about anyone the way I feel about you."
"What happened to the last one? How many have there been? Not as many as I've had, I'm sure." Alex still spoke defensively, her eyes tightly shut.
She shook her head. "Never gave any affection other than wanting sex. It was...thrilling at first. All those late nights, but after a while, there was no love, no physical connection. I had to let her go. The number is less than ten, by the way. I want someone to trust me with their innermost secrets, fears, desires. I want to be able to do the same. I feel so strongly for you I-I just don't ever want to lose that."
"And you think I'm like that?" Alex's eyes opened, looking into hers.
"Like...what?"
"I just want sex from you?"
"No, Alex..." she was silent for a few minutes and Alex could hear her ragged breathing, knowing she'd really upset her by the question."D-don't y-you get i-it? I don't think you are, b-but the more questions you ask, the more jokes you make..." She wrapped her arms around her legs.
A couple of seconds later, Alex wrapped one of the bed sheets around her shoulders and dropped a tender kiss to the top of her ear. "I'm sorry. I'm just...scared. I'll go." She stood from the bed.
Casey looked up. "Really? So that's it? Y-you're really going to leave wh-when I need you the most?" she asked, looking at her through the darkness. "Wow, shows how much you care!" she cried.
Alex stood in the darkness, lost. Scared she'd do or say the wrong thing again she just sank to the edge of the bed and sat there silently.
Casey felt the shift slightly. "Alex, please come back! I'm sorry! I-I shouldn't have said it, please! Don't go," she whispered. "I don't think I can take it again."
Reaching out in the dark, Alex slid her hand into Casey's. "I'm still here."
Casey leaned into her side. "Don't let me go!" she said, her voice shaking. "I-I don't know what this is, but, right now, please don't let go!"
Alex pulled her and the sheet close, wrapping it around her tightly, then holding her as close as she could, laying them gently back into the pillows.
"I'm sorry," Casey whispered over and over, her voice shaking as much as her form.
Every time she apologized, Alex dropped a kiss to her head and whispered, "It's ok."
Casey turned onto her side, wrapping an arm over her shoulder. "But I never should've implied..."
"Shh. Let's just try to sleep now, okay? We can talk in the morning."
"You won't let go?" she asked.
Alex shook her head, dropping another kiss. "Not until you want me to."
She nodded, finding her lips and kissing her, though she knew she was still extremely upset.
Alex moved her head back a little so it was only a very gentle brush against each other's lips before resting her head on the pillow, pulling Casey close and closing her eyes.
"Love you," she whispered, snuggling into Alex.
Alex dropped a kiss to her head, but made no reply.
Author's note: What do you think?
Review thanks to: eljh55, steple, Wigler, Tripperz, case-oli, Lexie, Stussy, Blitz1030, iTrick, Nobot4life, Mackster, Surfrider, LOCISVU, Cavak, Butterscotch , Madds21 & Tracer
53 for 3 chapter was awesome you guys! Let's keep it up!
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Liv-x-Lex4Ever & E. Scribbles