Finally, chapter four. I'm sorry it took me so long to finish it, life is kind of hectic at the moment. Perhaps that is why this is not my finest work, or perhaps I am just trying to make excuses. Either way, I couldn't put off posting this any longer, so this is as good as it's going to get. I hope you'll enjoy, anyway.
I'd also like to take a moment to thank everybody who's been reviewing, especially those of you who've reviewed every chapter yet, it actually means the world to me and inspires me to keep writing. So thank you so much for that.
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"Gillian."
She's startled out of her concentration by the sound of her name. She looks up from the files on her computer to see Emily standing in the doorway to her office.
"Emily!" she says with a smile as big as she can manage. "Come on in, how are you?" she asks, getting up from her chair and walking over to her.
"I'm fine," Emily says with a smile, walking up to her and moving in for a hug. "Are you okay?" she asks, after they've let go of each other. "Yeah," she says. "Of course, I'm fine. But what about you? I didn't know you were back in town!" She smiles and puts her hand on the girl's shoulder.
Ever since Emily started college a few months ago and moved to New York, she's been seeing significantly less of the eightteen-year-old girl and missing her more than she expected.
"Yeah, no, I know," Emily says, "my dad didn't know I was coming either, I just got here and surprised him." Gillian smiles. "I bet he was thrilled to see you," she says, "he really misses you!"
"Yeah, I know," Emily says, making a face. "Anyway, what's new with you?" she asks. Gillian bites her lip, she hadn't really expected to have to tell Emily anything about her love life just yet.
"It's a trick question, by the way," Emily says with a mischievous look on her face, "my dad already told me you're back with that David guy, whose name is no longer David," she says.
"Yeah," Gillian says. She manages a smile. "Well, then you already know. He's back, and I'm giving him another chance. There really isn't much else to say about it," she says.
"Well, of course there's more to say than that!" Emily says. She walks over to the couch and makes herself comfortable on it. "Come, sit, talk," she says with a smile, patting the fabric of the couch next to her.
"There really isn't much to tell," Gillian says, sitting down next to Emily. "He showed up at my doorstep two weeks ago, willing to do what it takes to have me back in his life," she says. "So I," she shrugs her shoulders, "I decided to give him another chance."
Emily looks at her, head slightly tilted and a small frown between her eyebrows. "You know, that actually sounds like a very romantic story," she says. "So don't get me wrong when I say, you don't sound too excited when you tell it. Why is that?"
She feels a blush rising up her throath and upto her cheeks. "You know, you and your father share the same curiousity about my love life," she says, nervously pushing a strand of hair out of her face. "Sorry," Emily says with a smile. "I was raised by a man who's made the truth his main quest in life, so you can't fully hold me accountable."
She can't supress a laugh. "Yes, you are your father's daughter," she says. "Look, Gill," Emily says. "I love you, I just want to see you happy. Are you happy?"
She looks at the girl she's known and loved for so long, whom she's watched grow up and turn into the beautiful, wise young woman that's sitting beside her today. She looks at the small, worried frown inbetween her eyebrows and the big, wide, hazel eyes that are locking with her own blue ones.
"Yeah," she says, wrapping an arm around her. "Even more so, now that you're here."
"You know," Emily whispers, laying her head against Gillian's shoulder, "my dad just said the exact same thing, when I asked him that."
Emily get's up to leave her office not long after that, allowing her to get some work done. "Wanna come over for dinner tonight?" she asks her. "I'm sorry," Gillian says, "I'm actually going out with Jeffrey tonight. How about tomorrow?" she asks.
They agree on that and then Emily walks out the door. Gillian get's back to her administration, but quickly stumbles upon a scribbled note in Cal's handwriting that even she can't dicipher. She sighs deeply and get's up to walk over to his office.
She's about to open the door to Cal's office when she hears the familair voice of Emily talking behind it. "I don't get it, dad," she says. "You told me you loved her. That you were in love with her." Her blood runs cold in it's tracks.
"That's a long time ago," she hears Cal say, his voice tired, frustrated but not angry. "Well, has anything changed since then?" Emily asks. "Yeah," says Cal. "She's with him now, haven't you heard?"
She can feel her heart racing in her chest. Are they talking about her? Could that even be possible?
"That's not what I meant," Emily says. "Are you in love with Gillian?" she asks. Silence. For the longest time, nobody says anything. She's afraid to stay and hear the answer to that question, but it's like her feet are nailed to the floor, and she can't bring herself to walk away.
"Yeah," says Cal eventually, the sound echoing in her mind, thudding against her brain like a hammer.
"But it doesn't matter. She's with somebody else now," he says. "She doesn't love him!" Emily says, raising her voice in frustration.
"That's her choice," Cal says. "Yeah, but it's the wrong choice," Emily says, her voice agitated. "And if you told her how you felt about her, she might choose differently!"
"No she wouldn't," Cal says, voice flat and emotionless. "If she wants to be with me, why's she with him then, huh?"
"Maybe she got tired of waiting," Emily says.
She suddenly feels terrible for eavesdropping on a conversation this private, even if she is the subject being discussed. As she quietly walks away from the door, the word 'yeah' is still pounding in her head.
She goes back to her office and stays there for what feels like an eternity. Pacing back and forth the room, sitting down at her desk and running her hands through her hair, turning on her computer and staring at the screen, only to eventually get up and walk around the room again.
She doesn't know what to do. She doesn't even know what to want anymore. Is she supposed to walk away from everything she and Jeffrey are and could become, only to throw herself into Cal's arms, eventhough he never even asked her to?
Is she supposed to forget the things she just heard him say, forget everything they could be together, and live the rest of her life never knowing what might have been?
She stays in her office, wondering and pondering, for the remainder of the afternoon, forgetting all about the work she was supposed to get done that day. It's Cal who eventually startles her out of it.
"You about ready to go home, love?" he asks, suddenly standing in the doorway. "I'm leavin' now, Em's makin' dinner," he says, a smug smile on his face. "Yeah," she says, managing a smile, "you guys have fun."
"Yeah," he says, the sound sending chills down her spine. "Look, Gill," he says, looking down at his shoes, "'s just, you sure you can't come tonight?"
"Cal, you know I'd love to," she says apologetically, "but…"
"Yeah, I know," he cuts her off. "It's fine. Have a good night," he says, before turning around and leaving her office.
"Cal!" she calls after him. She thinks about running after him and yelling at him for being unfair; but she's scared of what an argument right now would turn into, of what she might say and admit to, so she doesn't.
Instead, she takes a deep breath before gathering her things together and walking out her office, out the building and towards her car.
"Gillian," she hears him call her name behind her. She stops, turns around and lets him catch up with her.
"Don't see him tonight," he says, looking her in the eyes. "Don't see him, any night, ever," he says, his voice determined.
"Why not?" she asks, and she decides that this is his shot. This is his chance to speak up and tell her what she already knows.
"You're not in love with him," he says, shrugging his shoulders and never averting his gaze. "I know it and you know it. You're not in love with him. Don't see him tonight."
"Then who am I in love with, Cal?" she asks. "Tell me that, and I won't go," she says, the promise ringing in her ears, the meaning of the words sinking in only after she's said them.
Cal looks away, looks down at the floor, running a hand through his hair and for a moment seeming lost without words. Then he looks up into her eyes again, a daring look on his face. "You tell me," he says.
For seconds that feel like hours they just stand there, each waiting for the other person to break. But neither one of them does.
"I'm late," she whispers, still looking him in the eyes. She turns around and walks away. He doesn't follow her, this time.
She reaches her car and gets in, slamming the cardoor shut behind her with a loud bang. She grabs on to the steering wheel tight enough for her knuckles to turn white and bites her lip to keep the tears from falling. What kind of game is he trying to play? Doesn't he understand that nobody is going to win at it?
Pulling her closer one moment, only to push her away the next -never truly holding onto her, never really letting her go. Unwilling to commit to a real relationship, -unable to let go of the woman he loves; especially if that means handing her off to another man -a man who is willing to commit and stay and make sacrifices and do everything he will not.
She takes several deep breaths before letting go of the steering wheel to wipe the tears from her eyes. Behind her, she hears Cal's car drive off with reckless speed. She stays in the parkinglot for minutes that feel like hours and waits for him to come back.
She waits and hopes and prays for him to change his mind and decide that she's worth more than his pride and ego and fear and restlessness and whatever else is holding him back. She waits for him to turn the car around and drive back to her, running to her car and jerking the door open. "Me," he'd say. "You're in love with me. Choose me."
After an eternity of waiting in silence, she grabs her keys and starts the car, taking one quick look in the rearview-mirror before driving away. She looks awful, but decides it's too late to fix her appearance. Her hair is a mess and her eyes are puffy and bloodshot. She hasn't had a good night's sleep in days -weeks, even.
Perhaps she will sleep better tonight, now that she has finally made a decision about Jeffrey. Tonight she won't have to worry about anything anymore, she won't have to torture herself with impossible choices. Her mind is finally made up.
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Ever so sorry about the cliffhanger, I couldn't help myself. Thank you so much for reading, I hope you enjoyed! Please leave me a review, for I'd love to know your thoughts -especially this chapter, because for the first time since I started writing this story, I am posting this chapter without having written anything yet for the next chapter. I have a vague concept of what is going to happen next, but nothing concrete yet. I need inspiration and your reviews really do provide it, so please take a moment and leave me one. Thanks in advance!