Chapter 3

Alistair

Lillianth's Journal

We traveled to Ostegar, a ruin located in the south near the Koncari Wilds. Duncan explained the history of Grey Wardens and their battles against the darkspawn. I tried to listen to him, but my thoughts kept going back to the events of what happened continued to repeat. I kept remembering all the faces of my clan, forever burned into my mind. I would miss them. What brought my heart more grief than leaving was Tamlen's disappearance. My failure to find him. Leaving him there to die.

Soon we approached a massive fortress that probably was once great in its glory. It was damaged from battles and worn from weather, weeds were growing in the stone, the stone architecture was crumbling here and there, but continued to stand steadfastly. There were giant statues on the bridge that crossed the gorge, many were missing or broken. I saw the mountains in the distance and the forest in the gorge below.

"Lillianth?" Duncan questioned. "Are you listening?"

I couldn't lie. Sure, he was a shemlan, but he saved my life. I lowered my head, sadly.

"I understand you are grieving and are consumed with guilt for what has happened," he said, gently. "But know this: Tamlen's fate wasn't your fault."

"I just..." I began. "I wish we never found that cave..."

"Wishful thinking will never bring your friend back, Lillianth. You can take your vengeance on the darkspawn, if you wish. But, do not let your anger consume you. Channel it if you must in battle, but always keep your mind focused. We must always press forward."

I nodded.

Soon, a man approached, dressed in gold armor. His blonde hair was long with thin plaits tied behind his head. He had an arrogant, yet friendly smile. His blue eyes glittered with pride.

"King Cailan!" said Duncan, surprised, shaking the man's hand. "I didn't expect-"

"A royal welcome?" he finished. "The Wardens tell me you found a promising recruit. I take it this is she?" He looked at me, inquisitively.

"Allow me to introduce you..." Duncan began, turning towards me.

"No need to be formal, Duncan," he interrupted, holding up a hand. "We'll be shedding blood together, after all." The King turned to me. "Ho there, friend! Might I know your name?"

"I am Lillianth, Your Majesty," I replied, softly.

"Pleased to meet you," he smiled. "You are Dalish, are you not? I hear your people possess remarkable skill and honor."

I was surprised to hear such a wonderful thing...especially from a human and a king. I didn't see the point of being rude to humans now since I was to become a Grey Warden and I would probably be around them more than I was used to.

"Why, thank you," I beamed. "I didn't know His Majesty was familiar with the Dalish."

"I wish I knew more. Your people and mine aren't exactly on good terms. And for good reason. I'm glad to see that you are civil since we have treated you so terribly. Maybe you could tell me more about your people once the battle is over."

"Certainly."

The men talked amongst themselves about the upcoming battle against the darkspawn while I just shut it out, treating it like white noise. By the sound of what King Cailan was saying, he was confident that the Blight was going to be over tonight. Yet Duncan didn't seem too convinced. Soon King Cailan bade us farewell since he had important business to attend.

"What the king said is true," said Duncan. "They've won several battles against the darkspawn here."

"You don't sound reassured," I replied.

He led me through the bridge to the other side."Despite the victories so far, the darkspawn grow with each passing day. I know there is an archdemon behind this, but I cannot ask the king to act solely on my feeling."

"He certainly seems to regard the Grey Wardens so highly," I commented.

"Yet, not enough to wait for reinforcements from the Grey Wardens of Orlais. He believes our legend alone makes him invulnerable. Our numbers in Ferelden are too few. We must do what we can. To that end, we should proceed with the Joining ritual without delay."

This was new to me. I mean, how hard could it be to join the Grey Wardens? Hahren told me stories about the Grey Wardens: I knew about the Right of Conscription, which allowed them to select someone to join in a time of need, if they were worthy in their leader's eyes.

"Ritual?" I asked, curious.

"Every recruit must go through this secret ritual called the Joining in order to become a Grey Warden," Duncan said. "This will cure you of the suffering your tainted blood surely brings you. If it had been possible, I would have done it by now."

"Why didn't you tell me this before?"

"It is not a simple antidote, Lillianth, and it is dangerous. I cannot speak more of it except to say that you will learn all in good time. Until then, you must trust that what is done is necessary."

I suppose Duncan was right. The Dalish are taught to be patient. If this so-called Joining would rid me of the taint, then so be it. Perhaps there were other Grey Wardens who would know more about this.

"Feel free to explore the camp if you wish," he said. "But I ask that you do not leave it. There is another Grey Warden at the camp named Alistair. When you are ready, seek him out. In the meantime, I have business to attend to at my tent."

Once Duncan and I parted ways, I explored the Grey Warden's camp: it was bustling with soldiers, templars, and I saw some mages among them. Soon, I heard barking nearby and went to investigate. The kennel master was examining a dog, looking very worried. The dogs were large and brown, pointed ears and stubby tails. Never had I seen such creatures!

"What are these?" I asked, looking in.

"Mabari hounds, or war dogs, milady," he said. "Surely you have heard of them?"

"No, I haven't," I said. I looked at the dog he was tending to. I saw pain in the animal's eyes, which I knew was a telltale sign. "This one looks sick. What's wrong with him?"

"He accidentally consumed darkspawn blood. He bit one that was attacking his master, who sadly died. Darkspawn blood is fatal to both humans and beasts. I'm afraid he won't have long to live."

I looked at the poor creature: we shared something in common at least. Tainted.

"Is there a way I could help?" I asked.

"Well, would you like to muzzle him? That would surely help a lot. You needn't worry about anything except a few tooth marks. Just let him sniff your hand."

The only animals I had been in contact with were halla, but surely this would be no different. I approached the Mabari, kneeling on the ground. It lifted its head, curiously. Then stood up and sniffed my outstretched hand and licked it, looking trustfully at me. I muzzled him, stroking the fur on his head, speaking comforting words. The dog wagged his stubby tail at me, happily.

"Well, he sure does like you," commented the kennel master. "By the way, are you going into the Wilds by any chance? If you are, could you find me a flower? It's white with a blood red center. This plant will cure him of the sickness."

"Certainly," I said. "I wouldn't want such a fine dog to die."

"Thank you, milady," he said.

I asked around to see where I could find the Grey Warden Alistair, which they pointed me in the direction of a ruin. Once I got closer, I heard loud arguing. I tried my best not to listen and mute my presence. There was a soldier and a mage; apparently he had done something to piss him off.

The soldier was tall with a look of pride, compassion, and playfulness. He had soulful hazel eyes, his blond hair was cropped short, his skin was golden tan. He had an unshaven chin with a soul patch, his nose looked a bit large and pointed, and his lips were sensual. He was dressed in splint mail armor. A longsword hung on his back along with a shield of the sun...

The sun! The sun I had seen in my vision! The one with the gold rays and the red sky above it. I stared at it for a moment, then shook my head in disbelief. Could it be? No! It was just a stupid dream. I was out of my mind when I was going through the vallaslin, starving and delirious.

For a human, he sure was handsome: I couldn't help but stare at him. I would never admit that out loud. I kept remembering about what the humans had done to us. Well, I was to be a Grey Warden now and probably never see my clan again. No point being rude to another fellow Grey Warden. Besides, he had a good nature to him.

The soldier responded to the mage's angry spats with playful sarcasm.

"And here we were getting along so well," he said. "I was even going to name one of my children after you-the grumpy one!"

I did whatever I could to hold back my laughter. He sure was funny...for a human.

"Enough! I will speak to the woman if I must!" the mage responded, turning in a huff. Then mage shoved me out of his path, "Get out of my way, fool!" he snapped at me.

Soon, the soldier turned towards me. "You know, one good thing about the Blight is how it brings people together."

"I guess I know how it feels," I replied.

"It's like a party!" he said, sarcastically. "We could all stand around and hold hands. That'll give the darkspawn to think about something." I smiled a little, amused by his wit. He looked me over for a moment. "Wait, we haven't met, have we? I don't suppose you're another mage?"

"No. I'm not," I assured him.

"Well, less being yelled at then," he replied, relieved. "The day is still young. Wait, I do know you! You're Duncan's new recruit, the Dalish! I should've recognized you right away. I apologize."

"It's alright. And you must be Alistair."

"Did Duncan mention me?" he said, simpering. "Nothing bad, I hope. And yes, I'm Alistair. As a junior member of the order, I'll be accompanying you when you prepare for the Joining."

"Pleasure. I'm Lillianth."

"Right...Lillianth. You know...it just occurred to me that there have never been many women in the Grey Wardens. Why is that, I wonder?"

Smirking, I said something witty in return. "Perhaps we're too smart."

"True. But what does that make you?" He cocked an eyebrow with a smirk, his hazel eyes twinkling with amusement.

"I guess I'm one of the boys," I chuckled. "I always enjoyed being with boys than girls."

"I take it you were quite popular with them."

"Not like that," I replied, rolling my eyes a little. "I was never interested in things girls did. I liked exploring, hunting, fighting. So, I take it you want more women in the Grey Wardens?"

"Would it be so terrible?" he shrugged. Then stammered, rubbing the back of his neck. "Not that I'm some drooling lecher...please stop looking at me like that." Clearing his throat, he continued, blushing. "So tell me, Lillianth, have you ever encountered darkspawn before?"

"Just recently, yes."

"I've only fought them up close once. And that was before the battles here started...which Duncan has kept me out of so far. Tell me, do you find them as monstrous as I did?"

"Monstrous. But they all are killable. I'm not afraid of them."

"You'll be at an advantage then," Alistair said, impressed. "Most new recruits have never even seen darkspawn. Anyway, let's head back to Duncan. I imagine he's eager to get things started."

"About that argument..."

"With the mage?" He rolled his eyes. "The Circle is here at the King's request. And the Chantry doesn't like that one bit. They just love letting mages know how unwelcome they are. Which puts me in an awkward position because I was once a templar."

Hahren had told me about templars: knights of the Chantry, the church of Ferelden, who hunted apostate mages. The very same who called the Dalish 'blasphemers' because we would not worship their gods. Yet, Alistair didn't seem a templar type.

"I guess that would be awkward," I replied with a shrug.

"I'm sure the revered mother meant it as an insult, sending me as her messenger. And the mage picked up right on that. I never would have agreed to deliver the message, but Duncan says we're all to cooperate and get along. Apparently, they didn't get the same speech."

I had to admit I really liked Alistair.

"Well, I look forward traveling with you, Alistair," I said.

"You do?" he said, raising his eyebrows. "Huh. That's a switch. If you have any questions, let me know. Otherwise, let's go meet Duncan."

We walked side by side towards Duncan's tent. There was an uncomfortable silence between us. I did want to know more about my fellow Grey Warden if we were going to fight against the darkspawn. But, how do I start a conversation with a human? I've never talked to one before...only mere threats to drive them away from our camp mostly.

"So, Alistair," I began. "Since we are going to be Grey Wardens, tell me about yourself."

"There's not much to tell," he said. "What do you want to hear?"

"You said you're a templar, right?"

"Actually, I'm not really a templar...I never took my final vows."

"I see. So, how did you become a Grey Warden?"

"Well, Duncan recruited me six months ago. The Chantry raised me and becoming a templar was a decision made for me a long time ago."

By the sound of it, Alistair certainly didn't like it. "I take it you didn't want to join the Chantry?"

"It just...wasn't for me," he said, shrugging. "I believe in the Maker well enough, but I never wanted to devote my life to the Chantry. After spending years in there, hopelessly resigned to my fate, Duncan saw I wasn't happy and figured my fighting mages could double by fighting darkspawn. The grand cleric wouldn't let me go if Duncan never forced the issue. I'll always be grateful to him because he was the first person to care about what I wanted. He risked a lot to help me with the grand cleric. What do you think about Duncan?"

"I suppose he's not too bad," I shrugged. "Kind, yet firm. Yet, I'm grateful that he saved me though."

"Fair enough. He does all he can with what little he has. So, how did you become a Grey Warden, Lillianth?"

"Honestly, I didn't really have a choice. I was exposed to the darkspawn plague and my friend..." I stopped, my heart still wounded from losing Tamlen, for my failure. I felt my tears coming up, fingering Tamlen's bracelet. I didn't want Alistair to see me all weepy. "I don't want to talk about it. It's...too soon right now."

"I see," he replied, sympathetic. "I heard about your friend. I'm sorry for your loss."

"Thank you," I said, swallowing, dabbing my eyes with my fingers.

"I have to admit, Lillianth, I've always been curious about the Dalish since it is rare to have one of them in the Grey Wardens. Would you mind if I asked you something?"

"What do you want to know?"

"The tattoo on your face: why do you have it? Does it have any meaning?"

"It's called vallaslin, blood writing," I told him. I explained to him the whole procedure as we walked through the camp.

"Ouch!" he grimaced. "All that pain and no screaming?"

"Screaming is considered a sign of weakness, it shows you're not ready. But, there's no shame in that. We always try again."

"Wow!" he said with his eyes wide, very impressed. "If you could survive this...blood writing, then I'm sure you'll do fine at the Joining. I don't think I'd be able to endure what you went through."

"Didn't you have any painful experiences at the Chantry?" I asked.

"Erm..." he blushed a little. "I was beaten by the sisters a couple of times. I think the most painful was the time I was ten, I was lashed with a switch by one of the sisters in the Chantry for disobedience. But I'm sure it pales to what you went through."

"So, why is this Joining so secret, Alistair? What do you know of it?" I asked, curious.

He seemed a little reluctant to talk about it. "I suppose you can ask me after we speak with Duncan," he said. "All in good time you will learn, Lillianth."

Well, I didn't get one of my questions answered, but I sure got to know Ser Templar a little. I really liked him. He was not what I expected from a human.

Excerpt from Alistair's Journal

Ugh! I hate mages! I try to deliver them one message from the revered mother and they jump down my damn throat like it's my fault! I was just a messenger. Tensions are high enough between mages and templars.

Amidst the argument with the mage, I see in the corner of my eye a Dalish woman. I had heard about Duncan's new recruit. Never would I have expected a woman, let alone a Dalish...a rather beautiful one, I must confess. Her skin was pale, her face was very pretty, a tattoo emblazoned on her face, which reminded me of two trees; their thorny branches intersecting like hands. Her lips were quite beautiful with faint tattooed parallel lines, trailing vertically from opposite sides of her bottom lip to her chin. Her neck was graceful like a swan's, adorned with a silver medallion and a faded inked X in the center of her throat. I could see her pointed ears peeking out her short coppery hair, which came to her jawline and had a few tiny braids. Her eyes were piercing emeralds, quite beautiful and sparkling with thick lashes, the first thing I noticed. She wore leather armor, twin daggers and a bow with a quiver of arrows on her back. A rogue. I'm just glad the new recruit wasn't a mage. I'm always afraid they'll turn me into a toad. No, I like the way I am.

I introduced myself to the new recruit, trying to remember her name...what was it again?

"Pleasure. I'm Lillianth," she replied. Her voice reminded me of a soprano bell I had once heard at the Chantry: a sweet airy and silvery lilt that was very pleasing to my ears.

"Right...Lillianth," I said, feeling stupid. Such a pretty name for a pretty woman! Stop that, Alistair! You are not here to gawk at pretty women! I scolded myself. I knew from the moment I met Lillianth, I liked her. She seemed like she didn't mind working with men.

"So, I take it that you want more women in the Grey Wardens?" she said.

"Would it be so terrible?" I said. "Not that I'm some drooling lecher..." I stammered. Maker's breath! This woman made me blush.

I was pleased to hear that she had fought darkspawn, yet had no fear of them. Beautiful, witty, brave. Quite a nice combination!

We walked side by side towards Duncan's tent. Lillianth asked about me, which I gladly obliged. I remember how the grand cleric reacted when Duncan arrived to take me. She was red in the face, screaming at him to get out, flat out refusing. He invoked the Right of Conscription. I was so relieved to be out of that dreadful place!

I must confess, I was curious about Lillianth. I inquired about her facial tattoo, which is called vallaslin, or blood writing. I was surprised that the Dalish, upon coming of age, undergo this painful rite-of-passage ritual like that and not scream at all. I was impressed that Lillianth was able to endure such pain like that. I was certain that she would survive the Joining. She seemed like a tough woman.

"Didn't you have any painful experiences at the Chantry?" she asked.

I blushed, confessing about my life in the Chantry. Ah, the first time I was punished! How I remember my pants were around my ankles, the biting sting of the switch against my bottom and the backs of my legs. I bit back my tears the whole time, knowing the other boys would tease me for being a pansy.

Needless to say, I always thought up of ways to get punished on purpose just to make the boys laugh. At least it brought some joy into the dreariness of everyday life at the Chantry.

I hated it there! I was so miserable. My first night at the Chantry, I cried. I was so angry at Arl Eamon for leaving me there. I did whatever I could to get kicked out so they would send me back. They wouldn't let me go that easily.

When I asked her about how she became a Grey Warden, she said she and her friend were exposed to the darkspawn plague...then, her eyes began to well up, playing with a bracelet on her thin wrist.

"I don't want to talk about it," she said, her voice breaking. "It's...too soon right now."

I had heard that Lillianth had lost someone very dear to her. She dabbed her eyes with her fingers, sniffling a little. Poor girl! To lose a friend and become tainted all in one day! I can't imagine how hard it must've been.

Lillianth's Journal

While Alistair and I walked to Duncan's tent, in complete silence. I couldn't help but stare at him. Well, I have to admit he was really handsome. Aside from that, he did look vaguely familiar. I searched my memory since I recall seeing those hazel eyes somewhere...

"What are you staring at?" he asked, curiously. "Is there something on my nose?"

"No," I said, a little embarrassed. "It's nothing."

"Good, you've found Alistair," Duncan said. "I assume you're ready to begin preparations." He turned to Alistair. "Assuming of course, you're quite finished riling up mages, Alistair." He was scolding him, possibly for the fight between him and the mage that I had just witnessed.

"What could I say?" he shrugged. "The revered mother ambushed me. The way she wields guilt, they should stick her in the army."

"She forced you to sass the mage?" Duncan said doubtfully. "We cannot afford to antagonize anyone, Alistair. We don't need to give anyone more ammunition against us."

"You're right, Duncan," Alistair said, resigned. "I...apologize. I'll go gather those who we're missing."

Alistair turned away and was gone only momentarily, bringing two men with him.

"I would like you to meet the two new recruits as well," Alistair began. "This is Ser Jory, a knight from Redcliffe," he gestured to a knight. "And Daveth, a...fellow from Denerium." A dark man. I recognized him as a rogue as well, hence Alistair's hesitance. Probably something he did that was not very...lawful.

"Pleased to meet you," I said to the two men.

"And this is Lillianth," said Alistair.

The two men nodded. "Milady, pleased to meet you." they said.

"Before you begin," Duncan announced. "You will be sent into the Koncari Wilds to perform two tasks. The first is to obtain three vials of darkspawn blood, one for each recruit."

"What is the second task?" I asked.

"There was once a Grey Warden archive in the wilds abandoned long ago when we could no longer afford to maintain it. They are magically sealed to protect them."

"What kind of scrolls are these? What if they're no longer there?" I asked.

"Old treaties. Promises of support made to support the Grey Wardens long ago. It's possible the scrolls may have been destroyed or stolen. Though the seal's magic should've protected them. Only a Grey Warden can break them."

"I don't understand," said Alistair. "Why leave such things in a ruin if they are such value?"

"It was assumed we'd someday return. A great many things were assumed that have not held true. You will find them in an overgrown ruin, but the sealed chest should remain intact. Alistair will guide you to the area you need to search." He looked at Alistair once again and said. "Watch over your charges, Alistair. Return quickly and safely." Duncan said to us. "May the Maker watch over your path."