In this chapter of Edward's P.S. I Love You, Bella Swan will finally find the letters! (Sorry for the long wait, guys!) Hang on there, the story will get more interesting! As I have said probably many times before, please do not be afraid to leave me a comment in the Review Section. It helps me a lot in creating a content filled plot for this story. Suggestions and ideas are greatly appreciated!

SONG: FALLING SLOWLY BY GLEN HANSARD : ESPECIALLY FOR THE JACOB AND BELLA BEDROOM SCENE

Pain's funny. Amusing. Hysterical. Especially when makes it grand entrance at a place full of people. Like a rehearsal party. But it's not unpredictable. At least for me. I knew that by coming back to Forks I would be delving into a load of pain stricken memories. It would be like throwing myself at the sharks, but I was willing to take the chance to save myself from drowning in the cruel oceans of this world by swimming back to this shore. I don't know what I was expecting when I came to Forks. Did I really expect everything to be as the same when I left it? Was I stupid and naive enough to really think that he would still be waiting for me? By the way I reacted when I saw him with her, I guess I was.

I hadn't been fair to myself when I still kept the hope that he was still waiting. I was smart enough to realize that normal human beings moved on and forgot, but was I really normal? Was my life something that you can classify as "regular" Not at all. So I thought that he would be an exception.

He had lied. Edward. It hurt to think of his name. I had to hold myself together to just survive the onslaught of pain that came when I foolishly thought of him. It would be as if I never existed? The biggest lie ever, if I ever saw one. This was all happening because of that one sentence. I had gone to Florida to stay true to his last words – but it was impossible to. Everything reminded me of him, and I knew deep, deep inside that he had left part of himself here. I thought that by getting out of this place of hell and going to where he would have wanted me to go would bring forth something of him. Something that he had left behind. But I hadn't found it yet.

So I came back to Forks, wondering if his wish for me to be happy with Jacob was that part of himself that he left behind. I honestly thought that I had rediscovered Edward again when I saw Jacob on that beach. I was so overjoyed that I started to run- yes, in my heels. I had finally found Edward again. But when I saw Leah running behind Jacob, I knew that I had been terribly, terribly wrong. My Jacob had let go of me...and I had so blinded by my own stupidity to realize that. What a stupid lamb I was...always giving herself as a sacrifice for the love that she wasn't sure was still there.

I thought that you could only die once, so I was surprised when my heart stopped beating when I saw him with her...

It's dark in hell. Darker then the life I had up there. But no fire, no flames, no devil. Silence. Peace. Contentment. Was I really in hell, or was this my kind of heaven? I was happy to be here – it was something I could say was definite. I didn't need to think about what I had to do – someone had already decided that for me. They told me what to think, what to do, and when to do it. I didn't want to leave.

There was a peace that suddenly came over me when I fell to the sand. Everything went dark. It was a relief to finally escape from the world, even if it ended up to be a minute or two. I thought of James and the hunt...this death was similar to that one. But there was no memories – there was him. I could sense him around me, I could feel him. I could feel his arms around me, the embrace that I had cried over so many times before. I smiled in my heaven. He was here with me, and it felt so, so real. It would hurt later, I knew that, but right now, I was so amazed at how his touch felt. For hours I stayed like that, in his arms, in the darkness. He would occasionally touch his lips to my forehead, and my heart would stop in shock. He would chuckle and smile. But, everything had to end.

In the distance of the darkness, I could see a light coming up over the dark horizon. But it wasn't like the sun...it was like a small lamp that was gradually fading out. Edward saw it and got up. He started to walk towards it. Before I even realized it, he was several hundred feet away from me. I stood up in my heaven and ran after him. But my feet couldn't carry me fast enough...I couldn't let him slip away from me again. But I couldn't save him...I reached my hand out to him, but was stopped by a sudden force. A warm, warm hand. It pushed me back, and I fell onto the ground. I looked in between its legs and saw Edward entering the light. Before he let it take him, he looked back at the warm entente and I. He nodded at me, then smiled sheepishly. As if he didn't want to accept what was happening, but knew that it was better for me. Before I could respond, he disappeared. I looked up to the one who had stopped me. It was Jacob. He lifted me up and ran the opposite way of the light.

"Stop! Stop!" I wanted to scream, but the words could not come out of my mouth.

As he ran, I cocked my head, and my heaven started to lighten up. I could see the spot where I was stopped – it was less than a foot away from a cliff. If it had not been for Jacob, I would have run off of the edge to a certain death. I closed my eyes and realized what had happened and drew a conclusion...Jacob would save me from destroying myself...

"Bella! Bella! Are you okay?" I thought my Jacob said, carrying me. But his voice was more distant, as if it was coming from another room, perhaps farther away. I looked up, and to my surprise, the Jacob holding me was not the speaker of these words. That's when I heard more voices coming from farther away.

…..."Is she okay?" "Is she hurt?" "Get someone over here! Hurry!" An orchestra of voices, all flowing together simultaneously, but I could still make out each and every single word. I could feel a pushing sensation, as if a dozen of people were crowding around me at the same time. That's when I felt a colder hand touch my face.

"Stop! Stop!" I screamed, but the sensation kept on getting tighter. Just as I felt like I was going to get squeezed to death, I heard a voice.

"Stop," a firm, and familiar voice said. Edward's voice. The speaker of these words was closer to me. At that moment, I saw white flash before my eyes. My whole heaven was developed in a kind of heavenly light. And it was as if it was lifting me...out of this place. Going higher and higher, until...until...

Death was peaceful, easy.

…...Life, was harder.

I awoke with a start to a dozen of so faces peering down at me worriedly. I sat up quickly, worried that I had made a big scene. I glanced at all of the faces, and knew that I was in trouble. I squinted my eyes at the bright light – had Forks ever been this light?

"Thank God," someone to my right said. It took me about ten seconds to focus on them. Billy. Billy Black. Oh God...I wanted to slip back into the darkness again. This wasn't how you were supposed to greet the people that you hadn't seen in years. And the dress wasn't doing any help. It was riding up, so a good portion of my thighs were showing. Pretty scandalous for a police chief's daughter, heh? I tried to stand up, and slipped several times before someone had the common sense to take me by the arms and hike me up.

"Oh, God, I'm so sorry," I said rubbing my forehead, looking to the ground. Before I could embarrass myself further, I pushed myself in between the small crowd of people, heading for the parking lot. Once escaping the eyes of a dozen people, I took off my shoes and starting to run across the sand. At that moment, I didn't know why I was going to the parking lot. Sue and Charlie and had taken the same car. If I left, then they would be stuck there. But I needed to get away from the crowd of people.

I headed over to my Audi and flopped down on the driver's seat like a fish. I put my keys in the ignition and turned on the radio for distraction. I needed other voices to distract me from the many I had in my head. Once I found a good classical music station, I closed my eyes in relief. As the composition drifted to a close, a new song wafted its way into my ears. Almost instantly, as the first note was played, my heart stopped in shock. Clair de lune. But, for some stupid reason, I didn't shut it off. I actually listened to it, trying my hardest to resist the onslaught of pain, enjoying the beauty that it had once represent. I closed my eyes once again and let my mind wander. Through the memories, good and bad, and the dreams I had once had for both of us. It's funny how much pain a song on the radio can bring along. I smiled at that thought. Bob Marley's quote rang in my ears, "One good thing about music, when it hits you feel no pain." That was a lie...then was why there tears streaming down my face during such a beautiful and harmless piece of music? I wanted Marley to answer that one for me...but right now, I was tired. So, so tired. So I closed my eyes and fell asleep to the sound of my lullaby drifting out of the speakers of this car.

I awoke hours later safe in my bed to rain falling outside. I looked at my alarm clock annoyingly. It was 2:30 in the middle of the night. I rolled my eyes and groaned, turning around on my other side, not ready to get up yet. That's when I saw a dark figure perched on this side of the bed, like a statue. My heart skipped a couple of beats before I realized it was not him. Then who was it?I immediately sat up. Chills ran down my back as the mysterious figure moved. I leaned over the side of the bed as my hand looked for the baseball bat I had put under my bed for instances like this.

Just as I was about to hit the man in the head with this masterpiece of steel, the figure spoke.

"Bella! What are you doing?" he whispered. I immediately turned on my bedside lamp to uncover this man's true identity. "It's me, Jacob." That's when I started to think clearly. What the hell was he doing in my room?

"Get out!" I screamed, too stunned to think of saying anything else.

"Bella! No! I came over here to tell you something," he said, walking back the bed.

"No, get the hell out of here! Who let you in?" I shot back at him, as I got off the bed. I positioned the bat in my hands as if I was ready to hit someone or something.

"Charlie! He wanted me to talk to you. He wanted me to give you something!" Jacob searched my face for some kind of sign of acceptance.

"What can you give me that you haven't already given her!" I exclaimed nastily back to Jacob.

"That's what I'm here for," Jacob whispered back, a little pained at what I had just said. I sighed and relaxed my angered grip on the bat.

"Go," I said, motioning him to start. I headed over to the door and flipped the lights on. That's when I got a good look of him. He looked almost exactly like he had looked nine years. But there was no more baby fat in his face, and he was leaner but more muscular. What pained me the most was his eyes. They were not like I had remembered them. There was no spark, no life. And that worried me.

I headed over to him and sat on the edge of the bed. Jacob was watching me very carefully, scrutinizing my every move. He was scanning me, seeing if the old Bella was still tucked away deep in the layers of this fake face I had put up for the past decade.

"Wow, Bella," Jacob said a few minutes after we checked each other over. His eyes were popping out of his sockets. "What happened?" I took this the wrong way.

"Life happened," I threw back at him. "You know what the hell happened. I left. After he left. You know all too well how that played out." Jacob smirked a little. He still had the ability to laugh at anything.

"Bella, I came over here to see how you were. Not to make you feel bad. If you don't want me here, then I'll leave," Jacob said looking at the door. I so wanted him to leave me alone. I hated him at this moment. He had moved on, had broken his promise. I did not want to ever see his face again.

"Don't you have a wife to go home to?" I asked sharply. "I think she would be thrilled at that fact that her husband is out in the middle of the night in another grown woman's bedroom. Don't you think?" Jacob rolled his eyes in disbelief.

"Bella, I' m sorry. Okay?" He shoke his head in anger. "I should have never come." He headed for the door. I smugly watched Jacob head towards the door, but then realized this was all going wrong.

"Jacob, come back over here." He turned around at my words and headed over to my bed before sitting down.

"I'm sorry. For being an ass. You don't deserve it." I looked to the ground.

"I can understand," he said, trying to comfort me. Could he really understand the betrayal I was feeling at this moment?

"No, you can't," I said...then my mind flashed back to when I was leaving Forks. I should have never had said that. "No, I don't mean that, Jacob." I sighed in humiliation. That's when ten year's of anger exploded out of Jacob at once...

"Bella, did you really think that when you left Forks I would be okay with it? That it wouldn't have impacted my life in some way at all?" He laughed in disbelief. "You don't know how many people you were leaving behind when you left Forks. It wasn't just Charlie and me. Everything was different after you left." I looked to the ground. "You're father was crushed. I don't think he ever told you that." That hurt me, so I looked up. "Dammit Bella, I had to clean up your mess after you were gone. I had to take care of Charlie, I had to take care of Sue after Harry died, and I had to take care of my father. And I did it all for you." He stopped and threw me an angry glance. " And you know what was the worst? Breaking my promise and realizing deep, deep inside that I didn't care. That hurt me the most." At this point there were tears in my eyes. "And you don't even say thank you." He shoke his head and frowned in disgust. He walked back and forth across my room before speaking again. "You don't know how long I waited for you. You have no idea." He stopped and I looked up. "If only you knew, Bella Swan, how much you have hurt Charlie. If only you knew how much you scarred me." He stopped for a couple of seconds as if he was looking for the right words. "Can I ask you something? Did you really think I would wait for you?"

"Yes," I answered simply. He stopped walking back and forth across the room.

"But how long can one wait?" He threw back at me. "How long! That was the question I asked myself many times before. You were off living your nice life. You got a great job, a nice pay, all the toys you could want, not even mentioning the men, and settled down into the high life...while I put mine on hold in hopes that you would come back. I didn't think that that was fair. So I stopped."

"Like that?" I asked.

"No, it was gradual. I met Leah, and we...fell in love." His voice changed when he said love. He was lying. We both we silent after Jacob's declaration. A few minutes later, I had the courage to ask him the question.

"When did you let me go?" I asked slowly, making sure I was saying the words right.

"I'm not answering that," Jacob said sharply, trying to avoid having to answer. "Anyways, you owe me some answers."

" I don't have much to say," I said, back to him. Jacob laughed in disbelief.

"Maybe sorry, how bout that for you?" I didn't respond, and he was angered by that. He got up and headed to the door. I couldn't move...the pain from what he had said was immobilizing me. "Bella, I just want you to know that you have hurt me. Scarred me for life. And how could I have let you go when memories of you were still here, firmly implanted in my head, and on my heart? How about that for an answer." He closed his eyes and opened the door. Before stepping out, he spoke one last time.

"Bella, I'm tired at being at war with myself. So tired of it." He stopped and closed his eyes. I was so mad at myself, and the pain that was coursing through my body didn't help either. I had scarred Jacob, in all of the worst possibly ways. And because of that, he didn't know if he could welcome me back...

"Bella, the answer to your last question: I never did." And he walked out of the door. I sat there, on the edge of my bed, completely motionless, thinking about what he had just said. What had I just asked him? If only every life's problem had an answer. It took me about thirty seconds to understand what he had said. My last question was asking him when he finally had the courage to let me go.

And because of that realization, I got up and ran down the stairs and into the street, not caring how much noise I made. But it was too late. Jacob had left. But he had never let me go. In the midst of all that I had done to him, he had cut me out of his life, but he had never truly let go...

I ran up my stairs, wanting to be back in the protection of my room. Just as I was back to safety, I tripped on something that was lodged in the threshold of the door and went flying head first onto the ground. On my way down, my foot hit something, a floor board maybe, and dislodged it. I hit the floor with an extremely audible thud. Charlie would probably be up in a couple of seconds and get up to check on me. And how would he react when he found his daughter tear stained and bleeding on the floor? I smiled to myself and got up. As I was lifting my right foot off the ground, the dislodged floor board moved. I crawled over to it to examine the damage that I had done. One of the boards had been cracked in half at my landing. One piece of it was by the computer, and the other was still intact and connected to the rest of the floor boards. I grabbed the missing piece and brought it over to the hole that was made at the board's parting. I looked inside and was bewildered at what I saw. A piece of paper. I picked it up and dusted it off before turning it over to reveal what was written on it.

"Bella" was intricately written at the top. The letter was addressed to me. I looked at the bottom of the letter looking for a name. My heart stopped when I realized what this was.

Love,

Edward

P.S. I love you