To make a decision that will change your life is hard. If it's not, you are making the wrong decision. Love is not a battle field, it's a war. You must lose some battles to win the war.
She had been kicking herself all day. She hardly fit in anymore, and it seemed all her friends had vanished. She was getting pity hellos and smiles, and John avoided her. Todd was still here working on the gene therapy, but Shay now took the shifts that didn't involve him. Sam finally approached her.
"Is something wrong Shay?" She asked her eyes full of concern. She had taken notice of what was going on, but she didn't like sticking her nose where it didn't belong. Shay gave the best smile she could.
"Why would you think something was wrong?" She asked, though her smile was not convincing. Sam eyed her carefully.
"It just seems something has happened between you and…" She didn't get to finish before Shay waved her off.
"Nothing is wrong, really, you don't have to worry." Shay dismissed and began to walk away.
"Shay…did something happen in the lab?" Sam asked referring to when the city went under lock down. Shay froze and stood in silence for a minute. For a split second she thought about telling Sam, but only looked over her shoulder, gave a half smile and walked away. Carter looked on but only shook her head and walked away. At night Shay would dream of Todd, but only for it to turn into a nightmare with John shooting him, then turning his gun on her. She would wake up out of breath and drenched. Sometimes when she would lie awake, she could feel the wraith attempting to reach into her mind. By the end of the week her decision had been made. She had not slept at all that night and when she left her room in was spotless. Her stuff neatly packed in a corner. She approached Carter as she was talking to the science team and Todd. Avoiding eye contact with the wraith she moved boldly up to Sam and looked her right in the eye.
"Colonel Carter. I would like to leave as soon as possible." Shay stated bluntly. Taken back, Carter looked around at everyone. They all seemed just as shocked, and Todd uttered an almost inaudible growl.
"Ah…um Shay, are you sure you don't want to talk about this…" Sam said, still trying to get a grasp on what had just happened.
"No, I do not. I have my stuff packed and I'm ready to leave as soon as you grant it." Shay said quickly. Jennifer stepped forward.
"Shay, you can't be serious…" She said sadly. Shay shrugged her off, not wanting to turn this into a tear fest. She was close to crying anyway, the last thing she needed was to look into Keller's hurt eyes. Rodney attempted to speak but just stuttered until he was shoved to be quite.
"Alright…um I'm sending Todd off today so..." Once again Carter couldn't finish
"I will go then as well." Shay stated. Everyone was shocked all over again.
"Don't you want time to say goodbye…"Carter was hurt now as well. Shay turned away from the group who had been her friends.
"Colonel, I want to leave right away." The argument was over. Sam nodded and the group dispersed, except Todd. When Shay went to walk away the wraith gently laid a hand on her shoulder.
"This is not wise little one." He murmured softly. His guards prodded him to leave and Shay shoved him off. Her eyes full of tears as she stepped up to his face.
"Don't you dare patronize me!" She hissed in pain and turned walking quickly away.
She stood next to the open gate next to Todd, a small pack on her shoulder. Todd stood their proud as ever, his head high as he stared into the flickering water like surface of the gate waiting for his release. Just as Shay was about to step towards the gate John came running in at full speed.
"Shay!" He cried as he stopped a few feet from her. He tried to catch his breath, but he was holding back his mix of emotions. "Where are you going…?" He whispered softly. She couldn't help it now as she turned and stared into those eyes. A tear slid down her cheek and she wiped it away quickly. She took a deep breath and shook herself.
"Its time I left John."She said in the military tone she had learned from him. He just started at her.
"Please…" He begged stepping closer to her. She pushed him back and shook her head.
"Goodbye." She turned and walked through the gate without another glance. She came out on a grassy planet and fell to her knees as tears streamed down her face. She had never made such a hard decision in her life. Just when she thought the gate was about to close she heard someone else step through. Her first thought was John, and she got angry. Why couldn't he just let her suffer in peace? She whirled around and ran into Todd. She growled and tried pushing him away but he simply held her by the arms close to him. After her tantrum was over, she took a deep breath and sighed into him.
"Why are you here?" She mumbled blandly. She could feel the laugh rumble within his chest and it made her feel safe for some reason.
"This was my address Dagger." He stated and chuckled again. She stared up at him as a wave of embarrassment washed over her. She had walked through without thinking to get away from John. Oh god what did Atlantis think of her now! "Don't worry, I explained how you probably were overcome by your emotions and did not realize." He reassured her. She grumbled and let her head fall.
"So what I'm stuck on a wraith invested planet." She asked stepping away from him. He growled at her comment and frowned.
"No, I would not let Atlantis know the location of my hive. This is an abandoned culling world. No one lives here now." He said starring at her. She wiped her face of remaining tears and walked up to the dialing device and was about to put in an address when his hand stopped her. "Don't leave me again." He whispered in her ear. She shuttered and closed her eyes. She knew how his love felt now. A burning that consumed him in pain. He was like a prisoner chained to his guard. And when she left, it was like a life source being ripped from your veins and you slowly, painfully wither away. But did she want to be with a wraith? And could he even be with her? Todd was the commander of a huge alliance, and could not risk being seen with a human. Would he really give that all up for some human who would die in a few short years? She stared into his eyes.
"Todd, it wouldn't work…" She said sadly. He shared her feelings and he nodded, but his hand still didn't move from hers. They stood there a moment before Shay could no longer stand still. She turned into him and leaned on the DHD and stared at Todd. His eyes bore deep into her and she couldn't look away. Then that wonderful feeling washed over her. Todd's lips had locked to hers once more and she was consumed in his powerful arms. Her tiny hands rested just below his shoulders as he moved his head and let his lips trace down her neck and rest on her collar bone. He purred from deep within him and she closed her eyes, getting lost in his touch. His head turned and rested on her shoulder. A constant comforting growl rumbled from him as his arms still held her tight.
"We could make it work Kakesh." He murmured to her. Then, she did not know what that meant, but later she found out it translated into My Love, or more accurately She Who Holds Me Bound. She buried her face into his shoulder.
"I'd like to try." She whispered to him. The rest of the day was spent talking, planning, and Todd holding her close. By the end of the day she never wanted to leave his side, and unfortunately, their plan required her to be away from him a lot, and a very hard acting game. She would have to pretend to be a human worshipper. He crouched by the fire he had made once the sun had set and she curled up next to it to fall asleep in the warmth. Just as she was about to drift off she felt is arms wrap around her and lift her like a small child. She looked up to him as he held her tight and sat against a tree. She fell asleep to his low purring and the relaxing vibrations the came from his soft sounds.
She woke the next day lying on the ground by herself. Sitting up she looked around for Todd. Where had he gone? She stood and checked around the camp, but there was no sign of him. She slid to the ground by the tree and pulled her knees close to her. Had it all been a dream? Was he even there? She sighed and rested her head on her arm. Just then she heard a rustle in the trees as the wraith emerged. He looked different. Then it hit her, he had just fed. Her face went pale as she looked away from him, swallowing the sick feeling. She loved him, but he was still wraith. She closed her eyes tight then looked back towards him. The stern wraith look covered his face as he walked past her and covered up where the fire had been burning.
"We must leave now Anashay." He said, his back still turned to her. She bit her lip and ran a hand through her air, and nodded and turned her back to him as well. Anashay? She assumed she would probably have to get use to that name. If she was to be a worshipper she couldn't have a powerful name like Dagger, Little Dagger worked better.
"Well let's go then." She said plainly and looked over her shoulder as he stood and stared at her. She quickly turned back towards the woods. She felt him approach and stand behind her.
"What are you doing?" He asked curiously. She didn't answer right away. To be truthful, she was trying to be more like him. She didn't want him to think she was a clingy human who was very emotional. Clearing her face of any emotion she turned back to him
"Nothing, let's go." She said as she turned and began trekking back towards the gate. She had almost made it to the tree line when he grabbed her and spun her around. He pressed his lips to her forehead. Confused at what he was doing she looked up at him. He laughed softly.
"If I wanted a wraith to love little one, I would have found one." He said then walked off towards the gate. Her face got red as she growled. She felt stupid. Shaking her head she jogged to catch up with him. He moved quickly, a new gracefulness to his stride, probably because he had just fed. She was hypnotized by the way he floated across the gently blowing grass.
When they arrived at his hive everything changed. He stood tall, his shoulders back, his head high, and a constant snarl on his face. She had to tag along behind, hunched over, darting nervous eyes. Occasionally he would turn and growl at her yanking her forward. The wraith they past would shot glances at Todd and growl slightly, only to be put in their place by the overwhelming sense of power that radiated off him. He dropped her off with a wraith that was in charge of their worshippers, and then Todd vanished without a second glance her way. She felt betrayed, hurt, and cold, though she knew it was just an act. Bowing in front of her new leader he walked around her, eyeing her up and down. He growled here and there and pushed her around.
"What does your master call you?" He hissed at her stopping his circle behind her. She shivered slightly and thought over a name to give him.
"Anashay." She said softly. Before she knew what was happening she was sprawling across the room after having his boot shoved into her back.
"You will address me as sir little dagger!" He hissed viscously. She nodded her head many times.
"Sorry sir." She whispered and stayed on the ground. He walked up to her and lifted her head towards him.
"You must have made quite the impression on our fair leader to gain such a name, human." He muttered and shoved her head down. This went on for quite some time until she was dismissed to her cell until called for her duties. She sat in the cold dark room and nursed her cuts and bruises when the door opened. She flinched until she realized it was Todd. The door shut and she ran into his arms. He stroked her hair and half purred, half growled. Taking in her injuries he snarled slightly.
"That fool, does he not know you are mine!" He growled and ran his fingers over each injury. She buried her head in his chest.
"Can we please not talk about him?" She asked softly. He calmed down and ran his hand over her face. Kissing her lips softly he stared into her eyes.
"I cannot stay long, but I shall come to see you again Kakesh." He whispered in her ear the turned around. The regal look returning as he strut out running into the worshipper leader, whom got quite the beating for running Todd's prize, and then Todd was gone. Ivel, her new leader, came in growling as he glared at her.
"What makes you so special little girl?" He hissed mocking her. She dropped her head and backed away from him, but he grabbed her arm and yanked her out. "Where are you going? You have jobs to do." He growled as he shoved her down the hall. Shay threw up twice by the end of the day. She had to clean up remains of those the wraith had fed on. She had to feed the humans to be used later, and she had to listen to terrible comments thrown her way. She collapsed in her cell and closed her eyes, trying to get the images out of her mind. She wasn't sure she could do this much longer, and she missed Todd's comforting sounds. She fell asleep on the hard surface with constant nightmares.
The next day she woke up to a human male in her room. She shot up and eyed him carefully. He smiled at her and extended a hand. She cautiously took it as he helped her up.
"My name is Shel." He said to her. She knew that name, it meant Useful Dog. She looked pitifully at him but he just shrugged. "It's a good name around here. What do they call you?" He asked. She didn't want to tell him, she felt bad.
"Anashay." She said just about as softly as she could. His eyes got big as he ran a hand through his hair. He mumbled something about, lucky girl and must be something about her. He led her out of her cell.
"Well Anashay, I'm here to take you on a tour of the hive." He said excitedly. She just shuddered and kept her head down. Many wraiths snarled at them and shoved them around. As they got to the throne room, just then the door opened and Todd stepped out. Shel hit the ground and tugged her to follow, whispering not to dare look at the leader in the eyes. Of course Shay did, and for a moment she was that loving look in his eyes, before in flashed away and he snarled at her shoving her as gently as he could into the wall and she fell to the ground.
"Keep out of my way humans!" He snarled and flicking his cloak behind him and floated away. She rubbed her head as Shel helped her up.
"You're lucky he didn't kill you!" He exclaimed totally amazed she was still alive. Still rubbing her head she looked at him.
"He is my master." Shel could not contain his disbelief. The rest of the tour was him asking questions about how that came to be, and how that explains her name. She was dying of boredom by the end. After the tour, she had to do her normal duties, and then get to rest for only a few hours. This had become Shays life.