Chapter 4
I went to Cass' house. Her mother was asleep and I went in through the basement. I found her and Miles frozen on the couch in rigid positions their eyes wide. They saw it was me and began to relax. I never usually scared them and I don't do this as often as I had in the beginning of the summer when Dave and I were just starting our relationship. Cass sighed. "God Elisa, you scared the shit out of me."
Miles sat back. "How was the show?" He asked.
I waved to them. "Good," I walked over to the unoccupied section of the couch. Cass sat foreward and took her clicker and paused the movie they were watching. It was Heathers I think. "They had this other band- Caustic- open for them."
"Oh, I've heard of them." Cass said. She settled back. Relaxing. Miles nodded, "I've heard of them," He said. "They play the church a lot. I like them. They're pretty good."
I nodded. "They were really good." I thought about that guitarist. Shrunken and small looking. Staring down and focusing. He was so hurt. I coudl tell jsut watching him in my mind. I decided not to talk about that though. Especially to Cass and knowing it has to do with Rainie Jospeh she knew the story- she had too. Miles probably knows the kid and it would turn into a big discussion. I was tired. My stomach felt sick.
"Hey, you okay?"
I looked up. Cass was looking at me protectivly. She had a sad look in her eyes. I shrugged. "I'm okay."
She didn't say anything. She just got quiet. Miles stared at the screen a girl frozen liek a picture. I always thought when movies were paused they were always paused mid-word. But here she just had this natural line as a mouth. It could have been a picture. She looked so quiet. So natural. Not saying anything but her eyes they wanted to say something so badly. I thought she looked familiar. But I've seen this movie so many times. It was stupid to say she looked familiar.
Cass always figures everything out. You don't need to tell her anything. She always knows whats wrong or whats up. She knows everytihng except for academically she doesn't bother. She should be a therapist and know what's happening to the people who turn to her for help. I told her that a couple times. She just laughed and thought I was kidding. People always think your kidding when you say stuff liek that. I'm not that funny- and of course Cass knows that- I'd tihnk she come to the conclusion that I was serious after the second time I said it.
I watched the rest of the movie with them. I really like Heathers. I wish I could take a stand to those people who kicked everyone down like they do in this movie. I don't think I'm strong enough. Nor would I ever care. I have Dave to protect me. Nobody even notices me sometimes. I don't think they ever will bother me.
Miles went to the bathroom and I sat with Cass. She was quiet.
"Elisa, I'm so scared for you." I looekd at her. Cass was never scared of anything or anyone. Let alone scared for osmeone else. She was always so brave. She never said the words I'm Scared. Never. She was Cass. She never had a use for them next to each other or in the same sentence liek this.
"What?" I said. My voice was shriveled up.
She moved closer to me. Hugging her legs. She was wearing shorts. It's hot in her basement. Her thin legs are pale and freckled here and there. She doens't have a single freckle on her pale clear face. "Dave's going to hurt you someday I know he will." She said softly. "Elisa, if he's hurting you you would tell me right?"
At first I had been stupid enough to think she meant hurt me emotionally like Rainie Joseph had hurt the guitarist. I could have easily corrected her. Only to convince myself what I said was true. But Cass meant the other kind of hurt. "Cass, Dave would never hurt me."
"I know you think that," She said. "But really you don't know. He's so much bigger than you."
I stared at her. Here she was telling me she thinks my boyfriend might hurt me. I thought I was the only one who was supposed to worry about something like that. This was Cass. If she was scared that means it was serious. But I couldn't believe her. Dave would never hurt me. I convinced myself that. Miles came back into the room, he sat where he had before. And settled in. "Okay, ready?" He asked. Then he saw how shaken Cass and I were. "Did something happen?"
"No," Cass said. I saw her wipe underneath her eyes quick. Was she crying? And then she hit play. I didn't think it was that serious. But I was a crappy friend that night. I didn't want to know Cass was crying. I told myself she hadn't. And I jsut watched the movie and left. I didn't want to know if Cass was crying or not. If she was it would have scared me.
I felt sick though. In my gut. I felt discombobulated and gross. I wanted to puke. But I just went home and called Dave. We talked until two in the morning. "Dave," I said softly. "I love you."
"I love you too." He said the same way back.
If he meant it half as much as I did he could never hurt me.