Cock and Bull
Someone once told me that we forget things because they are not worth remembering. I told him that was a load of cock and bull. I can't remember my parents, does that mean they weren't worth remembering? I don't think so. They certainly were, at least, that's what I think since they "died bravely" (Ok, irl break here for a moment. I'm at an Internet cafe, some guy is smoking beside me, and does he give a fuck if I die from his second hand smoke? Noooooooooo. People are so inconsiderate.) Sometimes when I'm up at night I wonder if what people have told me about them is really true. So many fucking people have lied to me, the only person I really trust to tell me the truth is Dumbledore. Even Ron and Hermione lie to me, so how do I know that when people tell me that my parents have died bravely, that they're telling the truth? Actually, people say that I'm like my father "Oh he looks so much like James!" blah blah blah, besides that, I mean personality wise. If I'm really like my father, really like him, then I have no doubt in my mind that he died fighting Voldemort. I'm not sure though, if that were the way he would have wanted to go. Died knowing that Voldemort killed him, knowing that Voldemort was to go on and kill more people. Or perhaps he knew about the prophecy, knew that I would be Voldemort's temporary downfall. When I saw him..saw him in Snape's penseive I thought to myself "This is it! This is my father!" I wanted to ask him a million questions, wanted to ask him if remembered me. Stupid no? Asking a dead guy if he remembers his one and only son that has gone through hell fighting a battle that his father lost. Wow. That sounded really terrible. Is it possible, that instead of looking up to my father now, that I am resenting him? Could it be that I am treating his memory as if he were still alive, telling me what and what not to do? I grew up respecting him, thinking him my hero and now, like most teenagers I expect, I am resenting him, rebelling possibly, against a man that no longer exists. He's dead Harry, I keep telling myself, he's dead as a doornail and you have to move on. It's funny, that I can still feel grief over someone I have never really met. No one understands, I yearn for the chance to just have once talked to him, to hug him, to call him dad. I replaced Sirius with my father, I realize that now, Sirius was like a father to me, wanted me to live with him, wanted maybe to see my children if I were to ever marry?
Oh yeah, that's a great thought, what girl is really gonna wanna marry a guy who's doomed to die by the most evil wizard alive? Oh the good times I have ahead of me. What a bright fucking future! Gee, aren't I lucky? To be famous, to be liked, to be known to all the wizarding community? But, let's NOT think negative for a second; say that I do end up killing Voldemort for good, what happens after that? DUH, I'll be considered a hero, again. Will I be the next Gilderoy Lockhart? Shall I write a book about my life and be even more widely known? You know, I didn't ask for this fame, I don't even want it. All I need are my friends and the Weasley family who are like my own. I feel I belong to them, I could be Harry Weasley, haha, does that have a good ring to it? I am perfectly content going down a street without people whispering "Psst! That's Harry Potter! Look at his scar!".
On this happy go lucky note, I bid you, once again, farewell, don't be so certain that I will write again, for nothing is ever certain.
-Harry James Potter.
Whoo hoo! Four reviews! It makes me happy just to know that someone out there is reading this. I appreciate the reviews SO much in fact that I decided to respond to the three people that have done it so far. I always like when authors respond to MY reviews so I bet other people like it as well. On with the show!
Wicchick- Thank you! I thought that somebody had already come up with this idea but I guess not. If you like sad hp fic stories I suggest that you read "Scared Potter?" by Queenofgondor21. It always makes me cry.
Erialarrowman- Thanks for the thoughts! I'll definitely work on that, it gets better as the entries go on, the thoughts are less jumbled and more put together. I hope you liked this entry.
Lainie xox- The chapters do get longer as the entries go on, I hope you like that. Harry's journal is just like a real journal, sometimes the entries are short, some times they are long. I hope that when people read this they feel like they are looking at an actual journal rather than just reading it like a story, ya know? Thanks for your review!
As I say every time I end this, your reviews mean a lot to me. They are what keep me posting! Thank you to those that have reviewed!