*~*~*~*~*~ Sorry it's been a week since I posted. Here's a snack to keep you held over until the next time I can update:) *~*~*~*~
She leaned her head up against the wall of the shower as the water cascaded over her. She didn't feel like one thought was putting itself together in her head. It was like a movie mixed with feelings and words that did not make any comprehensible sense.
"Hey Scully? You okay?" Mulder called through the cracked bathroom door.
She opened her eyes and realized where she was. She didn't know how long she had been in the shower, but the water was still warm which had to mean something. "I'll be right out," she answered.
"Okay… you've been in the shower for 45 minutes, " he said wearily.
"I'm sorry, I lost track of time," she responded blankly.
"Okay, the food is here so I'll just meet you in your dad's office," he said and shut the door again.
She once again stared into the water spraying down at her and wished it could just wash it all away so that she could start all over. But is that what she really wanted?
He had all the food laying on the coffee table in the office when she entered. "So, you found chinese food. Again," she said and sat next to him on the floor in front of the low table. "And you found clothes," she rubbed his back and leaned in to kiss him on the cheek. Surprised by her sudden intimacy, he leaned back slightly.
"Who are you and what have you done with Scully?" he joke.
She shook her head and stared straight ahead. "Do you ever just wish you could start over? Go back and change it?"
He studied her eyes. "Well are you thinking of changing a specific event, or just life in general?" He instantly regretted asking the question as soon as it came out. She fingered one of the letters in the chest in front of them. She shook her head.
"I don't think I would have changed a day. Having him with us, though… God, I don't know," she pulled out the first letter. "I also don't know how you can eat, this whole thing has my stomach in knots, she pulled the letter out of the envelope. "Should we start at the beginning?" she already had the letter opened and ready. She looked up into his eyes.
"What do you think this will change for us? I guess, what do we hope to get out of it?" He diverted.
"Well, Mulder, let's just see where they take us," she said and began reading the letter aloud.
"Hi Maggie, please forgive the shortness of this letter. I honestly am surprised and unsure of what could come from our being in correspondence. I am glad you reached out, as I agree that kids should have as much family as possible, despite their parents, whatever limitations…" her voice caught on a partial sob "… they may have. I will agree to be in touch with you via letters. And I will try to be as detailed as possible. We love William as our own, and he has such a bright personality. I've provided a small picture of him for you. As for the next letter, because I am still so shell-shocked, would you mind putting together some questions that you might have to jump start this? I guess you can see by the photo, but he is a very healthy baby and has quite a few teeth, which is not surprising as his third birthday is coming up in a few months. He is very vocal, especially at bedtime. We tried everything and finally realized that the only thing that puts him to sleep is if I sing to him! I'm guessing that is something his birth mother instilled. We are so grateful for the opportunity…" she closed her eyes quickly and brushed tears away "to raise him, and we hope that William's mother knows that he is loved so, so much. May the lord bless you on your path, sincerely, Martha."
Mulder reached in for the photo album, and opened up to the first page. He was hoping that the photos were in order as the letters were. The first photo was of a chubby little toddler smiling broadly, with teeth here and there. He had light brown hair and bright blue eyes. His eyes were glazed with tears. Scully leaned in and fingered the picture through the plastic. "Blue eyes…" she murmured.
"He's beautiful, Scully," he said without looking up. "He has your eyes, and my mouth," she nodded and smiled. Tears were freely flowing down her cheeks. This was so bittersweet. She didn't know whether to be happy or to run to the bathroom and puke again.
"You read the next one," she took the photo book and held it on her lap while she handed him the second letter. "Let's see what Mom asked her," she laughed and again wiped tears.
"Hopefully she asked if they are going to explain to him about aliens," he said and pulled the letter out.
"The likelihood of her asking about how many times a week they go to church, is more like it," she said. "open the letter, Mulder," she said impatiently.