The next morning, David was reluctant to open his eyes. He was reluctant to face the world. He didn't want to, especially his family. They'd silence themselves as soon as he descended the stairs, and give him sympathetic glances. That thought terrified him.
Eventually, after twenty minutes of staring at the ceiling, trapped with his own thoughts, David threw his legs over the bed and rubbed his face. He hadn't gotten much sleep. His dreams consisted of..he couldn't even remember, but it terrified him. He got dressed slowly, hearing the noise from below him and laughter.
David slowly wandered to the door and eased it open, and a wave of noise met him. He reached the landing of the stairs and wanted to continue on, but his body refused to cooperate. He felt like he was being forced not to go, like his body was on mutiny and refused the orders from his brain.
He eventually took one step down the first step, and everyone's voices became clearer. He would hate if someone eavesdropped on him, but he was sure that they were talking about him, so he had to, he had to.
"...yes, and she's booked in for two hours! The neck of her..."
"...and I don't mean to be crude, but she could really take some hints.."
"...I'm worried about him. I know we all are, but this was so sudden..."
The last voice was Gary's, to Sarah's. Huh. He's come a long way from beating him up, David could credit him with that. But he had no right to talk about him. Quickly, he bounded down the stairs, which silenced all conversation, as if David's presence imposed on them.
David walked forward and rolled his eyes as everyone's eyes followed him. "Take a picture, it'll last longer," David snapped, and he saw Bethany turn to the table in his peripheral vision. Gary and Sarah continued talking quietly, eyeing David to ensure he wasn't hearing anything.
Gail held a cup of tea in her hands, and exchanged a look with Audrey, before standing beside David as he put the kettle on. Silence settled between them, before Gail began speaking.
"Gary's offered to take you out on the town," she said, tapping her steaming coffee cup, nodding to the ginger man as he laughed with Bethany "I think you should go." David rolled his eyes at her proposal.
"No," David said flatly, his eyes remaining on the kettle as he poured the boiling water into the waiting cup "I don't feel like going out." Gail sighed and stared at the floor.
"Alright," Gail sighed, but then leaned into David's ear and whispered "but please do think about it, please." David made a non-committal sound and Gail went to the table, joining the conversation with ease.
David eventually wandered back upstairs when he grew tired of being the subject of sideways glances and awkward smiles. He slammed his bedroom door shut and rubbed his temples. What he wanted was to be alone.
Almost running downstairs, David landed on the floor with a bang and his family turned to him in surprise, their eyes wide. "I'm going for a walk," David grunted, pulling his leather jacket on himself "I'll be back in a while." Sarah was going to suggest something, but David had already left before she could even interject with her own proposal.
However, as soon as David reached the door, he froze. Opening the door, he'd be met with the street. Everyone would be out. The weather was good. They'd stare at him, make small talk. And of course, Josh would just be across the street, not feeling any guilt for what he had done to David, for what he had caused.
David opened the door cautiously, as if something dangerous lay on the other side immediately. Then again, dangerous was an apt description for Josh. Luckily for him, Josh wasn't anywhere to be seen.
David rotated his head to gaze at the street in it's totality. As expected, everyone was out, shopping, working, the usual things. However, as soon as David came into full view, the street seemed to freeze, and David could feel all eyes on him.
Angered, David strode towards the salon, eyebrows furrowed. He didn't need their pity, or his sympathy. And he especially didn't need them gawking at him like he was some freak at the circus. He just wanted to be left alone.
As David passed by the salon, Maria rounded the corner and bumped into him. She stumbled back and her expression was angry. "Watch where you're- oh, David," Maria said, her anger turning to surprise, then to sympathy "how's things?"
David didn't appreciate her halfhearted attempted at what he assumed was a sense of obligation to talk to him on her part. Shaking his head, he continued onwards, and although he didn't plan it, he ended up entering the cafe.
The atmosphere of the cafe was relaxed, but he swore could feel it turn icy as soon as he entered. People couldn't even see him! But he knows what he can and can't sense. Walking out from behind the wall that stood before the door, he saw her. Shona was behind the counter, humming as she cleaned.
She looked beautiful. David always thought she looked beautiful, regardless of circumstance. He loved everything about her, honestly. Her beauty, her sense of humour, her laugh...everything. But he couldn't stay with her, not with what's happened. It would be cruel to force her to resign to a life of almost robotic companionship with him. David hadn't take a single step forward when Norris spoke to him, from the table he was at, while Rita sat across from him, eyes wide.
"Oh hello David, good to see you out of hospital," Norris said politely and David ignored him "did the doctors figure out what was wrong? Depression, perhaps?" David was about to give the man a cutting remark, but Rita beat him to it.
"Norris, you crude, nosey, little man," Rita said, slapping Norris' knuckles lightly, and then she turned to David "forgive him, David, he tends to not know the limitations of social interactions." David gave Rita a curt nod, and took another few steps forward and he heard the pair bicker behind him.
Shona looked up, expecting to see any old customer but froze when she saw David. Immediately dumping whatever she was holding into the sink, she almost ran forward and took a deep breath.
"Hi David," Shona said quietly, and forced herself to not tell Norris off, who was watching them with interest from his table "everything ok?" As soon as the words left her lips, Shona cursed herself. Of course he wasn't ok.
"Yeah, I just, uh.." David, truthfully, didn't know why he came here. Probably to see Shona again. Yes, that was it certainly. He hated being separated from her, but what was he to do? Stay with her and keep her emotionally and physically distant? She didn't deserve that.
"You what," Shona asked after David trailed off "if you need help with anything, I'd be happy to do whatever you need." David looked behind Shona, tears swimming in his eyes at her helpfulness. Helpfulness he didn't deserve.
"I-Its nothing," David whispered, his voice quivering "sorry for coming." David stormed out of the cafe, despite Shona calling him back. David however, refused to follow what she was saying and started to briskly walk back to the house.
Tears threatened to spill from David's eyes with every step he took. He just wanted to shrivel up into a ball and never see light again. He didn't want to be alive at that moment, he just wanted to die. But the thought of his kids quickly quashed such a desire.
He reached the door within a matter of seconds, but that's when he saw him. Josh, at the garage, with Tyrone laughing in the background with Kevin. Josh however, wasn't laughing with them. His eyes were on David as he entered the house. And, with his eyes on David's, he winked.
David immediately felt bile rise in his throat at the sight of the man's twisted flirtation, and ran inside the house, slamming the door shut so hard it shook the house. He panted, tears now streaking down his face from a combination of Shona and Josh. He heard his family say something amongst themselves, and he knew they'd soon ask him what was wrong.
No, he was not having that.
Running into the living room and up the stairs, he slammed the door shut of his bedroom once inside. Sitting on the bed, he grabbed a pillow and placed it over his face, and began howling into it, refusing to let his sobs be heard.
He cried all the time. He cried before he went to bed most often, and planted his face in the pillow to stifle the sound. Why did this have to happen to him? He wouldn't wish this on anyone else, except maybe Josh. The worst part about the whole ordeal was that he could still feel every part of it. It would never leave him, no matter what he did.
After crying his eyes out, David looked up with red, puffy eyes. The door to the bathroom connected to his room was slightly ajar, and on the sink, sat a razor, which glinted in the sunlight.
David told himself while in hospital that he would never ever try anything like it again. For his kids, he would live for them. But at this point, he was useless as a father. His function was void, when the rest of the family practically raised the kids more than David.
Slowly ambling to the bathroom, the razor looked more appealing the closer he got to it. He could imagine it now, the stinging, the thin, scarlet line which would sit on his arm. He really could.
Taking it in his shaking hands, he turned it over to inspect it. He didn't even care whether it was dirty really, he was going to use it anyway. Taking a deep breath, he pressed it to his arm and dragged it, in one fluid motion.
The feeling was instant. His arm burned as blood began to leak from the large cut that dominated his arm now. He hadn't intended to make it so big, but he was happy he had. He finally could control something in his life. And he could make sure it didn't kill him this time.
However, a shriek from behind him caused David to drop the razor in the sink with a clatter, and turn on the ball of his foot to see Sarah at the door, her hands over her open mouth, crying.