Colours of the Night

Chapter 4

Serious?

The courtyard was framed with grey stone and there were baskets of flowers. Some flowerbeds were filled with red and pink roses. There was a small pond in the centre of the yard, filled with fiery red water lilies. Lilies were Derek's favourite flowers as she was his favourite girls. Lily didn't agree, she hated how everyone assumed she liked lilies because it was her name.

Lily sighed and sat on a bench overlooking the water. James turned to face her, a stony look on his features.

"How did it happen?" he asked, seriously, his hands folded over his knees.

"It's a long story," she said, staring at her feet.

"I have time," he replied.

"Okay," she nodded. "It all started the summer after Hogwarts. I got home and Dad told me Mum had died."

"Oh, Lily," he watched her face, which had gone stormy with emotions.

"And they blamed me… my Father and sister blamed me for Mum's death," she sighed.

James came to sit next to her, holding her in a tight embrace. "How could they do that?"

She shrugged, "they were horrible to me, ever since they found out I was a witch. Mum was the only one who ever stood up for me." She gave a strangled sob, "and now she's gone."

"Oh, love," he pulled her closer to him.

"They said it was all my fault… and then they made me leave the house, penniless." She cried, and he pulled her into his chest, her head on his shoulder. He stroked her hair, soothingly. "I applied for loads of jobs and courses, but even with my good grades, I had no money to support myself while I did a course and people are becoming more blood purist. No one would accept me into a job without qualifications."

He kissed her forehead lightly, listening to the story intently.

"That's when I came here and Derek gave me a home… and that's where I've been ever since."

He gave her a soft smile, "you could've come to me. I would have helped you."

She shook her head. "It doesn't matter, not now." She looked at herself, as if for the first time realising what she had become. "Oh, Merlin, look at me, James," she pinched the strap of her camisole between two fingers. "Oh, James, you must think so lowly of me. How can you respect me after this?"

He looked at her thoughtfully. "I can't say I'm impressed… you took the easy way out, Lily. But I love you, and with love comes respect."

She put her arms tightly around his neck, breathing deeply into the hollow of his collar. Eventually she looked up into his hazel eyes, wiping away a few tears from her soft cheeks. "But only cause you have no choice, right?" she downcast her eyes.

"Well, no, I can't help that I love you, but, hey… Lily, love, look at me," he lifted her chin between his thumb and forefinger. "I wouldn't ever abandon you, I couldn't." he gulped, before continuing. "I'd give anything for a moment in paradise, a moment where you loved me. You are my world."

She smiled, "I can't give you that."

"What?"

"Your world."

"You can. You have to. I won't give you the choice," he leant in his head closer and kissed her softly. "I love you."

She smiled once again, "you're an amazing person, James."

He gave her a cocky grin, "isn't this the point where you say 'I love you too'?"
She laughed lightly, "I can't fall in love."

"Why ever the hell not!?" he exclaimed indignantly.

"I'll be out of a job, I'll have nowhere to go," she reasoned, resting her hands on his relaxed biceps.

"I promise I'll support… and I'll never leave you," he reached in and kissed her once again.

She slowly fluttered her eyes open, "I won't give into this. Now, do you want your money's worth or not?"

He grinned handsomely. "Now that's just teasing, Evans."

She laughed, "Come on." She took his hand as they strode off to the suite.

She lay in his arms, sweating. How could this man affect her so easily? She pushed her red curls off her damp forehead. His arms were warm, enfolding her in a tight embrace. His mouth hovered over the pulse point on her neck. His breath tickled her skin, warm and moist. They lay together in the velvet bed, cocooned in love, warmth and the sweet after feelings of sex.

His hazel eyes rose to meet Lily's. They held the gaze, speaking volumes of love and affection. Lily dropped her eyes. "James, please…" she breathed.

He grinned, reaching out to kiss her, pressing their bodies closer together.

She yawned, desperately trying to push her sleepiness away. She couldn't fall asleep; Derek would kill her.

"I've gotta go," she said quietly. She wrenched herself out of his eyes.

He sighed, watching her dress. She turned to look at him, "I want to talk more, James."

"Bout what?" he asked, propping himself up on one elbow to face her.

"What you've been up to… since we've last seen each other." She watched his face. "James, I've never thought of it before, but now I do think of it, I've missed you."
He smiled, "yeah, a good little catch up. We should go for coffee."

"We'll have to see," she laughed. "As you're probably aware, Derek is a very strict boss."

"Boss? I wouldn't call him a boss," James said darkly. "What boss sells their staff?"

"James, bosses are in charge of what their staff do. This is my job, and Derek is my boss." She brushed her hair out of her eyes. "I'm sorry, I have to go and find Derek."

"Alright, I'll see you soon, love."

She bent to give him a chaste kiss on the lips. He watched her leave, feeling the lingering kiss and her taste still on his lips.

"Managed to drag yourself out of bed…" Derek asked, his voice dripping with sarcasm.

"Just about," she replied cheekily.

"About time," he said, smiling at her fondly.

She scanned the room, waiting for James to reappear. The club was beginning to clear, with only a few men sitting in one corner of the room, drinking and smoking. Lily sighed, exhaustedly, leaning against the counter of the bar.

"Don't let yourself go just yet, Lily-Flower," Derek said. "The night's almost over and then you can go to sleep."
She looked at him, yawning. He laughed, as she was being rather sweet. She shivered, longing for a steamy shower and the warmth of her bed. She played with her soft curls, sitting down at the bar.

"Can I have a butterbeer?" she asked Derek.

"Yes, Lily-Flower," he replied, moving around to get her drink. "Tell me more about your Quidditch friend."

"Who, James?" she asked, accepting the drink off him.

"Yes."

"He was in my year and asked me out constantly since I was thirteen. I used to hate him and we had loads of shouting matches. They were really funny, now I think back on them. But they weren't at the time. Oh, I loathed him." she grinned at the amusing memories. "He was considered as one of the hottest guys in our school… by other girls. I never gave into him, and he tried so hard, love him. This must be a dream come true, for him," she said thoughtfully.

"I can't believe we graduate tomorrow," Lily exclaimed.

"I know," James said. "It seems like yesterday we first came here."

"Yeah," she nodded.

"I'm gonna miss you," he said sullenly.

"James," she laughed.

"I really like you, Lil," he reached out to touch her cheek.

"Stop there," she said. "You've been a good boy for the last couple of months; don't start acting like a prat now."

"Lil, please let us be together," he pleaded, reaching out for her once again.

She slapped his hand away, "sorry, James, as much as we've both changed over the last couple of months, I can't afford a serious relationship at the moment. I need to get into college and study hard."

"Lily…"

"I'm going to bed," she said, standing. "I don't wanna be tired for tomorrow."

"Lil…"

"Goodnight."

"Okay," he called, "goodnight, Lil. Sweet dreams."

She lay back in the cotton sheets. Before she had been shattered, now she was restless, her mind racing at a million miles an hour. Her thoughts were on James and how he had suddenly walked back into her life. He was so handsome and no longer the boy she had know in school. He had grown up, he was now a man. And what a man! He was stunning.

I can't afford a serious relationship at the moment. I need to get into college and study hard.

That had worked, she thought to herself sarcastically. She had thought James quite nice by the end of seventh year. If she'd just dropped her foolish pride, she'd probably be dating the exquisite Quidditch captain, not in a bar, being a prostitute.

You could have come to me. I would have helped you.

It was James, of course he would have. She should have known. Why had she let her pride win? Why hadn't she gone to him? James would have helped her, got her back on her feet. Even as a friend, he would have helped her without asking for anything in return. He was selfless. He was the one who looked good now. She had insulted him, hurt him, broken his heart so many times, but he'd still come back to her, he'd still had faith in her. She should have had faith in him, faith to go and ask him for help. But now she, she was a slut, a whore… she could no longer have the pretence of pride. A prostitute could have no pride, no respect… not for themselves anyway.

Could she ever undo the damage she had done? Both to herself and her and James' relationship? Where did she even want their relationship to go now? These were some of the questions she couldn't answer.

She curled up deeper under the duvet, trying to silence her mind. One thought shot through her mind before she fell asleep. Did James even want to be in a serious relationship with her anymore?