How Is It Done? Chapter 4
The next day, Hiccup took the short walk to the Thorstons' house. He noticed Astrid some distance ahead of him, headed in the same direction. "This could get awkward real fast," he said to himself.
He found Tuffnut grumbling over having to fetch the buckets of water for the family laundry. "Tuff, can I talk to you? In private?"
Tuffnut looked at him blankly for a moment; then a malevolent grin crossed his face. "Mom? The chief's son needs to talk to me. I guess Ruffnut will have to bring the water, wherever she went." He left with Hiccup before his mother could complain.
"Nice timing, Hiccup," he smiled as they left the yard.
They walked downhill toward the docks. When no one else was close enough to overhear, Hiccup began, "I've got a problem."
"I totally don't want to hear it," Tuffnut replied heatedly. "You're next in line to be the chief, you've got the best dragon in Berk, you're marrying a gorgeous girl in a week, and you think you have a problem? What's the matter, you can't decide what color belt to wear?"
"It's that married-in-a-week thing," Hiccup confessed. He lowered his voice to a whisper, even though no one else was around. "I don't know what to do."
"That's easy – I hear my uncles talk about that stuff all the time," Tuff replied. "Don't track mud into the house, act like you're listening whenever she talks, and don't burp at the table. That's all it takes to keep a wife happy."
"But... the wife and husband stuff," Hiccup whispered again. "The babies. How does that happen?"
Tuff started to laugh. "Oh, that kind of stuff!" he exclaimed.
"Will you please keep it down!" Hiccup begged him. "If people find out I don't know that stuff, they'd think I'm a loser or something."
Tuffnut dropped his voice to a conspiratorial tone. "You came to the right man for the answers. I was up in the sheep pastures a couple of years ago, and I saw these two sheep, and..." He whispered in Hiccup's ear. Hiccup's eyes went wide; then he pulled away with a revolted look.
"Tuffnut, that's gross!" he sputtered.
"I'm just telling you what I saw," the other youth protested.
"That can't be right! What if somebody marries your sister and does that to her?"
"Over my dead body!" Tuffnut snarled, his hand on his belt knife, as though the unfortunate brother-in-law was just around the corner.
"Then maybe it would be best if you're wrong," Hiccup said hopefully.
"I am never wrong," Tuff retorted. The conversation trailed off awkwardly; Tuffnut returned to his chores.
What if Tuff was right? He couldn't imagine treating Astrid that way. For all her courage and toughness, she was still a girl, and a very nice one. Tuff had to be wrong! Didn't he? If he was wrong, then what was the right answer?
"WILL SOMEBODY PLEASE TELL ME WHAT I HAVE TO DO?" he screamed. A couple of sailors looked at him curiously, then went back to mending their nets. No one else noticed.