Jayfeathers Room of Lightning

Chapter 4: The Feelings We Hide

My girlfriends, a dick magnet

My girlfriend, gotta hand it

She's hot, can't stop

Up on stage, doing shots

Hits the man who rings the bell

Get her drunk she'll scream like hell

Dirty girl, getting down

Dance with guys from outta town

No one really knows

That she's drunker if she's stoned

And she's coming back to my place tonight!

"Can you help me?" Kit asked. Jayfeather looked over to see Kit fumbling with her machine. The tubes leading to her neck were tangled in her necklace.

"Here," Jayfeather reached over and gently untangled the wires.

"Thank you," Kit smiled at him. Jayfeather smiled back, eyes filling with sadness. He hated the way Kit couldn't breathe without lugging that machine around with her. He hated the way she had to wear a mask over her mouth when she slept. And most of all, he hated the fact that it was his father that had done this to her.

"If you didn't meet me you wouldn't need that," Jayfeather mumbled.

"It's no big deal," Kit grunted as she struggled to lift up the heavy machine. "I'm used to it. If it was gone, I'd probably miss it."

"I'm so sorry," Jayfeather whispered. It felt like he was transported back 20 years, back in the days when they were young. He remembered everything vividly, as if it were yesterday.

(Page break)

"Jayfeather! JAYFEATHER!"

Jayfeather woke with a start, alarm pulsing through his body. He jumped out of bed and flew down the hall to Kit's room.

Kit sat huddled under her blankets, her blonde hair peeking out the cracks.

"Hey," Jayfeather said softly, sitting down at the end of her bed. "What's the matter?"

Kit pulled the blanket off her head, and Jayfeather tried not to visibly wince. Kit had a mask over her mouth, with various tubes and cords attaching to a machine placed next to her bed. She wore no shirt, as there were more wires placed on her chest with stickers.

"I had that dream again," Kit whispered, her voice muffled from the mask.

"Are you okay?" Jayfeather asked, brushing his long black hair out of his eyes.

"I'm fine," Kit muttered. "I'm sorry I woke you."

Jayfeather and Kit were living in the basement of Leafpools (Jayfeathers mother) house. It had been a few weeks since Crowfeather had died, but it still felt like it was yesterday.

Crowfeather was a man of many mental illnesses, electricity being one of his favorite things. He had put Jayfeather and Lionblaze (Jayfeathers brother) through "electric shock therapy" when they were four. Jayfeather had survived, but Lionblaze didn't. He abused Jayfeather for many, many years after that, but when he tried to put Jayfeather in the electric chair again, he ran away. Growing up with only Flametail, (Jayfeathers imaginary friend) Jayfeather developed many ticks in his brain. The biggest one was his split personality, which led him to believe Lionblaze was still alive. Crowfeather caught up to him, and shot Jayfeather. It didn't kill him, but led him to a nervous breakdown which landed him into a mental institution. This is when Jayfeather met Kit, the doctor's assistant who was assigned to treat him. Crowfeather didn't give up. Jayfeather didn't know for sure, but he had a nagging suspicion that Doctor Osl was helping Crowfeather. He couldn't think of another reasonable explanation on how Crowfeather knew who Kit was. Crowfeather had found Kit one day, when she was walking to work. He kidnapped her and placed her in a room with no light. After, he continuously electrocuted her, with a shock collar which he locked around her neck. The day Crowfeather died, he had the volts running through the collar so high that it permanently damaged Kit's brain.

Her brain turned off the ability to breathe.

Jayfeather reached out and touched Kit's cheek, and she looked up in surprise. Since the horrid day when Crowfeather died, neither of them had shown much affection towards one another. For the past few weeks they spent talking, and sitting close to one another.

It was almost as if they had forgotten how to love.

"I love you," Jayfeather whispered. "I love you so much. We're going to get through this, I promise."

"I love you too," Kits voice cracked with emotion. "And do you really think we can get through this? Do you really think it's possible for us to have a normal life now?"

"We're going to have a great life," Jayfeather promised determinedly. "When we're adults we're gonna have a beautiful house. We're gonna have so many nice things that I will buy for you."

"What if we ever have kids?" Kit whispered, her grip tightening on Jayfeathers hand. "They will grow up so disturbed."

"If we have kids, they will grow up completely normal," Jayfeather said, face growing red from the commitment. "I will love them so much it will be impossible for them to turn out the way my father did."

"I don't want to wear this mask anymore," Kit cried, tears running down her face. "I don't like this!"

Jayfeather had to literally choke back his sadness, which threatened to bring tears. "You have to wear it," he said numbly. "But I will always help you. No matter what you do, no matter where you are, I will hold your hand until our last dying days."

Kit pulled the blanket over her naked chest and reached her arms out. Jayfeather leaned over and hugged her, holding her tightly.

"Kids?" a new voice entered the room. Jayfeather looked over to the door to see his mother standing there in her nightgown.

"What are you doing up so late?" Leafpool asked, rubbing her tired eyes.

"I had the dream again," Kit explained, tugging her blanket farther over herself. "It was scary."

"Are you okay?" Leafpools voice was concerned.

"Yeah," Kit whispered. "I started screaming, Jayfeather was just checking on me."

"You poor dear," Leafpool sighed. "You know that horrible man can never hurt you again, right?"

"I know," Kit nodded her head one too many times. The tubes in her neck shook while she nodded.

"You're safe now," Leafpool murmured. "No one will ever hurt you again," then she leaned over and kissed Jayfeather on the cheek, and touched Kits cheek. It was such a loving gesture Jayfeather nearly didn't know how to respond.

"Go to sleep," Leafpool said, walking back to her doorway. "And Jayfeather?"

"Yes?"

"Sleep in your own bed, please."

Jayfeathers face turn red and he looked down. Despite her tears, Kit giggled.

(Page break)

"Hey dad," Sparks said as he walked into the kitchen. Jayfeather turned to look at his son, coffee mug in hand.

"Good morning," Jayfeather yawned, taking a sip of his coffee. "Why are you up?"

"Can't a person enjoy their morning without getting interrogated?" Sparks said crossly.

"It's … seven thirty on a Saturday," Jayfeather said, confused. "You usually don't get up for another six hours."

"Zelia called me," Sparks said in a rush.

"I didn't hear the phone ring," Jayfeather pointed out, sloshing more coffee into his cup. He took a big gulp of it, and nearly spat it right back out. "It's scalding hot," he said. "I burned my tongue!" Jayfeather stuck out his tongue and flapped it around.

Sparks stared in annoyance.

"Uh, great dad, but I was going to ask you if I could borrow fifty dollars."

"Fifty?!" Jayfeather cried. "What for?"

"Is that really important?" Sparks asked. "I just ran out of money, and I need some until I get paid."

"You can have twenty," Jayfeather pulled out a bill from his pocket. "But that's it. I don't want you to spend it on anything harmful to your health."

"I won't," Sparks lied. "I'm gonna go meet Zelia now, see you in a few hours."

"Bye," Jayfeather raised a hand to wave but it was in vain, as Sparks was already gone.

Jayfeather didn't understand how someone could physically put on their coat, stuff a bagel down their throat, put on shoes and get to the end of the driveway in seven seconds. He sighed and poured himself more coffee.

Sparks ran down the road, wondering why Zelia sounded so upset on the phone.

Nobody better have touched her, Sparks thought mutinously. If anyone hurt her I'll kill them.

Sparks tried not to think about what he would do to someone if they hurt Zelia. He didn't get this defensive over his other friends, but that was probably because he didn't have feelings for them.

He didn't miss his other friends the way he missed Zelia.

He didn't love his other friends.

Sparks tried not to think about the L word, it always made his blood chill. But he knew what he felt for Zelia wasn't just a strong friendship.

He was in love with her.

Of course, she would never know that, as Sparks treated her like all his other friends.

If she knew what I felt then she would run away, Sparks thought to himself. She doesn't think of me in that way, and she never will. Sparks knew he was just making stuff up to compensate for the fact that he really had no idea if Zelia liked him in that way or not.

(Page break)

Zelia rocked back and forth on her heels, waiting for Sparks to show up. Her ears were turning red from the cold, and she could see her breath in front of her. It looked as though she were smoking, her breath billowing out in wisps and swirls. Zelia distracted herself from the cold by wondering if smoking would warm her insides. Well if it's on fire, then it must make you warm, Zelia thought. But she knew she was missing some logic in that theory. The sound of footsteps distracted her, and she looked up hopefully. Her excitement was crushed when she realized it was just a person walking by.

I wish Sparks would get here soon, Zelia thought, rocking even faster on her heels. The trees spun as she moved. Zelia knew Sparks would be annoyed she had asked him to meet her so early.

But he was the only one she wanted to see.

He was the one, who she loved.

He was, the one.