A/N: For the first time in my life I actually made a deadline I set for myself. How about that! In apology for taking so slagging long on this chapter, it is twice as long as I would normally make it. Over 20 pages of Lambo and Datsun fun! Wheeee! Thank you to Stelatron who gave me the initial idea for a prank for me to tweak with. You're the best! Oh yeah, and for those of you who didn't believe my rubber ducky story, check out my deviant account on my website link. The picture of it is there. That's enough smokin and jokin, kids, on with the show!
Part Four: She Thinks Our Datsun's Sexy
Now Sideswipe was no Sunstreaker. He loved a good roll in the mud like any other bot. But he had to admit that being covered from head to foot in every color there was, and even some that weren't, did not make him feel all that great. In fact, he felt just about as cranky as he could possibly get, and the slight bounce in his Vice's step did not help matters any.
Actually, the only positive thing he could think was how desperately and truly thankful he was that he hadn't woken up his brother. A paint-splattered and dented Sunstreaker meant a very dead carcass for the person responsible. Not even brotherly love would have been able to spare Sideswipe's life after that.
While the obvious majority of the Ark were less than secretive about their approval of the anonymous culprit's prank, Optimus did have to admit that this was something he just could not overlook. Sideswipe hadn't been in any real danger last night since he was protected from Decepticons by Trailbreaker's forcefield, still functional guns, and being within easy communication range. Nonetheless, Prime knew that something might have happened and as Commander he had to do something.
Even if, deep inside that professional spark of his, he felt the red Lamborghini had had it coming for millennia.
Beyond all reason, however, Sideswipe was not being very helpful in the matter.
"You mean to say," Optimus asked in the privacy of his office, "that you have no idea who did this?"
"I mean to say," the multi-hued Sideswipe replied for what felt like the thousandth time, "that I never saw my attacker, no." Primus, it was hard being so damn truthful sometimes. If he said who it was, he was sunk. He would not lose this thing! He would not be forced to be a perfect little angel for a whole fragging month!
Prime knew a twisted answer when he heard one and wondered why in the galaxy Sideswipe would want to protect the perpetrator when it was obvious the young soldier was itching to put his piledrivers into something. "I will notify Prowl and have him try to find the culprit."
"Prime, can't we just forget it?" Sideswipe grumbled. "For all I know, it was Prowl who did it."
A crinkle at the edge of his Commander's optical sensors told him that beneath that faceplate a smile was threatening to break out. "Come now, Sideswipe," Optimus chided gently. "I know you are upset about this, but honestly…"
"Yeah, yeah I know," the red warrior answered, feeling very tired. He'd heard it from Jazz, Blaster, and anyone else who had heard about his little accusation the other night. He was beginning to think there was a parrot flying around. " 'It's Prowl. He wouldn't do something like that.' "
"Well, if you'd prefer that I not go to Prowl with this anyway, I'll have to comply. No one was injured last evening. But let the records show that if anything like that happens again, I'll be forced to take more aggressive action. You may think that this is one giant playground, but I am running a military base of operations here. You must learn to control your more… rebellious behavior. Is that clear?"
What? Was Optimus actually lecturing him on what that slagging tactician did to him? Sweet Primus, the whole universe was out to get him!
Choking back a really good curse, all Sideswipe could do was nod his understanding. Upon exiting the Commander's office, he released some of the tension in his body, forcing himself to relax. He would find himself on 'Daddy's' hit-list very quickly if he snapped and throttled some poor soul to death.
"Sideswipe, do you have a moment?" asked the voice he most didn't want to hear at the moment. The mech that voice belonged to had been waiting right outside the office to ambush him once he left.
Then again, Ratchet couldn't kill what he couldn't catch so perhaps the risk was worth it…
"Sure, Prowl," he growled in a low tone, wishing only to be left alone for one slagging cycle to get himself to the wash-rack. It was his day off for Primus' sake; you'd think a bot could have a moment to himself. Apparently that was not the case.
Following the black and white Datsun to his office, Sideswipe wondered as to the nature of this summons. It wasn't like Prowl to gloat, but then again, he didn't think it was like Prowl to initiate a prank war either. He scratched absently at a large blue spot on his shoulder where the dried flakes were making him itch.
"I feel that we are becoming too obvious," the tactician began as soon as the door shut. He had work to do, but before the disgruntled Lambo could think of retaliation this needed to be said. "We must be a bit more discreet or we will be discovered."
"What's this 'we,' Kemosabe?" Sideswipe demanded, sapphire optics growing wide. "Who was the Pit slagger who locked me outside at the mercy of the elements?"
"You were in no danger," Prowl frowned, crossing his arms. "I made sure of that."
"You broke the rules anyway and that means I win," the multi-colored warrior went on in a huff. "You got the direct aid of the Dinobots."
His opponent shook his head, a ghost of a smile gracing his features. "I did, but that was megacycles before we signed the contract."
Fragging technicality…
"You ordered me outside!" Ha! He couldn't worm his way out of that one! He had to do what his Vice Commander said and he was told to go out.
"If there was a battle, the main alarms would have gone off and woken everyone," Prowl countered logically. "The entire base would be on alert. Surely you know that. No usage of rank was performed. You merely replied to a call and it wouldn't have mattered if I had been Prime or Huffer. You would have gone regardless."
Clenching his fists and narrowing his optics, Sideswipe couldn't think of any way to retaliate against that. It was true, he should have known better to respond to an unusual call, even in a half-asleep daze. And yes, even if Red Alert had been babbling about an attack, Sideswipe would have gone if only for the slim chance of kicking aft. One just couldn't use logic against this mech!
Meanwhile, Prowl was appraising his rival's reaction. Good. While Sideswipe was out of steam for the moment, he was not yet defeated. This was proving to be a strong challenge, one that the tactician was enjoying much more than he thought he would. The red Pit-Spawn had yet to rue the day he messed with him. And that one month of perfect behavior from their most notorious prankster was looking quite good.
To his curiosity, the irritated gloom of the warrior in front of him disappeared. Sideswipe stood a bit taller and lifted his once-ebony head in defiance, optics glittering. The kid had spunk and could bounce back from anything. But what could be going on in that head of his?
"More discreet then?"
"I believe it is the wisest course of action for the time being." Would he regret this? Why was the demon child smiling like that?
"Alrighty, that's fair. Can I go now? This stuff itches like you wouldn't believe." He shifted his shoulders again uncomfortably, causing flakes of blue, pink, green, and yellow to come floating down like over-sized confetti to his superior's floor.
Unable and unwilling to keep the Lambo any longer than necessary, he nodded. "You are dismissed."
OoOoOo
Discreet his aft… Sideswipe would show him discreet…
After a nice rendezvous with the wash-rack that is.
About 10 cycles later, a shinier, much happier Sideswipe sat down at one of the consoles in a normally unused part of the Ark. This would be so much easier if he could do this in the privacy of his quarters, but pranksters could rarely be picky. He had to take the opportunity where he found it. Typing up a few commands, he smiled his fox-like grin, optics twinkling merrily. Jazz wasn't the only one who could sabotage on base.
A list of options came up on the screen once he was into the mainframe, causing him to pause. Should he only do a few or the whole list? Considering his assets, he shrugged and checked as many as he could. Only proper options, mind you. After all, he was an Autobot and could do naught but his duty.
If getting caught wouldn't get him a million years in the brig with toothbrush detail for good behavior, he figured this might earn him a medal of sorts. A shiny one. With a nice red ribbon to match his coloring.
He waited until the confirmations were sent back; assuring him that he had done his job properly.
Ok, Prowl, is this discreet enough for you?
Knowing that he wasn't designated the Ark's head hacker for a reason, he quickly shut down the computer before he could be caught. Brig floors tended to scuff something awful after a few weeks.
"Hey, Sides!" The call made his spark lodge itself in his throat as it came directly behind him. Only his brother could creep up on him like that.
"What the slag do you want?" he demanded, trying to force his spark back down where it belonged. It beat frantically as though demanding out of his body, but eventually it did calm itself.
Sunstreaker grinned nastily, pleased that he had given his twin a good scare. Ah the little things that made one's day complete… Ever since he'd discovered Sideswipe face down that morning covered in paint, he'd found it in himself to forgive any wrongdoings against him. The red warrior had been sufficiently paid back for his ruining of Sunny's paintjob. "Whatcha doing?"
"Trying to keep myself from shooting you, why?"
"I just got off monitor duty and I'm in the mood for a drive. You up for it?"
Well he did have some extra energy to burn off. "Sure," the red twin stood up and followed his brother down the hall. Passing Prowl in the hallway as the tactician retrieved a mug of energon, he lifted his head higher in defiance. If his brother thought this was odd, he didn't say so.
Once they were out the door they revved their engines ready to race off into the horizon. Other Autobots who were outside immediately leapt to the side so as not to become a giant smear in the pavement. Which was all fine by the brothers, of course, as this act only gave them less speed bumps to worry about.
From an unseen and unheard signal, Sideswipe and Sunstreaker peeled out, both feeling the need to let loose after a series of rather odd days.
For 2 ½ blissful hours, the pair had a fantastic time racing each other and generally acting like big 3-ton kids. And all the while, Sideswipe couldn't help but wonder at Prowl's expression when he learned of the red Lambo's escapade. For his expression was all that he was after today.
All good things, however, must come to an end. Unfortunately this was to come to a very sharp and very painful end.
Racing each other across the countryside, the twins eventually made it to the city. The speed may have decreased somewhat, but that didn't diminish the thrill of it. Maneuvering around humans, vehicles, and stationary objects, they whooped and hollered at each other, pushing their skills to the limits.
As they rounded a corner, a child's bouncy ball entered their paths, the toddler following after. Now the twins were vicious on and off the field. Had even been known for scrapping their own side on occasion. But both Sunstreaker and Sideswipe be damned if they struck a human sparkling. Veering harshly to the side, Sunstreaker ran into his brother who rolled over a fire hydrant.
The little boy, completely oblivious to what he'd caused, picked up the wayward toy and skipped back to his yard.
"Where," groaned Sunstreaker, "are that kid's parents?" Sideswipe, on the bottom of the two-car pile up, only moaned painfully.
The parents, it turned out, had seen the whole thing, how those two great menaces had nearly run down their sweet little child. And they made sure the police knew all about it too.
Two hours later found the pair inside one of the larger cells of the local police station. This cell had actually been designed with the two Autobot warriors in mind, as they were notorious to both robots and humans alike. Therefore, there was absolutely no way to escape before dear Prowl came to release them.
Sideswipe pouted in the corner as he contemplated his Vice's imminent arrival. And he'd been feeling so nice after hacking into that computer too. But to have his victim come to his rescue… As Mirage might put it, it was not the most dignified position to be in. He couldn't even bother to be entertained by his wailing brother, so miserable was the red Lambo feeling.
Sunstreaker was feeling just as miserable, but for much different reasons. Never one to keep quiet about the woes of his life, the yellow twin yelled to anyone who might listen about how dented he was because of the 'miniature flesh bag,' and just how uncomfortable having a fire hydrant up one's skidplate really was, and why were they locking him up when he deserved a fragging medal.
With more explicatives of course.
Not that this bellowing accomplished anything besides tiring him out that much faster. By the time a very bemused Prowl arrived, Sunny had joined his twin brother in sullen, silent pout-mode.
Well, Prowl had to admit as they were released, at least they weren't in tantrum-mode. With the pair standing behind him, both looking quite sour at the entire world in general, he signed the last of the routine release forms. Being the commanding officer of this twin bundle of sunshine and roses, he was well versed in the legal procedure, and thus made it go much faster than it would otherwise.
"Oh!" exclaimed a surprised voice by his left foot. "You're the Autobot Prowl?" It was a young woman, probably no more than 5 years Spike's senior. At her side was another human female around the same age.
But what did Sideswipe know about the aging process of humans? He was lucky he could tell the gender of the silly little things.
Either way, both human females, somewhere between the ages of 15 and 50, got over their initial surprise and positively beamed.
"We just received the news," the first human said to Prowl. "It's absolutely wonderful! Thank you so much!"
The tactician said nothing at first, just staring at her in the hopes that he would soon understand what she was talking about.
Not seeming to notice that the object of her attention wasn't quite following, the second lady went on. "We were just on our way to tell the papers!"
Ok… still not making sense.
"It was nothing," he humbly said, figuring it was the right response.
"Nothing he says!" exclaimed the second woman. "You just gave two billion dollars to our charity organization and a dozen others and you say it's nothing? Don't be so modest!"
Sideswipe watched carefully with anticipation, trying to bite back a triumphant grin. Meanwhile, the Datsun struggled to make sense of the situation.
Two billion dollars?
As in two?
With nine zeros?
As in nearly all of his personal savings from the past two million years not counting the time spent in stasis in the Ark?
Those two billion?
Oh sweet Primus.
Forcing a smile onto his face, Prowl gave a women his most charming smile. "It was the least I could do," he answered her, mind quickly catching up to what was happening. Alright, he'd just lost two billion dollars to some charities he'd never even heard of. He could deal with that.
A little meditative music.
A little Lambo throttling.
Sure, no problem.
But first things first. To make the best of a very awkward situation. After all, Sideswipe was probably out for a reaction. So a reaction he must give.
Sideswipe watched, mouth agape, as his Vice not only kept his unfailing cool, but continued on to melt the charity girls, somewhere between the ages of 15 and 50, into puddles of fleshling, feminine goo. Going on about worthy, admirable causes and doing what he could to further their upstanding work, Prowl charmed them like Jazz never could.
It made him sick, and not a little nervous.
This was backfiring in disastrous proportions and very soon it would be out of control. Way to think ahead, Sides.
Eventually, the tactician managed to worm his way out of the ladies' grasps. Giving the scarlet culprit a pointed glance, Prowl led the pair, a very confused if apathetic yellow Lambo included, outside to freedom. He may have been mistaken, but Sideswipe thought he might have heard a fond farewell from a policewoman or two on the way out.
His day was only to get more and more surreal as news quickly spread of the generous Vice Commander of the Autobots. Therefore, in a trip home that should have taken 45 minutes tops, nearly two hours was spent doing PR work with oh-so-grateful organizations who passed their way.
Well those were five hours of his life he was never getting back.
Yet as steamed as poor Sideswipe was getting at what should have been a very amusing loss of self-control, he was even more confused.
Here was a mech, to be fair a decent-looking mech, with absolutely no personality to speak of. Nada. Nothing there either by choice or programming. On the off chance Prowl did decide to have more expression than a brick wall, it was to make the lives of poor free-spirits, Sideswipe to name an example, a living Inferno.
And yet, when he spoke, people listened. When he moved, people watched. And when he gave that stupid shy smile of his, femmes were hooked. It was creepy! It made no sense! Decepticon, Autobot, Neutral… didn't matter what kind of femme it was. And fleshling too apparently.
In Sideswipe's humble opinion, Prowl had all the sex appeal of one of Ratchet's arc welders. But hey, what did he know?
And he wasn't the only one who felt slighted.
Sunstreaker, even more bewildered than his twin as he didn't even know the back story to this, struggled valiantly for the same kind of attention. Sideswipe knew that if his twin didn't get some sort of recognition, deserved or not, he would be in an even fouler mood. Prowl too seemed to realize the possible danger this posed and allowed the Lambo to try his luck with the humans.
Not that it worked, of course. Everyone was far too interested in their superior officer to bother with two gorgeous brothers like themselves.
Sideswipe was having a barrel of fun, honestly, however he really just wanted to go home and face whatever punishment awaited him. As his other half was grumbling unhappily beside him, Sides would bet that he wasn't alone.
"Prowl," he tried in a respectful tone, hoping that it might impress the Vice enough to release him. "Requesting permission to return home?"
The black and white bot turned and considered the red hellion for a moment. With a confident, self-assured smile that usually equaled the 'stupid shy-smile' as far as its effect on femmes went, he replied, "request denied."
"Why not?" Sunstreaker demanded.
Then he uttered the three most damning words he could think of. "Ask your brother."
"Why not, Sides?" the large yellow warrior growled, turning on his twin.
Sideswipe backed out of range and rounded on Prowl in turn. "Prowl, you can't expect us to…"
"I expect you to reap what you sow, as the humans would say."
"What are you talking about?" Sunstreaker asked. "Sides, what is he talking about?"
"Nothing at all, Sunstreaker," Prowl smiled, following the rule of engagement that dictated he deny everything.
Primus curse that damned contract!
Seeing that his 2IC had returned to whatever conversation he was in with whatever fawning group of people that blocked their path, Sideswipe gave a sidelong look at his brother. Reading his mind, the yellow twin nodded curtly. As one they walked away, defying Prowl's orders to stay.
If they were going to be punished for the rest of their natural lives, then by Primus, they were gong to deserve it.
Not feeling quite up to going home just yet, Sideswipe and Sunstreaker went for another quick drive. They had a hunch they wouldn't be able to do so for a while after this.
They said nothing to each other, as there were no words to describe this afternoon. Between waking up covered in paint and dents, nearly flattening a dumb little human, getting locked up, needing rescuing by Prowl, having his prank totally backfire, and passed over for his personality-less Vice Commander, it wasn't the best off-day of Sideswipe's life. And he was pretty sure his brother had had better days as well. At least he still had some dignity left. He wasn't defeated yet.
"Ugh, have you ever seen two uglier cars?"
Ok, well that just about did it for the dignity part.
The speaker's companion, another female somewhere between the ages of 15 and 50, made a noise of agreement. "You can barely tell they're even Lamborghinis anymore. They're all dented and scratched."
Sideswipe silently begged the red light to change. So far his vain idiot of a brother hadn't said anything, but the slight vibrating of his battered frame told plenty. The safest for everyone at the moment was for that damned light to change so they could all go their separate merry ways.
And, ok, so Sideswipe didn't appreciate being told he looked like slag either. Being constantly compared to his twin brother, for better or worse, did have its effects. One of them being Sideswipe tended to care what he looked like now and then. Unlike a certain Datsun he knew…
"Yeah," he said outloud as the thought occurred to him. "Prowl doesn't even try and the femmes all go for him. What gives?"
"Sides?" Sunstreaker asked, startled by the non sequitar.
"I mean, what is it?" he went on, both getting his frustration out of his system, and also distracting them from the still tsking human femmes. "He has no personality whatsoever; he's a total hard-ass. And it's not like he's especially good looking."
"Sides, let it go," Sunstreaker sighed, not wanting to be reminded that his Vice had just become Mr. Popularity.
"No, I won't let it go!"
And he didn't either.
He didn't let it go all the way to the Ark.
"It's some freak anomaly I tell you," the red melee warrior continued as they walked up to the entrance. "I mean, how does something like this happen?"
Sunstreaker didn't even bother to pretend that he was paying attention anymore. His brother would continue to rant until he was done. It was just the way of things. Entering the Ark, he trudged sullenly toward the direction of the med-wing. Much as he really didn't want to go face whatever abuse Ratchet decided to lay out for him, having a fire hydrant being forcibly rammed into one's body did tend to have its structural effects. After a heavy dose of malpractice he planned to have a nice long rendezvous with the wash rack and then straight to his recharge berth. Today was just not worth experiencing anymore.
Following the despondent warrior like a puppy begging attention, Sideswipe continued to lay out the woes of his life, Prowl still the main subject.
"Come on, Sunny, what makes Prowl so sexy?"
Silence.
"Oh… slag," Sideswipe breathed rounding the same corner his brother did.
'Oh slag' rounded it up quite nicely.
Oblivious to his surroundings, Sideswipe had totally forgotten that they were entering the main control room of the Ark. A very filled main control room of the Ark. A main control room that contained many bots as well as the command element, dear Prowl among them.
And every last one of them had heard him shouting that last little bit.
Now Sideswipe was a pretty unapologetic creature by nature. He was not one to be humiliated easily and nor would he take back something he had said or done. This being said, he had long ago figured out a way around his own code of integrity.
But Primus, this was awkward. He'd never had to deal with something like this before.
Even his brother was staring back at him with a pretty shell-shocked expression as he had obviously decided to tune back in at the wrong moment. As everyone tried to process what they had just heard, time seemed to have stopped entirely.
"Afternoon all!" Sideswipe mustered every last nut and bolt of his decimated dignity to put on this cheerful front. With these words, time seemed to catch up to itself. Much as the bots would have loved to make a bigger issue of it, those in attendance did have jobs to do. And even though Sideswipe did receive his fair share of abuse as he made his swift exit, the real ribbing would have to wait until later.
Sunstreaker walked next to him as they took the long way to the med-bay. There was no way in the Pit that either Lambo wanted to re-enter that room to get to Ratchet's. There were just some things worse than a mangled exterior.
OoOoOo
Two megacycles later, a pair of healthier happier brothers exited the med-wing. To their amazement, Ratchet had not inflicted much abuse upon his favorite troublemakers. It might have been he had heard about the amusing incident on the bridge. Perhaps it was because he believed Sideswipe's tale of getting beat up because they'd saved a child's life, though the Lambo had neglected to mention that the child had been saved from them. Maybe 'daddy' still had a little bit of fluff left in him from the other day. Quite frankly, they didn't care what the reason was. Life had already felt the need to screw them over today, so a non-murderous medic may have just been Primus' way of saying He was sorry.
Then Sideswipe received a message from Prowl to meet him in his office.
Perhaps Primus just had a sick and twisted sense of humor.
When he heard about it, Sunstreaker just chuckled darkly and remarked just how much it sucked to be Sideswipe. His twin liked to think that it was just his special way of saying 'good luck,' but he couldn't be sure. Either way he walked the walk of the doomed all the way to the Datsun's office. He'd just had the worst day of his life, couldn't Prowl just leave him be?
The Vice Commander was seated at his desk with calmly folded hands. If it weren't for his highly swept door panels held taut as a bow, one might think he was entirely relaxed. But Sideswipe had known his superior long enough to know that his day had yet to go downhill.
He was right.
"Look, Prowl," he tried to do some quick damage control. "Me and Sunny saved that kid, those police people don't know what they're talking about!"
The Datsun was not moved and when he spoke it was in a quiet, almost gentle tone. Prowl never yelled. Never screamed at wrongdoers, never lost his temper. When he was angry he got quiet. He got just as quiet as he was now. "That child wouldn't have needed saving if you and your brother weren't speeding at a hundred miles an hour through heavily populated neighborhoods. You might have killed him, Sideswipe. Imagine how that would affect our cause. We've tried so hard for years to win the humans' acceptance and you could have destroyed all of that in less than a nanoclick. Do you honestly want to be known as the bot who killed a human child because you were acting like a fledgling?"
Sideswipe said nothing to this. There was nothing to say. He knew he was in the wrong and he knew that Prowl was far from done.
"The humans, in their gratitude for what we've done in the past, have been kind enough to leave this incident behind us. I will respect their wishes and after today it will not be spoken of again. But rest assured that if I hear of such behavior from either of you again, you will be very sorry. Is your assignment on Earth not to you liking? Would a monitor position on Salis III suit you better? I daresay you will have plenty of room for your immaturity there."
Sitting around on some Primus-forsaken hunk of rock at the opposite end of the galaxy? Prowl wouldn't dare waste his two best frontliners on that, would he? The look in his Vice's frosty optics assured him that he would indeed if he felt it would be the best for his unit. He swiftly shook his head.
"Then we are in agreement. Which brings me to my other matter." Prowl remained seated with his hands still folded. It was so damn irritating how so controlled he was all the time!
"While you no doubt meant nothing but humor at today's… stunt with the charity organizations, may I remind you that stealing from a superior officer is a crime that goes hand in hand with sabotage and treason. Not only did you steal from me," now Prowl stood up, body still tightly coiled as though to spring any moment, "but you hacked into the Ark's mainframe to do it. Do you realize how long I have been saving that money, Sideswipe? Did you think of anything at all other than a cheap thrill at my expense?" Sapphire optics narrowed dangerously. "Do you have any idea what high command would do to you if they found out?"
Sideswipe backpedaled completely, holding up his hands to pacify the furious Autobot. "Woah now, Prowl," he said quickly. "Wait just one nanoclick."
"Why, pray tell, should I?" Prowl demanded. His ivory fingertips, which had lightly brushed the desktop, now curled into his palms as he made fists. Ooh, he was steamed!
"Cause I didn't steal from you! I never touched a credit from your account, Prowl, I swear!" He offered a reassuring grin, though it felt weak under the tactician's hard stare. "Check your balances, it's all still there. I just put it into the charities under your name."
"Then where did…"
"I knew people who owed me some favors," the Lambo explained. At his superior's skeptical look his smile tilted humorously. "I knew a lot of people who owed me some big favors."
"That was very quick to call in so many favors," Prowl commented dryly. At least he didn't look so angry anymore. Oh he was still furious with the deception, but he didn't look like he'd be using that acid-pellet gun any time soon.
"Yeah well…" Sideswipe rubbed the back of his head. "I didn't exactly ask them. If it makes you feel any better about it," he tried, "they weren't exactly what you'd call upstanding citizens."
Prowl doubted that anyone affiliated with the little red demon spawn could be considered an upstanding anything. Still his threatening stance did not waver.
"So you deceived your superior officer into believing that you stole from him?" he reassessed the situation. "And that is supposed to make it all better? That relieves you of guilt?"
"Hey, hold on for a…"
"You are dismissed, Sideswipe. Inform your brother of my words concerning the child. But I promise you that this little prank of yours will not go forgotten like your stunt this morning." Hard lazuli optics narrowed into slits and dared Sideswipe to do anything but obey.
Choosing the better part of valor, the melee warrior did an about-face and left the office. He didn't think he could get out of there fast enough.
Once the Lamborghini was out of the room and the door shut, Prowl let the smile he'd been holding in finally release. A few chuckles even made it past his lips. It had been so hard trying to do all that with a straight face. At least Sideswipe had taken his superior's tense form and tight face to be a sign of anger rather than what it was. Yes he'd been annoyed at yet another stupid stunt performed by the gruesome twosome, but no one had been hurt besides the perpetrators. But he wasn't about to reassign the pair because they were being dumb or he would have done that a millennia ago.
As far as the young one's prank went, Prowl trusted each and every one of his Autobots. He would be unable to work with them if he didn't. And he trusted the twins implicitly despite what anyone else might think. If Sideswipe was going to spend two billion dollars on a prank, Prowl knew without a doubt that it wouldn't be his. Sideswipe was too good for that. Once he returned to the base after that morning's adventure and checked his accounts to be sure, he knew that that trust hadn't been misplaced.
He could tell he'd just scared a million years off Sideswipe's life and before the end of the night he was shooting for another million more. That bot would be so paranoid of what punishment awaited him in the form of a furious Datsun that he would never know it was all part of Prowl's own retaliation. If that little menace could skirt around the rules, then by Primus so could Prowl.
Still chortling to himself softly, he opened his computer to check if the President of Spain had answered his query yet. To his satisfaction he had, but there was one other glaring message waiting for him that he could not leave alone. Opening it, Prowl's face went suddenly slack, all hints of humor gone.
"Dearest Prowl,
Thank you for the swimming pool! You are welcome to drop by anytime, and we'll give you a tune-up free of charge!
xoxo
Your Playful Bunnies"
Prowl felt his door panels drop completely to his sides as he read and re-read the message. A pool? Sideswipe had given the Playboy Mansion a pool? No, his processor told him in frantic whispers. He'd given the Playboy Mansion a pool! And from the looks on the… er… ladies' faces, they were quite appreciative as well.
Oh Primus…
That was it. That was just slagging it. Any hope Sideswipe might have had at seeing tomorrow with a fully intact mind was now shot to Hell. By the time Prowl was done with him, that little hellion would make Red Alert look as stable as Optimus Prime!
OoOoOo
"Are you sure?" Bumblebee asked skeptically.
"Yes, positive. Now please say yes!"
"I don't know. I mean, I'm on duty and the roster says that…"
"Look, Bumbles, I know we're not the best of friends, but please please let me do this!"
"What are you planning?" The mini-bot was far from convinced.
"Planning? Me?" Sideswipe stared at the mini-bot in confusion.
"Planning. You. You're up to something and you're going to get me in trouble 'cause it's my shift. So what is it and how much brig time will it get me?" He had plans for his off-duty time too. That Lambo had better not be scheming anything.
"I swear to Primus I'm not planning anything," the warrior held up his right hand and spoke quite seriously. "I just want some extra duty time in. That's all."
A little grin made its way to the spy's mouth despite his greatest efforts. "Trying to earn a few extra brownie points, are we?" he asked. If Sideswipe was not plotting and he was acting like this, he must have gotten someone pretty mad at him. And if he was getting these brownie points by pulling extra weight on the rosters, then Bumblebee had a pretty good idea who Sideswipe was trying to pacify.
Not appreciating the little one's knowing smirk, Sideswipe crossed his arms. "Fine then. I can just go find someone else who might want the extra time off. I was just trying to…"
"Woah, woah, I didn't say no, did I?" Bumblebee stepped to the side of the communication lines so his impromptu replacement could take his place. "It's all yours, Sideswipe. The shift runs till 0400, ok?"
"Fine." Oh, what had he gotten himself into? He'd gone many days without proper sleep before, but he had been hoping on seeing his recharge berth sometime at a decent hour. It didn't help that his own shift started at 0430 hours and lasted till 1630 hours. It probably wouldn't hurt to take someone else's shift from 1700 till 2400 as well just to be safe. All it would take was the mental image of a desolate hunk of rock lightyears away from any sort of action for him to find his motivation to do this.
Prowl liked hard workers, so let's see just how hard Sideswipe could push himself.
Fortunately for him, there wasn't much communication that night other than routine patrols reporting in nothing but all-clears and requesting entrance to the Ark. Gradually the monotony of the job, normally driving him to insanity, began to calm him down. By the time 2200 hours rolled around he had been on duty for a little over a megacycle and his processor wasn't so convinced of his imminent deactivation. Stupid Prowl couldn't take a joke. What had crawled up his tailpipe and died anyway? Besides, the prank had backfired in disastrous proportions, so what was he so mad about?
Sideswipe could almost convince himself that all this worrying was for nothing.
Then 2210 rolled around, and with it, the warrior's favorite Datsun.
"Where is Bumblebee?" the tactician asked, looking as relaxed as ever as he approached Sideswipe's console. No trace of anger was on him. Perhaps it really had all blown over. "Why isn't he at his post?"
"I offered to take over his duty for the night," Sideswipe offered in as cheerful and helpful a tone as he could produce. "It's not like I have anything better to do."
"Like recharging?" Prowl frowned disapprovingly. "Are you so intent on becoming useless during your own shift because you are restless now? I would have thought that our discussion would have had more of an impact on you. I see I was mistaken."
Beside him in the next console, Trailbreaker hid a smile. Nothing against the red prankster, but it really was rather amusing to see him get put in his place by the Vice Commander. Very few could shoot down Sideswipe quite as effectively as their Second Officer.
What? Sideswipe was sure that Prowl would have appreciated his extra effort. What had he done wrong now?
"As Bumblebee is no doubt making good use of his sudden leave, which I did not authorize, you may patch this memo up to the Cybertronian Autobot War Academy for me." He summoned a datapad from subspace and handed it over. "If you receive a response before the shift is over, notify me immediately." With that done, he turned and walked away to… whatever he was up to lately.
Didn't that Datsun ever recharge?
"Yes, Prowl," Sideswipe sighed looking over the datapad. His optics went wide as he scanned its contents.
It was a request that the Academy contact the Ark when the next 10th Levels' tournament was being held. Every few months or so the senior class of the Academy, the 10th Levels, would host a tournament for any squadron commander to come see. If a bot was hired out of the Academy because of a job well done, it was considered a great honor. Most of these bots were given better, more skilled jobs rather than the main cadet graduates.
But Commanders and their Vices only went to one of these tournaments if they were looking for a special kind of bot to help fill their ranks. When Sideswipe and his brother were in the Academy, there were many such tournaments held. Especially when Optimus' Prime unit was first being put together. It's how Prowl and Jazz were hired and, through the years, how the twins and so many others were hired as well.
If Prowl was sending this request in, it meant that he had a possible opening in the ranks.
It meant that it had Prime's authorization.
It meant he was in some deep slag now.
Nevertheless he couldn't disobey a direct order or he might as well start packing for Salis III now.
Sideswipe wrote up the memo and sent it along in scrambled coding for the school to receive. It didn't say how many openings Prowl wanted filled, only that he wanted the information on the next tournament. Perhaps it wasn't only Sideswipe who might be reassigned. Maybe Sunstreaker would come too. Prowl wouldn't dare split them up, would he? No, of course he wouldn't. He understood the twins to a certain extent, and he understood that where one brother went, the other would go too. If he got rid of Sideswipe, he'd have to lose Sunny too. Was Prowl so willing to make that sacrifice? Was what Sideswipe did so terrible that it was worth losing one of the Ark's best frontline teams?
He couldn't help but begin his worrying anew once the letter was sent. Rumors were starting to crop up too. He knew that news traveled quickly here, but so fast? By 2300 hours, people were starting to whisper to one another.
The red warrior tried to ignore Bluestreak and Hound muttering to each other half a room away. He couldn't hear the words, but by Blue's surprised look, it seemed the tracker had just given away some new gossip.
Was it about him?
Did they know anything new?
Did he honestly want to know if they knew anything new?
How much did they know?
Wait, why was Cliffjumper laughing to himself at his console?
Everywhere he could feel optics on him. Hear stage whispers too loud to be discreet and too soft to be understood.
If Sideswipe were human, he would have gone into a cold sweat in no time. His hands started shaking and his voice wavered more and more each time he answered the comm. He couldn't believe this was happening to him. He, who had gotten himself out of every sort of tight spot known to mech and man alike. Why not just deactivate him and be done with it?
A golden hand clamped down on his shoulder just as the tenseness of the situation was about to break the smooth-talking Lamborghini. He barely bit back a cry of surprise as he recognized his brother's presence behind him. Sunny! If anyone could make it all better it was his great psychopath of a twin!
"What's up, bro?" he asked the golden warrior in a tight voice.
"Um… nothing." Sunstreaker noticed his brother's unusual behavior but decided not to comment just yet. "Just wanted to see what you were up to."
"Oh nothing big," Sideswipe gave a nervous sound that seemed almost like a giggle but not quite.
Had his brother lost his mind in the few short hours they were apart? And why on Cybertron was he pulling extra duty?
"So what's the latest gossip?" Sideswipe asked as nonchalantly as possible, however it was obvious to anyone with audios and optics that he was desperate for some news. His left leg started vibrating under the counter
"What, you don't know?" the other said matter-of-factly. "It's all over the whole base."
"Good news travels fast, huh?" The red warrior slumped down in his chair, deflating entirely. The tenseness was gone. "Is it definite?" He had to know. He just had to.
Shrugging as though he didn't care either way, the yellow twin nodded. "All but official."
So that was it then. His life as he knew it was over. But perhaps…
"And you're going, right?" he perked up slightly. As long as he had Sunny, he could face whatever terrible place they sent him to.
To his shock, Sunstreaker sniggered. "Who, me? I don't think so."
"Why not? Are you serious! B-but you have to go!"
"Eh, we'll see. Geez, don't get your tailpipe in a knot," Sunstreaker eyed his brother curiously. Why did this mean so much to him anyway? If he didn't want to go, then he didn't have to go. "Hey, I'm going to get some energon and head off to recharge. Want any?"
"No," the red one grumbled, looking very much like a fledgling having a tantrum. An ugly scowl across his face and arms crossed, it was a wonder Sideswipe hadn't reverted to full 'pout-mode' yet, though Sunstreaker could guess it wasn't far off. But what his twin was actually moping about, only Primus knew.
Shrugging, the yellow brother left. He was firmly convinced the other had lost his damned mind. It sure had taken long enough to complete the process. The best thing for everyone was for Sideswipe to have his little temper tantrum and get it over with so life could go on as normal.
Or as normal as things could get around this crazy-bin.
Muttering angrily to himself, the aforementioned loon checked the different frequencies again for any wayward messages. Every time one came in, his spark missed a beat. What if the Academy had responded already? What if there really was a tournament coming up, letting Prowl make his replacement? Yet every time, it was some other message, some other person. He took a deep breath and tried to relax as best as he could, the low whispers around him feeling like they were coming from inside his head rather than outside.
OoOoOo
Prowl finally took pity on the red warrior during the middle of his sentry duty the next day. Sideswipe was a nervous wreck, optics wide and supposedly alert, but his optics glazed over. A tight smile was frozen on his face and he walked with jerky movements, so unlike his usual graceful manner. If the 2IC had let it go on much longer he had no doubt Sideswipe would have been unable to take the strain. The result of this being the warrior would either go for his Vice or himself.
And Prowl did not feel like explaining why he had been attacked by an insane Lamborghini.
As he approached the melee fighter, he double checked his defense. No, he was sure, he had broken no rules. Skirted around them, definitely. Bent them, probably. The game was still on if Sideswipe was up for it. Of course, if the younger mech decided to forfeit…
Seeing Prowl coming up to him, Sideswipe immediately assumed the worst. This was it. He was a goner. Goodbye Earth, hello Hell.
"Sideswipe," Prowl called him over gently away from his brother.
Giving a worried look at his brother, the red twin joined his Vice some distance away where they would not be overheard.
"So when do I leave?" he asked in a monotone, exhaustion finally overriding the paranoid adrenaline trip he'd been on all night and day.
"Leave? I do not understand," Prowl responded in a surprised voice. "Why would you be going anywhere?"
"Cause you're transferring me," the Lambo responded, a surly expression on his handsome face. Why drag it out any longer?
"I assure you that you are not being transferred. Wherever did you get such an idea?"
Sideswipe narrowed his optics at the innocent look on the other's face. "But you said…
"I said that if you did not attempt to reign in your careless ways, transfer was an option. But you are one of our best frontline warriors."
"But…" the red warrior saw a glint of mischievousness in the black and white's optics and knew he'd been had. "You… you…"
"You," echoed Prowl, "assume far too much, Sideswipe. I told you your prank would not be forgotten. And it wasn't."
"What about the tournament?"
"Jazz suggested a while back that we obtain more espionage specialists. I was simply asking the Academy if they had any tournaments where we might come see possible new recruits."
"And the rumors? Everyone whispering around how I was getting booted out?" Sideswipe stood to his full height, forgetting that Prowl was no more intimidated by him than by Bumblebee. "Slightly unprofessional, doncha think?"
"Once again, my friend, you simply assumed the whispering was about you." He was a conceited little terror, wasn't he? Thinking everything was about him. "Spike and Carly have just informed us that they set the date for their wedding. Naturally word traveled fast and that is what everyone was discussing."
Suddenly it all clicked into place in Sideswipe's mind. So all this time…
Seeing the knowing shine in his Vice's optics, he knew without a doubt that he'd just spent the greater part of 24 megacycles looking like the biggest slagger this side of Cybertron. And it was all Prowl's doing. He'd walked right into the trap of his own making and he'd walked into it with optics fully activated.
Well on the bright side, if there was one, when Sunny had been so nonchalant about 'not going,' he actually hadn't been talking about his twin behind. He should have known that despite what he might say, Sunstreaker would never take their separation so lightly. If Sideswipe wasn't worried about being murdered in his sleep, he might have even been tempted to hug him.
But first thing's first. He had a score to settle and this time he wouldn't mess it up. He stared defiantly at the serene tactician, showing he was not cowed or beaten.
Giving an acknowledging half-bow to his competitor, Prowl smiled gently. "The next move," he purred, "is yours."
End Part Four
A/N: There are three possible reasons why I don't like this chapter. One: It's just plain terrible. Two: I've been working with it waaaaay too long. Three: It's just not funny. I think it may be a combination of all of them. However the verdict is yours, my friends, not mine. Fortunately : ) I just had to put that out there. The next chapter will be not as long, but much funnier I promise. Once again, I'm terribly sorry for the wait.
A/N2: If anyone is curious about the title, here's a little tale. Tirya was reeeal bored one day and put on the song 'She Thinks My Tractor's Sexy.' In her half-asleep daze, she decided to put in 'Datsun' instead of 'Tractor.' Add that with the little hidden jibe about strange Prowl-fangirls (Chibi-Prowl excluded of course ; ) ) and you have a very fun title for a chapter!
Reviews!
Chibi-Prowl: Lol, you don't say…
Mariashadow: Thank you so much : ) I know it wasn't very quick, but I hope you still approve.
TruebornChaos: Well, it's a good thing you're not a transformer then : ) Thanks, that means a lot! Prowl is very tough to keep in character when one is doing something like this. Yay, I'm glad you liked some of the lines in there, my inner cynic demanded I put something half-way decent in there. Lol, that probably is how Prowl convinced the Dinobots to help! Yup, Omega will be in here. Geez, between my little depressing trio and this, Sideswipe is really getting abused, isn't he? The more I pick on a character, the more I like them. That's my story and I'm sticking to it!
Nephthys Snape: I guess he was feeling gracious that day… or, more likely, he realized that if he beat his brother to a pulp, he'd have to do all the lifting on his own. Well, he IS a vain ass. He's just a lovable sunshiney vain ass. Aw, I have a soft spot for ol' Tracks. I'm glad you were cheered up because of it! That means I did my job! Yay!
Jess: Well I decided the first time that a purring Prowl is a fun Prowl! Oh pissy Sunstreaker… Thanks, I hope you keep having fun with it!
Hika: Oh good. The Ti doesn't respond well to pressure. The Ti is dangerous when under pressure. She goes to pieces so fast, people get hit by the shrapnel! Knowing him, it was just an hour or two of musing. I wish I had a brain like that; life would be so much easier. That's ok, I feel bad when I run out of things to say in a response.
Uftaki: He's OCD like that, isn't he? I can see that too. Yeah, getting the Dinobots' help would definitely be a trick. Well, the stats say Sunny is an artist, who knows that he wasn't a poet too on the side? ; ) Well, it'll be over in… 3 chapters, so you'll just have to wait and see, woncha? LMAO, I love the David Kaye mastercard thing. It's so true! Thanks for the links, they were a big help!
Draange: Thanks : ) Oh, me too, I'm so mad I didn't get to go and see it for myself! But I do have the duck and that's what counts.
Tiamat1972: Well, brilliant and original isn't exactly what I'd call his latest one, but he's trying, the poor dear. Glad to have converted you to the side that loves Prowl.
PuraJazzBot: Lol, well he IS the 2IC, of course he's brilliant. Oh you just wait until Ratchet gets involved. No more 'daddy' then… Thanks! So… HunterBlues asked me to verify with you that she was, in fact, the biggest Prowl fan ever? ; )
Purple Aussie: Am I really: ) No! No dying! Not ok! Well I don't know about gold… maybe lead? Oh he definitely does alright! I'm glad you liked it and I hope you liked this one too.
Straya: Lol, well don't hurt yourself! Then where would I be? I firmly do believe that Ratchet really is a big softie… deep deep inside that is. Like… wicked deep. Apologize to your neighbors for me, and please write some more of your 'second chances' sequel. : ) And more artwork too please!
Cobalt Pop Maxwell: I'm glad you liked it. That actually happened to me once, and I didn't have the luxury of someone with magnetic powers. Oy!
HunterBlues: That's ok, don't worry about it. Thank you for your review, I'm so happy you think I did a decent job with the characters.
Blazer-6: Thanks! You'll just have to wait and see then, won't you? ; )
Kim: Ok! I actually thought using that before… you'll just have to wait and see if I do it.
Flyby Stardancer: Lol, thanks a lot!
Uniswift87: Lmao I love you too XD
Keiko Aosaki: Thanks, I liked that part too. Poor Sides… Least likely, sure, but absolutely deadly when he does, neh?
Crazyprowlperson: lol, thanks a lot! I hope you enjoyed this one too.