(A/N: I'm back! Sorry for the long wait. I actually had this written over a week ago on my phone but I didn't have my laptop on holiday with me. I'm about halfway into writing the next chapter now. This is the last chapter of the Ayato and Touka storyline. It lasted 3 chapters I guess, and now we're moving on to another one! This will probably only last a chapter or two like most of them, since there's not much I can do with them. This is also quite long for me.

Please remember to review and PM me if you have any ideas.

Disclaimer: I do not own Death Note, Tokyo Ghoul or any of the characters)

~Chapter Four~

DN x TG fanfic 4

"So," Ayato took a sip of the stupidly weak beer Touka had bought him, then crossed his arms on the cafe table and dropped his head on them, "Tell me more about this group therapy shit."

"I haven't been told much either you know," she replied, "It was for 'Self destructive behaviour' apparently."

"Whyy?" Ayato groaned, turning his head to the side slightly to glare at his twin with one eye open, "I am not self destructive."

"Haha! Bullshit!" Touka mocked, "Ayato, you drink and smoke so much that you're damaging your health by puking every few days. That's pretty self destructive."

"Tsk. Fuck off." he laid his head back in his arms, refusing to look at her.

"You're getting this help because you need it."

It went silent. Around 5 minutes later, Touka noticed that Ayato was shaking, and a few muffled sobs came along with that. Was he crying?

"Ayato?" She was concerned, to say the least. Pulling his head up by his hair, she noticed how his eyes were red and there was a large wet patch on his sleeves. He continued look down at his arms, not once looking up as tears fell uncontrollably down his face. "You okay?"

"Do I fucking look okay to you?" he spat, yanking his hair from her now loose grip.

"No. I guess not."

"Thank you." Ayato dropped his head back into his arms, and continued crying.

"Ayato, seriously." She was worried. The way Touka had always seen it, Ayato was strong. That facade had undoubtedly faded over the past few months though, "What's up?"

"I just," he raised his head and looked up at her for the first time in a while, wiping his eyes dry with the wet sleeves. Touka noted how his eyes were filled with nothing but pain and desperation. He struggled to speak.

"Just what?"

"I just, I just can't fucking do this! Seriously," Ayato's hand flew to his forehead, holding his headache and covering the shame on his face.

"It's alright," Touka tried to calm him, "It was always going to be hard, but you just need to calm-"

"Calm down? You want me to fucking calm down? Nah, fuck this shit okay? I can't do it I swear I can't do it please just stop this, stop everything, the pain, the withdrawals. I can't do it I just can't do this anymore."

"Ayato it's okay."

"Tch, easy for you to say," he snapped, more desperate tears came as he tried to slow his breathing, "It's always been okay for you. Dad loved you. You always did well in school, had good friends, did good things, and even when he died, you still did the right thing, you've still got good friends. What did I ever fucking do? Get shitty dumbass friends like Light and Gevanni, get smashed every night to the point where I'm struggling to fucking go 6 hours without a fucking drink or smoke! I'm a fucking failure. I don't want to get better. I can't get better. Fuck it. I'm gonna be honest here. All I wanna do is go home, get completely shit faced and throw it up. You wanna know why, Touka? It's because I deserve all this shit. All my life I've been nothing but a fucking waste of space. I can't do this!"

Touka was speechless, and his head was back down on table. How was she supposed to respond to that?

Maybe he was right, maybe he couldn't do it.

"Yes" she finally spoke after 10 minutes of painful silence. "You can do this."

"No I can't" he groaned, his breathing shallow now.

"Yes you can, you just have to try."

"No I can't."

"Yes you can."

"No I can't!"

"Ayato, trust me, you can."

"No-"

"Yes, you can."

Ayato was silent for a second, his breathing heavy, his head shot up and he quickly stood up, "I'm gonna be sick."

Touka watched him hastily proceed to the toilets at the back on the diner. About 5 minutes later, he stumbled wearily out of the room, slumping back into his chair looking pale and flushed.

"I don't think this is normal."

"Yes it is" he moaned, head once again falling into his arms, "It's called withdrawal, and it's a bitch."

"If you say so..."

...

"Welcome back Touka" Near greeted, his tone duller than it had been earlier.

"Hey Near." She said, walking over to the desk and Ayato dropped into one of the chairs. "Can he join them yet?"

"Almost. Their session started at 3, but I said it would be easier for Ayato to join in about an hour later. It's just a case of the fact that the first hour is just paper work and explaining how it will work. But if Ayato wasn't up for it, he didn't have to."

"Right. I'll wait till they're ready."

Before Near could reply, an email came through on his computer, "Ah, no need, Yomo is ready."

Touka nodded and walked over to Ayato, "They're ready for you. You gonna be okay?"

"I sincerely hope so." he replied nervously, getting up and heading to the room labelled 'Group Therapy Sessions.'

...

"We are expecting another participant shortly," Yomo told the two young adults, "His name is Ayato Kirishima. I know this first hour has been boring but it was required. Once he arrives, we will begin."

"But how come he didn't have to sit through the boring stuff and we had to?" Juuzou whined, playing with the stitches on his left arm.

"He hasn't been well this morning, but we are all here together now, getting the help needed." Yomo informed them.

"What's this guys problem?" Uta asked.

"I'm not on the position to tell you, but once he comes in, you should find out."

Before Juuzou or Uta had time to protest more, there was a quiet and hesitant knock on the door. The two of them look outside the door window to see an indigo haired teen, at most 16, lingering behind the door nervously, arms crossed. Yomo stood up and approached the door, opening it and welcoming Ayato.

"Sit down Ayato" Yomo gestures towards the chair situated to the left of Juuzou on the end, "We may began."

Ayato only nodded and then slowly sat himself down next to a guy (or girl?... he couldn't quite tell) who had shoulder length bleached hair, stitches covering one arm and a sleeve covering the other, and a bow tie. He looked about 16, a year younger than himself.

He briefly glanced over to the guy to the right of Juuzou, trying to reassure his mind that he was not in an insane asylum. This guy was dressed in black jeans with a black hoodie hanging off of his shoulders. He was covered in tattoos and piercings, with black hair half shaved and swept to the side. He had quite the look.

"Now" Yomo started, interrupting Ayato's chain of thoughts. "The best way to start this is to each explain why we are here. This is without any prompt, so I want to understand how much you three understand about yourselves. Uta," he gestured to Uta on the end, "begin for us."

"Certainly" the black haired teen replied. His voice was soft. "My name is Uta, I'm 18. I dropped out of school when I was 16 because I didn't like it. I went into work straight away, as my parents kicked me out once they found out I'd been using crack. Ever since then I'd been living in a shitty flat getting high off everything under the sun. I got sent to a crappy rehab centre, and now here because I'm supposed to get help." he paused, staring blankly up at the ceiling, "That's it, I guess."

The whole time Yomo had been scribbling notes onto a clipboard, listening and observing intently to every word Uta had spoken. At least he's better than Matsuda... Ayato thought to himself, then smirked inwardly.

"Thank you, Uta. Now Juuzou, if you may."

"Sure sure Renji!" he cheered, and Ayato struggled to tell if it was discreet sarcasm or not, "Ma names Juuzou Suzuya, I'm 16 and I moved here from Orlando about 3 months ago. I was supposed to go to 'Wammy's High' buuuttttttt apparently my behaviour was... Dangerous. My mum tried sending me to therapy after I'd attempted suicide twice. They tried to blame it on my psychosis, but I just thought it was my time to go. Anyway, as you can see, I got a little thing for the whole 'self mutilation' business, sooo I guess that's why I'm here. But I don't need help, I've just gotta make mama happy."

"Thank you."

Ayato sat quietly, shaking again. He failed to listen to most of Juuzou's story, as the nerves of having to explain his "problems" to a bunch of strangers was catching up.

All he picked out was "Wammys High", "dangerous behaviours" and "self mutilation."

Enough to draw a conclusion from he thought, gazing at the floor trying to make the world just stop.

"Ayato, I believe it's your turn," Yomo faced him expectantly, pen ready on the clipboard.

"I- I- uh" he stuttered. How the hell was he supposed to start this?

"Ayato, just breathe," Yomo tried to calm him, "Relax. I know this is hard for you, and I know you're not feeling too great, but the others did it so you need to as well. Start with the basics."

"O-ok" Ayato gulped, then a wave of nausea hit him, making him wrap an arm around his torso, "But- uh, c-can you excuse me f-for a m-minute first?"

Yomo knew what was going on, "Of course," he stood up quickly and opened the door, "Bathrooms just slightly down the hall on the right, you gonna make it?"

Ayato could only nod slightly before leaping out of his seat and running down the corridor.

"What was that about?" Juuzou asked curiously, tugging at his stitches again.

"I don't want to tell you much, but he is currently going through some pretty strong withdrawal."

"Should I go help him?" Uta proposed, "I only know too much about withdrawal."

"If you insist," Yomo waved him off, and he got up and left.

...

Ayato had barely reached the bathroom before doubling over on the floor and retching through the hand placed over his mouth.

"M-must... get... to... ughh" he panted, trying to react the toilet in time. Unfortunately, he didn't make it, and emptied the acid from his stomach all over the floor.

Once he was halfway done, he distantly felt somebodies delicate fingers pull his hair from his face. Only when he was done heaving did Ayato turn his head slightly to see Uta crouched down behind him.

"Thank you" he whispered, collapsing side ways onto the bathroom floor, narrowly missing his own vomit.

"No problem." Uta replied calmly, rubbing the others back, "I can't tell what you're addicted to, but whatever it is, you must be in pretty deep. This is harsh withdrawal. Do you mind telling me."

"A-alcohol."

"Anything else? You're shaking a lot."

"Well," he panted, sitting up, "I smoke cigarettes, like, a lot, and I've only had one today, so that just making me feel even shittier."

"I see" Uta paused, "I feel like you can explain to Yomo and Juuzou everything you just told me. Yomo won't judge, and Juuzou is more broken than he appears."

"Alright," Ayato sighed, standing up and glancing sheepishly at the puddle of puke on the floor, "uh... is somebody gonna clean that up?"

"Don't worry about it."

...

Uta helped Ayato struggle back to the therapy room, and eventually they were seated again, this time Uta in the middle.

"Okay, Ayato, are you ready to explain why you're here yet?" Yomo asked expectantly.

Ayato took a deep breath, "I think so," he briefly glanced at Uta who nodded at him before looking the floor. "Uh, my twin sister, Touka sent me here." he struggled to speak after that.

"Why?" Yomo questioned again, "What made her send you here?"

"Um, I... Apparently I have a problem with, uh... well, about 3 years ago, our dad passed away, along with mom in a car accident. Our uncle got legal custody over us, but, um... we uh, lived alone. We we're only 14 at the time, but social services didn't do anything. We had to move schools, start work, and I started to, um, well..." he paused, a quiet sob escaping his throat as a tear fell out of pure agony and desperation. Uta squeezed his hand lightly, and Juuzou watched intently, "... I uh, I started to drink... a lot. I don't know why. My friends were the same. We didn't care anymore. I felt like nothing... I..." More tears fell, "I just wanted to be dead. When I was about 15 I started smoking a lot too, maybe a couple of packs a day, I don't know. Everything got worse from there. Um, at first I- I just drank to stay happy, and Touka was only a bit worried. Then I found that I was addicted before I was 16, and I couldn't stop. I- I... I feel I can't stop," he sniffed, staring at his feet still. Tears filled his eyes more than before, "I miss dad, and mom. I've just been ruining Touka's life too. But... I can't stop."

"Thank you for sharing that with us" Yomo said unemotionally. Uta squeezed his had in reassurance once again, and smiled when he peeked up at him, Ayato then glanced at Juuzou, who was staring at his clothed wrist, feeling sorry for everything.

...

"Ayato!" Touka exclaimed when he walked out of the group therapy room. He smiled at her, then accepted the hug she offered, "you okay?"

"Yeh" he breathed a sigh of relief, "Thank you."

"Woah, why are you thanking me?"

"I can do this."

Touka hugged him tighter, then winked at Near. He looked happy; glad like she was. She mouthed a 'thank you' to him, and he gave a slight smile in response.

"So," Touka said, sitting on the bench outside next to him, "What we the other members like?"

Ayato rummaged through his trouser pocket, fishing his box of cigarettes out, "Well," he replied, lighting up and taking in the much needed nicotine. He breathed out the smoke, his headache minimising, "Juuzou is weird. He self harms a shit ton and apparently doesn't need help. Uta is an ex druggie who was helpful to me when I uh..."

"What did you do?"

"... Puked all over the bathroom floor."

"Again?"

"Yup." he sighed, smoke trailing from pursed lips, "Nishiki can move back in if he wants."

"Thank you. So withdrawal is gonna last a while?"

"Yeh... I guess." he replied, looking at the ground, "I just gotta try not to relapse, which is gonna be hard, since all I wonna do right now is get pissed... But... I can do this."

Touka smiled, then looked up at Near who was leaving, a white rucksack flung loosely over his shoulder. "Bye Near, see you at school."

He waved goodbye, the turned off down the street to go home.

Ayato had got help, and he was going to get better. Touka was happy.

...

Near fumbled with his keys as he opened the front door. It was dinner time at the orphanage, so everything was empty.

Without thinking, Near trailed up the stairs to his and Matt's shared room. He heard a voice coming from the room, and froze when it became clearer.

"Ngh... uhh... Matt... h-harder"

What the fuck? Was Matt getting laid?

It hit Near like a rock when he realised whose voice that was.

It was Mello.