Disclaimer: Guess what! It's not mine!

A/N: Chapter title and lyrics by Karen Ann.

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Chapter 4: I'm Not Going Anywhere

Xxx

People come and go and walk away

But I'm not going anywhere, I'm not going anywhere…

xxx

She doesn't sleep. She tosses and turns all night until sunrise, when she finally drags herself out of bed takes a shower. She doesn't dare go to the CBI in case he's there so she gets out her laptop and attempts to do some work from home.

He kissed her. As in actual lip to lip contact.

She should've slapped him. Or kicked him in the balls. She should've done anything but kiss him back. He should not have done that, crossed that line.

(But, damn, she wishes he'd do it again.)

She cannot be with Patrick Jane. Rules and regulations of the CBI aside, they are absolutely, 100% wrong for each other. Oil and water, they do not mix. Opposites. She's a cop, serious and obedient and by-the-book. And he's…he's Jane.

She wishes briefly that she had friends to talk to, who could tell her what the hell she's supposed to do now. She wishes her mother were still alive and she could call her and ask advice. She's not close to her brothers and all of her friends are work colleagues. The closet thing she has to a girl friend is van Pelt and she's definitely not calling her.

It's a shame really, because it was the kind of kiss you brag to your friends about. She hates to be a cliché but it really was a fairy-tale first kiss. The kind that makes you dizzy and weak in the knees (passionate, sexy, intoxicating) and she sort of wishes she could tell someone about it.

Since she can't, she opens a new document on her laptop and makes a list of reasons why she and Jane are all wrong for each other. She goes on and on about his negative qualities in an attempt to convince herself that he's really just a jackass who happens to be a phenomenal kisser.

It doesn't work and she has to resist the urge to counteract the negativity with all of the things she likes (loves) about him.

When she's done, she saves it under password (armadillo—her mother's favorite animal) in case Jane ever gets his hands on her laptop and decides to go snooping. Once that's accomplished, she throws on her workout clothes and goes for a run. It's something that usual helps her clear her head.

Not today. All she can think about is Patrick Jane and his (unbelievable) kisses. She hurries home and takes a cold shower after which she stretches out on her couch and finally falls asleep.

And dreams about Jane, of course. The dreams are not G-rated, to say the least. Time for another cold shower.

Xxx

She isn't all that surprised when he shows up that evening. She's kind of been expecting him. Still, she attempts to play dumb.

"What are you doing here?"

He crosses his arms. "Don't you think we should talk?" he asks. She sighs.

"Yes. I suppose." She's having trouble knowing where to look. Every time she glances at his face, her eyes are drawn to his lips. Keeping her gaze on the floor, she leads the way to the living room.

"You know," he says, "it'd help if you looked at me."

Blushing, she struggles to meet his gaze. He beams.

"Better. So. Last night. I kissed you and then you ran away."

She nods. "I was there, Jane," she says wryly. "I remember."

"You kissed me back," he adds. "So I know it wasn't because you didn't want it." He reaches for her hand but she yanks it away.

"Please don't," she begs. "We can't do this." As much as we might want to.

"You won't even consider it?" he asks.

She shakes her head. She can't consider it.

"Are you really not interested? Do you honestly not feel that way?"

"You know I do," she says quietly.

He reaches for her hand again and this time she lets him. "Why, then?" he asks.

"Well, there are rules, for one thing. The CBI won't allow it." She grabs onto the most logical thing, the one that makes the most sense and won't make her look like a fool. (You're still in love with your first wife and I can't compete with that doesn't really bode well.)

"I'll quit," he says simply. He rests his free hand on her leg. (Oh my God…)

"I can't let you do that," she manages to say. She's having trouble concentrating thanks to his hand placement. She removes it carefully but deliberately. He frowns.

"Why not?" he asks.

She pulls her hand from his and slides away from him. She can't have this conversation with him touching her.

"Do you know why van Pelt broke up with Rigsby?" she asks. She knows it sounds like a complete non-sequitur but she can't think of any other argument to throw at him.

"She didn't want him to resent her someday for making him transfer," Jane says. At her surprised look, he grins slightly. "Rigsby told me."

"Same principle applies," she tells him. "You want to catch Red John. You live for it. And working with us is basically your only chance to do it."

"True," he agrees. He seems to see where she's going with this. "Damn you, woman," he sighs.

She shrugs apologetically. "I know you," she says softly. There are a thousand other reasons why they can't be together but he seems to be accepting this one.

"Are you sure?" he asks. "Because I could try…"

"I'm sure," she says without hesitating. He takes her hand yet again, his gaze sorrowful.

"Does that mean we can leave it at maybe someday?"

She nods without meaning to. "Maybe someday," she agrees. "But not now."

He leans forward and kisses her forehead lightly. "You really are an amazing woman," he says.

She blushes slightly and he laughs.

"Do you want me to go now?" he asks. She nods. She can't trust herself to be around him just now. Not with that kiss still fresh in her mind.

"Yeah, I think so," she says. "I'll see you Monday, okay?"

"Okay."

She stands up to see him to the door. He pauses before stepping out, catching her hand in his.

"I'm still here for you. You know that, right?"

"Yes. I trust you." (Except with my heart; I can't do that…not yet.)

He beams. "Good." He lifts her hand and kisses the back of it. "Goodnight, Lisbon."

She manages a smile as he backs away. "Night, Jane."

Once he's gone, she sags against the closed door, raking her fingers through her hair. After taking a few moments to gather herself, she strides to her DVD case to pick out a movie—something decidedly unromantic.

Still, as she watches the opening credits, her mind begins to drift.

Maybe someday…

Xxx

A/N 2: I know this one was a little shorter. Might be a few days before the next update.