Chapter Four:
He closed the phone and stepped back into the room taking his place once again. It felt good to hold her. She whimpered slightly and he pulled her closer. He closed his eyes and tried to sleep. Hours passed and he woke to find her still curled up next to him. He gently pulled himself out of her grasp and called room service.
When the food arrived, he set it on the table in the room and gently woke her. She seemed startled at first as she reached for him but once finding an empty bed she rose quickly. He took her hand and kissed the palm.
"I'm sorry. You need to eat," he said.
They sat across from one another as they ate. Little was said as she picked at the food.
"Don't like it?" he asked.
"No, it's good."
"You're not eating," he pointed out.
She ate taking a few bites now and then.
He felt better when he saw the food slowly disappear.
"The burial is in the morning," he said quietly.
She nodded.
"I thought I would book us a flight back afterwards," he said.
She stared at him.
"If you want to stay another day…"
"You should go back," she said.
He felt a bit uneasy.
"I can stay…"
"It wouldn't look right…us both on the same flight…arriving at the same time. You've risked enough coming here," she said.
"Sara…"
"I need to do some things," she said.
"I'll stay and help," he offered.
She shook her head.
The uneasiness grew momentum.
"Want to tell me why?"
Their eyes locked.
"I appreciate what you did…you didn't have to…I'm glad you did but I'm going to be fine. I can finish this. You could fly back this evening or in the morning…you don't have to come to the burial…"
"I'm not leaving. I want to be with you," he blurted out rather loudly.
A small smile appeared on her face but soon disappeared.
"You don't have to feel obligated just because we…" she stopped. They had not mentioned that night. She suddenly felt very vulnerable. It had not been a mistake to her. It had been everything she ever wanted. She just had not been prepared for his feelings of regret. She stood now unsure on what to do. The room now seemed very small and there was no place to hide. She knew she was a mess. Her mother's death had hurt her more than she was willing to accept and yet she felt the loss of their relationship even more. She had not given herself time to grieve over that. It was done. It was finished before it even began and she would have to accept that. He was being a gentleman and helping a friend in need.
Find someone gentle and kind…
Be happy…
She didn't think that was possible anymore.
She felt his arms around her now and she told herself to not let herself fall apart again.
He had to be tired of seeing her so weak.
She knew it was not what he liked.
He was attracted to strong and beautiful women…like Lady Heather.
She was neither.
She felt very weak and plain.
He turned her around still holding her as he dipped down and kissed her. She had not meant to react. She had meant to return the thoughtful kiss, much like she did with the guys. There was nothing behind the kiss she was sure but then his tongue darted out and she opened her mouth and he was there inside her. Her tongue entwined with his and she was gasping for air as he plunged deeper and deeper.
She could not seem to stop herself when she tugged on his shirt sending it to the floor along with her blouse and then the bottoms and then there was nothing between them. She felt her body being lowered to the bed and let herself relax soaking in the warmth radiating from his body as it positioned itself mere inches from hers.
She could feel his body hovering about hers and the intensity sent chills down her back. She wanted him inside her. She wrapped her legs around his waist and he plunged deeply causing her to arch her body toward him as he continued his assault again and again until they climaxed. It was the wetness on her cheeks that caused him alarm. He was not prepared for that reaction.
"I'm sorry," he said quickly. "I shouldn't have…"
"Not your fault…mine. I just needed this….so sorry," she managed to get out as she pulled away from him.
He felt helpless.
He had hurt her.
He felt as if he had taken advantage of her situation to pleasure himself.
He cursed inwardly.
"Sara, I never meant…"
She knew that.
He was just a man.
She had practically offered herself to him and he had done what any man would have and taken her. They had pleasured each other. There was no doubt about that. The sex had been great. It was not sex she sought. She wanted love and inwardly she knew she had just made love to him even if it was just sex to him.
"I think I've made a mess of our relationship," he said.
The words cut like a knife.
She swallowed the emotions threatening to erupt.
"No…you didn't. My fault…you were just trying to help me…you should go," she said. "You don't have to stay."
He didn't want to leave.
He wanted to be there with her.
He wanted to comfort her.
He wanted to hold her and tell her everything was going to be okay.
He wanted to make love to her again.
"Sara…"
"I'll be at work in…three days," she said. "I'll try to make it up to the team…work doubles…"
"I'm staying."
She wasn't sure if she was relieved or upset but she felt herself nodding.
He was sure he was relieved.
"What do you need me to do?" he asked.
"Do?"
"You said you had some things to do before you could leave. What is it?"
She didn't want to tell him.
She didn't want to stand there and tell him her mother not only killed the only father she had ever known but she had cheated on him and her father was out there somewhere. She only had a first name and it was Andy. There was the matter of the picture but it had been taken over thirty two years ago. Her mother had tried to locate him but had come up empty handed.
The possibility that she would be able to find him was highly improbable but she found herself needing to try. She wanted to see if the diner still existed and sit there where they had sat. She wanted to walk the same blocks and sit in the same park. She wasn't sure why but she needed this.
She turned now and he was watching her. She licked her lips trying to find the words but couldn't.
"Okay," he said. "Can I tag along…no questions asked?"
She could do that.
They took a walk around the hotel and it felt good to get out for awhile. They found a small coffee shop and stepped inside for awhile. Little was said between them but the uneasiness was now gone, replaced with a sense of togetherness.
It was late when they returned to the hotel room. She slipped into the bathroom to take a shower. He knew the morning was going to be rough. Once she was out, she sat there on the sofa while he showered. Her phone had been turned off since Grissom arrived. She had left it on only for him. His phone rang and she stared at it. She glanced at the caller ID and saw that it was Brass. She picked it up.
"Hey," she said softly.
"You're not Grissom but then that's even better," he said. "How are you doing Kiddo?"
"I'm good," she lied.
"No, you're not. I wish I was there," he said.
There was a silence.
"Is he treating you okay?" he asked.
"He's been very helpful…not sure I could have done it without him," she admitted.
"Good."
He felt relieved.
"You need to talk with him?" she asked. "He's uhm in the shower."
The relief disappeared.
"I was just checking on you," he said.
"Jim?"
"Yeah?"
"Thanks," she said quietly.
"Get some sleep," he said.
Grissom stepped out of the bathroom just as she closed the phone.
"Brass," she said.
"Everything okay?" he asked.
"Yes…He just called to check on me."
He smiled slightly.
She pulled back the covers and slipped into bed. He flipped off the lights and she felt the bed give when he joined her. There seemed to be a huge space between them. She rolled onto her side and curled up. He took the opportunity to roll to his side so he could look at her. Even in the darkened room he could make out her frame. He thought she had dozed off but then there was the slight shaking of the bed as she cried.
He said nothing but slid over to her side and pulled her body up next to his. His arms locked around her and he kissed her gently on the head. He could sense she was upset but he said nothing but let her mourn. His hands rubbed her arms and then slid down past her hips bringing the gown upward. His hands then touched bare skin and it settled there on her thigh. The sensation was overpowering but she remained still not wishing to start anything he would just regret in the morning.
He held her throughout the night and was relieved when she finally fell asleep. He wiped away the moisture from her cheeks and she released a slight hiccup which caused his chest to tighten. She had tried to be strong all afternoon but failed miserably. He was glad when she cried knowing that she should not hold it in like she had done so many times in the past. His friend's words echoed in his head.
He had never meant to hurt her in the past but he knew his actions had. Grissom pulled her closer to him when he heard a soft whimper. He stroked her hair as if comforting a child while he prepared himself mentally for the morning. He wasn't sure what she was planning to do once the burial was over. He only knew he did not want her out of his sight.
Note from author:
Grissom is doing just fine…sort of…at least for him any way. I know the communication issue…thanks for the reviews. I am still writing the ending while recovering from the trip. I hope to finish soon so I can tell you how many chapters. P.S. the story will not stem around the search for her father as you will soon learn…you know me and twists.
Take care,
Penny