Green Lunatics

Skarsnik sighed in frustration upon reading one of the reports that he received this day. He knew that it would be inevitable thanks to the nature of the Greenskins. That doesn't mean it was less annoying each time it happens.

Some of the goblins under him have finally gone against him. They had deserted their posts, bringing with them some of the gobslaves.

He looked at the map to find out how severe their desertion was. They were far away from major human settlement, so it was unlikely for them to alert the humans and made them send an army. Plus, the locals here considered the Greenskins to be a minor threat.

Considering how the gobslaves were, Skarsnik couldn't exactly blame them. Nevertheless, he intended to change that. All that he needed was time. Time to build his resources and armies.

Speaking about armies, he looked at another report, diverting his attention from the deserters. The first breeding barn has been established; a place where the Crooked Moon Tribe could grow a new batch of gobslaves. As for the moment though, it was not operational. There was no need to grow them when they could just be captured from their nests. Furthermore, it would be unwise to have too many slaves.

And speaking about the lads, Skarsnik once again diverted his attention to yet another report. This one was about food production. So far, there was enough food from picking berries, hunting local animals, the mushroom plantations, the boar cattle, and many other ways. But as his armies grew, so must the amount of the food.

Skarsnik thought was interrupted when he heard someone knocked on his door. After giving the permission, a pair of night goblins – his most loyal bodyguards – entered the room while escorting a blonde woman with blue eyes. From the ears, it was obvious that the woman was an elf. Her hands were busy carrying a big book, a quill, and a bottle of ink.

The King in the Mountain smiled as he approached them. The elf couldn't help but whimpered as the Warlord came closer to her.

On the way to their destination, Priestess, High Elf Archer, Dwarf Shaman, and Lizard Priest looked at Goblin Slayer with concern. While he finally managed to find a nest with the occupants haven't disappeared, there were still encounter with goblin nest being empty. And that put the slayer on stress.

As he always put it, goblins were not smart but they were also not dumb either. When they act outside of their habits, usually it was to prevent themselves from getting killed. That act could be passed down from one nest to another, making goblins more difficult to kill. Thus, it would be a good thing for the goblins who learned new thing to die before the knowledge could spread.

As such, for the last few weeks, Goblin Slayer was having stress since too many times he found the goblins acting out of their habits.

"Hey, Orcbolg, how's your condition?" High Elf Archer asked.

"Good enough to hunt goblins." Goblin Slayer answered with his usual tone.

"That is good to hear, Sir Goblin Slayer." Lizard Priest stated as his hands made their usual pose. "You lately, you show some signs of deteriorating health and it made many of us worried."

"Worry not." Goblin Slayer then added, "Also, thanks."

"That's what friends do, after all." High Elf Archer stated as she smiled.

"Friend…" Goblin Slayer muttered in response.

The elf was happy upon hearing that. He was slowly but steadily become more…normal. While he still often spoke using one word, he sometimes also added more words after a beat to make his response longer. He also tried to minimize the usage of his more brutal tactics, though High Elf Archer admitted that there were times when she agreed with the methods.

There was no way she was going to admit that. It might be her imagination but she swore that Goblin Slayer was being smug when he dropped an entire building upon them and the goblins. Which was why she kicked him off.

In any case, hopefully, this quest could make him feel better.

"Five."

The goblin was only able to scream a little before his neck met the sword. More goblins came towards them but High Elf Archer and Priestess were ready with their bow and sling respectively.

"Six, seven, eight, nine, ten…"

After many of their kin were killed, the goblins smarten up and stopped charging to certain death. They retreated deeper into the cave that was their nest, hoping to ambush the party. Goblin Slayer and Lizard Priest became the vanguard and led the rest of them.

When he saw stones flying towards them, Goblin Slayer took a step forward and shield the party from the projectiles. He only needed to watch out for few as many of the stones missed, overshot, or fell too soon.

As the stones stopped coming and the party continued their advance, Goblin Slayer was curious about the condition of the goblins in this nest. The states of the stones indicated that many of the slingers were amateurs and while that can be called common among goblins compared to other races, goblin slingers were more often than not good enough to hit their target.

"Eleven, twelve, thirteen…and that's fourteen."

There was also another thing that was equally interesting. The goblins that they fought, with the exception of slingers, were fighting with clubs and pointy sticks. And by "pointy sticks" he didn't mean a common nickname for a spear but rather a literal pointy stick. Basically, it was as if the goblins chopped branches of trees, made sticks from them, and then sharpened one of the ends.

"Fifteen. Sixteen."

So, despite most of the things were normal, there were signs that something was…tampering with the condition of the goblins. There was no archer and their weapons were even more primitive than the usual goblin weaponry. Though to be fair, their usual weapons were simply a sharp rock tied to a wooden handle. Not exactly that complicated to make.

"Eighteen. Nineteen. Twenty."

"That's supposed to be all of them, right?" Priestess asked.

"Wait." Goblin Slayer looked around, trying to find a hidden compartment where the goblin children usually were.

"I don't think there's any hidden place, Beard-Cutter." Dwarf Shaman stated as he examined the wall and the floor. "They had just arrived inside this cave, not long enough to make any extra room. As you see, they didn't even have their usual…furniture that blocked the children's room."

"I see." Goblin Slayer replied though he kept checking for a while before stopping.

"Well, with that settled, any plan for the rest of the day, Orcbolg?" High Elf Archer asked.

"There's a village nearby. The one who posted the quest." He stated. "Let's take a rest."

"Now that's a good idea coming from your mouth." She patted him at the shoulder.

"I have made several good ideas."

"Eh, from a certain point of view, I guess." High Elf Archer stated before she went towards the exit.

Goblin Slayer was confused by what she said but decided to keep it for himself and followed the elf. The other three laughed a little before following their companions into the village.

Unbeknown to them, they were followed the moment they exit the cave.

Elf Playwright didn't know what to expect when the caravan that she took a ride on was attacked by the goblins. She only knew that it wouldn't be anything good for her, both physically and mentally.

When the goblin found her hiding inside the barrel, she was immediately placed inside a cage alongside her book, quill, and a bottle of ink before being taken to gods-know-where by a chariot pulled by wolves.

In the end, she ended up in the most unexpected place; inside a big cage, her feet tied by a chain to a ball, having a chair to sit on and table for work, and was about to write an autobiography of a goblin called Skarsnik.

No amount of "what" in the world would be enough to express how awkward she found the whole situation was.

"So, I herd you're writer?" Skarsnik asked the playwright as he sat in his own chair.

"Y-Yes." Elf Playwright answered the question, stammered. "I-I'm not e-exactly famous. B-But I k-know…"

"Sav' it. Don't care." The King stated. "So, wat you fink 'bout making a life story?"

"I-I never make o-one before. B-But I-I have seen some of t-them."

Skarsnik put his hand on his chin, seemingly thinking about Elf Playwright. He stood up from his chair and approached her.

"Mak' a story 'bout yer journey to 'ere! Wiv pretty words!" He ordered.

Elf Playwright squealed a little before pulling out a paper and wrote the story. Skarsnik could see that she was nervous when writing it. He could agree with her; if she failed to satisfy him, well, Gobbla might finally have a taste of the flesh of the elf.

After she was done, Elf Playwright gave the paper to Skarsnik. He read it, word by word was inspected carefully. Slowly, the King in the Mountain smiled and finally let out a laugh.

"Good, good! Dis's what I want, a good story. Because I am going to tell you a good story." Skarsnik went towards his chair and once again took a seat. "An' I want you to take it wiv ya, and I want you to tell all da uvver 'umies, knife-ears, stunties, out dere who the biggest and meanest and bestest goblin in the world is, you got dat? And if you don't do it in pretty words den I'll come and eat your liver while you watches, got dat?"

Elf Playwright nodded her head as fast as she could as she prepared her quill for the incoming story. Skarsnik let out a breath before telling her his life story.

"Come on, Orcbolg. Just a glass. Heck, I'll pay it from my own pocket!"

"No."

Inside a tavern, the party was currently having a hearty meal. However, there was a disagreement between two of their members. Namely, Goblin Slayer prohibiting High Elf Archer from consuming any alcohol, much to the latter displeasure.

"I know, I know I can't hold my liquor. But this is time for us to rest!"

"No."

"I know long-ear could be rather difficult to handle when she's drunk but don't you think this is too much, Beard-Cutter?" Dwarf Shaman stated.

"No. I want all of us to stay sober." Goblin Slayer replied.

"Is there something wrong, Goblin Slayer, sir?" Priestess asked.

"Just a hunch but…"

Before Goblin Slayer could finish his words, a bell rang through the village. Everyone in the tavern stopped each of their activities, listening to the sounds of the bell. Suddenly, someone opened the door with his full might, face full of fear.

"Goblins! Goblins approaching the village!"

After hearing that, many people in the tavern shared the fear of the bearer of the news. The party looked at each other, nodded their heads, and went outside. They only need to run for several meters before seeing the goblins.

These goblins were different from the ones they fought earlier. They were fully covered, wearing a black robe. They were also better armed, wielding a sword on one hand and a shield in another. The existence of the shields alerted Goblin Slayer; they were the first goblins that he witnessed to be fighting with them.

High Elf Archer loosen her arrows at the goblins. Some of them fell but many used their shields to protect themselves. His fear was well-founded; these goblins knew how to use shields.

"They can use a shield. Careful!" He warned.

"Any idea how to deal with them, Sir Goblin Slayer?" Lizard Priest asked as he prepared to make a dragon-tooth warrior.

"As of now, not much." Goblin Slayer replied before looking at Priestess. "How many miracles left that you can use?"

"Just one," Priestess answered with disappointment in her tone.

"Save it." He then looked at High Elf Archer as well. "Both of you, take the high ground and provide covering fire."

"Of course!" The elf replied and turned around. "Come on! This way!"

Before Goblin Slayer could make more plan, his and others' attention was diverted by the scream of a human. They looked towards the goblins and saw several villagers tried to fight back. The goblins proofed to be more dangerous than normal goblins, wielding their sword and shield skillfully. The number was also on their side; for each goblin that blocked an attack from a villager, there was another to counterattack.

"They have strength in number. Split them up!" Goblin Slayer stated.

The three of them plus the dragon-tooth warrior approached the goblins that moved too far from their group. While they were harder to kill than normal goblins, they were still goblins and thus no match in a one-on-one fight against silver-class Adventurers.

The goblins were now giving chase to the Adventurers and warrior, who split apart and went to different directions. Just as expected, the goblins split up, making their numbers more manageable.

On the top of a building, High Elf Archer and Priestess used their bow and sling respectively to kill the goblins that chased their companions. While many of them were too focused on chasing their targets, after several fell the remaining goblins simply raised their shields above their heads. While High Elf Archer knew how to fire her arrows so that they could still hit the goblins, not so much with Priestess whose rocks simply bounced off the shields.

The villagers have begun to reorganize themselves. Some of them went to the rooftops with ladders and used many things from bow and arrows to bricks. The goblins tried to climb the ladders but those on tops simply kicked them off.

Other villagers decided to face the goblins head on. Even with their numbers being more manageable, the goblins still proofed to be a challenge. Slowly, blood decorated the village, either from the goblins or from the villagers.

"Sixteen." Goblin Slayer stated as he pulled his sword of a goblin.

As he did that, he heard a scream of a woman. Knowing what would happen, Goblin Slayer ran towards the source. He managed to find her, being surrounded by the goblins. However, the goblins then did something that surprised him.

They kill – no, they butchered the woman. The sounds of metal touching skin and flesh filled the air as blood flew to all direction.

"They killed her? They don't rape her?" Goblin Slayer thought before he went towards the goblins.

As he fought them, he wondered about what the goblins just did. The woman was on the ground, helpless, and not putting meaningful resistance. Other goblins would surround her and have their ways as the woman screamed in desperation. But not these goblins. They didn't even show any sign of lust, something so common it seemed to be impossible for goblins not to show it if they saw a female.

"Twenty." Goblin Slayer decapitated the last goblin.

He then heard several goblins were approaching him from the rear. He turned around and as expected, several of them ran towards him. He prepared himself for another fight thought it was proven unnecessary. The arrows from High Elf Archer killed several of them and even more got killed from a mix of alcohol and fire thanks to a villager. Only two of them left, which Goblin Slayer cut down without much effort.

"Oy, Sir Goblin Slayer!" He looked at the villager. "We need you Adventurers at the square! Some of the goblins have gone nuts!"

Goblin Slayer nodded his head and immediately went towards the village square. On the way, he wondered what he meant by "gone nuts."

He had to admit when he heard some of the goblins have gone nuts, this was not what he had in mind.

Namely, a bunch of goblins armed with chained iron balls spinning around, attacking both goblins and villagers alike.

"Whoa, would you look at that." Dwarf Shaman stated as he used a sling to kill a goblin. "Have you ever seen any of them did this?"

"No, this is the first time." Goblin Slayer replied. "We need…"

Before he could finish his words, the spinning goblins suddenly stumbled, throttling themselves with their chains or simply collapse. The Adventurers and villagers dodged the flying goblins, who either hit the ground or the walls. They could hear the goblins laughing maniacally with their last breath.

"Where're the other goblins?" Goblin Slayer immediately asked.

"They retreated, Sir Goblin Slayer." A villager answered his question. "They must have used these…crazies as a distraction to cover their retreat."

He said nothing in return, merely sheathing his sword and catching his breath. At least, the danger had passed.

When morning came, the statistic was now clear; two dozen villagers have lost their lives with dozens more wounded. The goblins meanwhile lost fifty of their numbers. Surprisingly, there was no one missing, especially the women, indicating that the goblins didn't kidnap women like they usually do.

Goblin Slayer looked at one of the goblin corpses. It was one of the goblins that spun wildly with a chained iron ball. It had a look of self-satisfaction upon its tongue-lolling face. The battle yesterday confused him greatly; the goblins knew how to use shields, killing women with not attempt of raping them, and now using suicidal tactics. He knew that from the face, it was unlikely that such tactic was forced by other goblins.

The fact that goblins acted suicidal worried him. Goblins did stupid things that caused their own deaths was because well, they were stupid, not because they were suicidal.

Goblin Slayer turned his eyes towards his companions when he heard them approaching him. They didn't look excited at all, most likely because of the casualties caused by the goblin attack.

"Everything's good?" He asked.

"Yeah, sort of." High Elf Archer replied. "Some cattle were killed but the rest of the food is fine. Nobody's missing and all the dead have been counted."

"Things could have been worse, aren't they?" Priestess asked.

"Indeed. The whole village would be slaughtered to the man and the food would be used to bolster their strength to attack another village." Goblin Slayer bluntly stated. "The Guild must know about this."

"While the goblins seem to act differently than usual, I don't think it's necessary to inform the Guild." Dwarf Shaman stated. "They could simply learn from experience or being supported by other, smarter race. Like the ones in the Water Town."

Rather than replying, Goblin Slayer withdrew his sword and cut the robe of one of the goblins.

"Look at the crotch area." He stated.

"Eww, Orcbolg! That's gross!" High Elf Archer exclaimed. "What do you…"

"Look!" His voice gave no room for objection.

The elf sighed and she, alongside the rest of the party, did as Goblin Slayer ordered to. Preparing for a disgusting sight, they were surprised by what they saw.

"He…It…there's no genital!" High Elf Archer exclaimed once again.

"So that's why no woman is raped." Lizard Priest said as his hands made their usual pose. "They can't rape them. Literally can't."

"But if he…it…erm, has no genital, then how they would reproduce?" Priestess asked.

"I don't know. But one thing is clear." Goblin Slayer stated. "This is not something that we can just ignore."

Answers to some reviews:

SuperSaiyanDiclonius: Yep. There would be all kind of Greenskins from tiny snotlings to mighty orcs.

Ayman El Kadouri: Yes, there's a regiment of renown.

Guest: Not exactly good. After all, he basically enslaved them. As of now, the gobslaves are still unfamiliar with the gods that the Goblins of the Old World worship. For Goblin Slayer, yeah, he's going to need to recruit an army and create a new plan to deal with this kind of threat.

Austin: Trolls and Giants, while part of the Greenskins' forces, are not Greenskins. They're their own separate races and thus can't be created through spores.

And this chapter is now complete.

If you have a question or suggestion, feel free to tell me.

Review, please!