"It's hard being left behind. It's even harder to be the one who stays..."

Night 1

It's so quiet... I've never noticed how quiet it was before. Not that I ever heard anything through the stone with my weak senses but I guess it was the knowledge that there was life above my head that gave the illusion of noise. I don't even want to write this but I need something to do or I'm going to go crazy with boredom. Its been two months since that battle has ended. Pip has been strangely silent in my head since then and I have returned to drinking blood packs.

Masters gone. So is Sir Integra. She is in jail, master is with her and I am here... alone. The Hellsing manor is damaged and I've been trying to make myself useful by clearing the rubble away and any ghouls that are still inside the manor. However I've long since gotten rid of the ghouls and the house has barely any debris. So I am here with nothing to do but feel resentful that master hasn't even shown himself to me. I know I shouldn't, he's just being loyal to Integra but I cant help it. I had high hopes that now that I had improved I would be more equal to him. I guess I was wrong...

Alucard flipped a few pages ahead seeing that there wasn't much but boring accounts of the manors state, random ghoul attacks and flippant thoughts. He stopped and continued reading.

Night 26

Something is greatly wrong. I'm not sure what but something is telling my senses that somethings wrong. I don't know what to do about it. I've been getting that feeling for an hour and its making me anxious and tense. I want to tell myself that everything's fine and that I'm being silly but I know that its not true. I'm not yet old enough to know what it is telling me but I know to listen to it. I've cleaned my guns and waited in one of the lower basement rooms just in case but nothings happened. I don't understand why this has happened but the sense of danger passed after a few hours.

I didn't sense any ghouls, vampires, freaks or humans which makes me worried about this feeling of danger. What is neither species that I know of and is dangerous to me? I had already killed the werewolf that had been working for the major. I don't understand what is happening and it worries me. I miss master. He would know. He always knows. I'm certain he will come visit me soon and I can ask him then.

Alucard stared at the page with a unsettled feeling tasking root. Seras had unwavering faith that her master would take care of her and protect her. But he knew the truth. He had never intended to visit Seras while Integra was still in prison, He had thought that she would fine on her own and she wouldn't need him. So he was content waiting for his master to crack, give in and agree to the conversion from human to vampire night after night while his fledgling, his ward, was in danger. She had been under his protection and he had neglected her safety in favor of convincing his master to become like him. He growled angrily. He had no one to blame but himself.

He turned the page and found that thhe danger that had been sensed the night before had faded and there was nothing more but accounts of a bored fledgling and her silly thoughts. So he flipped ahead some more. What he found was a story that got increasingly worse as he read on.

Night 44

There was an intruder! I caught someone trying to sneak into the mansion and when they saw me they ran. I tried to chase but they left before I could see where. Strangely there was no smell for me to follow them with. I saw that he wasn't a vampire or freak which makes me wonder what human doesn't have a scent? I quickly went to Integra's study and made sure none of her documents, manuscripts and other important things were not taken. It seems the intruder hadn't gotten that far but I'm certain she or he or someone else will try again. I'm going to begin a nightly patrol to make sure nothing important is taken. I'm the only person left within the manor so I guess its my responsibility to guard whats left of it. Master would probably tease me but I think I'm feeling brave enough to tease him back.

He cocked and eye brow and smirked. While the news that she had encountered a invader of the Hellsing manor was troubling he did find it amusing that she might have felt brave enough to tease him. He continued reading.

Night 50

Completely event-less. Nothing at all happened. I could have picked my toes and that would have been the exciting thing that happened tonight. I went on my patrol and found nothing. I tried reading from the library but there was nothing but occult or Dracula. At this point I wouldn't waste a bullet on target practice with so much potential danger out there. So I have nothing to do but write this. None of the mystery guests have returned but I'm not fooled. Its very likely that they could come back so I'm not going to relax just yet. Still I am almost wishing that something would happen. Anything. I don't care if its bad. I'm finding myself craving conversation or action of some kind.

He nearly skipped ahead but paused when he found the next page.

Night 51

I hate this. It makes me feel like a coward. They came and I hid. Men from parliament came looking through the Hellsing manor. They carried silver weapons and I overheard them whispering my name. They came not to ensure that my masters masters house was clear of hostile undead, but to clear the house of me. They had orders to kill me on sight. So I hid. I guess I've been enjoying the blood and battling a little more so it feels strange to suddenly be hiding now. I don't know what exactly is going on with the government right now except it seems that they don't care if I'm Hellsing property or not. Because Hellsing is suspected of being traitors its seems good enough to them and they will be out for my blood.

This is not good.

Neither is the several backup generators and supplies they took. I've been relying on those to keep the blood refrigerator going. Now I only have a single generator and only twenty gallons of backup diesel fuel left. Things are looking worse and worse and I begin to regret my desire for things to happen even if they are bad. My food supply has been running steady with the rationing I've been doing. Now it has the risk of spoiling and going bad, I have the official government looking for me with the intent to kill, everyone is on high alert for vampires and I have seen a strict curfew before nighttime being enforced with the city being severely depopulated and damaged. Whats worse is I am expecting mystery intruder or intruders any day now.

There is also a dress code being enforced that no one is allowed to cover their face and arms during the daylight so as to prevent vampires traveling in the daytime. I was nearly caught at daylight and questioned about my choice of dress, he demanded to examine my mouth. I had punched him in the faced and ran away. This is definitely not good. I saw them going house to house checking and interview the residences there. When people don't answer the door, they break it down and raid the house. If I decide to relocate for safety reasons I will most certainly be discovered. Neither can I hunt if I run out of plasma. I'm scared. I know I shouldn't be but I am. Master would be ashamed if he could see me now. He would tell me to hunt, that's its the natural thing to do. Integra would say that it was an emergency, that she would understand.

I've tried telling myself this, rationalizing the why's and hows of hunting but I don't feel ready. The vampire in me... Every time I give in to it I feel like I'M the one disappearing and its taking over. I don't know what to do. Things are getting worse and worse. Neither can I contact Integra for further instruction of what to do or how to get advice from master. I've called him with my mind and he doesn't answer. I need help but I cant reach them. I wish I knew what to do. I wish I had someone to tell me what to do. Master always knows what to do but I cant talk to him. He isn't answering me. I'll wait for him. I know he will come for me. He wouldn't just leave me. I know he will come see me, but until then I will just have to rely on myself a little longer.

In this, I am completely alone.

He stared at the words he was reading feeling sick and that alien emotion of guilt taking root. His Seras had needed him and it was a slap to the face... these words he read. They reminded him of his failings. He remembered during his incarceration Seras reaching out to him in her mind calling for help and pleading for assistance. But he had ignored her, telling himself that she didn't need it. She was strong enough, she could handle it alone. That it was just her being lonely and scared. She had needed him and he intentionally turned away from her. She faced the threat of the governments dogs coming to kill her, intruders and possible starvation. She had needed him, called for him and he had turned his back on her. Yet she had still kept her faith in him, certain he would help in her darkest hours. He kept reading.

Night 66

I have been starving for three days now and have only just managed to escape and feed. I robbed a blood bank at a hospital and the blood fridge is full. My food ran out six days ago and I have only just managed to refill it. Although the previous supply didn't sour and go bad I know it could have. But I can handle being hungry. I have had enough practice going hungry no matter how upset master got at me for it. They came again, the strange beings that leave no smell.

They didn't not even try to steal from Integra's office like I had originally thought. They passed her room and came straight for me. They were inhumanly strong. And naked, strangely enough. There were four of them and it was all I could do to defend myself. I managed to kill one of them but the others I thought I had wounded healed with no trouble. They seem to regenerate. They do not fight like paladins I have met and they don't seem to be all there mentally. They don't talk for one thing, and normal concepts such as planning do not seem to work. Strangely, they also seemed... sick. They looked physically ill. Yet despite this they have massive amounts of physical strength. I had to run from them or be torn apart. I am weak. Master would be ashamed.

I had locked myself in masters room listening to them pound and beat at the door, which thankfully held. They were there for several hours trying to break it down. They also tried playing quiet and waiting for me to open the door. I did not fall for it and had the door remain close for the rest of the night. I had thought them gone after five hours silence. They were not and have proven themselves patient. Hunger and starvation set in over the next two days and nights waiting for them to give up and go. I had slept in my masters coffin for strength and it was comforting for I miss him dearly. When they had finally gone I stole from a hospital all the blood I would need to feed and I'll be moving the blood pack supply down to masters room and be sleeping there. I don't think I can sleep safely in my own room. Whats going on? I'm frightened. Wheres master?

He skipped ahead feeling more and more disgusted with himself the more he read as the account of what had happened got worse each night.

Night 97

They come every night now. Its getting to the point where I cant even leave masters room without being attacked. I heard them howling at the doors like shrieking men dieing of thirst and I hold the only water for miles. The pound, scratch, kick at the door trying to get in. I know I cant stay here anymore. They are weakening the door every time they come a little and yesterday I heard the hinges weakening; there is a small crack on them. Its small now but what about tomorrow night? Or the day after? I cant stay any longer. They are going to get in and kill me. This morning when I left my masters coffin I found out that the extension cord for the blood fridge had been cut and the bags are slowly heating, the ice melting.

Once again the threat of starvation arises. I tried calling for master again and he is silent still. Why doesn't he answer me? I held out for this long because I thought the manor needed someone to guard and that my master would come; but at this rate there's no one guarding it and my master doesn't answer. Its just me cowering in my masters room. They are too strong with so many of them. I'll wait one more night for my master and I will call for him one last time before I run to find somewhere safe but I have the feeling that he will neither answer nor come. I've waited three and a half months. Yet my master doesn't respond. Why?

I really am alone.

Here he paused and could find no recriminations for Seras questioning him. He had ignored her cries for help and there was no justification for it. He turned to the next page and found at blot of ink. He found words crossed out, sentences scribbled over. The only thing that was legible had clearly been addressed for him. Clearly there had been something Seras had not wanted him to read. He used his shadows to slowly removed the blobs of ink covering the page so that he could read it clearly but there was still a little damage to the words. It was hard to read and he had to admit she had done well crossing out the words.

Night 100

Its been a h..dred since the at...k on ...don from millen...m and . find myself pa.k..g my thin.s, cleaning my …. and getti.. ready to run. I know I had said I would only wait one more night but ... like a pathetic pu... I waited t... calling for my m... and still he ignores ….doesn't come. The hinges on t.. door finally broke ... propped it b... and le...d my ma..ers coffin ….the door to keep them out. I can't stay. I know … shouldn't have delayed ... feelings for my …. delude ... thinking he … help me... but I c...t help it. I wanted to believe …. …... he would come for me, … felt …. ssibly retur... … as wrong. Master doe... el about me the w... I do abo ... im. I ha.. go.

I have to go in an hour. I will hide and wait in a safe place as soon as the creatures go. They usually leave about noon. Master if you are reading this I will be hiding out in Big Ben if all goes well. If things don't go well I will leave you a message about where I am going next.

It was if a fire had been set up Alucard. He had some sort of clue as to where Seras was and he wouldn't let her go now.