There's a Way Through to the Other Side In The End
Disclaimer: Supernatural doesn't belong to me, nor do Dean, Sam, or the other characters you recognise. I am making no money so please don't come looking for me.
Warning: some violence as the story progresses
Spoilers - post-end of Series 1 Devil's Trap so some passing mention of events in Season episodes such as Faith, Home, Devil's Trap etc.
Thanks to Rae Artemis for her support, help and 'betaing' - You're a star.
Author's Note: Thank you to everyone who has reviewed or used alerts- your support is much appreciated.
Chapter 4 – A Waiting Game
Okay, so Dean was right when he said sitting around the hospital rehab unit was boring, but right now Sam, if given the choice, would happily settle for boredom. It would definitely be better than the concern he's feeling right now. He's not sure what's going on exactly but Dean has definitely been deteriorating all morning. He tried explaining that to the unit clerk but she just told him that they'd get to Dean as soon as possible. So much for working alongside a caring profession, this woman is cold and callous.
He's watching his brother who is staring aimlessly ahead and he'll admit it now, he is frightened by the changes he's seen. The tremors in his hands have got so bad, Dean clamped both hands down on his thighs. Sam's guessing he was hoping to stop the shaking and whilst that seemed to help at first, it's not working so well now, as every couple of minutes, Dean's whole body seems to flinch and shiver.
Dean, who has managed the crutches with no major problem since the day they gave them to him, fell as he got out of the car. Sam would have brushed it off if he hadn't watched his brother struggle towards the hospital entrance as if he'd only just got the crutches only to see him crash to the floor again as he went through the door. He watched as his brother accepted the wheelchair he's now sat in with barely a fight when the nurse who brought it said they'd maybe see him quicker if he was in it. Dean who hates doctors and loathes hospitals will do anything to see a doctor quicker. Sam can't work out whether he should be relieved at that or even more panicked.
Dean is silent and has been for the better part of an hour. Sam knows why but wishes Dean would say something, anything that would just stop him thinking, stop him worrying about what's happening? They were in the car when it started, just talking. Sam was hoping that maybe they were rebuilding some of the damage he'd just done by manhandling his brother, gaining some degree of forgiveness for the pain he'd caused, when each time Dean spoke he seemed to slur more of the words he was saying. Different time of day and in different circumstances and Sam might have chalked it up to too much to drink, but Dean hasn't been near a drink in weeks, so whatever is causing this, that isn't it. It came on fast too, just like the other symptoms and Dean elected to keep quiet rather than struggle on and risk embarrassing himself. So now they're waiting. Waiting because one of the doctors called in sick and the others are trying to cover the extra patients and are running late and the unit clerk won't listen to Sam that Dean needs help now, and it's long past the time of his appointment and Sam is frantic with worry and it isn't helping Dean any.
Sam's wondering if he should phone the bookstore and tell them he won't be in tomorrow because there's no way he's leaving Dean on his own at the motel like this.
Sam's worried. Dean is shutting down, physically as it's all going wrong, but he's worried that it's happening emotionally as well. Right now Sam's not sure that Dean's fighting this at all. He's never known him not fight, never known him just give up but last time he looked there was something missing from Dean's eyes. Sam figures that at this point anything is worth a try to keep Dean fighting, he needs his big brother so his big brother had better not just sit there fading away.
"Dean." He moves over to where his brother is sitting but so far he's got no reaction. "Dean?" he says again gently, resting his hand on Dean's shoulder, aware immediately of the tension roiling through his brother's body.
He moves round to crouch in front, right in Dean's line of sight and that is when he hears the barely whispered, "Help Sammy," and as he looks, he is horrified at what he sees. The front of Dean's shirt is covered in a mess of blood and gore and the pain in his face is agonised.
"Oh my god, Dean! Just hang on okay, hang on. I'm getting help. I'll be back." He sees Dean blink once slowly and wonders briefly if that is meant as acknowledgement. He reaches the corridor and starts to shout for help; the unit clerk comes hurrying up to see what the fuss is about. She's none-to-pleased with the noise. "Mr Winchester. Will you keep your voice down?" She turns to head back to her desk.
Sam follows, "No. We need help. Dean, he's bad, someone needs to look at him now. He can't wait any longer, he's dying in there."
"Mr. Winchester, as I've already explained someone will see your brother shortly"
"No! Someone needs to see him now, there's so much blood. He can't wait anymore for god's sake."
"Mr Winchester, if you don't lower your voice. I will have to call security and you will be escorted from the premises."
Sam can't take any more; he moves right up into her personal space and doesn't care if she's intimidated or frightened so long as someone comes for Dean. He doesn't care if security comes for him so long as someone saves Dean. "Get him help NOW." The woman presses a button behind the counter, "Okay that's security, now get the fucking doctor. Believe me, if my brother dies, I'm coming for you."
"Sam!" He turns at the sound of the voice and sees a woman tripping down the corridor in a short skirt and high heels. He can't place her but she certainly seems to know him. Sam can't imagine where he'd have met her in this town. It's not like he's had a social life since they've been here. The only places he's been are the hospital, the motel, the bookstore and a couple of places that sell food. "So what are you doing here?"
He blinks twice trying to work out who she is but his mouth starts to answer anyway, "It's Dean…"
"Dean, honey, where is he? How's he doing?"
It's the way she says honey that does it, he knows who she is. She was one of Dean's nurses from the ICU. "You… he needs help… the blood…"
"Dean? Blood? Okay Sam, come on, where is he? Let's see what we can do." Sam grabs her arm propelling her down to where Dean is waiting. As they turn into the room, he can see Dean has slumped to one side, struggling to keep himself from giving way completely. Sam feels a wave of guilt for thinking that Dean had stopped fighting "Okay, Dean, honey. Can you hear me? Can you open your eyes for me, honey? Let me have a peak at those lovely eyes, come on."
Sam can see Dean's struggling, his eyes are moving beneath the closed lids. He rests his hand on the back of his brother's neck, "It's okay, Dean, keep trying. I know you can do it."
"Okay Sam, they're seeing to him now, but I need you to tell me more about what happened. Okay, honey?"
"I don't know, he's just… all morning, he's just been getting worse, like he's not fighting it. Is he… what's happening to him?"
"In all honesty, Sam, I don't know, but now we've got him down here in the E.R., they'll soon get it under control. Tell me what's happened this morning; you said Dean's been getting worse. Tell me about it." She's calm and quiet as she asks, Sam thinks it's reassuring, hopes she's right, they're in the right place now; they'll get it under control.
Sam tried to explain everything that he'd seen, the tremors, the slurring, the lack of co-ordination and the blood. God there'd been so much blood, just like that night in the cabin, Dean's blood emptying out of his body, taking his life with it and Sam hadn't been able to stop it. "It was my fault. I did it."
"What Sam? What did you do, honey? What makes you think it's your fault?" She was watching the tormented young man before her, twisting and wringing his blood-covered hands. She'd seen enough of the two brothers when Dean was in ICU to know Sam would never intentionally hurt his brother, that he was, in fact, fiercely protective, she'd witnessed some spectacular arguments with the father and heard the accusations of failure Sam had levelled at him. She put her hands over his to stop the incessant agitated movement. "Sam, tell me what did you do?"
"I hurt him; I didn't want to, I tried to get him to listen but… I grabbed him across the chest, I made him sit down. He needed to listen, it was important. What he thought…it was wrong… so I made him sit and listen. It was hurting him…I wanted it to stop but I only made it worse. I hurt his chest and when I gave him the painkillers, that's when I saw the tremors, he couldn't hold the glass of water, I had to help him, he didn't say it but he thought he was going to drop it."
"It's okay, Sam. I've just got one more question. What were you two doing upstairs? Why didn't you bring Dean into ER?"
"He had an appointment, first thing this morning. He wasn't this bad when we got here. There wasn't any blood. I didn't see blood not then… not until…"
"Okay, Sam that's fine now."
"I told her."
"What? Who Sam? Who did you tell?"
"Upstairs. The clerk, I told her he needed to see someone. I told her he was getting worse. It's not too late is it?"
"Sam, Dean's in good hands now, they'll do all they can."
"He's got good hands," Sam's voice is desolate.
"Who, honey?"
"Dean, good hands. He saved me, looked after me…always. He protected me before. I was supposed to be looking out for him now, making sure he got better." His eyes are fixed on the blood on his hands, "It's his blood, I didn't do it, I didn't protect him."
She keeps one hand on his trying to still the motion and uses the other to guide his chin up until his eyes meet hers. She can see the burgeoning fear in them, "Honey, you did all you could, Dean knows that. Now let's go get you cleaned up, then I'll go find out what's happening to that brother of yours."
The fight has gone from Sam; he's lost, so she takes over for him. She leads him down the corridor to a bathroom where she gives him instructions to clean himself up. She's firm, the instructions sound like orders. She's met his Dad, knows him for the military type, she heard the 'good soldier' arguments and figures right now, Sam just needs someone else to tell him what to do, he'll be able to find his way back after the blood has gone. He follows her back to the waiting room. He can't think what to do, so he does what he's told and instead he thinks about Dean.
Sam remembers. He remembers being small and Dean looking out for him, helping him, keeping him safe. He remembers just how safe he used to feel as he fell asleep rocked against his brother's body and he remembers his dreams of Dean, tear-filled eyes as he rocked his sleeping brother. He remembers new schools, no friends, name-calling, being pushed and Dean stepping in, taking on the bullies. Sam remembers that for all the fights, all the accusations in school and at home that Dean was nothing but a troublemaker, he had never seen Dean throw the first punch or start the trouble. He also knew Dean had protected other kids too, not just his brother.
"Sam, honey."
Sam looks up, calmer now, waiting. He doesn't want to ask the question, frightened of what he might find out.
"He's okay for now. They've stopped the bleeding." She can see the relief in his eyes. "They're monitoring him closely; he's going to have to stay in though." He nods. "He's pretty much out of it at the moment but they're sending him for scans."
"Why? What?" the fear is still there, she knows and understands it.
"Precaution. At least three of the major problems this morning, could have been caused by a problem in his brain. They need to check it out."
"They checked before, when he was here, before he… There was nothing wrong then."
"They need to check now, Sam, that's all. They need to know how they can help him best, what they're dealing with." He nods his understanding. "Now it's going to be a while before you can see him so…I've brought you this." She hands him a pen and some paper and smiles at his look of confusion. "I figure you could make good use of this time. You're going to write a letter of complaint to the hospital board."
"About what?"
"The unit clerk this morning. This is a good hospital with good people working in it. What happened this morning to Dean, well it shouldn't have… People here care about our patients, someone should at least have checked in on Dean, given how worried you were, even if it was only to put both of your minds at rest but her attitude seriously endangered him. Because she didn't tell anyone, no-one looked; no-one knew how serious it was. This hospital won't want something like that to happen again, they can find someone better than her. Now later, when they're ready, they'll move Dean back up to ICU, so I'll probably see you up there when I get back."
"Thank you… and I'm sorry."
"What are you sorry for now?"
"Upstairs. I didn't recognise you at first. You looked… different."
"What? Out of my uniform and with my hair down. Honey I should hope I do," she said with a laugh.
"You were leaving but you stayed. You didn't have to."
"Yeah, I did. I wasn't going to just leave you here on your own waiting for that brother of yours now was I?"
"Thank you."
She patted him on the hand. "It's okay. Now someone will be through as soon as you can see Dean and once they know exactly what's going to happen and what's caused all of this, they'll let you know. Sam, one more thing… it wasn't your fault. You grabbing him this morning, it didn't cause this okay. Now I will see you later."
Author's Note: Thank you to all who have read this. If you enjoyed it, a review would be more than welcome. Good wishes to all. MS.