If Tomorrow Never Comes

This is from Owen's POV

Based On the song ' If Tomorrow Never Comes' by Ronan Keating.

It is in the middle of the night, and the entire neighbourhood is asleep. It is silent, except for the occasional car passing by and the occasional shouts of drunken teenagers returning from their Saturday night romp at the bar.

For some reason, I just cannot sleep. Hot milk, which usually works as an excellent sedative, doesn't work for me tonight. Somehow tonight the crickets outside the house sounded louder than usual.

I turn over in the bed for the umpteenth time. The person next to me sighs softly and stirs. She turns over so that her back is now facing me, and her soft dark curls brush across my face. I run my hand through her silky smooth hair, just like I love to do.

I prop up on my elbows and look down at her peacefully sleeping face. She looks even more beautiful than ever in this resting state, if that is at all possible.

She just has to ruin the beautiful moment by letting out a soft snore, which turned into a snort, while wrinkling her nose. I snicker to myself. I wonder whether she is dreaming- whether it is a good or bad dream. I can stare at her like that for hours. How is it possible that she looks so beautiful even when she sleeps?

I feel a sudden sharp pain radiating through my chest. It lasts for about 10 seconds, before subsiding. When the pain subsides, I take in a deep breath. I know it's most probably musculoskeletal, probably due to one of my injured ribs, due to the sharp nature of the pain. I actually took a bullet shot to my left shoulder twice, once when Gary Clark went on a shooting rampage in the hospital and Meredith helped me to remove it. The second time was when I went back to war, and there was an ambush. I tried to push April away from the bullet, and ended up taking the bullet instead. In return, she helped me remove the bullet.

I am suddenly filled with remorse as I recalled about how I left Amelia alone to fend for herself and grief for her brother while I packed up to go to war. In retrospect, I realize that it wasn't the best decision I had made. The image of her pacing back and forth Derek's front porch that night I returned from war would always be ingrained in my mind. My heart just shattered into pieces with her when she showed me the bag of oxy in her hands and broke down for the first time since her brother's death in my arms. It was then I realized how much she actually needed me to be there for her, even though she would deny it.

I shouldn't have called us a plane crash ( a really bad metaphor considering the tragic incident occurred a few years ago claiming the lives of a few of our colleagues). I should have known how much my words stung and hurt her, like a knife . We weren't a plane crash, we weren't a train wreck. We were beautiful. We are beautiful. We are meant for each other, no matter how much we try to deny it. Everytime I am close to her, I feel this powerful attraction to her which makes me just want to kiss her senseleess there and then.

I have this sudden urge to tell her exactly how I feel about her. Should I write it down on a piece of paper and keep it in a drawer for her to discover and read when I'm gone? Or should I try to compose a song for her? Or just tell her right now, in the hope that she'll hear what I've to say in her dreams?

I recall the first time we realized we had feelings for each other. We were both in the chapel , lighting candles for April and Jackson's baby Samuel. We just stood there in comfortable silence, just lost in our own thoughts, but silently acknowledging each other's presence, when suddenly she broke the silence with a confession. Her baby lived for 45 minutes. Her unicorn baby, as she would later tell me she called him. Her miracle baby who saved many lives by having his organs donated. That was the first time we felt totally comfortable with each other, and I felt like she was beginning to open up to me about her past. What she didn't know was that I would accept every single part of her, even the parts of her that had been broken by her past hurt and troubles. We held hands for the first time then.

I remember our first night, I was relaxing at the deck of my trailer, when she suddenly appeared in front of my trailer, holding a bottle of what I assumed was wine. So I was amused when she told me that it was sparkling water as she didn't drink. Only my Amelia would do such a thing. I can see that she was nervous by the way she was blushing and stammering as she held the bottle. She turned to walk away and I almost let her go, but I stopped her in time. And that was when we shared our first kiss.

I remember our subsequent kisses too, once when I had to give her a lift home as Meredith abandoned her in the hospital after she put a hole in the wall of their house. ( like I said, only my Amelia would do such a thing). We shared a quick but passionate kiss, which was rudely interrupted by Maggie.

The next few days though, we finished what we started in one of the elevators in the hospital, one of my best memories ever of us in an elevator.

I love the feel of her hair in my hands and her lips against mine and the feel of her soft body below mine as we make love. I can never get enough of her.

I recall our wedding day, and how beautiful she looked in her curls and long white wedding dress as she made her way towards me. I will never forget that night of our wedding day, when we were dancing to 'A Thousand Years'. Because that was when she suddenly whispered into my ear that she might be pregnant. My heart was thumping so fast from then on until she took the pregnancy test. When I saw the word 'PREGNANT' on the stick ,my heart leapt for joy. The love of my life is having my baby.

I actually shed a few tears when I heard the baby's heartbeat for the first time when Arizona performed the ultrasound scan during her very first antenatal checkup. I always boast that I am tough and I never cried, but this is one of the very few times I actually did.

There are many things about her that I love. Her infectious laughter, her smile, which shows her dimples, her soft dark wavy hair, her passion and enthusiasm for her work and her never say die attitude. She is one of the strongest women I know, she has been through death of loved ones multiple times and fighting adddiction. I would've ran away if I were her. But here she is, still standing strong.

Amelia stirs some more, and lets out another soft snore. My eyes travel down from her beautiful face to her beautiful body. And I stare at her belly, where the most amazing transformation is taking place. The gradual changes her body is currently going through amazes me so much. Her breasts are now fuller, her hips are broader. And just this morning, she complained that she couldn't fit into her current pair of jeans any longer. This evening, after dinner, she confessed to me her innermost fears, that she would become a crappy mother who would lead her child into drug abuse. I should've told her that no, she was going to be the most amazing mother ever! Instead, my response was' Who told you so?' I could see that she was a little taken aback by the response, and decided to change topic.

Now, I am suddenly worried that if tomorrow never comes, I would never have the chance to say all this things to her. How much I love her, how much she means to me. And how strong, extraordinary, capable and amazing a woman she is.

I move closer to her sleeping form and kiss her shoulder. She unconsciously shifts her position, so that she is now facing me. I kiss her cheeks and lips gently and say

' I love you Mia so much. You're an amazing person, I'm so blessed to have met someone like you. I'm so glad that you belong to me.'

My hands then move to her abdomen where the slight buldge reminds me that our unborn child is currently safely nestled inside. 'Daddy loves you too' I whisper.

I then turn back to my side of the bed, feeling like a heavy burden has been lifted from my chest. Somehow, I just knew that she had heard every single word I said. And I can somehow feel her eyes flutter open beside me and her lips carving the beautiful smile and her cheeks showing the dimples that I've always loved.

My eyelids are now feeling droopy and I can feel sleep overcoming me. Even if I don't wake up tomorrow, even if tomorrow never comes, she now knows how much I love her.

I hope you like it! =) Reviews and comments are very much appreciated!