Chapter 3- Learning to Lie.

I take a different way to school the next day. It's a little longer, but it makes me feel safer and sure enough I don't run in to any trouble. I'm able to slip in to school by the side gate and wait in the classroom until the bell rings.

Sister Augustine calls me up to her desk during spelling. She wants to see the sentences I've written out so carefully on my chalkboard, and she commends me on my handwriting at the same time as she sighs over my dreadful spelling. Before I am dismissed back to my desk she holds my chin and tilts my face towards the window so she can examine the dark purple bruise with its dried crust of blood that is marking my cheek.

"That looks nasty Mary Alice," she says in her brisk, loud voice. "What did you do?"

I realise that there is a hush throughout the room and all the children are listening for my answer. Somehow they all know how I hurt myself, and I feel a sudden flush of anger that they all know and no one is willing to extend a hand in friendship and defend me.

"I fell down," I say, clearly. "On the way home after school yesterday." I show her my scraped palms and she nods at me sceptically.

"Very well. Be more careful in future."

As I turn and march back to my desk my eyes meet Ivy's and I narrow them at her, glaring at her with all the anger that's currently flooding my body. Suddenly I hate her, for saying untrue things about me, for making me feel weak and small and afraid.

"I didn't tell tales on you and your horrible brother," I hiss as I sit down. "But that's because I'm going to get you back…you'll be sorry you were ever mean to me Ivy Mackintosh."

She sneers at me, but my anger makes me brave and I can see that it's mostly bravado on her part. "You'll be sorry," I say quietly, and even to me my voice sounds menacing.

Of course, I have no idea how I'm going to accomplish my goal of revenge. I'm the smallest girl in my grade so I probably can't physically hurt her even if I wanted to. When I step out into the playground at break time I realise with a kind of dull stab of unhappiness that although no one else is being mean to me, none of the other girls will look at me either. No one sits beside me while I eat my apple, and when I approach a trio of girls I've always been friendly with they link arms and skip away. Ivy has told her tales and spread her lies well, and it seems that now I have no friends left to help me either.

When my apple is finished I toss the core in the trash and hop listlessly through an abandoned hopscotch grid that someone has chalked on to the stones. Ivy and her new friends are over by the only tree in the yard, an old apple tree that hasn't borne fruit in years, and I lean against the cool stones of the building and watch them carefully. They're giggling and talking, and even though it's strictly against the rules Ivy starts showing off and climbing the tree. She stops when she's just above head height, giggling down at her friends, and then meeting my eyes and sticking her tongue out rudely. I cross my arms tightly and glare at her, and I'm just about to shout an insult when there's a rending crack, and the branch splits off the tree. It crashes to the ground, Ivy shrieking as she falls with it.

There's a collective gasp and all the girls in the yard rush to see what has happened, me included. I'm close by and a quick runner so I reach Ivy before most of the others, and crouch beside her as she sobs on the ground. There's drips of blood coming from her nose and her cardigan is a mess of leaves and twigs, but she squawking and crying and waving her arms around, so I don't think she's badly hurt.

"Are you okay?" I ask.

"Get away!" she shrieks. "This is your fault Alice…I saw you watching me! You made my Grandma fall down the stairs and now you made me fall out of the tree!"

My mouth drops open. How can she believe what she's saying? Such things are impossible, and even if they weren't we're supposed to be friends…how can she even think for a moment I'd hurt someone on purpose? But then a nasty idea sneaks into my mind, and this seems like an ideal opportunity to make her sorry for hurting me and maybe keep me a little safer into the future.

I give a quick glance over my shoulder. Sister Augustine is on her way but I still have a few seconds before she'll be able to hear me. So I bend down and hiss right into Ivy's face. "You're right. I did this to you. I told you I'd make you sorry for being mean to me! And you'd better stop it and tell everyone you were wrong, because if you ever tell stories about me or hurt me again I'll do something worse!"

I step back, aghast at the lie I've just spat out so impulsively. Ivy is crying in earnest now, loud sobs that are as much terrified as hurt, and as Sister Augustine arrives I slip away with my heart thumping. What have I done? I've told a lie, a big one…practically admitted to being a witch and a freak. But you're not, I remind myself practically. All you've done is use her own stupid lies against her…and if she believes that you can hurt her then maybe she'll just leave you alone? I can't stop the small smirk of satisfaction as it flits across my face.

Ivy is red eyed and sniffly from crying when she slips into the desk beside me for afternoon school. She doesn't look at me as we listen to the lesson, in fact both of us sit silently and well behaved all afternoon. Even so, as the last bell rings Sister Augustine instructs us to stay behind.

She looks at us sternly over her glasses as we stand in front of her desk. Ivy is fidgety and tearful, but I stand quite still, gazing tranquilly at Sister and waiting for her to speak. I'm not worried…I know this will be fine.

"Now, I want to know what nonsense is going on between the two of you," Sister Augustine says bluntly.

"Ivy thinks I made her fall out of the tree," I say sweetly. "She's been telling lies about me." My eyes meet hers, and I'm honestly shocked at how frightened of me she looks. I just wanted her to leave me alone…I didn't mean to make her so scared.

"Ivy?" Sister Augustine frowns. "Why do you think Mary Alice had anything to do with your fall?"

Ivy's lip quivers, and her chestnut curls swing as she shakes her head. "I made a mistake," she says quietly. "Alice didn't…she didn't do anything." She meets my eyes almost pleadingly. "I'm sorry Alice."

Somehow this doesn't feel as good as I thought it would. I have made her feel sorry for being mean to me and I don't think she'll do anything else to hurt me like throwing the stones which is what I wanted. But instead of feeling happy this victory just feels hollow and wrong…I didn't do anything to hurt her, but maybe manipulating events and going along with her lies is just as bad?

As soon as we're dismissed we both hurry for the gate, although we're walking so far apart no one could possibly think we're together. Ivy's brother is there, waiting for her, and as soon as he sees me he shouts something. I'm just as glad that I don't understand what he says, because I can tell by the look on his face that it's hateful.

"Wait!" Ivy calls desperately, glancing at me and then running towards her brother. "You can't…" She reaches his side and whispers frantically in his ear. He looks astonished and then angry and then…he looks afraid. The two of them walk closely together as they almost run off down the street, leaving me staring after them blankly.

I'm so confused and bewildered by all that has gone on during the day that I don't, at first, realise that my feet are taking me on a different way home. It's not until several minutes later that I look around in confusion, not sure at first where exactly I am or what I'm doing here. Then I see the figure of a lady I know coming down the steps of the cottage to my right and I understand. The midwife. Mama needs her.

"Mary Alice!" Mrs Hollings sees me and smiles. She helped when I was born and now she's going to help with the new baby. "What are you doing here? Did your mother send you?" She looks at me sharply. "Is it the baby?"

I nod wordlessly. This makes no sense - nothing makes sense anymore! I've been at school, I don't know whether Mama needs her now…but my heart knows. In my mind I see again the little face of my new baby sister, with her dark curls and the strawberry birthmark shaped like a fish.

"Come along then dear." Mrs Hollings climbs into the small pony cart, flinging the reins over the animal's head. "Climb in, we'll be home soon. Fortunately I've just finished my last appointment for the day, we'll go along and I'll see how your mother is doing."

The pony trots along the path, kicking up dust under his heels. He's old and not very fast, but it's still quicker than walking. I ride along in silence, clutching my lunch bag. What if I'm wrong? What if mama is fine?

I'm not wrong though. As the pony turns into the drive I see Mama, halfway across the lawn, bending over with her hands pressing into her belly. I give a wordless shriek and hurtle straight out of the cart and over to her, nearly falling and breaking my leg as I do so.

"Mama!"

"Oh, Alice my darling," Mama straightens up and smiles at me, but her face is pale and there are lines of tension in her forehead. She looks from me to Mrs Hollings and back again, and the smile she gives me is almost sad. "You brought the midwife with you…clever girl. How very lucky." She takes a few steps towards the house and then groans, low and long, standing very still and holding her belly again.

"Mrs Brandon, what are you doing outside?" Mrs Hollings has loosened the pony's harness and strapped a feedbag on to his nose. He stands placidly eating, occasionally switching his tail at the flies. He's used to waiting. "You should be inside and in bed by the look of you!"

"I wasn't sure if Alice…" Mama's voice trails off vaguely. "Never mind, I'm just glad you're here now."

Mrs Hollings takes Mama's arm and begins leading her firmly towards the house. "How far apart are the pains?"

Mama doesn't even make it to the steps before she's caught by another one. I bite my lip as she moans again, bending over with her arms braced against the porch railings. "Only minutes," she pants at last. "The waters are still intact though."

"Let's get you inside," Mrs Hollings says bracingly. "I think I got here just in good time! Alice dear, run and put the water on please, just as we talked about."

I run to the kitchen. The big pot of water is already on the stove, pushed to the back where it will stay warm and not boil dry. Mama has already been preparing. Using all my strength I push the heavy pot on to the heat so it will boil, and then tiptoe down to Mama's room.

Mrs Hollings is helping Mama out of her clothes and into a nightgown. For a moment I see her belly, the skin looking tight and shiny and stretched, bulge and distort fascinatingly as another pain grips her, and then there's a splash as a flood of water hits the floor and Mama screams.

"Mary Alice, fetch a mop please." Mrs Hollings sounds quite relaxed, and that makes me feel better as I run for the cleaning supplies. Mama had told me that when the water came it meant the baby would be here soon, and she had also told me that she might make a great deal of noise and I wasn't to be frightened. It's easier said than done though, it's hard not to feel afraid as I hear another scream echo through the house.

I clean up the floor and bring in some more wood for the fire. The tiny baby clothes are warming on a chair beside it, and it gives me a queer feeling to think that soon there will be a real baby in them. My baby sister.

I'm not supposed to be in the room when Mama has the baby, but I can't bear sitting alone in the kitchen and hearing the noises from the bedroom. I creep along the hallway and hover uncertainly in the door, seeing Mama on her knees on the floor, leaning over the bed with her face buried in her arms. Mrs Hollings is sitting quietly on the bed and when she sees me a frown flickers over her face.

"Mary Alice dear, you run along and play now."

"No…Alice, come here." Mama lifts her face, which is pale and shiny with sweat. She looks afraid, and as she holds out a hand to me another pain comes and her face distorts with the effort of not screaming. I rush to her and hold her hand tightly, waiting for the pain to pass and Mama to breathe again.

"Is it going to be okay?" Mama whispers to me. Her eyes are burning. "The baby Alice…is it okay?"

It's like we're alone as I nod, my eyes wide. "She's just fine, Mama. You're going to be just fine…I know."

Mama nods, and then the whole energy in the room changes as she half rises from the floor and bellows. I've never heard my mama make such a noise! But it makes Mrs Hollings smile and she bends low over Mama's head.

"That sounds good, lovey…we'll have that baby out in no time. Up on the bed now, we don't want it coming out on to the floor if we can help it!"

Mama heaves herself up onto the bed on her hands and knees, not letting go of my hand. Her face is intent as she makes another low, growly moan. "Stay with me, Alice."

She's holding my hand so tightly I couldn't leave even if I want to, but I do my best to nod reassuringly and perch uneasily on the edge of the bed. Mrs Hollings slips her hands under Mama's nightgown for a moment and I feel sick as they come away slicked with blood. But she doesn't seem at all concerned, in fact she smiles at Mama and nods at me.

"You're doing fine, lovey! We're nearly there. We'll soon see if it's a boy or a girl," she says cheerfully, and for a moment I feel surprised that she doesn't realise the baby is a girl. But for once I don't say anything, just meet Mama's eyes and hold her hand a little tighter as she gives another bellowing push.

It seems that 'soon' is a relative term when it comes to childbirth. I never knew having a baby was such hard work! Mama grunts and groans and heaves, but as the golden sunlight of late afternoon floods the room there's a final scream from Mama and then the thin, startled wail of a baby.

"It's a girl," Mrs Hollings says, handling the slimy, purple thing that's supposed to be my sister, tying a string around the thick bluish cord that has connected the baby to Mama all this time and then snipping through it with her scissors . "She's a big healthy girl too…well done."

I can't help but wrinkle my nose a little, but Mama is sobbing and glowing with happiness as she watches Mrs Hollings briskly scrub down the squalling infant. She wraps her little bottom in muslin and dresses her in the nightgown Mama sewed and then bundles her up in a blanket like she's wrapping up a parcel before she hands her over to me.

"Here you go Mary Alice," Mrs Hollings says cheerfully. "Say hello to your baby sister. Your mother still has a bit of work to do…come on Caroline, let's get that afterbirth out."

The baby has stopped crying now that she's wrapped up tight. I sit cross legged on the end of the bed holding her carefully and gazing down at her scrunched up little face, and it's like I feel my heart growing. Hello baby sister. She's so beautiful! Hazy blue eyes look at me in bewilderment, and I run my hands over her dark hair. It's sticky and there is some yucky goo and even a little blood caught in it, but I know it's going to be curly. I trace my finger down the side of her face and peel the blanket back just enough so that I can see that it's there- the little strawberry mark shaped like a fish.

I glance across at Mama, only to look hastily away as I see Mrs Hollings catching something huge and disgusting looking in the big mixing bowl. I can't help but make a gagging noise, and Mama looks over at me and laughs tiredly.

"It's okay Alice," she says. "That's just what helped the baby grow. How is she?"

"She's beautiful," I say. "Dark curly hair and a little mark like a fish. Just like I…"

I cut my words off abruptly. Just like I said she would be. No. I'm not going to say it. I can't stop these things coming into my head, I don't know how it works and I don't know why I'm like this, but in the end it doesn't really matter. The things I can do, knowing things that I shouldn't know, seeing things that I shouldn't see…this is dangerous. I don't want to be like this, and if that means I have to learn to keep my mouth shut and learn to lie, then that's what I'll do.

I smile at Mama and kiss the baby on the head. "She's just perfect Mama." This baby won't be like me. She's going to be sweet and ordinary and everyone is going to love her. Cynthia. Her name is Cynthia. Iignore the insistent thought in my head and watch as the baby turns her face to my fingers, mouth opening and closing as she searches for something to latch on to. "What are you going to name her?" I ask quietly, and for the first time in my life I pretend not to know something that my mind already holds as truth.