Chapter 4 – Why Am I So Jealous of Sam?

Disclaimer: I am a poor college student from Kentucky. Of course I don't own Twilight. Because then, I would be a rich writer who wouldn't have to worry about going to school to better myself. I'd already be better. :/

Sam and Emily's party was held the following Saturday. Unbeknownst to me, Bella had told Emily that we would come to their party. I guess they planned on announcing their pregnancy to the rest of the tribe. Sam had called me, absolutely thrilled, asking if I could pick up Billy because he was busy getting a ham for the occasion. A fucking ham.

I guess what annoyed me most was that Sam and Emily had gone about getting pregnant the way that I had wanted to with Bella. I mean, it was none of my business and normally, I wouldn't care, but when Sam told me that he and Emily hadn't planned the pregnancy and it had been a good surprise, I was jealous. Having kids was something I felt like I had to push with Bella. Deep down, I knew I wanted a rather large family with three or four kids. Bella was an only child and I knew that if she had had her way, Norah would have been our only child. She had gotten on birth control without my consent. I mean, it was her body and I understood that she wanted to have a certain amount of control over her own body. I understood that. I just didn't want to have to fight about having kids… creating a family with her. It wasn't supposed to be stressful.

We had agreed to try for a baby, but I had a sneaking suspicion that Bella was still taking her birth control pills. I had found them sitting on the countertop the day before the party. I had asked her about it, but she said she had just taken them out of her purse and was reading the back of the packaging to call her doctor to ask her a question.

I just wanted her to be honest with me. I was so confused. Bella knew the importance of having boys in the tribe… to protect the tribe from vampires. Especially considering our son would be the next alpha… I wanted a boy. As much as I loved Norah, I really wanted a son to add to our family. I wanted a boy to take hunting and fishing. I knew I could do those things with Norah, but I still wanted more kids to round out the household. I envied Sam. He had told me that he and Emily weren't planning on using birth control at all until they felt like their family had reached an appropriate size.

On top of all of this, I hadn't told Bella what had happened between Leah and me. I mean, I really didn't think it was much… she was upset and I hadn't really kissed her. I mean, my lips touched hers, but there was no feeling behind it. I didn't have romantic feelings for Leah in the slightest. She knew that. I just didn't want things to become awkward between us and I didn't want Bella to think I was cheating on her when I wasn't. I had simply been placed in an awkward situation and did the only thing I knew how to remedy it.

"Jake, have you seen Norah's dress shoes?" Bella asked, coming out from Norah's room.

"Yeah," I said, looking up at her from the couch. "Second drawer in her dresser. I stuck them in there after the wedding."

"Thanks," she said, smiling. She whipped back into the hallway in a flash of brunette hair.

Norah ran out of her room two minutes later, wearing a pink and white dress and a matching pink sweater-looking thing.

"Daddy, Norie pretty!" she exclaimed excitedly, twirling around in circles.

"Yes you are. You're such a girl," I laughed, hugging her. "Pretty soon, I'm going to be beating those boys off of you, aren't I?"

Of course, Norah had no idea what I meant. She just giggled once more.

Bella came back into the living room, wearing a navy blue blouse and khakis. I should have known that she wouldn't dress up unless she had to.

"You know, compared to Norah, I'd say you're a bit underdressed," I laughed.

"She grows so fast," Bella insisted. "She needed to get some wear out of that dress."

I simply nodded, getting up and giving her a quick kiss on the cheek. I knew that at least two things were true. I loved my role as a dad and I loved my wife more and more as each day passed.

Sam and Emily's party started right at noon. Everyone from the reservation seemed to be there. Even Leah. Heather Young had come down with her husband, a white guy named Jack Rogers, and their two daughters, Alyson and Claire. Quil spent most of his time running around with Claire. I found it almost funny, how the eighteen-year-old Quil followed the six-year-old Claire around nonstop. Rachel and Paul had picked up Billy for me and the three of them were sitting on the Uleys' couch in the living room, chattering away.

"Nowah!" Levi screeched upon seeing Norah. "You here!" he exclaimed.

Norah giggled.

"Norah Jane, don't you dare get dirty," Bella said sternly. Levi grabbed Norah's hand and the two of them ran off to his bedroom.

Emily came over, smiling at us as we hung up our coats on the coat rack.

"Glad you could make it," she said. "Um, Bella, could I talk to you for a minute?" she asked Bells.

"Sure," Bella said. She leaned in and kissed me on the cheek before heading through the hallway with Emily. I went into the kitchen and grabbed a plate and put a hamburger on it and loaded it with tomatoes, lettuce, ketchup and mustard, skipping out on the mayonnaise as usual. I finished the burger in three bites and headed toward the restroom.

"I just don't know what to do!" Bella's voice wafted from Sam and Emily's bedroom.

I knew it would be wrong to eavesdrop, but this sounded serious. I stood in the bathroom, the door just slightly ajar.

"Does he know that it might be causing problems?" Emily asked, her voice sounding anxious.

"I haven't been able to talk about it," Bella confessed. "It's always caused problems. That's the whole point of it. Jake says he wants to do things with no planning at all, but I don't have the strength to sit there and NOT try to plan things in the slightest. That's what I do. I'm a planner. And Jake's just… not."

"Well, you know it did take Sam and me over two years to conceive this baby. We refused to go get 'help' as his mother so aptly called it. Maybe things will work out. You just have to have a little faith."

"But if the birth control pills are causing problems…" Bella sighed. "Jake is so set on having another baby and he doesn't want to do any planning for it whatsoever."

"Honey, the strongest marriages are built on communication and trust. You say Jake is so set on having a baby, but do you really want a second one?" Emily asked.

"If it makes him happy, then of course I'm not against it," Bella said.

"Then you need to be completely honest and open with him. How long have you two been actively trying for a baby?" Emily asked.

"Since that day at First Beach," Bella confessed.

"That was only two weeks ago," Emily said.

"But we've been having unprotected sex almost every other night since the wedding. Still. Nothing. I stopped taking my pills over a month ago. The day after we went to the beach I took a pregnancy test and it was negative. I'm usually the kind of girl who gets pregnant at the drop of a hat!"

"Still," Emily said. "It hasn't even been two months since the wedding and you were on birth control half of that time. So that's not exactly unprotected sex. Give it some time. Just test once a week and stop stressing out. Will you be okay with Sam and me announcing the pregnancy today?"

"Of course," Bella said. "Don't let our silly problems interfere with your big day," she said warmly. I heard the bed squeak as they got up and I quickly shut the bathroom door.

So the birth control pills had altered Bella's cycle. That's why we were having problems conceiving. But it had only been a month. Bella had had me thinking that she didn't want any more children. Emily was right. We did need better communication skills in our marriage. And the ability to remember to lock the door at night when we were busy to keep Norah from walking in on us in the middle of the night. I felt guilty for thinking she was taking pills behind my back. Bella wouldn't do something like that. She loved me. There had to be a good reason why they were out on the counter. Just because they were sitting there didn't mean she was actually taking them.

I headed back out of the bathroom and into the living room. Norah and Levi were playing with blocks in the middle of the living room floor.

"Are you hungry, Norah?" I asked her. "You haven't eaten lunch yet."

Norah shook her head. "Norah busy!" she said emphatically.

Ah, of course. She was playing with a boy… and not just any boy. Levi. Of course she was "busy." I heard someone laugh and looked up.

I spotted Charlie and Sue sitting off in a corner by themselves, watching Norah and Levi play. It wasn't until I looked past them that I noticed something catching the light. I looked back at Sue and then to Charlie. I had only just noticed the slight smiles on their faces when Bella crowed behind me, "Holy crow! You're engaged?"

Charlie jumped and pulled his hand away from Sue's quickly as everyone in the living room turned to face them. It became really quiet, so quiet in fact, that you could have heard a pin drop.

"We hadn't told anyone," Sue said quietly, blushing.

"How long?" Bella asked.

"I don't know… around a month, I guess," Charlie hedged.

"Congratulations!" Bella squealed, hugging her father tightly. I smiled at them, shaking my head at Bella's spastic-ness.

She couldn't stop grinning. She picked up Norah and told her the news a few minutes later and I couldn't help but laugh when Norah asked, "Norie mawwy We-by?" The shock on Bella's face was magnificent. Norah just giggled in response.

"Now, now, little missy… there won't be any marriage going on with you until you're at least thirty," I teased, tickling her shoulder.

Later on that afternoon, Sam stood up with a bottle of champagne and pulled the cork out.

"I'd like to propose a toast," he said, grinning. Emily's eyes were bright with happiness.

Everyone held up their champagne glasses.

"To my wonderful wife, Emily, and our growing family. Let's hope Levi turns out to be a wonderful big brother," he said, trying to keep his grin under control.

The reaction in the room was predictable. Billy gaped at Sam, Leah glared at him, and the rest of the wolf-pack snickered. I didn't quite know what to do. I was jealous of Sam and I had absolutely no reason to be. He and Emily deserved this. They deserved to be happy. And I had no reason to be jealous of someone else's happiness. After all, being married to Bella and having Norah was enough, wasn't it?

I felt sick to my stomach. I wasn't quite sure if it was or not. I felt ungrateful, like nothing would ever be good enough for me. I had Bella and I had Norah. Shouldn't that be enough? Why did I feel like this? I couldn't answer my own questions that we swirling around my head, attacking my emotions. I knew I was overreacting. I knew Bella had agreed to have another child. I was just an impatient, unmitigated, comprehensive ass, hell-bent on feeling sorry for myself.

Snap out of it, Jake, I told myself. I shook my head to clear my thoughts as Bella slid her arm around my waist.

"Are you okay?" she murmured to me.

"I'm fine," I said, leaning down and kissing her on her forehead. "Just thinking."

"You know, I really like the name Rowan for a boy," she whispered.

My eyes popped open in confusion. Was she really bringing this up?

I frowned in confusion. Everyone else was pre-occupied with Sam and Emily's announcement. I leaned down and whispered in Bella's ear. "Are you just messing with me or are you really on board with this?"

"I just want to have your baby inside me again," she murmured. "A little piece of me and you, right here." She let her left hand graze her abdomen. I felt dizzy with exultation. She leaned in and kissed me deeply. My head started spinning excitedly. I wasn't sure what Emily had said to Bella precisely, but it seemed to have an effect. I grinned as we broke apart.

"Bella, have some champagne," Sam said, handing her a glass.

"No thanks," Bella said, looking at me pointedly. Sam simply frowned at her, gathering looks from the rest of the room. Emily distracted everyone else by hurriedly proposing another toast with her sparkling water.

"To Sue and Charlie!" she exclaimed. "May you two have many more wonderful years together and a beautiful life and wedding to boot!" Everyone started laughing.

I led Bella over to the now-empty sofa where Rachel and Paul had been sitting next to Billy. I turned around to see Sam following us.

"Sorry," he said. "I didn't mean to call you out like that," he apologized. "I didn't know you weren't drinking today, Bella. Am I right in guessing that you two will be having an announcement of your own pretty soon?"

"What do you mean?" I asked suddenly.

"Well, it was just the way that you two were canoodling in the corner and I figured since Bella had refused champagne that the two of you might have some news of your own to break," he said, beating around the bush.

"Sam, what are you talking about?" I asked, frowning in confusion. Bella gasped and her eyes widened in comprehension.

"You two aren't expecting another baby?" he whispered.

"No!" Bella hissed. "Does everyone here think I'm pregnant or something?"

"Well, Billy kind of said something to Charlie who must have said something to Sue who said something to Old Quil who said something to me and Quil the other day," Sam explained. "Everyone here was expecting you to announce something."

Bella looked mortified. "I'm not pregnant!" she hissed. "At least not yet."

"Not yet?" Sam asked.

"We're… considering trying for another baby," I said delicately. "But the entire reservation egging us on doesn't exactly help matters."

Sam's eyes widened considerably.

"Do I look pregnant or something?" Bella hissed.

"No!" Sam whispered furiously. "Not at all! I'm so sorry you guys."

Bella sighed.

"This is so awkward," she murmured.

Sam got up, shaking his head. "Rumors on the reservation spread like wildfire," he said. "I guess that's what happens when you live in a tiny community like this," he replied. He got up and shook his head, apologizing once more. Bella just looked at me, her cheeks maroon with embarrassment.

While Bella was getting Norah ready to leave in Levi's room that evening, Leah stopped me.

"What do you want?" I asked her pointedly.

"I just wanted to apologize," she said, sighing. "The other day was completely out of line. I should have never asked you to do that. I guess I was being stupid and thought I could convince you that you loved me. I guess you don't." She sighed, looking down at the floor, her cheeks pink with embarrassment, her toe kicking the floor haphazardly.

"Leah, I do care about you," I said. "Just not like that."

"What if I imprinted on you?" she asked me suddenly. "Would that have any effect?"

"Have you?" I asked her, a pit tightening in the bottom of my stomach. I already knew what I would do… what decision I would make. I wouldn't be with Leah. I couldn't. I had married Bella, we had a daughter together, and we were going to make another baby. I was not going to do this with Leah. No matter what crazy wolf crap happened.

"I don't think so," she said, sighing.

"You don't think so?" I asked her. That wasn't a good enough answer. "It's a yes or no question."

"Fine," she said, her eyes finally meeting mine for the first time. "No. Happy? You can continue playing house with your little wife and daughter and let me tend to my emotional drama by myself. I should be used to it by now, huh?"

And with that, she stalked out of the room. I gaped at her in shock as she passed Bella and Norah coming out of the hallway.

"Ready, honey?" Bella asked, looking from Leah to me. I took my gaze off of Leah's back, snapping back to reality. I smiled at my wife.

"Of course," I said, kissing her on the cheek.

Another chapter finished. Bella's not pregnant yet… even if Jake really wants her to be. How mortifying. I've had people come up to me before and ask me if I'm pregnant or how far along I am before (I'm not overweight or anything). I know how embarrassing it can be. *shudders* Poor Bella.

Anyways, thanks for reading! Please review. I LOVE reviews! It's what keeps me writing!! :D

xoxo