Two hours later, I am ready to rejoin the others in the living area. Before I leave the room, I examine myself in the floor length mirror to make sure I don't look as torn apart as I feel. I can fix my disheveled hair by running my hand through it, but there really isn't much I can do about my eyes. Everyone will know I've been crying, but I guess that wasn't much of a secret anyway.
My little breakdown in no way helped right the situation I'm in, but I feel as if I can deal with it better now that tears are out of the way. At least for now.
"Look who made it back!" Kallan announces with a grin.
"Yep, can't hide in my room forever," I reply as I take in the scene. Alec, Kallan, and Kai are all sitting on a large sofa and looking intently at the television. Isidora is by the table giving instructions to two servants on how to set the table.
"The replay of the Reapings will be on in a few minutes!" Kai calls out to me. He seems to be in a strangely good mood considering the circumstances.
"That can wait a minute, don't you think?" Isidora asks them. "Dinner's ready. Trust me, you're going to want to get it while its hot."
I'm about to reply when something catches my eye. On the table is a huge mound of food. So much that I can't comprehend it all being for just us five. We've always had enough food to get by in District Four, but our fried fish and seaweed-tinted rolls can't compare with this feast.
I see baskets of rolls, platters of seafood, bowls of soup, meat dishes topped with various sauces, fruit trays, and several other foods I have no name for.
"Is all this for us?" I ask in disbelief.
Isidora laughs in a high-pitched chime and waves her hand towards me. "Oh, you District children crack me up. Every year it's the same response. Of course it's for you! Who else would it be for?"
"Oh, I'm just not used to seeing so much food," I say.
"Completely understandable," Alec says, speaking up for the first time since I left my room. " Nothing like District Four, is it, Magnolia? I recommend the chicken parmesan and that first soup on the left."
"Okay, I'll try those," I say. "Oh, and you can call me Mags. I don't like my full name."
"Good." After a second, he seems to realize how that sounded and quickly does damage control. "Oh! I didn't mean 'good' that I don't have to call you by your full name. It really is a nice name, even if it is kind of long. I mean, I like Mags, too…"
I cut him off with a small but honest laugh. It is really something, seeing Alec Calder fumble for words, especially when he seems so cool and collected on television. Maybe he is trying to make up for our rocky start. "It's fine. I know what you meant. No harm done."
Just then, the servants serve us our dishes and Kallan and Kai rush over from the sofa, grab some plates, and head straight back. Knowing Kai, I predict he will put down several plates of food before he stops eating. I don't think I've ever seen him leave a crumb on his plate. Not that we've ever had enough food to be wasteful.
Alec copies their motions by grabbing his own plate and heading back to the sofa. This seems to set Isidora off.
"Where are your manners? Food is to be eaten in the dining area, no exceptions!"
They only laugh in response and I can't help but think how much this scene looks like a typical family. I see, not victors, but unruly sons breaking the rules and laughing as their mother scolds them on eating outside the kitchen. Isidora is probably in her thirties, so she's a bit young to be their mother, but I've heard the same tone of disapproval in my own mother from time to time. I'm sure Kallan and Alec don't see her as part of their family, but something about the scene makes me trust all of them more.
When you're used to seeing certain people on T.V. killing other kids, it's a bit of a surprise to see them in a family setting acting like normal people. I much prefer thinking of them this way.
"Oh, they never listen to me. Sometimes I think they don't respect me at all," Isidora says, the frown on her face so exaggerated that she really looks devastated.
My natural instinct to comfort people takes over and I find myself trying to cheer her up. "Well, what do you expect from two boys?" I say jokingly.
"Of course. We need a female victor," she agrees.
The Capitol seal appears on the television screen and the replay of this morning's Reapings begins. Was that really just this morning? It feels like a lifetime ago that I was pulling Marilla and Hallie out of bed and putting on the green dress that I am still wearing.
I stay at the table, half to appease Isidora and half because I don't want to spill soup on myself. It's hard to remember every face as we watch the replay. Only a few really stick out in my mind.
Between Districts One and Two, there are three volunteers. Alec points out that he heard Two opened up a school that kids can attend to train for the Games, and One is considering doing the same. It sounds awful to me, but I keep my mouth shut so I don't offend anyone.
I make a mental note to watch out for Osten, a bulky boy with blond hair from One. A volunteer from Two named Kimberly strikes me as a threat as well. She is tall and lean, but something in her smile convinces me that she is cocky and expects to win.
Three doesn't make much of an impression on me because I am waiting for Four.
I think I'm going to be sick when I see the thirteen year old called because I know that Kai will volunteer and I don't want to relive that. When Kai finally climbs onto the stage, his expression exudes confidence and bravery.
Remembering what happened next has my stomach in knots all over again. I watch myself walk towards the stage, looking pale-faced and shocked, but in control. The change in Kai's expression from confident to devastated is immediate. The commentator takes note of this.
"I wonder what Panem is going to think about that," I say softly.
"I assumed you two were together, or at least very good friends, " Alec comments.
Kai seems annoyed by this. "Can't you see the resemblance? Everyone says we look alike."
"Well I can now. I didn't think about it before because I've never seen family members reaped together."
Exactly. No one would ever expect us to be cousins because the odds are completely against it. If only Kai hadn't volunteered…
Kallan suddenly pipes up. "This can be a good thing. If you make the big reveal in the interview, no one will forget you two. You'll probably get a bunch of sponsors who take pity on you. Combine that with whatever sponsors you get from substance or ability and we'll be doing good," he says, sounding excited at the prospect of a new strategy.
Kai responds, but I tune out the conversation because it's starting to make me mad. Do they really think getting more sponsors will make up for any of this? It won't change the fact that there will be only one winner.
Even if one of us wins, it won't be a victory.
By the time I looks back at the T.V., they are on Six. From here on out, the tributes look less eager and more like scared kids. I make only a few more mental notes. The girl from Seven. The boys from Nine and Eleven.
It disturbs me how sickly and malnourished some of the children from poor districts look. It scares me when I see two twelve year olds called because it makes me think of Marilla being in this situation. But, most of all, it hurts me when I realize that twenty-three of these kids will be dead within weeks, and most of them will die horribly painful deaths. And their families will be forced to watch.
I don't feel like talking anymore. I don't feel like pretending we're all friends and everything is okay because nothing is. I'm not in danger of crying right now, but I can feel the emptiness returning.
For the remainder of the train ride, I sit by myself facing the window. I pull the little orange seashell out of my pocket and press it to my lips. My father told me to keep it close by and remember home.
That's what I do now. I think about feeding the seagulls crumbs of bread on the beach. The time my cousins and I tried to dig a hole to the center of the world but ended up hitting water instead. Sitting on a fishing boat with my father, the breeze blowing my hair. Tying knots for nets and crafting fish hooks. Helping my mother fry fish while she laughs and tells me a story. I even think about darker times, like when a strong hurricane hit and we were all huddled under the kitchen table while the walls shook.
At least we were together then.
We arrive in the Capitol at exactly eleven o'clock, just as Isidora promised. There are other trains parked on the tracks, so I can tell we are not the first to arrive, but not the last either. We walk as a group into the Training Center and go to the fourth floor, which is reserved for our district.
Impossibly, it is even more extravagant than the train. Alec leads me down a hallway to my room.
"Good night, Mags. Remember, tomorrow is a new day," he says, his green eyes concentrating on my face. They really are kind of beautiful… Wait, this isn't the time to be thinking things like that.
I drop my eyes and say, "Yeah. You should get some sleep, too. Good night."
He walks away and I am left on my own in my room. Everything about it, from the closet to the bed in the middle, is oversized. I go to take a shower, only to realize that I have no idea how to work it. Instead of waking someone else up for something as embarrassing as this, I retire to my bed.
The next morning, I wake up shaking. I wish I was one of those people who can't remember their dreams. Unfortunately, I have long, vivid dreams, and I always remember them. It started out nice; I was on a boat back in District 4. It wasn't until the ocean shifted into the arena and I saw other tributes being swallowed by sea monster muttations that it turned into a nightmare.
Luckily, Isidora Satin barged into my room and saved me from my horrible dream. She doesn't seem to notice my trembling.
"Time to get up! You have a big day ahead of you! Right after breakfast, you get to meet your prep team and stylist. I bet you can't wait for the opening ceremony tonight!"
Actually, I can wait. But instead of admitting I'm not as enthusiastic about the day as she is, I give a smile and announce that I'm going take a shower first.
I try my best to figure it out and end up covered in lotions and scented sprays. When I finally find the hot water, it blasts full force, and I am suddenly the color of a lobster. At last, I get the hang of it, and I have to admit it is kind of relaxing to be under the water.
Breakfast is just as delicious as dinner was. I try to sample all the foods, but I am full after two pancakes, a beignet, scrambled eggs, and a hearty piece of sausage. Really, the only thing on the table I didn't care for is the coffee. Alec hands me sugar cubes for it, but I end up just eating them whole.
"Looks like someone's got a sweet tooth," Alec jokes. We are the only two left at the table because I got to breakfast late and Alec is obligated to stay with his tribute.
"Why sweeten the coffee when the sugar's better by itself?" I ask.
"Good point. Besides, it can't hurt for you to put on a few pounds. Everyone loses weight in the arena."
I think of how much of a mess most victors are when they are pulled out of the arena. I've always wondered how the doctors can put them back together so quick because they always look healthy just days later for the Games highlights.
Alec's expression dips to a frown and he says, "I know you don't want to, but we need to start discussing strategy."
My frown mimics his. "I know, but we don't have much time today anyway. I'm surprised Isidora hasn't forced me to go meet the prep team yet."
"Are you nervous about tonight?" he asks.
I think about that for a minute. "Just a little. I hope I don't get a really bad costume."
"I'm sure you'll look fine," he says with a small smile. And then I'm looking into his eyes again.
Almost like clockwork, Isidora bursts in and practically pulls me out of the chair. "No tribute of mine is going to be late for prep!" she exclaims, and I think of her like a mother again.
I am dropped off into a room by myself. There is a note on the wall that says to strip down, have a seat, and wait for further instruction. So much for me being late.
I have to admit, I'm a bit uncomfortable with letting three strangers see me naked. However, my worries seem pointless when they come through the door and the prep work begins. There are two girls who are twins and one boy. All three of them are dressed so exotically that its hard to tell what they would look like naturally. Even though their outfits and hairstyles are foreign, I find that they are all very polite. They let me know what they are doing with each solution they rub into my skin and make conversation so I won't feel uncomfortable.
"You're really pretty, you know. You'll look stunning tonight," one of the girls tells me.
I blush a little and thank her. Her twin brings me to a mirror and I still look like myself, but my flaws have been erased. I decide that I like my prep team.
I hope my stylist will be the same.