Disclaimer: I do now own the X-Men.

Chapter 4

That afternoon, Kurt stayed locked in his room and refused all visitors. At some point during the day, he dug out the note Kiara had left for him on the day she had left five years ago. He sank to the floor in front of his bed and reread it silently:

Dear Kurt,

I'm so sorry for leaving you like this after all that you've done for me. But something really bad has happened, and I refuse to let you get involved right away.

Because I love you, and I don't want to ruin your life.

Please, forgive me, and try to remember that I'll always love you more than anything in the world. No matter what.

Yours always,

Kiara Blaze.

Ich liebe Sie.

Kurt stared down at the note and reread Kiara's words over and over again. It wasn't until he had read it several times that he started to notice all of the imperfections: Kiara's handwriting, which appeared perfect and beautiful at first glance, was – in this note – cramped and messy. It wasn't at all like her usual style of writing. It seemed to suggest, to Kurt, that if she had just written the note and given it to him fast, she would never have had to think about it again. She'd never have had to think about leaving Kurt again, and she'd never have had to think about the pregnancy again. Until the baby had been born, anyway.

Kurt looked down at the note again and realized that its contents matched Bobby's words exactly without hinting at the pregnancy. Bobby was right. Kiara had only been trying to look out for Kurt when she left, but that didn't change the fact that she had done it in such a wrong way.

Later that night, Kurt lay silently in bed, unable to sleep. He thought back to Kiara's behavior during the days just before she left the mansion. She had seemed constantly depressed and fragile to even the slightest touch.

Kurt had assumed, at the time, that it was because she had just faced her first real battle and because she had found out the truth about her father only a few days earlier. Kurt had assumed that she would get better in time.

Then, every time he closed his eyes, Kurt saw her. He saw Kiara looking scared and confused when her period was late. He saw her stealing a pregnancy test from Jean's bedroom because she was too embarrassed to go buy one on her own and too scared to tell Kurt the truth. Then he saw her, sitting in her bed late one night, crying as the pen shook in her hand and she forced herself to write the note that would bring their relationship to an end.

And the thought that intruded Kurt's mind over and over again as he lay awake in bed long past midnight was that Kiara had had to go through that all on her own. She had been alone in those moments when she needed him the most.

Kurt stood up and walked across the room to his computer desk. He grabbed the picture of him and Kiara off the desk and stared down at it.

"How could you have made such an enormous mistake?" Kurt said as he stared down at the picture of Kiara. "I know you're smarter than what you did. I mean, didn't you know that you should have been thinking about yourself when you found out? Didn't you know that you should been have worrying about our baby and not about me? Didn't you know that you shouldn't have been worrying about the things I would have had to give up? I wouldn't have minded. I still wouldn't mind giving up those things, but if we had raised Mischa together, that's what would have been best for all of us. Why couldn't you see that then? Why didn't you just let me help you through all of it?"

Kurt sank down into his swivel chair, knowing the answer to his questions and hating himself for it.