Disclaimer: As ever I hate saying it but I do not own Criminal Minds

Derek, walking up to Penelope's apartment, with the stipulation to use the key she'd given him after Battle handled the bags of take away food ready to let himself in. He made the short journey to her door and another realisation of missing out hit him. When he let himself in, he saw only lamps on no major lighting; he peered into the bedroom en route to the kitchen and saw Penelope was asleep, her back to him. However, as he put the bags down he heard a scream and dropped them before running into her room and seeing her sitting up, sweat wetting her forehead, her arms wrapped around her legs as she calmed herself.

Again his heart sank a little more, wondering if he'd been more around in her life she wouldn't be so haunted. 'Baby girl?' He asked softly but then heard her sob as it came out muffled in her arms. He immediately got on the bed and wrapped his arms around her, taking her out of her protective bubble and placing her in his. 'It's okay.'

'No it's not.' She told him and pulled away. 'These aren't going to stop.'

'How long?'

'Since Battle I guess, but since Kevin they've just gotten a little worse.' She admitted easily, like the distance between them hadn't happened. 'I- I keep getting to the point where I call you... and... it's just stupid.'

'No it isn't, and what?'

'It's like you're a stranger to me, I keep telling you all this stuff we did together but all the time you have no idea who I am, telling me I must be mistaken, you don't remember any of it, you know no baby girl...'

He sat there staring at her and her eyes refused to look into his eyes, and as he listened to her he realised that her dreams, that conversation where he hadn't been bothered to make her a priority, the one time he did so she was hurt, was really a reflection of how their friendship had pulled and frayed and how it had been.

'I shouldn't have taken the job.'

Penelope's head shot up at him, her eyes widened in shock her bottom jaw slacked. 'No, don't you dare! You deserved the opportunity to raise the bar in your life Derek! No one should hold you back from living your life, it isn't anyone else's, it's yours.'

'Yeah but if it means pushing everyone that's helped me so much in the past away what's the point? I think I'd rather be below my ability and have a family love me than in a position where I'm best but isolating those around me.' He pushed her fringe back and looked into her eyes; she knew that was the end of that chat for now. 'Come on then princess we have food getting cold.'

'I'm really not hungry.'

'Well you're eating, you need to.' He told her with a smirk. 'Even if I have to force feed you.'

'Don't do that... I'll make it messy.'

'We'll have to find a bib then.' He told her and stood up, putting his hand out for her. 'Come on then baby girl.'

She laughed and took her orders, standing up, taking his hand softly, not the way they used to and followed him out, as soon as she smelt the food her hungry levels played up and she was glad it was there.

'Hungry now?'

'I do believe I am.' She said as she watched him dish up. 'Film?'

'Go for it... you pick, just no lovey dovey films...'

'Action packed it is then.'

'Got anything that mixes the two?' He told her knowing she would do, numerous movie nights in the past meant he knew her DVD collection as much as she knew his. When he sat down with two plates in his hands he was satisfied with her choice and waited for her to slump down and take the plate. He noticed she sat tightly in the corner of her end of the couch, the distance between them glaringly obvious. Another realisation that it would take more than an apology and some comforting to make this all better, to get life back on track again.

They ate in near silence before Penelope sat her plate down and grabbed a pillow and curled around it. He watched her eyes glaze over, her face on the telly to make it seem she was interested but the presence there was elsewhere, darting back and forth places, anywhere but the current reality.

'You okay there baby girl?'

'Yeah course, why?' She asked quietly before looking up at him.

'You looked a little distance there.'

'I'm still mad at you.' She told him.

'Not physically, I got that, where's that mind of yours gone?'

'Just thinking.'

'Care to share?' He asked shifting his body language; she knew about body language, he was shutting the film off from his attention making her a priority with his open interested posture.

'Is it so easy?'

'Is what so easy?'

'To get back together, make our friendship what it was?'

'We make it easy or hard Pen, that's the way it works, we work on us at whatever pace we want to go.'

'I want to go slow, I need to.' Penelope told him, again losing eye contact. 'I just can't let you in and be like the last 4 months didn't happen because they did and it still hurts.' The word echoed in both their heads for different reasons.

For Derek, the word hurt illustrated what deducting two key, poignant words had done. It had literally torn away at Penelope's life, made her feel insignificant. Made her feel like a stranger to a person that had loved her dearly before he got so consumed by the job he was in.

For Penelope, the word hurt echoed for the emotional and physical pain she'd felt. The times she needed Derek the most in the past he'd have jumped, with no motive or agenda, he was just there to support her. She felt hurt for the reason that she'd made him feel welcomed in a job that had made him uncomfortable to adjust to. She'd made him his office, made it have the draw of life, the picture of her, things that would lighten his life when things got down but that hadn't worked well. It was that, that made her feel a bit like a failure, she hadn't kept one of them afloat.

'I need time to reassess and associate you into my life, as much as I want to open my arms and hug you like before, I feel it'd betray what's happened. I need to know that you aren't going to drop me when you think you can take on the duties of work again.'

He nodded with disappointed agreement. 'I get it, I do. I want to prove to you that I want my life back to being perfect again...' She laughed at him. 'It's the truth! I was a happy man back then Pen. Tired, admittedly, over taken, yes but happy and enjoying life.'

'Well there are five others that need that declaration besides me Derek... just prove your worth.'

'Oh I will, don't you worry.' He told her with a self assured smirk; Penelope matched it, that was the proof that everything he'd told her was the god's honest truth.

Derek Morgan was now on a mission.