Five Years

Chapter Three

Disclaimer: I do not own anything mentioned in the following fanfiction, except for the character of Penelope Richmond. She is of my own design.

"Hey Pen"

She looked up from the paper she was grading, her eyes completely not surprised to see James standing on her front porch, a cautious look on his face. She took a sip of coffee from the steaming mug that was by her side, keep her eyes on him as he just stood there, waiting for direction.

"James. What brings you by my house again for the second time in three days?" she asked, leaning back in her chair, James moving across the porch and sitting on the one opposite of her. She could tell just by looking at him he was an emotional wreck; he had bags under his eyes, his hair was slightly mess, and he was wringing his hands. All James T Kirk tells for emotional distress.

"You said to come back once I've had some time to process this so. Here I am" he said, looking up from his hands and at her, Penelope stone walling him by keeping her face straight. She wasn't going to give him an inch here; he needed to do this on his own.

"And?" she prodded, unable to help herself after a minute of silence. The warm afternoon California air washed over them, the day so nice Penelope decided to work outside on the porch. It was the weekend so she had no classes to teach, but that didn't stop her from working ahead; she had a mountain of papers to mark and little time to do them in.

"I want you to know that I'm not mad that you didn't tell me. I understand why you chose to keep it to yourself" he started, his hands beginning to wring.

She stayed silent.

"Part of me wants to thank you for not telling me because I've had the most amazing five years on the Enterprise. But a bigger part of me wants to tell you that you should have told me. Yeah I would have stayed and yeah, I wouldn't have had the past five years I've had but that wouldn't have mattered. Our son would have grown up in a real home with real parents and that would have beaten whatever I seen or done over the past few years" he said with newfound conviction, Penelope taking a deep breath as she saw where this conversation was headed.

"I grew up without my father and not a day went by where I didn't think of him. I don't want that for Jake" he continued, Penelope's heart beginning to race now.

She could see it as clear as day in his eyes; he was going to ask to be a part of their lives. It was the one scenario she hadn't prepared for and the one where she still didn't know what'd she'd do if he'd asked. Part of her was thrilled at the prospective of having James back but another didn't know how to explain the two week time period of father time to Jake.

"So what are you saying?" she asked, needing to hear him say it outloud.

"I'm saying I'd like to be a part of your lives. I'd like to be a part of his life. I want him to have a Dad he can look up to and come home to everyday. I want him to be able to beat other kids in 'My dad is' competitions by saying 'My Dad's a Starfleet captain'. I just...I want to be in his life, Pen. I want to be in your life" he said empathetically, showing some of the rare James T. Kirk compassion that initially made her head over heels for him. And if the slightly increase of beats per minute her heart had just began beating at was an indication, his kindness still managed to do the same thing.

"What am I suppose to say to that, James? Sure, you can just waltz into our lives and change everything? Sorry, no. It doesn't work like that. Besides, you leave in twelve days. Are you going to explain to him on that thirteenth day when you aren't here, because I'm sure as hell not going to do that to him" she said with unintended aggression, rising from her chair and moving towards her front door, leaving it open for James to follow her in. She was feeling some of the anger she'd felt during her nine months of pregnancy begin to arise in her, but she had to stem it. She had to keep her cool.

"I've been thinking about that and I'm going to resign as Captain of Enterprise" he said as he shut the door behind him, Penelope stopping dead in her tracks as his words hung like anvils over her.

"No you're not James" she said sternly, crossing into her kitchen. Her hands immediately went to the sink as she began to wash dishes, the task she always took to doing when on the verge of anger.

"I'm not going to ask you to give up the one thing in life you love doing to be a father to Jake. I teach him to pursue his dreams and to do what he loves. I'd be a hypocrite if I asked you to resign from Starfleet" she said, running a soapy sponge over a disk.

"Good thing you aren't asking, then" he joked, finally sending her over the edge

"Damn it, James. We aren't at the Academy anymore! This isn't some simulation where you can cheat your way out of it! This is real life! This is my life! You can't come storming in here after three days of being home and decide you want to uproot our lives" she said, turning around to face him as she yelled, her voice high and antagonizing.

"Penny, I have right to—"

"You're playing the rights card? Are you kidding me?"

"Penny, he's my son—"

"NO, HE'S NOT! HE'S MY SON! I RAISED HIM, I CHANGED ALL HIS DIAPERS, I TOOK HIM TO THE HOSPITAL WHENEVER HE RAN HIGH FEVERS. HE MAY BE YOUR'S GENETICALLY JAMES, BUT HE SURE AS HELL IS NOT YOUR SON" she yelled, slamming the dish she'd had in her hand down on the counter, the ceramic shattering in millions of pieces.

"WELL WHOSE FAULT IS THAT PENELOPE, HUH? I DIDN'T ASK YOU TO DO IT ON YOUR OWN, YOU CHOSE NOT TO TELL ME! YOU CHOSE TO DO THIS ON YOUR OWN! HE COULD HAVE BEEN MY SON IF YOU'D JUST TOLD ME BUT NO, YOU KEPT IT TO YOURSELF AND LOOK WHERE IT'S GOTTEN US!" he yelled back, taking a step forward to her threateningly as he shouted.

"God, you still don't understand. I was doing you a favour—" she started, shaking her head in disbelief before bringing a hand to her face, pinching the bridge of her nose as she closed her eyes tiredly.

"Were you? Is that what you thought you were doing?" he asked her quietly, his face pained and hurt as he lowered his voice. She looked up at him and saw the anguish in his eyes; he really was all torn up about this.

"James, you said it yourself five minutes ago. You've had the most amazing 5 years" she said tiredly, raising her eyebrows in expectation.

"Yeah, I have. Now let me ask you, how were the last five years with Jake, hm? Amazing, I bet" he replied knowingly, giving her an equally expectant look. She kept his stare for a few minutes before looking away, giving another tired sigh.

"Ultimately it's not my decision James but if I were you, I'd think about resigning a little more. What would you do here on Earth?" she asked, leaning back against the counter behind her as she crossed her arms over her chest.

"I'd teach at the Academy, just like you" he said firmly, adamant with that decision.

"And you'd hate it. You'd hate every single day of it and then slowly, you'd start to hate us" she explained.

"Pen, I could never hate you" he said with such sincerity that her heart skipped yet another beat.

"You aren't meant for teaching James. You're meant to be out there, it's in your blood. Being a Captain is all you've ever wanted. You can't step away from that, you just can't" she said quietly, shaking her head a few times.

"We don't have to make that decision right now. But I would like to meet him" he pressed further, his eyes gentle and nonthreatening.

"And when you leave in twelve days?" she asked, needing clarification on what his plan was,

"If I leave, I'll be the one to explain to him why" he finished, giving her a nod of firm confirmation.

She weighed the options carefully in her head. She could either refuse James access to Jake, thereby more than likely ending their friendship. Or she could suck up her pride and let him meet his son. After all, it was her fault for the lack of male guidance over the past five years. If she'd told James from the get go, he would have stayed and Jake would have grown up with a Dad. The least she could do now was offer Jake a few days with the Dad he'd been praying to come home ever since he was old enough to talk.

"He's out right now at a play date. I'm going to get him around six so, stick around I guess" she said, moving to begin cleaning up the shattered ceramic from her previous outburst. She was busy picking up some of the bigger pieces off the floor when a new set of hands entered the picture, Penelope raising her eyes off of the broken plate and up to James', a feeling of undeniable calm washing over her as she looked into his clear blue eyes. She hadn't felt that feeling in a long time; an emotion that she'd gone so long without feeling yet, as she continued to look straight into his eyes right now, she couldn't help but recognize how wonderful it made her feel.

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"What am I suppose to say?"

"You did not just ask me that"

"What! It's not everyday you meet your kid for the first time"

"No, that only happens once. Oh wait, I remember, you weren't there"

"And whose fault is that"

She rolled her eyes, gather her car keys and purse as the clock read ten to six. For the past hour James had paced back and forth her living room floor, his path almost wearing an oval into her hardwood floors. He was nervous, something that she never really saw him be before. It was kind of endearing.

"I'm going to go get him. Keep in mind that he knows your face so, don't be surprised if he comes running at you when he sees you. You're kind of a big deal to him" she said as she swung her bag over her shoulder, giving him a warning smile as she opened and shut the door behind her, her mind racing.

She debated her decision all the way to Jake's friend's house, staying silent for the majority of the trip back as well as she wondered whether or not this was the right decision for Jake, and for herself. She didn't know whether or not she was ready to let him back into her life.

They pulled up in the driveway about twenty minutes later and she shut off the car, turning to Jake in the back seat.

"Hey baby boy. I have a surprise for you, okay?" she said, readying him. She got out of the car and opened the door for him, helping him out and walking with him hand in hand up the porch.

"What is it, Momma? Is it a dinosaur?" he asked eagerly, tugging at her hand with a beaming grin on his face that made her laugh. She shook her head and then stopped, squatting down to his level right in front of the door.

"But before you see it, I want you to know that Momma loves you very much, okay?" she said, giving Jake a kiss on the forehead before standing back up, taking a deep breath in preparation.

She swung open the door and stepped in, James standing right in the line of fire. He was maybe seven meters in front of them, standing with his hands jammed deep in his pockets and she watched as his face passed from pure fear to something between surprise, joy, and happiness.

"DADDY!" she heard Jake scream at her side, her head looking down to see her son toss away the back pack on his back and drop her hand, running straight to him like she knew he would.

The next part was the part that surprised her the most. She watched James laugh and then bend down, enveloping his son in a hug that made her knees a little unsteady. She watched him look up at her and smile, his eyes kind and happy. She smiled back as she shut the door behind her, leaning against it as she watched him finally pull away from his son.

"Jacob George Kirk you are considerably bigger than the last time I saw you" he said, giving Penelope a knowing yet wise look with his eyes that she chuckled at.

"I know Papa, I'm four years old now!" Jake exclaimed, holding up four fingers. They both laughed.

"I know you are, kiddo" he chuckled, holding Jake out at arm's length to get a good look at him. She watched his eyes drink his son in, a small smile slowly developing on his lips as Jake just stood there. There was absolutely no denying that he was his son.

"Jake, go wash up for dinner, okay?" she said eventually, moving from her post at the front door and over to them, ruffling Jake's hair with her hand.

"Is Papa staying for dinner?" he asked with the frank honesty only children were capable of. She paused, her eyes going to James who was looking up at her hopefully.

"Papa's actually going to be staying here with us over the next few days" saying the words out loud before her mind could even process what she was saying. She watched Jake's face light up, her son throwing himself back onto his father who was looking at her with look of nothing short of surprise. She watched James hug him back, closing his eyes to enjoy the moment before letting go, Jake running off into the house at full tilt.

"Are you sure about this?" he asked, rising from his crouched position to standing.

"You said you wanted in on his life. You have the next twelve days to get to know him, so you might as well just stay here" she said, throwing her purse down and moving over to the kitchen, trying to rationalize why she'd invited him to stay.

She knew deep down that James was right; Jake deserved to know his father, and James had the right to get to know his own son. She knew it would be hard for Jake to understand why his dad had to leave in two weeks, but she knew the memories he'd gain during the next twelve days would serve him a life time. But more than that, she knew that despite his arrogance and the way he got under her skin like none other, James was going to be an amazing father. She'd seen it in his eyes the very second he'd seen Jake; he was going to love this kid no matter what.

It's what he thought of her that was worrying her.

((Author's Note: I know this took a while, sorry. Don't know how I feel about this, I know the ending was kind of weak. Anyways, lemme know what you think, okay? Thanks so much for all of your kind words and please keep reading and reviewing! Means so much))