DISCLAIMER: Nope. Still don't own anything. Remember Jackson Rathbone on Criminal Minds? No? Well it won't let me put a link so google Jackson Rathbone on Criminal Minds. SRSLY. YOU NEED TO SEE IT. GOD DAMN, HE IS PRETTIER THAN US.
Picture Jasper looking like that in this chapter. Kthx.
Oh, slight Rosalie bashing... It gets progressively worse from here on in. We didn't mean it that way, it just... happened. Anyway.. Carry on:
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ACT FOUR: GENDER BENDER DAY
It's Gender Bender Day at Forks High. Everyone is downstairs, ready to go, except for Jasper, who is taking his sweet time.
ROSALIE: *getting impatient, stamping foot* Let's GO, Jasper… Emmett didn't even take this long. *looks at Emmett* Did you even dress up at all?
EMMETT: Yes! I DID.
ROSALIE: You're still wearing guy clothes.
EMMETT: I'm wearing one of your necklaces and a little bit of makeup.
ROSALIE: That doesn't make you a girl, Emmett.
EMMETT: Sure it makes me a girl. A butchy lesbian girl.
ROSALIE: Whatever.
ALICE: I think that's actually really creative!
EDWARD: *who looks like some girl version of Robert Smith* Yeah, a really creative way of getting out of wearing a dress.
EMMETT: *shoots him a look* Shut up. *glances at Bella* Where did you get those clothes?
Bella is wearing a pair of jeans two sizes too big, a wife beater, and a plaid shirt. Her hair is down and is sporting a baseball cap.
BELLA: A friend…
ROSALIE: *sniffs* You smell like a dog.
EDWARD: *unimpressed* You got those from Jacob!
ALICE: *giggles* You dressed like a native boy. That's really cute.
ESME: I think so too. And you look cute in your plaid skirt, too, Edward.
CARLISLE: You all look great. What is taking Jasper so long?
ROSALIE: *yells* JASPER!
JASPER: *in girly voice* Coming!
Jasper comes down the stairs in a long dark wig with bangs. He is wearing a sleeveless form-fitting jade green satin dress and a pair of black Jimmy Choo shoes he borrowed from Alice. He is wearing a touch of green eyeshadow, eyeliner, mascara and berry lipgloss. He also has Rosalie's black Gucci bag slung over his shoulder. Everyone is gaping at how impressive his transformation into a woman is.
EDWARD: Holy…
EMMETT: …Hot damn.
CARLISLE: Now that's impressive. You really look like a girl, Jasper.
JASPER: Jasper? My name's Jasmine!
ALICE: Omigod, I love you.
ROSALIE: *mouth gaping, disgusted* You are the creepiest thing I have ever seen.
ESME: Be nice. I think he looks lovely.
EMMETT: *under breath* I'll say… *holds out hand to help Jasper down the stairs*
JASPER: Why thank you, kind sir. I do declare, I think you're giving me the vapors! *fans self*
BELLA: Oh my god, this is too funny.
EDWARD: Yeah, in the creepiest sense of the word. Let's get this over with. The sooner this day is done, you can give that dog his clothes back.
BELLA: Well actually, he told me to keep them. He doesn't wear them any more, anyway.
EDWARD: Fine, we'll burn them later. *is dragging her out the door*
Everyone heads out to the cars. Emmett, still holding Jasper's hand lifts it up to his mouth and kisses his knuckles.
EMMETT: Let me get that for you. He opens the door for Jasper.
JASPER: My, what a gentleman. You really know how to make a woman blush.
ROSALIE: …And to make me sick. This is a stupid school thing, Jasper. I think you're going just a little overboard!
EMMETT: Oh, just ignore her. She's just jealous you make a prettier girl than she does.
ROSALIE: *enraged* Well if that's what you think, why don't you date JASMINE, instead!?
JASPER: *trying to lighten the mood* Now, now. Don't be fightin' over little ol' me!
ROSALIE: Oh, SHUT UP!
EMMETT: Aw, babe come on, don't-
ROSALIE: No! You spend all your time with him anyway, nowadays! You may as well be dating him!
EMMETT: *annoyed* Well, MAYBE I WILL THEN! *drags Jasper to the Jeep*
BELLA: Wow.
EDWARD: *makes a half disgusted, half baffled face* My family is insane…
ALICE: *quietly to herself* Things are going to get very interesting, very soon… *smirks*
In Emmett's Jeep…
EMMETT: *tapping on the steering wheel*
JASPER: *smirks* Does that mean we're a couple now?
EMMETT: *laughs* Well, it would keep the guys at school from unf-ing all over you…
JASPER: Do I really look that much like a girl?
EMMETT: *thoroughly checks him out* …Yeah.
JASPER: *wide grin spreads across his face* You think I'm gorrrgeousss. You wanna kissss me!
EMMETT: *laughing* Shut up!
JASPER: *back in girl mode* Ah! Now is that any way to talk to a lady!
EMMETT: *shakes his head* You're lucky you're cute…
JASPER: *smiles gleefully* You think I'm cute! *bats eyelashes*
EMMETT: *laughs, starts the Jeep*
Upon arrival at the school, all heads start to turn when Jasper starts to get out of the Jeep.
JESSICA: *scoffs and rolls her eyes* Looks like Dr. Cullen adopted another kid.
ANGELA: She's beautiful.
ERIC: Huh? *turns his head*
MIKE: Whoa…
TYLER: She is fiiine…
JESSICA: Well that's not a shock, she's a Cullen.
MIKE: A single one. *grins*
JESSICA: Oh, please. Need I remind you, she's a CULLEN. Noone here is ever good enough for a CULLEN. Except Bella. *rolls eyes again*
MIKE: Yeah, well, Cullen's a freak.
TYLER: You guys have fun with that discussion. I'm gonna go over there *points with both hands* to her.
ERIC: There's a Cullen missing.
ANGELA: Yeah, Jasper. Probably home sick.
JESSICA: Who cares!?
Back over with the Cullens…
EMMETT: Are you just gonna ignore me all day, Rose?
ROSALIE: I have nothing to say to you.
EMMETT: And let me guess, I'm on the couch again?
ROSALIE: Wow. You brained. Impressive.
EMMETT: Maybe I should date him. He's probably more likely to put out than you. When was the last time…?
ROSALIE: We're vampires, Emmett. We live forever. Another night on the couch is not going to kill you.
EMMETT: I have needs, Rose. I can't be like Edward! Forever!
EDWARD: *offended* Um, hello? Girlfriend. Pregnant. Didn't just happen by itself, you know…
EMMETT: Okay. Sorry. I just- The point is: *to Rosalie* You're a prude! And I'm just getting really sick of… Everything!
ROSALIE: Well. Suit yourself. By the way. You might want to pay a bit more attention to your new *makes finger quotes* girlfriend. She's being hit on, by that Tyler kid. *points*
EMMETT: Aw, shit.
Pan to Tyler and "Jasmine"…
TYLER: *touching "her" hair* So you're the new girl, huh? What's your name, beautiful?
JASPER: *blinks* Um… right. Jasmine?
TYLER: That's a beautiful name… For a beautiful girl.
JASPER: *trying not to laugh* Thank you.
TYLER: *touching "her" arm* So… How's about… *puts arm around her* you and me?
JASPER: Um…
EMMETT: *cutting in* Everything all right here?
JASPER: Better now that you're here, darlin'.
TYLER: *feeling awkward* Um… She's your girl? I thought the crabby blonde was your girl?
JASPER: *snickers*
EMMETT: Yeah… *gives Tyler the eye* Change of plans…
TYLER: *backs off* Sorry, dude… it's all good… All good! *runs off to Eric and Mike who are gaping in astonishment by his van*
JASPER: *adjusts Emmett's collar, touches his chest* My hero!
EMMETT: *half joking* Isn't the hero supposed to get a kiss from the fair maiden?
JASPER: Well. *smirks* If you insist…
From the car beside them:
EDWARD: *looking sick* Oh, no…
BELLA: *stunned* This has gone too far.
ALICE: *hiding her inner glee* This is the best day ever!
BELLA: *confused* Isn't… Jasper with you…?
ALICE: *waves hand dismissively* We're not so much "married"… We just have sex! *smiles*
Edward looks even more sick.
BELLA: I though you two were in love…?
ALICE: We do love each other! We just have an open relationship!
EDWARD: *sinks into seat* You're a perv, Alice.
ALICE: I know! Hee!
ROSALIE: You all can enjoy this freakshow. I'm going inside. *leaves*
Back to Jazz and Em…
Emmett is in a moment of complete catatonic schizophrenia. His mouth is hanging open, and his only thoughts are "omigod, omigod, omigod, omigod." Jasper cups Emmett's chin and pulls his face down towards his and gently presses his lips to Emmett's. Emmett's eyes grow wide for a split second, then he shuts them and snakes an arm around Jasper and pulls him against him. His other hand is curled in Jasper's wig. Jasper, after a moment of shock, lets out a soft sigh and continues to kiss Emmett.
*
And that's that. Thanks for reading, reviews are made of win. :D BTW, Chapter 5 is coming soon. And Jasper is still dressed as a chick.