Forgive me if this seems a bit out of character... well if it all seems a bit out of character for them. This is just the way they've turned out in my head :) I like them. This is mostly taken from their conversation in the game after Virmire with a few of my own twists.
I own nothing. I am intensely and aggressively poor.
4. Virmire
The ship is quiet.
A heavy silence blankets the SSV Normandy, there is palpable tension in the air. Kaidan sits in the cargo bay on an upturned crate, his head in his hands. He stares at the metal grating of the floor, his brain numb. His mind is filled with images of Virmire and they're jumbled, nonsensical.
Ashley is dead.
It hasn't really hit him yet. His brain hasn't caught up. Not only is one of the crew gone but Saren's ship is apparently alive, hell bent on destroying the universe and undeniably, terrifyingly evil.
"You exist because we allow it, and you will end because we demand it."
He shivers at the memory of that voice, the emotionless, computer-generated voice that had filled the room, filled them, reverberating around inside them and twisting their insides horribly. For an instant he finds himself wishing Shepard had left him there instead of the chief. The galaxy has changed irrevocably and he doesn't know how to even begin to deal with it.
He takes a deep, shaking breath and lets it out slowly to steady himself. When did moping or worrying ever get him anywhere? Shepard had come back for him, for the bomb, and had left Ash behind. It has happened. There is nothing he can do about it no matter how much he wishes he could change it. But then, would he have done the same in his commander's position? He frowns; he has no idea.
"Joker!" Shepard is sprinting up to the bridge, her comm link crackling, Kaidan not too far behind her, "Get us back to the tower."
"There's no time Commander!" Ashley's voice is resigned, the sound of gun-fire peppering the background noise.
"Hell no Chief, I didn't bring you all the way from…"
"COMMANDER!" the Chief screams done the comm link. "GET. OUT. NOW."
"Bomb blows us all to hell in 30 seconds Commander!"
"DAMN IT! Get us out of here Joker."
Kaidan lifts his head as the elevator doors open with a sharp hiss and the Commander steps out, her boots clanking on the metal grill. Her face is unreadable but there are dark circles underneath her eyes and her shoulders are stooped slightly more than usual. They haven't spoken since they left Virmire, left her behind, and it startles him how much he misses her.
She sits down on another crate beside him and stares at her hands, her elbows resting on her knees, hunched over, defeated.
"You ok.?"
Kaidan lets out his breath in a surprised huff. "Am I ok?" he's incredulous that she can even be thinking about someone else, let alone him. "No. You?"
"No."
There's silence, and only half of it is uncomfortable. He looks at her, properly for the first time in almost a week and realizes she's on the verge of giving up, her shoulders slumped. How could he have let her deal with Virmire alone? He cringes at himself, disgusted.
"We're so close now Shepard." He tells her, "When the council hears what we found they're going to have to give us their support."
She sighs then smiles ruefully. "It's been a long time coming, but I think we've earned it." She says, glancing up at him.
"I suppose it'll be a fitting tribute for Ash."
There's silence and he's afraid he's gone too far before she smiles sadly, "I think you're right."
"How are you going with that?" He asks, his voice low and soft.
She frowns and lifts a hand to bite at a fingernail, a gesture he's begun to associate with her pushing something down into the back of her mind. She bottles things, he's noticed, hides emotions deep into the corners of her brain almost in the hopes that if she can't feel them, they'll go away.
"Not great," she admits, the continued chewing of her nails letting him know that's an understatement. "But it was either her, or the bomb and you so…"
"I can't believe we just left her behind you know?" As soon as he says it, he wishes he could take it back.
"I tried Kaidan, you were there remember?" Her voice cracks a little and he's instantly sorry he's got such a big mouth.
"I know I'm sorry Shepard." He picks idly at the knee of his trousers, "It's getting to be a bit much you know? I mean, the Reapers…They're so ancient, so old, so…" he pauses, "How do we even know where to start?"
"The Turians are old, and we gave them a boot in the ass."
Kaidan turns to look sidelong at her, an eyebrow raised. "Yeah? I think we're going to need a bigger boot Commander."
He can't hide his satisfied smile as the sound of her laughter fills the cargo bay for a brief second, her eyes flashing back to something of their familiar brightness. But as soon as it's appeared, she's gone again.
"Seriously, the council will have to mobilise the Galaxy. They can't ignore us now." He continues, his voice low and confident.
"Hah! You clearly haven't spent too much time with politicians." Her voice is dripping with cynicism.
"You've been behind this the whole way Shepard, no one could have done what you have. They have to listen to you. I don't think anyone could stop you if they tried." His voice is emphatic, earnest. "I don't think I've ever met a woman like you." he adds in French, slipping into the language unconsciously.
She laughs softly, "Do you say that to all of your commanding officers?"
He shrugs, "Only since I discovered the Captain's mess gets better food."
"Seems legit."
His face is serious, eyes darkening, and he places a hand under her chin, turning her head towards him. "Seriously though Shepard, there's something here that I'm starting to find difficult to keep separate from duty but I want to follow it through."
"I know." Her green eyes are soft as she looks up at him and he realizes suddenly just how tiny she is when she's not dressed in her armour.
"I don't want to muddy the waters but I like you, a lot." He sighs, "I don't know, maybe after this is all done it'll be different but…"
"I hear you." She rests a hand on the side of his face and smiles sadly, "I'm in agreement."
He covers her hand with his own and kisses her wrist, "Good."
They smile at each other, the smile tinged heavily with sadness and guilt. He has a horrible, sinking, feeling that their lives are about to be filled with even more darkness and despair in the face of the looming invasion by an ancient, terrifying, heartless enemy, but he's damned if he's going to let this glimmer of hope drift past him. As far as he's concerned, the Alliance can shove their regulations up their collective…
"I should get back." She murmurs, an unreadable expression shining out of her vividly green eyes.
"Yeah."
And then she's gone, and Kaidan is left once more with his thoughts, his analytical brain turning everything over. As the elevator doors slide shut, Commander Shepard smiles.
The ship is quiet.
Hooray! Things are happening. We may even move off the ship at some point. I know! Crazy right?!