Disclaimers: All original property is owned by CBS and The Mark Gordon Company, and we do not infer that any characters, creations or the concept of 'Criminal Minds' are our property and the following fan fiction has been written purely for entertainment purposes only.
Pairings: Emily/JJ Slowburn
Rating: T
Trigger Warning: This story does deal with the horror of having to deal with watching someone you love succumb to an illness that cannot be beat.
Somebody To Lean On
Part Four
"See I told you I had a trick." JJ carefully placed one very full single decanter on the dish littered kitchen table. "I just hope none of them noticed the huge glasses I was pouring myself." She laughed softly seeing staff beginning work on the mess now that the last of the guests were asleep.
"Thinking you're a functioning alcoholic will probably just add to your charm for most of them." Emily actually smiled as she eased off the jacket to her suit, leaving her in just the silk camisole, and dress pants. She neatly hung the jacket on a kitchen chair, which wasn't there more than a second before a staff member whisked it away to a safer location. "Do you want to pick up Henry and take him to bed?"
"Yes, how about you give your mother that goodnight kiss you promised and meet me in my room?" She pointed out softly knowing if she let it go Emily would just try to avoid keeping her up or having to explain anything.
"See you in ten." Emily nodded and moved first to begin moving around the staff saying a personal word of thanks to each of them.
It was more like twenty five minutes later when there came the lightest knock on JJ's door and Emily slipped in, still dressed in her dining wear, the only difference being she had slipped off her heels and was padding around bare foot.
"Was he hungry?"
"Yes." JJ acknowledged. "I literally just finished burping him and put him down." She nodded to the crib. "Today's been a busy day for him." She admitted having changed into a long cotton spaghetti strapped nightgown herself. "Everything settled downstairs? Your mother seemed very asleep when I went in for Henry."
"She is, she wants to talk about the level of the night medication she's on but I don't know, I think it's important for her to sleep well." Emily admitted moving to check on Henry and switch on the starry night night light that projected stars and moons onto the ceiling above his crib.
"It is, maybe a tiny change in dose would make her happy but still accomplish the same thing. If you find she's not getting enough rest I'm sure the doctor would adjust up again." JJ outlined the possibility. "She's going to be tired tomorrow, I'm not going to doubt her wisdom but this might not have been the best idea so close to her big appointment."
"I said exactly the same thing, but she insisted that it made no difference when or how he saw her. After all the 'damn thing's just growing in her brain'." Emily quoted shaking her head. "Hopefully with a good nights sleep and a quiet morning she'll be okay for the afternoon."
"She'll be okay, I'm just glad you're going to get some real answers about what is going on." JJ admitted her own personal desire. "She might not want to discuss it but you need to know details, you thrive on details."
"I do." Emily admitted with another soft nod. "You must be exhausted." She looked at the blonde with a soft smile.
"Nice try Agent Prentiss." JJ shook her head moving to sit on the large bed and patting it for Emily to join her. "I don't bite." She smiled at the brunette patting the space again.
"What never?" Emily offered the soft joke as she walked somewhat slowly to the bed edge and eased down.
"Well maybe then if you're lucky but we have some ground to cover before we have sex." She winked at the other woman and the action timed with her words made Emily chuckle softly.
"Just a little huh." She confirmed with a nod.
"Just a little." JJ smiled softly. "I'm sorry about the patio, I just couldn't warn you about the conversation I'd had without bringing up the knowing part."
"No, I'm sorry I didn't handle it better." Emily shook her head. "There was no need for that... show." She summed up with a sigh.
"There is one thing I know for certain, if you experienced that panic attack, there was a reason for it. It wasn't a show." JJ shook her head back. "I can't imagine it was easy hearing your ex's wife just not only outed you, but asked me how long we'd been together when you hadn't ever told me yourself that you were even gay."
"Wow, it's no easier the second time round." Emily took a slightly staggered breath, her fingers curling into the comforter slightly.
"Let's deal with things from probably easiest to hardest..." JJ gave her a reassuring look. "Do you think it changes anything now that I know? Do you think it changes how I think of you?"
"That's not the easiest to the hardest Jenn because you don't know, that is you know things, some things, but you don't know it all and I can't answer if I think it changes things, what you think, how you feel because you don't know things, and the answer might be yes, probably will be yes, no matter how much right now it is no." The brunette replied. "Do I think you care that if I like women? No I don't think you'd care if I liked purple aliens from Mars if it made me happy, but that's not all that we're talking about in this."
"Then explain things to me and we'll see what my answer is." JJ encouraged her.
"Just like that." Emily summed up skeptically.
"How else can it work Em?" JJ frowned softly. "I don't want to hear any other version of it other than yours right now."
"Okay." Emily forced her hands to relax and leaned back ever so slightly. "To skip my colourful and transient childhood let's skip forward to me somewhat settling into life in Italy. I was thirteen when I first went there, I hated it, I didn't understand the language, and there were only boys at the embassy anything near my age." She summed up. "When I was fourteen that changed when the old British Ambassador moved to a more lofty posting in France and was replaced with a younger more 'youth friendly model', Donald Matherson, who had a wife and a sixteen year old daughter, Daphne." Emily paused with a smile. "Daphne was..." She paused again. "Everything I wasn't, she was loud, and gregarious, beautiful and outspoken, her parents were these hugely important people and she didn't seem to care. She was a rebel with a cause and I instantly adored her. She wasn't like any other girl I had every met. She wasn't meek or agreeable, she didn't do as she was told, and she spent time with me."
"Gothic Emily meets Rebel Daphne." JJ nodded that she understood.
"She loved my dark hair and dark looks, she'd braid my hair and call me her little Voodoo doll. We'd troll around the embassy gardens decided who to hex." Emily laughed. "All kids stuff really." She shifted slightly. "Until it wasn't anymore." She paused again. "I'd say I don't know when it shifted but I do, I know the day, I wouldn't be lying if I told you I could probably get close to the time too." She admitted. "I was fifteen, going on twenty five, my mother was in Rome for a conference and so was Daphne's father, her mother was 'in charge' of the two of us, but who is really in charge of a 17 year old and a 15 year old both of whom think they can more or less rule the world." She offered with a shrug. "We spent the day doing what we usually did, skipping tutorials and drinking from my mother's middle shelf, smoking expensive cigarettes just being us and we began talking about what we wanted from life, what we were going to be. Daphne told me she was going to university, to study, or rather to get better at drinking, to spend her father's money, and then she was going to get settled down, get married and have babies. I remember laughing and asking if she had a candidate lined up or if it was going to be some rich sucker from university, and without even batting an eyelid she just said no silly, it'll be you."
"I know at some point this story turns bad but so far... you two just sound cute and like teenagers." JJ smiled softly at her.
"What we did that night wasn't exactly cute." Emily blushed slightly.
"So you had already been attracted to her, it just took her bridging the gap to lead you both into each others arms." JJ nodded that she understood. "I was a teenager once too Em."
"I know you were." Emily flashed her a quick smile. "And yes, I already knew I liked her in a way that I possibly 'shouldn't' but until that night I had no idea she felt the same way. From that night on though we were pretty much inseparable, more so than before. We were also not exactly... shy about how we felt, around the embassy."
"Which in the late 80's wasn't as acceptable as it is today." JJ nodded that she understood the era.
"Daphne being the eldest got told to tone it down, where as I was suddenly saddled with more tutorials, extra lessons, less free time..." Emily recalled. "It got pushed to a head when Daphne turned eighteen and announced that she was leaving the embassy, starting a course and Kings College in London and was taking me with her."
"But... you were what fifteen, almost sixteen?" JJ actually had to blink.
"Fifteen." Emily nodded. "Worse still is that she informed my mother it was happening, there was no anything. She walked into our house, it was a Wednesday afternoon, it was raining and just marched into my mother's study, which no one did, ever... and told my mother that love was love and she had no right to keep us apart, that she was leaving to study history in London and she was taking me with her. For love, for freedom and for all our tomorrows."
"Oh my." JJ breathed out almost able to picture how badly that would have gone over with Elizabeth Prentiss. "And your mother... freaked out?"
"She had Daphne physically removed from the house, by security, had me forcibly confined to my room, until such time that her father could be summonsed to the house to discuss the matter."
"And what did he say?" JJ continued to frown.
"I don't know." Emily shook her head.
"I was informed by my mother a day later that Daphne had left to be tutored in England until her transfer to King's College and that I was never to see her again. I was also told that if I was ever to bring disgrace like that upon the Prentiss name that I would no longer bare it and would be striped of all that I had come to know and rely upon." Emily shifted to sit upright as she 'recalled' her 'punishment'. "I was told that I would in time find and marry a boy, would have an heir and do my duty to my heritage." She forced herself to swallow. "So little was asked of me, I could at least do that."
"Oh Em, I'm so sorry, you were too young to be fight against all of that." JJ moved herself over and again without thinking to stop herself hugged the taller woman.
"Jenn don't." Emily forcibly pushed the blonde away, pressing up off the bed.
"What you don't deserve compassion, comfort, commiseration?" JJ blinked at her.
"Jenn, less than a week later, most of which I spent drunk, I slept with the only boy I vaguely could stand touching me and I got pregnant." Emily stood about three feet from the edge of the bed, her arm coming around her stomach as she shook her head.
"But..." JJ's frown was bad and even more pronounced, feeling ultimately saddened that at such a young and vulnerable age Emily had felt so lost and so much self loathing she'd gone out and done what she knew she hadn't wanted but had thought was going to make her 'normal and right'. "The baby?"
"Don't you remember? If I did anything else to besmirch the Prentiss name?" Her jaw trembled. "There couldn't be any evidence Jenn..." A thick tear slipped from her eye onto her cheek.
"Oh Emily, I'm so sorry." JJ wanted to move closer to her again but having been rebuffed so forcibly the last time she wasn't sure it would do anything but make her run from the room. She took a long few breaths looking at her friend in a whole new light.
"I didn't even know I was pregnant for a while... I thought I was just missing Daphne. I missed her so much it hurt to just breathe." More tears dribbled down Emily's face. "Then when I started feeling sick, I missed my period, I confided in one of the nurses at the embassy about what had happened with Marc. She went to my mother and by the end of the week it was over." Emily shook her head. "I don't even remember the day it happened."
"Sit down again please... I won't touch you." JJ promised in a soft voice patting the comforter before reaching back to the side table for a tissue. "You were just a little girl Emily." She felt such pain suddenly for the brunette.
Emily did shift, stumbling slightly to the edge of the bed, sinking down to the mattress.
"I don't know what I was." She shook her head. "What I am?" She admitted.
"You were a little girl trying to find herself like all fifteen year olds do, trying to figure out what her mind wanted, what her body wanted, what her heart wanted even though you had no idea what the world out there was really like yet." JJ held the tissue out for her. "And right now you are a brave beautiful woman, who inside is still has a tiny shadow of that scared and uncertain little girl who wants to do so much so differently."
"But I can't." Emily jaw trembled with the force that the brunette was obviously putting into trying to lock it, but it just wasn't working, there was no controlling the tide this time.
"No baby you can't." JJ answered in a sad whisper. "Please... you need to just let this out for awhile... just let yourself cry... maybe..." She made a motion with her arms as if to beckon her to willingly come closer.
For a moment Emily's breathing hitched as all kind of skeptical doubt flashed across tear filled brown eyes before with a soft exhale the brunette leaned forward, pressing herself into JJ's upper body.
"I got you." JJ closed her arms around her instantly and hugged her close, using one hand to rub the brunette's back as the hard sobs started. "I got you Emily." She vowed.
-x-
"You okay Jayge?" Garcia moved and leaned up against the table, leaning in front of the blonde to get to the coffee maker. "Was the Prentiss Party to much party for you?" She teased softly, with just the two of them at the Bureau at that time, both of them checking in a good hour earlier than the other Agents to get things moving on time and well oiled, their chats at the coffee maker had become a normal part of everyday.
This morning however, JJ was behind, the Prentiss estate had been literally teeming with people despite the early hour and Emily had been gone when JJ had woken up, despite having managed to convince the brunette to stay and just let her exhausted body sleep where it was. She had found the brunette back in place down stairs, her 'Ambassador's daughter' mask back firmly in place as she was chatting and helping organize people who had to be helped couriered off to flights and other functions.
"Yeah it was a lot of party." JJ summed up taking another sip of her first coffee. "Though I think Henry has fell in love with high society life."
"Did his mother fall in love with any rich diplomat that can keep him in said high society?" Garcia grinned.
"No." JJ shook her head softly with a slight look at the analyst. "Pen..." She looked at her for a long moment the other woman waiting long enough to raise an eyebrow when she didn't immediately say anything. "Elizabeth asked me to move into a wing of the estate with Henry."
"Wow, does she want to give me a wing too?" The analyst's eyes went wide. "I'll have a baby for her." She grinned. "No seriously, why would she want you to do that? Does she mean like you rent a wing? Or just stay in it when you come over? I'm a little confused."
"So am I." JJ admitted genuinely. "And she means move into, permanently... at least while she's alive." She swallowed softly. "She would like to have more time with Henry, she knows I'll help Emily, I think she actually likes me." She gave a goofy grin for a minute. "But... like you just said... why?"
"Well you know you are kind of like-able." Garcia poked her lightly in the ribs. "What does Emily think?"
"That was the thing, she blindsided Emily with the idea the same time she did me." JJ admitted. "Emily was embarrassed, tried to point out I take care of myself and I don't need a handout... but I honestly don't think that was what it was." She frowned. "And I can't tell if Emily thinks it's a horrible idea or a good one, she's too busy trying to do and be everything else in place of the Ambassador." She frowned more.
"Oh come on though, is part of her loving that bit at least? She gets to role play a big politician with having to actually be one." Garcia grinned.
"Actually Emily is hating every minute of it." JJ gave her a soft grimace. "Last night was a nightmare for her, having to be this social butterfly for everyone, being on show the whole time... making idle small talk with drunk old Lords and fretting the whole time that her mother was over doing it."
"When you put it that way it sounds horrible." Garcia admitted with a frown and a sigh. "And a mess you're probably best well out of, I'd say you'd be best off saying thank you but no thank you to the wonderful offer, you can still be a part of the Ambassador's cheer squad without sleeping on the bus."
"You're probably right." JJ gave a soft nod. "Can we keep this between us?" She added. "I don't want Emily to feel like she's being talked about behind her back."
"Of course." Garcia shook her head. "Since when do you need to worry about that." She added making a small tsking sound.
The blonde had been going to say more when she was surprised from behind by Hotch, failing to suppress the small squeaking sound that escaped from her lungs she apologized to him, letting the soft blush that naturally filled her cheeks to bloom brightly.
"It's alright Garcia." Aaron shook his head and looked at JJ. "JJ my office please. I think we have a case, I need to talk to you about it..." Flicked his attention to Garcia briefly, "Have everyone assemble straight into the conference room when they get in, and contact Emily." He reached between the woman and took the coffee that JJ had already prepared herself.
-x-
"I hate doing this..." Emily was already talking as she pushed into the blonde's office pushing the door closed as soon as she was clear of it. "But it's all I can think of to do and believe me right now think is not what I'm doing so well on so..." She pushed her hair back off her face and behind her ear. "I've got Hotch to okay me flying private jet after the main team as soon as I can after the hospital appointment this afternoon is over, could you please go over to check on mother this evening, sometime, any time." She blinked rather erratic brown eyes over at her.
"It's no problem Em, I'll go over after work or when there is a lull in the action here if I'm late. I'll stay over there tonight or as long as you're on case if you want." JJ saw the panic and immediately hoped she could soothe it.
"No you're going to need all the rest and focus you can I'm calling and making arrangements for extra care workers, and the rest of the guests who were planning to stay some more time are transferring to the Hilton." She tucked her hair around her ear again and dropped her hands to her sides, wiping them on her pants.
"Emily, get extra people, get the guests out... but I'm going to be at the estate with your mother to help you co-ordinate everything, don't bother arguing with me right now, I feel bad enough about this dropping on you today of all days but it didn't come over my desk or I would have tried to warn you, this came in straight to Hotch." She moved up out of her chair and around her desk to stand in front of the brunette. "I can juggle, I'm getting good at it." She smiled at the other woman. "Just focus on the appointment and then focus on the case, I'll make sure she's okay and if there is a reason I will call you to tell you you need to come home."
Emily nodded and glanced at her watch.
"Mother is having brunch with Lord Hutchen before he leaves, I need to get back to the estate, I promised Hotch I'd get up to speed on the case when I could so I'd arrive prepped." She raised the manila folder in her other hand.
"You'll have almost three hours on the plane, it'll be more than enough time, you can also conference with me and we can go over details together that might have come in new as I'm still gathering background for everyone on the fly." JJ furthered the plan. "The case we will sort, get back and make sure your both on time for Dr. Singh."
"Okay." Emily nodded and moved to turn, stopping before she did so. "Here." She slipped her hand into her pocket and held out a key chain to the blonde.
"I have clearance at the gate." JJ reminded her with a soft smile.
"Right." She closed her hand around the keys, nodding more.
"Em..." JJ reached out and closed her hand over Emily's. "It's going to be okay, you'll get to the doctor's, find out what you need to know, get to the plane and be with the team before the six oclock news finishes." She reassured her.
"Right." Emily tossed her hair back again and closed two fingers over JJ's hand. "We'll talk later."
"We'll talk later for sure, and don't worry I will be at the estate later too." JJ underlined again. "Now go on, get back but please be careful driving." She urged not really reassured when the brunette nodded and then pressed out of her small office.
-x-
"You know I hope you're not just here because my daughter thought I needed a babysitter." Elizabeth smiled despite her words as JJ pushed into the bedroom. The older woman looked exhausted, propped up in bed, already in her nightwear.
"No, she hired more nurses to babysit you, I'm here to save you from them." JJ reassured her pulling off her coat. "I hope you don't mind but I put Henry down upstairs for a bit." She waggled the baby monitor out of her pocket. "The sitter said he was a bit fussy today, I think he's still tired from last night." She admitted moving over to the bedside. "Are you comfortable?" She checked.
"A little tired, and it was our Little Prince's first public function, he's allowed to be cranky." Elizabeth shook her head with a small wave of her hand. "He just needs a little dab of 25 year old malt on his soother."
"You are naughty." JJ laughed lightly at her suggestion placing the monitor down on the stand nearby so it could be easily heard if he woke up and started to cry. "And you should be more than a little tired, Emily told me how you were at the doctor's for over two hours being poked and prodded. Have you taken some of the painkillers, you know they aren't just for the nighttime."
"I wanted to see if you would come before I needed to." The Ambassador replied her honestly letting the stoic shield she kept around her slip slightly. "And yes two hours and seventeen minutes." She summed up accurately. "All to be told what I already knew." She sighed hard. "That there's this thing in my brain that they can't stop but can't tell me when it will kill me." She summed up obviously more than a little frustrated.
"Am I allowed to even mention Dr. Singh's suggestion to try radiostatic surgery?" JJ asked the question tentatively and for a moment Elizabeth eyed the blonde silently.
"If the man could have given me statistics." She began finally. "But there was nothing, nothing he said that gave me that kind of hope." She shook her head a little.
"I know it doesn't come with any guarantee, no statistics but it is the most cutting edge therapy they can offer for tumors like yours, they can attempt to reach it, shrink it where surgery would most likely cause brain damage." JJ reached out and took her hand. "Isn't any kind of hope good?"
"Aren't I burden enough right now?" Elizabeth replied with a half sigh. "What if this whatever just prolongs this."
"What if it gives you six more months with Emily, a year even?" JJ turned it around.
"I have promised to think about it. There are pamphlets." She waved her free hand to the side.
"Pamphlets don't tell you what you want to know, no one can tell you that, the only way to find out what it can do to help is to try." JJ kept her eyes on Elizabeth's face. "Do you want me to pull the big cards out on you? It could mean the difference between seeing Henry toddling around, hear him cut his first tooth, see him on big boy food?"
"That Agent Jareau is emotional blackmail." A slim smile came to the ambassador's lips. "How bad is this case?" She did a classic Prentiss redirect.
"It's bad." JJ admitted with a frown causing the older woman to immediate give a sad shake of her head.
"I don't know how you do it, not just you and Emily, your whole team." She admitted softly. "As you got a taste of last night, knowing how to mingle and talk are two of the essentials of my job, that and a little friendly manipulation here and there."
"Our job involves a lot of unfriendly manipulation." JJ equated the two things. "But I think the easiest way to explain it is that we do it to catch the unsub, to stop the pain and the suffering from happening to anyone else. Like in this case, we don't want there to be another innocent murdered." She summed up. "To do that we have to deal with the horror to find the pattern in the evidence and our killer."
"Jennifer I am sorry if I in any way embarrassed you yesterday after the function." The ambassador said quietly after a soft moment of silence.
"You didn't, there's no need to be sorry." JJ shook her head. "I just... you've already been so generous with all the things you've gotten for Henry, to make it easier to just pop over to see you. I don't need anything to come and spend time with a friend Elizabeth."
"Of course and I should know and remember that." She nodded.
"Was that why you asked or do you really want me around so you can spend more time with Henry and I can help Emily?" She asked stroking the older woman's hand softly.
"It's a little complicated, but at the same time not at all." She shook her head. "I do love seeing you and the Little Prince, and I do know how much you help Emily, and seeing more of you would be a blessing." She began. "But as you have no doubt understood by now I am an older woman faced with the reality of mortality. I am facing a life lived, my triumphs and my regrets." She continued. "I forget sometimes that one cannot mend a broke dam, with a patch, it requires a rebuild."
"Is one of those regrets the reason you extended the invitation to Daphne and her wife?" JJ asked softly.
For a moment the hand in JJ's stiffened before relaxing into the comforting hold the blonde had around it.
"Which did you notice first, that they were the only ones of their generation to have an invitation, or my daughter's discomfort?"
"Emily's discomfort, I caught onto that when she came to the office with lunch and extended your invitation." JJ admitted softly. "She told me last night... about everything." She added wanting Elizabeth to be clear on the playing field. "I had to admit to her that I had become more aware of what might be her issue with Daphne, that Emily was gay when Isabella came over and started to inquire how long Em and I had been together."
"And this is where I have to apologize to you dear." The ambassador focused on the blonde more intently. "I had more than an idea that is the conclusion she would come too, and in fact wanted her to come too. It is not the reason I wanted you there, do not think that, I wanted you there for who you are, and what you and Henry have come to mean to me, but it had crossed my mind the message that Daphne and her spouse would take from the appearance and I cannot deny I welcomed the idea."
"You could have let me in on the plan so I didn't sink the ship immediately when she asked me the question." JJ pointed out. "Seems Isabella was as anxious to believe the appearance as you were to sell it to her, Daphne... let's just say your daughter leaves a very long lasting impression."
The ambassador cleared her throat and gave a small nod.
"As her dear friend and a good woman, a part of you must loathe me right now." She summed up breathing out slowly. "A fact I neither judge you for nor correct you on."
"I don't loathe you." JJ shook her head. "What you did... how you dealt with it... was wrong." She summed up softly. "But hindsight is 20/20 and the world is much different today then it was then. I try to think what my parents would have done if I'd come home with a girl at that age and I can guarantee it probably would have been close to the same response." She frowned softly. "I didn't know you then, if I was me now talking to you then I'd have taken great issue... but me now talking to you now, I know you are starting to understand more what all of that did to Emily, as a teenager, as an adult, as a woman." She stroked Elizabeth's hand again. "I want to believe that you now would take issue with you then too."
The older woman nodded sadly.
"She is and always will be my everything." Elizabeth said, her voice shaking.
"I know this might seem as foreign as agreeing to the Gamma knife but you need to tell her this Elizabeth. She's still afraid deep down that if she does something to disappoint you again you're going to disown her, cast her out and never think of her again, and you are all she has, all she's ever known, all the family she has."
"I didn't even mean that then." Elizabeth shook her head. "I just wanted to scare her, shock her out of the stupidity of throwing everything into some crazy love affair with an eighteen year old who barely knew up from down, or how to tie her own shoelaces." Her voice choked with emotion a little more. "I couldn't let her take my baby away."
"She needs to know that was the reason, not because it was another girl, not because you didn't believe she was in love, but just that it was teenage love without any chance of surviving the real world that they didn't understand. She needs to know you were afraid, for her and because you couldn't live without her, you couldn't just let her fly to the wind, she was your precious little girl." JJ assured her that this much she could now understand. "She needs to know that you never ever would have turned your back on her."
"What if it's too late?" Elizabeth shook her head.
"She's still right beside you, it's not too late. If it was too late she'd would have reached eighteen and left, never looked back but she didn't. She is by your side, arranging nurses and fretting about having to go on this case and leave you after such a hard day at the doctors. She is trying to find out all she can about this surgery Dr. Singh suggested and then try and convince you to at least try it, because she doesn't want to lose you and in case none of that works Elizabeth, in case mortality wins like it always will in the end, she needs to know you didn't leave her because she was bad or wrong, she needs to know you are proud of her and that when you do close your eyes and go to whatever is on the other side, you do so loving her, cherishing her."
The Ambassador said nothing for a long moment, merely looked at the blonde with tears in her eyes.
"Do you think you could stay the night this evening?" She asked of her eventually.
"Yes." JJ nodded. "I had kind of invited myself already." She smiled softly. "For as long as Em's out of town on this case."
"You don't have to do that you know, but it would be nice if you were close tonight." She clarified her point not wanting JJ to feel obligated.
"I know I don't have too, I want too." JJ shook her head to the idea. "For you, for Emily... for me. I won't get any sleep worrying at my place." She admitted.
"Worrying will give you an ulcer." Elizabeth smiled softly. "Emily's grandfather used to say that, but most of the village thought he was crazy."
"My grandmother said worry was like a rocking chair, it'll wear you out but you'll never actually get anywhere." JJ smiled back.
"I think your grandmother was wiser than Emily's grandfather. He like to wander partially naked around the Alps, yodeling and fishing with just a bootlace."
"I think you might be right." JJ gave a soft laugh. "Now how about I make us both some tea and we can do a crossword while we wait for your pills to kick in, because you are taking some now that I'm here." She outlined what was and what wasn't a real choice.
"A little ice cream maybe?" She smiled at the blonde.
"A little ice cream." JJ nodded picking up the monitor. "I'll be right back."
-x-
"Hate to ask this Princess, but we need your head in the game here." Morgan glanced at Emily as he drove them both back to the hotel after the final briefing of the day. "But did you even catch most of what we were just talking about?"
"Of course I did." Emily looked at him with a terse frown. "It's been a long day and though I missed the initial briefing I made sure I was up to speed by the time I landed and nothing that valuable happened in the time I missed here on the ground believe me, I caught the valuable pieces of news that Hotch covered."
"Okay." Morgan pulled in a breath, wishing now that he just hadn't said anything he had almost forgotten what it was like to be on the receiving end of a pissed off, short tempered Prentiss, and he had just had a very clear reminder, but at the same time he didn't regret his initial statement. As agents they all knew it was imperative to be keyed in at all times on a case, not just for the cases' sake but for their own.
He let an uncomfortable silence fall between them concentrating on the drive for a long moment, before glancing at her again.
"Get some rest." He urged her, seeing the lights of the hotel and guiding the SUV up into the nearest parking slot. "Garcia assures me this place makes great breakfasts."
"Right." Emily pushed out of the passenger seat and paused to pull out her go bag from the back of the van as Derek made his way to the doors. The brunette didn't follow him however after she had claimed her bag, she just eased the door closed and pushed her back against the side of the van with a hard sigh, running her hand over her hair, she pushed the dark locks behind her ear before pulling her phone out of her jacket pocket.
Scrolling quickly through the numbers she settled on one and then stepped away from the SUV as the call connected, her eyes on the asphalt at her feet and the small puddles reflecting the high light from the street lamps.
"It's late, I thought you were all going back to the hotel to get some sleep." JJ's voice answered and having seen the number she didn't bother with an introduction, just offered the soft words of worried concern.
"Were you asleep?" Emily asked the rather redundant question.
"No, I just finished feeding Henry and was having some toast." JJ admitted omitting the fact she'd realized the reason for her stomach upset was probably that she'd forgotten to eat dinner. "Your mother is sleeping comfortably, I convinced her to take some painkillers earlier and we worked on a few cross word puzzles until she got dozy."
"Thank you." Emily offered the word softly, falling silent for a long moment. "Was she... alright?"
"She was exhausted, a little upset that Dr. Singh gave her pamphlets instead of statistics..." JJ offered the explanation of their brief but what she felt was important conversation. "But she promised she was going to really think about the Gamma knife treatments, which I think is progress."
"When the case is done, I'm going to talk to Reid about it, if anyone will be able to get me all the information out there about it it's him." Emily admitted. Her hand slipped into her pocket as she spoke and without thinking really flipped open the cigarette packet she had bought at the airport just before getting on the jet. "I also thought it might help, you know..." She paused, shifting the phone as she stopped to light it. "If they're serious about wanting to help." She pulled in a long draw.
"I think that its a great idea, Reid can go through all the literature and give you the kind of data she really wants crunched before her. We both know Dr. Singh is reluctant to talk numbers because there is on guarantees but we also know Reid can find ratios and trends we can use to convince her." JJ agreed with her option. "Emily... are you smoking?" She asked suddenly sure she recognized the breathing pattern on the other end of the phone.
Rather ridiculously Emily looked at the burning cigarette in her hand.
"Yes." She confirmed, dropping it and pressing the toe of her boot onto the end.
"Damn you, damn breast feeding, I could do with one of those." She gave a soft amused laugh at her own sudden craving. "How are you doing?" She asked in a softer voice knowing from the 'yes' answer it couldn't really be good. She'd only known the brunette to smoke on two other cases, both of which had been horrific and traumatic.
A soft chuckle came from the brunette as she fished out a new smoke and lit it.
"I'm not." She admitted honestly, a fact alone that was unheard of. She blew out a lung full of tainted breath before taking another draw. "I need to not be here, but at the same time..." She didn't finish. "I'm okay." She made the comment that made little to no sense what so ever. "We think the unsub is a woman."
"Shit." JJ felt the curse leave her lips before she could stop herself, she knew that in situations like this it often left her and Emily to try and offer the boys the much more insightful position of what their unsub might be motivated by or feeling, as often the behavioral profiles they had were all built exclusively around men and their type of actions.
"Autopsy reports have all come back, with tox screens, each victim was poisoned, no signs of physical restraints or defensive wounds." She outlined. "There wasn't any trauma, no evidence of physical over powering. Classic female kills."
"But what is her motivation? All of the women are married with children... jealousy? Feelings of being socially outcast from that lifestyle?" JJ began to think out loud. "She's obviously able to blend in to get access to their homes without using force, would have to be in a position to administer the poison but know she had them isolated long enough to let it work."
"Uh-huh." Emily agreed. "And none of the bodies have puncture wounds, or any signs of forced ingestion. She got them to unknowingly take it, or willingly. The latter of those to idea is unbelievable, so it's the first."
"No wait Em, what if it's a combination of the two?" JJ put forward. "The victim's don't know what they are taking but they do take it willingly? Maybe even are expecting the initial side effects that would signal to them that they were drugged somehow, which is why not one woman has tried to alert anyone... the reports show no screams were heard, no signs of struggle in their homes, no attempts to call 911..."
"Jenn.." Emily shifted the phone and moved to open the SUV again, sitting on the side bumper as she grabbed the case file and flicked it open, looking briefly at the details of the first to victims. "Eileen Sharp, our first victim was 27, married, one child, 174lbs, that's not big but it's heavier than lets say your model weight, right?" She paused. "Julia Childs, our second, thirty one, mother of two, 163lbs..."
"How tall were both these women? We also need to get Garcia to check through their histories and see what their approximate weights were before they had children, and if any of them had been treated or known by family to be overly cognizant of their weight and body image." JJ piped in immediately. "This could be a classic angel of mercy, except what she's saving them from is themselves and their inability to be perfect."
"Eileen was 5'2, Julia 5'3, they were short." Emily summed up flicking her hair back over her shoulder.
"It could be the link Em. Our unsub is probably trolling informal weight loss groups, women only fitness classes... she probably is thin herself but of a similar body size, which is why she projects her failures onto them. They probably see in her a success story and she sells them some quick fix idea to rid them of their weight and their problems, what they don't know her solution is to kill them."
"Jenn I love you." Emily said brightly. "I'll call Garcia and get her to run some detailed back ground checks on our victims histories, search local directories for self help groups in the community and we can start a fresh tomorrow with new eyes."
"Mmmmmm do you say that to all the girls?" JJ laughed back.
"You know, considering all you know..." Emily actually didn't tense. "You should know I don't." She laughed. "But if I said it to anyone it would be a girl."
"And you said it to me, I'm feeling extra lucky and smart tonight." JJ stood taller with a grin in the kitchen. "Way to make up for Henry biting me earlier, extra points for you Agent Prentiss."
"Did all the transfers work out? Was the Estate quiet when you got in?" Emily's tone softened slightly.
"It was, you took care of everything, so much so your mother didn't even mention it, she knew it you'd handled it and she was just focused on resting." JJ re-assured her. "She also apologized to me for last night, in case she embarrassed me with her offer." She added not sure if it was a good idea to open up the subject she knew was sore for Emily but wanting her to understand the older woman had tried to make her real intentions clear.
"Well that's something at least." Emily actually sounded a little relieved. "You looked beautiful last night, did I remember to tell you that?"
"No actually you didn't, you just agreed with your mother's comment I should wear blue more." JJ gave a soft laugh. "But thank you." She smiled leaning against the counter. "You looked very handsome."
Emily laughed brightly, tossing her hair back over her shoulders as she leaned against the SUV side, shifting sideways on the bumper and putting her foot up on it.
"I wasn't going for anything that masculine actually."
"It wasn't masculine, it was confident and suave. You looked like an awesome female James Bond." JJ pointed out. "I noticed enough of the old timers checking out your butt, don't worry."
Another laugh came from the brunette.
"They all popped their blue pills before dinner, they were checking out the main course's breast let alone my butt."
"Hopefully the appearance that I was your wife made them look less at me cause that creeps me out." JJ laughed with her.
"I think it's safe to say that..." Emily literally stopped mid sentence.
"Emily?" JJ knew that hesitation somehow and instantly felt worried.
"God damn you Mother." Emily's tone instantly changed to an enraged growl. "Jenn, I have to go."
"Em... Em... no." JJ broke in immediately. "I know what just came to you and it's not exactly what you think... you're framing it the wrong way..." She began to try and compensate immediately.
It was obvious from the unsteady uneven breathing that met the blonde from the other end of the phone that Emily wasn't really processing or listening, the brunette had rather red-lined and her completely uneven and flip-flopping emotional states had once again 180 degrees turned on her, leaving her reeling.
"Listen to me okay... last night was about one thing and one thing only... your mother making it known to the world that she loves you, she is proud of you and she 100% accepts you. She never told anyone that we were together, she wanted me to be there because she wanted me to be there, she wanted the people around her that right now are helping her through this." JJ kept her voice even and understanding. "She wanted to show off that you are a beautiful, successful, important badge totting special agent, who is gay, has wonderful friends and a good life."
"I can't." There was a soft click as Emily's phone went dead.
"Way to go Jennifer. Just shut your mouth." JJ leaned over and rested her head on the counter actually trying to will time to turn back to not make the joking comment. She had to learn to remember both of the Prentiss' were sometimes like ticking time bombs and you had to remember to not poke a ticking time bomb.
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