A/N: Hey, guys! Wanna guess what this chapter involves? Angst? Yes, yes it does. I know, it's starting to wear on me too. I keep having to go back a reread it to edit and stuff. I swear that it lightens up in a few chapters! If you can make it to chapter 8 then you're golden! :D

Random Disclaimer: (I do not own Buffy.)

Me: Okay, are we ready?

Buffy: Am I getting into a fight again?

Me: (whistles) Maybe.

Buffy: Then I refuse. This is bogus! I don't fight with this many people in one day!

Me: (scoffs) Yeah, hun, ya do. By the by, where's Angel? Angel?

Angel:...

Me and Buffy: Grrrrrrrrr...he's so broody!

Joyce: What is this? Who are you?

Me: Ah, this is my disclaimer. And the question you want to ask is who are you?

Buffy: Alice in Wonderland? Seriously?

Me: (shrugs) I like talking Bunnies.

Anya: (screams) Eeep!

Eye of the Beholder Chapter Four

He'd left her.

Again.

He'd left her for the second time in less than twenty-four hours.

Buffy wiped away her tears roughly with the back of her hand. It was like she was crying constantly, and she hated that. Why did Angel have to be such a self deprecating, selfless, noble, idiot?

White hot anger lit her veins, and if Buffy weren't so tired she would have probably done something about it. However, it had been a long day even by her standards. She'd saved the world from her vampire honey evil alter ego. Then she'd fought twice with Angel. She'd fought with Xander at the hospital.

She was tired of fighting.

Absently, Buffy began wondering in the direction towards her house, thinking of everything that had happened today, trying to sort out how she felt about it all.

Fighting Angelus had been the hardest thing she'd ever had to do. Accepting the fact that she would have to kill him, subsequently extinguishing all chances of ever seeing her Angel again had been even harder.

And then he'd gotten his soul back.

Seeing his eyes, so filled with emotion had caused her heart to soar. The depth of his chocolate brown eyes was limitless once again, and Buffy knew it was one of the most beautiful things in her world. She loved his eyes.

She'd been so happy. She'd thought that everything would work out. Angel was back, and he still loved her. She still loved him. That meant that all was good in the world…oh, how wrong she'd been.

Buffy wasn't surprised at Angel's attitude. Not at all. It was so totally and completely Angel. All the guilt, all the pain, all the sadness, all the regret, all the self loathing—it hadn't surprised Buffy in the slightest.

Angel simply loved. His heart was filled with a compassion that Buffy didn't know if anyone else possessed. He cared. For everyone. He was Buffy's hero, whether he knew it or not.

Buffy thought about the things he'd said in the alley. The pain he felt cut her to the core, and it was so visceral that Buffy was surprised she hadn't bled, even if she knew it were impossible to literally be wounded by words. His voice had been anguished one moment and then angry the next, bitterly so.

It was a side of Angel that Buffy had never seen. She knew him as quiet and calm. He had a dry, sarcastic sense of humor that never failed to make her laugh. He was smart, ridiculously so. She'd seen him laugh and she'd seen him cry. She'd seen him jealous too, but she'd never truly seen him angry.

It had been an eye-opening experience.

She thought of all the things he had revealed. Sadly, it hadn't surprised her when he'd told her that there were many more victims that she didn't know about. Buffy had known that Angelus would kill as many as he could.

The depth of his pain and remorse had caused her heart to throb painfully. She'd wanted to comfort him so badly, but she'd known he didn't want it. He felt as if he deserved nothing. He thought he didn't deserve love or happiness. He thought he deserved to suffer, and he was more than willing to.

Angel had been right. He had hurt her, though she would never tell him that. It wasn't even him that had hurt her. It had been Angelus. She knew that…but the fact that she'd always seen Angel when she'd looked at him hadn't helped.

But Buffy knew—Buffy knew that Angel would never purposefully hurt her. She trusted him with her life. She always would. There was no one she trusted more on this Earth than Angel.

However, the one thing that bothered her more than anything was that Angelus had slept with Drusilla. Honestly, the idea of him sleeping with anyone had never occurred to her. She knew now that she'd been stupid to think that Angelus would be celibate for months…and Buffy also knew of Drusilla's history. The fact that Angelus had slept with her didn't surprise her.

But it did hurt her.

Buffy knew that Angel hadn't slept with Dru. She knew it. But…it'd still been his body, and Buffy still claimed it for her eyes only. Buffy didn't know if she was more jealous or hurt with the knowledge of what Angelus had done.

But she didn't blame Angel.

After all of this, after everything that had happened, Buffy still loved Angel with all her soul. She knew that Angel loved her too and right now that was all that mattered.

It was also all that was going to get her through the days to come.

Buffy was just about to open the door to her house when she realized that she wasn't welcome. The last time she'd been in the house flashed through her mind.

I told you. I'm a Vampire Slayer.

Well, I just don't accept that.

I'm not crazy! What I need is for you to chill. I have to go!

No. I am not letting you out of this house!

You can't stop me.

You walk out of this house; don't even think about coming back!

Buffy's immediate thought was to go to Angel, but she realized that she had no idea where he was. Still, Buffy considered simply going to his apartment whether he was there or not. If anything, she could feel his comforting presence in spirit.

Deciding that this was what she was going to do, Buffy turned away from the door and hopped down the porch steps.

"Buffy?"

Buffy turned around to see her mother hurrying towards her, a dishtowel in her hand that she seemed to have forgotten about. Buffy didn't even get a chance to respond before her mother's arms were around her in a tight hug.

"Oh, I'm so sorry, Buffy! I didn't mean it," Joyce shook her head emphatically. "I was just—surprised, and well, shocked is really the better word. Right now, I think I'm moving on into denial honestly, but I'm…I'm just glad you came back."

"I am too," Buffy replied truthfully. "Um, let's go inside?"

"Oh, yes," Joyce nodded, looking very scatter-brained, but managing to hold it together. "Yes, that's a good idea. We should do that."

Buffy entered the house right behind her mother, and they both immediately went to the kitchen. It had always been the place where they talked things out, but right now Buffy didn't know if she wanted to talk. Right now, the only thing she was sure of was that she wanted to go to sleep.

Her mother had other plans.

"We need to sit down and talk about this," Joyce said firmly, though she looked like she was making this up as she went. "I need to know everything Buffy. I need to know the truth."

Buffy sighed and sat down heavily at the table, staring at the wood for a moment. Where did she even begin? The beginning when Merrick met her outside Hemry? When she'd first come to Sunnydale? Did she tell her mom about Giles? Her friends and how they helped her…Angel? How much did her mother really want to know? How much could she handle knowing?

"I'm a Vampire Slayer," Buffy said, figuring that this was a good a place to start as any.

"Yes, I think we've established that," Joyce said somewhat frustrated at being told something she already knew, however recent the discovery was. "So…what do you do, exactly?"

"Slay vampires," Buffy answered immediately. "And other evil nasties along the way."

"And is it just you?" Joyce asked. "Are their others? You said something about Kendra?"

"There's only one Slayer…or at least there's supposed to be only one," Buffy amended. "A new Slayer is called when the previous Slayer dies."

"But that would mean that," Joyce shook her head disbelievingly. "That would mean that…"

"I died," Buffy finished for her mother, and Joyce blanched at the words. "It was only for a few minutes. Last year when I faced the Master, really ugly guy…he, um, drowned me. But Xander did CPR and here I am."

"Yes, here you are," Joyce said softly, the knowledge that she'd almost lost her daughter permanently rattling her to the core. "And I'm glad."

"Me too," Buffy smiled slightly. "Kendra though…she died."

"Yes," Joyce nodded. "The police thought that you'd killed her."

"But I didn't."

"I know that," Joyce said looking sheepish. For a few minutes she'd actually considered the idea that Buffy was guilty of the crime. What kind of mother did that make her? "So…is there another Slayer, now?"

Buffy shrugged. "I guess so."

"Well," Joyce began, thinking quickly. "Maybe she could, um, take over? You wouldn't have to be the Slayer anymore."

"Mom, I can't quit!" Buffy shook her head vehemently. "This is my job. It's what I do."

"Yes, but you wouldn't have to," Joyce said, the plan already seeming a reality in her mind. "You could be a normal girl."

"I'll never be normal!" Buffy exclaimed. "If I quit, what good would I be? I'd just be a girl with super strength and quick reflexes with a few ninja moves. What good would I be doing if I didn't use them? I have the ability to do something good with my life, Mom. Sure, I really hate it sometimes. I really hate that it ruins my social life. I really hate how it interferes with school. It's annoying and frustrating sometimes, but it gives me a purpose," Buffy said, pleading with her eyes for her mother to understand. "I need a purpose, Mom."

"But—," Joyce began, however Buffy was shaking her head.

"No, 'buts' Mom," Buffy cut in. "This is just how it is."

"What about your friends?" Joyce asked. "Do they know what you are?"

"Yes," Buffy answered honestly. "Willow and Xander were the first to know. Cordy and Oz kinda found out by accident."

"Does anyone else know?" Joyce asked, and Buffy hesitated. "Buffy?"

"Giles." Buffy looked down at her hands and noted that she needed to repaint her nails. Maybe purple this time.

"Mr. Giles?" Joyce questioned confused. "The librarian at your school?"

Buffy nodded. "Giles…he's my Watcher."

"A Watcher?"

Buffy looked down at her hands again. "Yeah, every Slayer gets a Watcher. Giles—he's like my Yoda. You know, training me and teaching me and stuff…"

"He's the reason you're like this?" Joyce asked, suddenly angry. "He's the reason you think that you can't quit?"

"No!" Buffy argued. "No, Mom! Giles just helps me, okay? He's—he's practically family to me, okay? Sure, he helps me understand the things that I have to do, and he gives some great pep talks sometimes, but more than anything he's someone that I trust completely."

"He's had an influence on you," Joyce shook her head. "He's a part of the reason why you are what you are."

"Giles has nothing to do with why I'm a Slayer, Mom," Buffy replied heatedly. "I'm a Slayer because that was just how the chips fell. I had no choice in the matter."

Buffy sighed. "Giles does have an influence on me," she conceded. "Remember the whole Yoda metaphor? But that doesn't mean that he's made me what I am and that he's the sole reason for what I do."

"What about Angel?" Joyce asked suddenly, causing Buffy to immediately tense and grow silent.

"What about him?"

"You said he'd changed, and then you and Spike seemed to be plotting to kill him," Joyce said slowly. "He's a vampire."

"Yeah." Buffy looked down at her hands.

"You had sex with a vampire," Joyce said quickly. "My daughter had sex with a vampire," she said to herself, before looking up at Buffy. "Isn't that against Slayer rules or something?"

"Probably," Buffy said dryly before looking at her Mom seriously. "Okay, Mom, this is Angel in a nutshell, okay?" Joyce nodded, and Buffy took a deep breath before taking the plunge. "And no interruptions, okay?" she added as an afterthought.

"Okay," Joyce agreed.

Buffy looked at her mother for a moment before giving her a brief summary of Angel. "Angel was born in Ireland practically two and a half centuries ago. He was changed by a vampire named Darla when he was twenty-six, and then he went on to become the most feared vampire in history. He was nicknamed the Scourge of Europe and did all sorts of bad for about a century and a half. When he killed a gyspy girl, the clan retaliated and cursed him with a soul. Ever since he's been plagued with the guilt of what he'd done when he was soulless."

Joyce looked like she was about to interrupted, but Buffy glared at her, and she nodded in acquiescence.

"He came to America around the turn of the century and has been here ever since. He moped around for a while, and then came here...I met him my first night in Sunnydale." Joyce noticed Buffy's softer tone, but didn't comment. "In the beginning, Angel helped me from the sidelines. At first, I didn't even know he was a vampire. But that's a long story, and this is supposed to be a short one. Basically, Angel and I dated for a year…but I was in love with him from the moment we first met."

"Then why would you want to kill him?" Joyce asked confused.

Buffy fought back tears, refusing to cry any more today. "The gypsies that cursed him with a soul were cruel. There was a part in the spell that said if he ever had one moment of pure happiness he'd lose his soul. So when I—when we…" Buffy trailed off and shook her head trying to push through. "He lost his soul the night we made love, and he was his old, evil self again. He tried to end the world, but Willow managed to re-ensoul him and I was able to stop Acathla."

"So Angel's good again?" Joyce asked, and Buffy nodded, a slight smile pulling at her lips. "And you still love him?" she pursued.

"Always," Buffy answered quietly.

"Are you still going to see him?" Joyce continued on, and Buffy could see the tell-tale line of disapproval on her mother's brow.

"Yes," Buffy said firmly, readying herself for a fight.

"I don't think that's a good idea, Buffy."

"I don't care."

"Excuse me?" Joyce asked, her eyes narrowing dangerously. "You don't care?"

"No, I don't," Buffy shook her head. "I love Angel and I'm not going to stop seeing him."

"Even if he will lose his soul again?" Joyce asked. "You're willing to risk the world for—."

"Willow anchored his soul, Mom!" Buffy interrupted, not wanting her mother to finish that sentence. "We won't ever have to worry about Angelus again."

"And what does Angel think?" Joyce asked. "Does he still love you?"

"Of course!"

"Does he still want to be with you?" Joyce plowed on.

Buffy paused. "We're working through it," she finally said, deciding that that was the best answer she could give.

"Buffy," Joyce said slowly. "I think you really need to think about this."

"I have," Buffy said firmly. "All I want is Angel."

"That's just not rational, Buffy!" Joyce argued, rising from her chair to pace. "He's a vampire! Obviously, he will not age and you will. Are you willing to grow old and watch as he stays the same? I'm just going out on a limb here, and say that vampires can't have children. Don't you want a family? What can he give you?"

"Love," Buffy said simply, her voice quiet, but steady. "And that's all I need."

"You'll change your mind," Joyce argued. "You'll want more."

"I don't need more," Buffy shook her head, standing up from the table too. "And as far as the growing old thing, Slayer's don't really have a high life expectancy, so we're good there."

"Buffy!" Joyce looked scandailized. "Don't say that!"

"What? It's the truth," Buffy shrugged. "And if you want to look at an upside to being with Angel, he's probably going to keep me alive a lot longer. He's pretty good in a fight, but hey, I might be biased."

"Don't you use that tone with me, young lady!" Joyce said angrily. "You'll listen to me!"

"No," Buffy shook her head, growing agitated. "No, I won't!"

"Angel is no good for you!"

"He's the only good for me! He's all I'll ever want and all I'll ever need!" Buffy argued passionately, begging her mother to understand.

"You're wrong," Joyce shook her head. "You can't possibly know you're future!"

"You're right, Mom, I don't," Buffy agreed. "But I know that Angel will be in it."

With that, Buffy left the kitchen, grabbing her coat off the staircase she headed towards the front door.

"Where are you going?" Joyce demanded.

"I'm going to go beat the crap out of someone!" Buffy replied grabbing the stake from her pocket and then slamming the door shut behind her.

Ah, mother-daughter fights...a high school must have...

Well, I wonder who Buffy is going to run into while she's letting off some steam? (grins and winks)

Lots of love,

ArthursCamelot