INSIDE THE PERVERTED MIND OF DOUGIE POYNTER CHAPTER 4
THURSDAY
Oh! I just got the latest on Harry's condition up at the hospital. They needed to perform emergency anal surgery to get the ball out. I just stopped laughing, so I could write these. I think my spleen exploded from laughing so much. And I have just caught word that Harry will have to be in the hospital a few days to recover. You know that this means? I am going to rub my naked ass on all of his pillows before he gets home. Maybe wipe my ass with his blanket; that idea is still pending.
Yeah, I have decided that I will do the blanket thing, just as an added bonus. Fuck him. Wants to give me Preparation H? Fine, then I will give him pink eye. Maybe I will jerk it into his pillows while I am at it. Wow. That sounded really perverted. Danny leans over my shoulder and reads what I just wrote. "You're just going to piss off everybody today, aren't you?" He asks me, crumbs from the thing he is eating fall all over my shirt. I feel my temper rising. I stay silent and try to write. He keeps at it. "Whom are you writing that about? Huh? Let me see what you are doodling!" He tries to snatch my journal away from me and I finally snap. " I'm just going to pack up my balls and leave." I shout at him, slamming my notebook closed. Danny drops his dounut and looks at me. "What did you just say?" I turn around. "I said, I am going to pack up my balls and leave." Danny looks as if I have slapped him in the face. "I didn't know that you had any balls!" He says. How he managed to keep a straight face, but he did. Without thinking, I shoot back. "Fuck your mum for me, since according to you, I don't have any balls."
How I am sitting all alone in my bedroom with no one to keep me company. Danny kicked me in the stomach and now is watching Hulk Hogan DVDs. Now he can beat my ass Hulk style. I better find my medical card, because I have the feeling that I am going to need it.
Danny appears at my door a second later. "I'm sorry that I kicked you. That is not the kind of thing that a friend should do to his friend." He leans against the doorframe. Now I know that he wants something from me. "It left a mark." His eyebrows are raised with curiosity and excitement. I lift up my t-shirt and show him. Sure enough, his size 11-sneaker mark is embedded in my stomach. Danny lets out a low whistle. "I didn't think that I kicked you that hard." Danny makes the puppy dog face at me; wanting to be forgiven. "You are not going to win my over that easily." He looks thoughtful for a moment. "Tom already sent you a muffin basket. I don't think that I could top that. I'll think of something. Actually, the reason that I came in here was to ask you if you had anymore of that fantastic lotion." My mind explodes. "What?" "That shit worked great! I was pettin' the weasel all night. I was even able to grind on the bedpost without getting and splinters!" What a delightful thought. Was it absolutely vital for him to tell me this? Then it hits me. "You used that whole bottle? That was brand new when you took it from me, like three days ago!" "Well, I had a lot of extra time on my hands, and I figured why not wank it?" I feel like I am going to be sick. "How many times did you do it?" I ask him. Now he really has to think. I don't think that he can count that high. "Well, about 984 times. If you don't count the hummer in the library." Library? I haven't seen him open a book in years. I didn't even know that he could read literature. "Why did you go to the library?" Danny laughs. "That's my little secret." He sees me with a blank look on my face and decides to tell me. "Okay, I'll tell you. I like to go there and masturbate to the lady behind the desk! I think she is so fine. I just can't help myself. Yesterday I went to jerk it to the sound of her voice." Now I have heard everything. Wait! I didn't know that you could masturbate to the sound of someone's voice. That must be a real high. I think that I might try it sometimes. Not like I would ever be able to listen to a CD in this house. Maybe I will go to the park next week. Shit. It's November; then again I can probably jerk it in a pile of leaves. That way there is a lesser chance of me getting caught.
Danny is gone by the time that I come out of my masturbating educed coma. Well, it seemed like a coma to me. Danny is nowhere in sight; he must be out attending to his garden. I find Tom having phone sex in the living room and I want to have my ears sown shut. Is everyone in this house horney all the time? I know that I sure am. At least I keep it in my pants. Tom hangs up and winks at me. "Her name is Beth." "That's great, Tom. Do you know where Danny went?" He looks around. "He was listening to me get off a few minutes ago. I think he went out to the garden shed." Since when the fuck do we have a garden shed? Tom must have heard this thought of mine because he says, "Danny put one up. He is quite the fuckin' builder!" I look out the back window and there it is winking me in the face. A garden shed.
I hear noises out in the backyard so I head out to see what Danny is going. I reach the garden shed when I hear, "They call me Mr. Freaky." "What the fuck?!" I can't believe what I just heard. I kick open the shed door and see Danny going at it with himself. I feel my eyes began to burn and my heart begin to pound. Blood flowing to the wrong area…. must escape. Danny turns around, "Hey! What the fuck do you think you're doing? Get your own garden shed if you want to jerk off." He pushes me out, one hand still on his dick. I stumble backwards and land in the grass. I look down at where he pushed me and see a sticky handprint. OOF! O.o
I can't take this shit anymore and I run to my room, pushing Tom out of the way. I make it to my room and less than a second later, Tom is there pounding on my door. Before I can tell him to fuck off, he slams my door open and waltzes in. "What happened out there?" He asked, a huge shit eating grin on his face. I am deep purple now. "Nothing! Just butt the fuck out. You've always got to stick your dick in everyone's ass-I mean business!" I dive under the bed to protect my ass from getting beaten. Tom can't fit under my bed, so instead he climbs on top of it and starts jumping. That fat bastard! "What did you just fuckin' say to me?!" Rage of the rhino!! After I have about 100 lumps on my head and back, I crawl out and into the closet. Tom is on my ass like white on rice. He smashes the closet door in and pulls me out through the wreckage. I never thought that I was going to die this way; then again, I also never thought that I would want to do down on my friend, Danny either. I can't believe that I just thought that!
Just as Tom's fist is about to make contact with my face, the ding-dong cart goes by outside. He is off of me and down the stairs in a flash of light. I never saw him move so fast in my life. All that speed just for a frozen dairy treat. He wants one of them? I'll give him a frozen dairy delight. I take off the shirt that has Danny's cum-print on it and put it in a plastic bag. I don't want to lose this; it could be worth something some day. I hear shouting outside and I know that Tom has caught up with the ding-dong cart. I glance out the window to see him beet red and yelling at the driver. "WHAT THE FUCK DO YOU MEAN YOU AIN'T GOT NO BLOODY FUDGE POPS?!" Maybe he will turn into the Hulk. I watch full of excitement. He doesn't turn green, but he does get something. He rips it out of the guy's hand as Danny is coming around the corner. This just gets even better. I open the window, so I can hear what they are saying even better. "THIS ISN'T FUDGE!" Tom is going to go apeshit! Danny tells him that he will buy him another treat if he will keep it under control. Tom is thoughtful for a moment and then agrees. I see the ice-cream man sigh with relief. Danny gets him something dipped in chocolate and then gets himself a fruit and cream pop. I see Danny licking on the pop and I'm starting to get hot and hard. I melt in the window, while Danny continues happily with his pop. I wish I was that cream pop right now. I'm going to see if I can snag a lick from him.
Yay! Danny let me have a lick of his pop and I know that I have been forgiven for the garden shed break-in earlier. He shares the rest with me and I feel like I am the happiest guy alive. I glance over to see where Tom has skipped off to. FUCK ME! Tom is back inside and happily slurping on a large chocolate-coated ice-cream pop. I shoot him a look of disgust, but he doesn't seem to notice because he is up to his eyebrows in chocolate. This is really sickening to watch. I leave the room before I leave my lunch on the living room floor. I push past Danny and run outside. I don't know where I am going, but I need to get away from this. I sit down on a bench and see my little friend looking me in the face. Damn it. Danny and his antics have gotten me all excited and now I have no way to take care of this out here. I don't want to go back into the house. So I guess the only other option is to walk around with a boner.
I decide that I need to go and pick up some lotion, so that when I do go home I will be able to handle this. I'm not paying any attention as I am focused on my hard-on and I walk into a post box. I bend my dick back and I pain shoot up through me. GODDAMN! I'm on the ground holding my dick, crying and cursing. Why did this have to happen to me? Is it because I was thinking about Danny? Within the next 15 minutes I manage to stand up and drag my ass into a store to get my lotion. Fuck this. I'm going home now. Walking around with a hard on is a dangerous thing to do. My dick nearly got its eye poked out. I don't want to risk that again.
I arrive home to find Harry here. My spirit drops even farther. He is lying on the sofa when I walk in. "That was one hell of a night." He says when he sees me in the doorway. I don't know how to respond to this comment. "They managed to get it out. And you know what? I kept that ball as a battle trophy." My head feels empty now. "Why would you do that?!" I ask him, not really wanting to know the answer. But, Harry doesn't read minds and doesn't know that; so he goes on to tell me all of the gruesome details of the whole chain of events. I'm as green as the grass by the time he has finished and I've lost my hard on. Hearing about some guy get a ball stuck in his asshole and how the surgeon had to dig around up there to find it, kinda kills the fuckin' mood. He really has quite the colorful vocabulary. I didn't know that he knew half of those words.
Danny sees that I am holding something when he comes in the room with a soda for Harry. "What ya got there?" He tries to see what I got. Oh, hell to the no! He is not getting this away from me. I want to have some leisure time too. "Nothing!" Danny is too smart for me, and he tackles me to the floor and pulls the bottle out of my hand. "Soothing vanilla? For the ultimate pleasure experience. " He reads. I just want to crawl under the sofa and die. "Wow. Mr. Big Spender. You can keep this. I just got myself some of that in Exotic Chocolate." Mental images of Danny covered in chocolate run through my mind. Harry, who is only a few feet away from us, butts into the conversation. "Looks like you two are going to be having yourselves a two man circle jerk over in the corner." All the wind is knocked out of me when he says this. I take my lotion, kick Harry in the crotch and vanish to my strong hold. Now where did those housing ads go? I need to start looking for my own place.