Disclaimer: Star Trek Voyager belongs to Paramount, the writers, and whoever else can legally claim it. I am writing for fun and not profit.

AN: Thanks for all the reviews, I'm very glad that so many people are enjoying this. A few lines here are direct from the episode, but the context is changed cause it had to be based on my developments. I'm still not 100% happy with this, it's been delayed in coming out cause the timing just seems off somehow, but I can't figure out how to fix it without completely rewriting the second half, and I do rather like it, I'm just not sure it flows well. Anyways, here it is. Please, please let me know what you think.

Parts of You

By Lady Callista

=/\=

Chapter Four: Redefining Parameters (This Time There Will Actually Be A Resolution)

=/\=

Kathryn reached out hesitantly, running her fingers lightly across his cheek. "Because what you said earlier was right. Whether we act on them or not, the feelings are still there. I kept the part of my vow about not being in a romantic relationship, but I broke the part about not falling in love. And now that it's out in the open, I have absolutely no idea what to do."

There was silence for several long seconds as the impact of her words sank in. Her fingers continued to trail feather-light over his face, and after a moment he raised his hand to cover hers, half linking their fingers and causing her hand to cup his cheek. It was a great balm to his heart to hear her say, even circumspectly, that she loved him. He had been uncertain for far too long.

"What do you want to do?" His voice was gentle, his eyes full of warmth and understanding. Even before hearing her story he had never pushed, now that he had heard her reasoning he certainly wouldn't. He had promised her long ago that her needs would always come first.

Kathryn moved to pull her hand back from his face and he let her go at once, surprised when she kept their fingers linked together. "What I want and what should happen are two completely different things, Chakotay."

He took a deep breath, breaking eye contact because he knew he couldn't control the look in his eyes. "Nothing needs to change. It being out in the open, as you say, really doesn't change anything. I'm sure that you… that you've known how I feel about you for a while now. I haven't exactly tried to hide it. And I've never let it interfere with my duty. I wasn't… wasn't sure how you felt, but even knowing…"

"No, you've never tried to hide your feelings, but you've never pushed them on me either." Kathryn almost chuckled. "I used to wonder what would have happened if you ever had."

His gaze snapped back to her. "I would never do that."

"No, that's not the kind of man you are." Their hands were still joined, and she squeezed his briefly. "I was grateful for that. Because… because if you had ever pushed, I'm not sure I would have been able to resist."

"Kathryn…" What he had been about to say trailed off as a single tear trailed down her face. He wiped it away with his free hand, his mind working furiously. It was almost as if she was asking him to push, asking him to take the choice away from her. "If I had done that, it would have been a betrayal of your trust. I… I would have ended up hating myself, and there's a good chance you would have grown to resent me for taking away that choice."

Another tear trailed down her face, and he gently wiped it away with his thumb.

She caught his hand the same way he had hers a moment ago, and watched his eyes brighten slightly as his palm gently cupped her cheek. She held his eyes as she tilted her head just enough to lay a light kiss on his palm.

"I could never resent you." Her words were barely a whisper. "Chakotay… I don't know how this is going to work out, I don't know if I can… If I can do this. But you asked what I want, and what I want… what I want is to not be alone anymore."

"You've never been alone." His voice was as soft as her own, the fingers of the hand she still held cupped to her cheek brushing lightly back and forth before sliding down to rest on her shoulder.

"There have been times when I didn't know how I would get through one more day. Times when all I wanted was a hug, or someone to hold me at night. I had almost forgotten what it felt like…" Her voice trailed off, then came back slightly stronger. "It may not have been real, Chakotay, but it felt like home. If you hadn't come after me I never would've known that I had another life."

"Are you sorry I showed up?" He thought of the Kathryn he had gotten to know down there, the one free of all the duties and burdens she had been under for nearly seven years. She had seemed so content and happy down there.

Her smile bloomed. "Not for a second. It felt real at the time, but what I felt for him… it's nothing compared to how I feel about you. I don't want to keep pushing you away; I don't want to be alone. I just don't know if I'm as strong as you are. As strong as you think I am. I don't know how to do this…"

He leaned in to brush his lips ever so lightly across her cheek. "Just start by letting me in more. We don't… we don't have to jump into a full romantic relationship or a… physical one. But ask for a hug if you need one, or call me over when you can't sleep at night. We can talk, or I can hold you. We could have dinner more often maybe, talk less about the ship and more about personal matters. We can just see how things go."

"What did I ever do to deserve you?" A small smile came to her lips.

He chuckled. "Made me your first officer instead of tossing me and my crew in the brig for 75 years?"

She chuckled in return, "One of the best decisions I ever made." Then she took a deep breath. "Will you hold me now?"

His full smile bloomed, dimples flashing, and she caught her breath at the fact that such a simple thing could bring him such obvious joy. His arms slid gently around her, and he angled himself back on the couch a little more, drawing her against his chest.

And as she cuddled in against him, feeling even happier and at peace than she had on Quarra, it suddenly seemed foolish to have waited so long to let this happen. "Whatever happens…Chakotay, I do love you."

Chakotay's arms tightened briefly, and she heard his heartbeat accelerate.

Hearing the words outright had been one thing when her memories were incomplete, and hearing them circumspectly moments ago had been wonderful. But to hear her say them like this, when he was holding her in his arms as he had wanted to for so long, was almost more than he could handle. Despite everything he had said about taking things slowly, hearing her confession made him want to do so much more than just hold her.

He settled for dropping a kiss lightly on her forehead, and whispering words he had wanted to say for years. "And I love you, Kathryn."

=/\=

"Captain's log, Stardate 54626.9

It's been about a day since we left Quarra and resumed our course for Earth. All the memories implanted in the crew have faded away, and the doctor has cleared all personnel for duty. Commander Chakotay and I are going to do a full review of all ship's systems, and I am going to be working with Lieutenant Torres on improving the ECH, as it seems that although he did very well the doctor did encounter several difficulties he was not programmed to handle. Furthermore…"

"Enter." Kathryn called out as she heard her door chime. "Computer pause recording and save log."

"Am I disturbing you?" Chakotay paused in the doorway, slightly uncertain. He had gotten to hold her all too briefly yesterday before having to resume his duties, and since then had only seen her while they were on duty. Their interactions while on duty had shown nothing to betray what they had talked about, and half of him was still convinced yesterday had been a dream, or just a brief moment of weakness she would regret and pretend had never happened.

"Not at all." Noting his casual clothes, and anxiety, she realized this was not an official visit. She crossed over towards him with a smile, although she felt the flutter of nerves in her own stomach. "I was going to call you in a little bit, see if you wanted to have dinner."

"I was actually wondering if you would join me in the holodeck." Chakotay offered. "Tom and Neelix have organized a little 'welcome back' party."

Her smile faded slightly, and she felt the flutters get stronger. "Like… a date?"

He glanced away briefly, "I've been your escort to events before, both on and off the ship. It doesn't have to be more than that."

Kathryn took a deep breath, moving closer to look up into his face. "What if I want it to be?"

His own breath caught at the breathy tone in her voice, and he reached out to take both of her hands in his. "Then I would love to be your date."

Her tentative smile returned. She had thought about this a great deal over the past day. "I really do want to try this, Chakotay. But I won't do it by sneaking around, or trying to hide anything. Because as much as I hate to say it, the crew's opinions of this will matter."

He chuckled, "From everything I've heard in rumors over the years, I think they'll be happy for us."

She chuckled in return. "Let's not confirm too many of those rumors just yet."

He squeezed her hands briefly. "You know I'll play this however you want."

She nodded even as she pulled her hands away from his, resting them briefly on his chest. "Let me go change into something more comfortable, feel free to get yourself a drink."

"Need help?" He teased, dimples flashing into brilliance at the shock and humor that filled her eyes.

"You'll be the first to know." She teased back as she disappeared into the bedroom.

He took a deep breath and went over to the replicator, ordering a cold glass of water. They had walked the knife's edge over the years with flirting, and he had a feeling that tonight they were going to tumble into the abyss.

"Blue or green?" Her voice echoed out of the bedroom, and he chuckled again.

"Blue." He called back. "It does wonderful things for your eyes."

There was a startled sounding laugh, a sound he really wanted to get to hear more often, then he heard the rustling as she began to change. He moved to the viewport, staring out at the stars as he tried unsuccessfully to not picture her naked. It wasn't that he had never dreamt of that before, but he generally tried to confine those thoughts to when he was alone. It almost seemed disrespectful when she was in the same room as him, which he knew was ridiculous because it wasn't like she was a Betazoid and could actually tell he was thinking it, but still…

"How does this look?"

He turned, and for a moment was unable to speak. The dress was a deep royal blue, of some sort of shimmery material that sparkled as is caught the light. It was knee-length as most of her dresses were, but was sleeveless. And while the neckline was still high enough to be completely respectable, it showed just enough of a hint of cleavage that he knew he was going to spend the entire night somewhat distracted.

"Chakotay?"

He heard the nervousness in her voice, and amazed that she hadn't been able to see his reaction on his face, hurried to assure her. "You look amazing, Kathryn."

"You're not so bad yourself, mister." She said with a smirk, moving towards him. "Shall we?"

He crossed over to her, taking the hand she held out and kissing the back of it gallantly before tucking it into the crook of his arm. There was an extended pause as their eyes met from inches away, but neither moved those last few inches, and just as the pause was turning from romantic to awkward Chakotay smiled and brushed his lips over her cheek before turning towards the door. "Far be it from me to keep the most beautiful woman on the ship from the party."

=/\=

Tom's eyes almost dropped out of his head when he saw them walk in. He let out a low whistle that turned Harry's attention from Sandrine to himself. "What?"

"Captain on deck." Tom said appreciatively, hoping B'Elanna wasn't close enough to hear him.

Harry turned towards the front door, staring in much the same way Tom had. Seeing the captain on the commander's arm wasn't that unusual as they often arrived at events together, but there was something about their body language, not to mention her dress…

"And the betting pool reopens." Tom said with a smirk as he pulled a PADD from inside of his vest pocket and moved off into the crowd.

Kathryn could feel attention shift to them as they walked in but ignored it, leading him to a side table as if nothing was out of the ordinary. She let out a deep sigh when they were seated, and was relieved when everything around them returned to almost normal.

"Part of it is they're not used to seeing me here like this." Kathryn said with wry smile as Sandrine delivered a bottle of wine to the table.

"Compliments of Monsieur Paris." She said with a wink, laying a hand on Chakotay's shoulder.

His eyes shifted to Kathryn's briefly, and although a faint blush rose to her cheeks she smiled at Sandrine. "Give him our thanks."

Sandrine gave her a knowing smile before pouring the wine and moving off. "Enjoy yourself, cher, you do it far too little."

Kathryn laughed as she moved off. "Now even holograms are giving me advice."

Chakotay laughed with her, raising his glass. "To new beginnings?"

She smiled one of her brilliant smiles at him and clinked their glasses together. "I was thinking… to redefining parameters."

"I'll drink to that."

They stayed for hours, circulating the room for a brief time as was expected of them, but for the most part spending the time together talking.

Chakotay kept his eyes and ears open, but after the brief surprise at their appearance the crew seemed to relax, treating things as if nothing was out of the ordinary. Although B'Elanna did manage to mutter that it was about time, and he saw Tom circulating the room more than normal, trying to be circumspect about the PADD he held.

"Dance with me?" The party was winding down by the time he had the idea to ask, and as she slid into his arms he wished he had thought of it hours ago.

They had danced before of course, but with a formal distance between them that had no place here. The hand that had started on her waist slid around to the small of her back, and he felt her fingers slip from his shoulder up into his hair even as their joined hands turned to rest on his chest. "This is nice."

He murmured his agreement as she leaned in to rest her head on his shoulder. "See, I told you it wouldn't be that difficult."

She sighed as his hand began to make small, slow circles on her back. "I should have done this a long time ago."

Chakotay chuckled. "I still remember the first time you walked in here."

She pulled back just enough to look up into his eyes, her own glittering with laughter. "I still remember the look of shock on Harry's face that he had been bold enough to ask me."

"Harry asked you?" Chakotay's face took on its own shocked look.

She laughed. "Not like for a date, but he said a bunch of the crew was spending some down-time here, and if he wasn't being out of place he wondered if I would like to join you all."

Chakotay laughed with her. "That was a good night. First time the crew really got to see you relaxing and having fun."

She smiled. "And I still remember the look on Tom's face when I beat him at pool."

They were swaying with the music now rather than actually dancing, and Chakotay could feel the eyes of the few people who remained in the room darting in their direction. Yet she ignored the attention they were drawing, so he did as well. "I never did get to ask you about that. Where did you learn to play?"

"At the Academy." She replied, the twinkle back in her eyes. "My roommate my first year was obsessed with the game. One of her parents was a competitive player, and she had grown up playing."

"I guess I'm just surprised you took time from your studies for a game." Chakotay answered.

She laughed again. "I had been studying since I was about five. The Academy was, well, it was rather easy for me."

He grinned. "I wish I had known you then. I love it when you let the carefree side of yourself show."

She tensed slightly in his arms, and he cursed himself silently when he realized he had reminded her of why she was so rarely that way anymore. He was about to try to apologize when he felt her relax again. "Hopefully you'll get to see that side of me more often now."

The song ended, and slightly reluctantly they drew a little bit apart. Their eyes locked, and although kissing in that moment would have been the most natural thing in the world, Kathryn flicked her eyes towards the door, and he nodded as they instead moved hand in hand towards the exit.

Chakotay took a deep breath as they left the holodeck. He had said he would play the game her way, which although it went against his male instincts meant he would wait for her to make the first move in that direction. She had said she didn't want to confirm all of the rumors, which meant she likely wouldn't have been comfortable kissing him in public. Although their leaving in the manner they had would start several different kinds of rumors.

But even beyond her own needs and how she wanted this to go, he had a secondary reason for not kissing her. Quite simply, he didn't want the first time they kissed to be in front of people. He wanted to be thinking of nothing but her when he finally got to make that dream come true.

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TBC…