Pillars of Sanctuary, a KougaxMuramasa fic

Disclaimer: Bleach is not mine.

AN: After a long walk to think about the story, I realized that I couldn't do my usual zig-zag story stitch and jump over to 'Decadence'. The relationship needs some healin'. Peals-Of-Laughter, I know you're a sensitive soul and I gotta squeeze your heart a little more before you get the resolution you're looking for - *offers stuffed plushies and candy* Trust in my storytelling skillsies – I wouldn't give hurt without comfort. This chapter has both. So we are picking up directly after the previous chapter in 'Sanctuary'.

Trying to keep these notes short at the top and I'm failing miserably. We'll be in 'Sanctuary' territory for this chap, and then we'll go back to 'Decadence' to tie in a couple of things. This is pretty much Kouga and Muramasa's chapter – if you're starting to like the secondary characters, they will be back later but not right now.

Storytime.


Given the situation, he could have run to Saira. He could have invaded another shinigami's inner world, toyed with a random zanpaktou that wouldn't mean anything. He could do these things and more to escape the water that was rising so fast up the tall pillars that made up this inner world of his. Pride wouldn't let him flee to any false sanctuary. He would rest here and wait for Kouga to come for him. There were no other options.

He made himself comfortable on the pillar, noticing it was beginning to shrink back to the original size it was.

Oh, Kouga, you're hurting so bad. I can help you if you let me.

He tried to think about what Rosen Saira was trying to tell him. Build a sanctuary here? How could he build anything when Kouga was determined to fight alone? What did she mean by sanctuary anyway -- he thought he was providing something like safety for his shinigami.

It was this inner world, with the fast rising water and the shrinking pillars that was the environment for the tears that rolled down his cheeks. He wiped them away to keep the bloody drops from ending up on his coat. He didn't want to have to clean it or even admit that he was tearing up.

He wondered idly if it was easier to be like Saira and hold the shinigami at a distance, intervening only if absolutely necessary. He did not like that idea at all, but if that's what Kouga wanted, he would do that.

Because you love him. He just has to realize he loves you too.

He flicked another tear away with his long nails and felt more frost curling around his heart. Saira's words made it worse, in a way that made him feel like falling off this pillar and into the turbulent water below. If he stopped to believe in the idea that he could love anybody, what did it say that he was rejected by the one person he needed the most?

The coin he used to step in and out of Saira's world shimmered in his mind, the memory of her effort to stay connected to him causing more concerns to creep into his mind. What did that odd woman want with him? He didn't need to love anyone. He needed to be strong enough to take down Kouga's enemies, his enemies. That was it.

He didn't need the cackling rose princess to know that was a lie. He wanted more than that, maybe even needed more than that. There was no way that he could be content with just being a tool, no higher than a kettle or a good polishing cloth. He did not want to be just a commodity.

He hoped that Kouga would come back, hoped that they could talk. The inner world had gotten cold again and even with the yukata underneath his long white coat, Muramasa shivered.

The thought of deep blue wildflowers hiding within white ones filled him with hope. Maybe Kouga needed more assurance that he had faith in the shinigami. His shinigami. He felt tired and weary, unsure if he could really manipulate this inner world like he used to.

He strengthened his resolve, looking at his long nails. He was the other side of Kouga, an extension of that beautiful man's soul. He would figure out how to cheer him up again, and how to protect him from what lay ahead of them both. Hueco Mundo would not steal Kouga's spirit. He would do anything to keep that from happening.

For now, he made himself as comfortable as he could as the water rose up the pillars.

For Kouga's sake, he could not drown.

His last thoughts as he closed his eyes were of apple green eyes and falling flowers, and a wind that would connect him to both.

Kouga was a man of his word. He told Ginrei-dono that he was going home to check on his wife and tell her the news. He knew that she was already informed of his new assignment. There was no need to tell her but to avoid doing so would be like leaving stitches out of a garment. The garment would still function but there would always be an odd visual aberration that wouldn't go away until it was addressed appropriately.

He said a prayer for small favors -- like the ability to shunpo fast enough to avoid the stares and comments that were the persistent waves that lapped at his tired, weary shore. Today was not a day to wear special clothes. He didn't have the heart to maintain a facade that was cracked and stained anyway.

He thought about Muramasa, about the shocked look on the spirit's face. Tsch. Damned tool.

He sighed, and corrected himself. He couldn't be angry with the only person that was trying to keep him sane through all of this. That Kuchiki pride cut both ways, and right now, pride was telling him it was stupid to go into his inner world to take care of the spirit of a sword. Besides, what would he say to Muramasa? A simple apology for the words he knew were cutting was not going to make things right.

"Anything for you, Kouga."

"I will never leave you, Kouga. Never."

Guilt and shame danced around him, boxing him in. He had run away from help because he was afraid. Ginrei-dono's announcement had made him afraid -- afraid of the future, afraid of his own power, afraid of being shut away and sealed up. Muramasa had told him that he would help him get stronger, that they would get stronger together.

His logical side was slowly beginning to push the emotional side out and present its case. He had to admit the logic side was beginning to make sense. Muramasa had opened himself up to him in a way that defied common convention. He gave and gave and gave, not caring if Kouga never gave as much as he took.

He wondered about Ginrei's words about Muramasa -- where they really afraid of the spirit he had grown to care about so much? What would they do?

Muramasa had proven he could live without Kouga, though the shinigami was not sure if he could say the same thing.

He needed to make things right -- if Muramasa would let him. Even if the spirit rejected him, he hoped they could at least go back to the friendly times they had when Kouga was younger and just learning the name of his sword. If he couldn't even have that…that's when he knew he was really in trouble.

First, he had to go speak to his wife, then he would come for Muramasa and try to make things right.

It felt like hours had passed, but Muramasa was indifferent to time. Sleep wasn't something he had a use for, so he was back to laying on pillows that still smelled faintly of Kouga.

Let me taste those nails as I let go.

Why are you so good to him?

He sighed, beginning to grow restless. He had already organized the cluster of flowers that sat next to him several times before giving up out of sheer nervousness. He admired his work one more time before laying back on the cushions. There was the standard white outer layer, with a deep inner layer of deep, dark blues to go with it. He included a deep purple but made sure it was kept light. He topped it off with a dark red for battle -- not because he wanted to subdue his shinigami master, but because he wanted to remind the shinigami he would go with him on any battlefield, anywhere.

Even to Hueco Mundo, the land of eternal night.

He sighed, trying to drown out the rushing water underneath him. He had noticed the water beginning to slow down but he still feared drowning, of fading away as wave after wave claimed every dry space available.

"I don't want to drown." He whispered sadly, closing his eyes again.

"So don't."

He immediately opened his eyes to find Kouga standing in front of him, a scowl on his face. He studied those beautiful apple green eyes he adored so much, and found sadness in them. Sadness? What was wrong now?

"Kouga…I didn't expect you."

Kouga smiled, noticing how rumpled Muramasa's hair and clothes were. He also noticed the large cluster of flowers sitting next to the spirit. "What are those?"

Muramasa returned the smile and held the bundle out to him. "You asked me a little while ago what I do with Rosen Saira. Well… when I can't think of what to say, I bring flowers. It's part of our code." He carefully watched Kouga's face as he explained, and since there was no negative response from the shinigami so far, he decided to continue.

He stood up and dug through the cluster to reveal the other colors in the bundle other than the white protective layer. "The white is for friendship, the deep blue is for apology…the red is for battle…" He trailed off, not sure how to explain the rest.

Kouga raised an eyebrow, curious as to what the purple flowers meant. "You missed one."

Muramasa nodded. "The deep purple is …passion, I guess you could say. I figure all of them like this…describe how I feel about you."

Kouga closed the distance between them, reached out to embrace Muramasa tightly. He couldn't stay angry -- did this man spend all this time thinking about how to make him feel better? How to apologize to Kouga for something that wasn't even his fault?

He noticed how chilly the pale skin was, even colder than normal. "You're freezing cold…and I hear the waves more."

The spirit gave another nod before replying. "Yes…you were upset earlier and…it gets bad here when you're mad like that. Your heart is so troubled…but you coming here helps."

Kouga ran his hair through messy chocolate brown locks, trailed his fingers across a cold pale cheek. "You are the one who deserves the apology, not me." He sighed. "I'm not good at apologies. I've never really had anyone I cared enough about to apologize to."

Muramasa's eyes widened at the silent admission hiding in there. Kouga did care about him. He could waste time picking apart semantics or he could enjoy the moment. There was the small detail of being held by his master instead of the other way around. "I should be the one comforting you. I know…you don't have much time here."

Kouga brought Muramasa's lips to his, closing his eyes. The kiss was short but it was a start to returning back to where they were. Muramasa leaned against him and as he wrapped his arms tighter around the spirit, Kouga noticed how thin and pale Muramasa really was.

"Can we work this out, Muramasa? Can you forgive me?"

Muramasa chuckled. "The inner world is starting to get better. Look at the pillar - it's growing wider again."

Kouga nodded. "Maybe you need to build a house in here …so you'll have sanctuary against the storm." It was a bit of the old Kouga coming out, the man whose skills with the pen as well as the sword had attracted the noble Kuchiki family.

Muramasa blinked, but said nothing. He was slowly beginning to understand what Saira was trying to tell him. He closed his eyes tightly, hoping that she wasn't playing one of her games. Too much was at stake and he had no time to waste.

The whispering spirit sighed and stayed close to the shinigami, causing Kouga to chuckle softly. "I expected a lecture and yet…you seem okay. More than okay."

Muramasa nodded, looking at the inner world around him. He was seeing the way that the world was changing back to the peace he enjoyed during those brief times he was with Kouga before.

Kouga scooped the spirit into his arms and lowered him carefully down on the cushions. He noticed a few cushions had fallen off and were floating in the water below. He chose not to say anything in order to lower his chances of upsetting Muramasa further. He had already done enough.

"Kouga."

The voice seemed distant and faint, exhausted. "You don't have to spend your last days in Soul Society with me." The thin man was still curled up against him, and he noticed a strange sadness still radiating from him.

"I know. There's…nothing else for me to do in the outside world. I already told her. She knew and…there was nothing to say."

Kouga wasn't exaggerating. He remembered how still she looked as he told her the news. She was a noblewoman, trained to show no outward emotion about anything. He expected nothing else from a woman whose father was Kuchiki Ginrei. When life was crashing down around them, their response to the chaos was silence. At the beginning of their marriage, that silence hurt because he felt it was born out of indifference. Now he realized that the silence was generated not out of indifference, but out of respect for Kouga to make the decisions he needed to make.

They had eaten dinner together with her showing through actions how much she would miss him. He felt her hand on his, her grayish lavender eyes focused on him through every movement and action. As he spoke on the highlights of his day, she listened with deeper attention.

They were starting to understand each other, even as the words set in that he would be gone for ten years. It was a short jaunt for a shinigami, and for a noblewoman like his very Kuchiki wife, it would be over before she realized it.

He indulged her slightly, choosing to hold her until she faded into a deep sleep instead of immediately going to his little private hideout. He only took two steps into that private shelter before guilt took over again, reminding him that he needed to apologize to Muramasa and make things right the best way he knew how.

Muramasa was resting quietly, content just to be close to his shinigami. He broke the silence between them. "What do we do now, Kouga?"

Kouga sighed. "If you mean about the situation with Hueco Mundo, we go ahead and leave when the time comes. Being in Hueco Mundo will give us time to train and get ready for anything else they have up their sleeves."

The slow, even way Muramasa's nails dragged down his arm stirred him up all over again.

"Let me taste those claws again."

"Teach me how to whisper."

Kouga didn't mind the feeling, but it was hard to keep things neutral when he kept thinking about those nails and even this little flower code Muramasa mentioned earlier. He noticed how reluctant Muramasa was to mention those purple flowers -- did he no longer want that part of their dynamic?

No.

He wouldn't have included them if he wasn't attracted, but with the entire world against him, it was hard to tell who was friend or foe anymore.

He brought Muramasa's lips to his again, tasting them slowly and carefully. He closed his eyes to better get an idea of the feelings of the thin spirit. The response was equally controlled, and Kouga sensed a high level of desire swirling around them.

Believe in yourself, and believe in me too.

When he broke off the kiss, he could have sworn he heard a soft whimper -- not that he would call Muramasa out to admit it. If his sword was an extension of himself, then he had to expect that their reactions would be fairly similar.

Tiny pinpricks over his arms, then back up to his cheek, with his spirit's eyes following each movement to the fullest. Kouga closed his eyes, moving them to rest against the cushions next to each other. He called in a light blanket and huddled in close. "I'll need to get some rest. I don't expect you to sleep since I know you usually don't…"

"I will sleep today, Kouga. You are here. Once you fully drift off, you'll go back to the outer world. As you are out and about, I will make sure to listen very close to make sure you are okay. I will need to take care of some things before our trip."

The spirit's words soothed and surprised him. This whispering zanpaktou spirit who required no sleep would keep him company until he faded back to the real world.

If sky blue eyes had decided at that moment to meet apple green ones, they would have truly found them filled with an understanding that went beyond words.

AN (a little long, pack a lunch!): I'm still playing around with the chapter length - this weighed in at about 2800 words. I know the last one was like a 5800 monster, but I really didn't want to go on for nearly 6,000 words about a single point. Peals-of-Laughter, I TOLD you to trust me, didn't I? :)

They're not the only one that was teary eyed over the Kouga / Muramasa angstfest. I left out the secondary characters (Kouga's wifey and Rosen Saira) to set the tone of the story at this point -- they are coming to a point where they will have to count on each other instead of running elsewhere for advice and comfort.

I was completely influenced by "The Beauty of Who You Are" by Marc Broussard for part of this story. If you haven't heard this track, it's beautifully soulful and sweet.

For 'Decadence' readers - do not fret! You'll see all the usual suspects up to their usual behavior - to some extent. I wrote this chapter to take place right after Ch 3 of the same story - 'Decadence' will pick up during the 'two days reprieve' arc. Kouga and Muramasa both need time in Soul Society and to have closure on their own. Lemons will probably still be yaoi and het if there are any. It'll be a good one, just give me a little time. I didn't expect to even have time to post for 'Sanctuary'.

This story is actually taking over 'Moonbathing' in terms of eyeballs - wow. This is a totally experimental story, whereas I know completely where my AiGin is going. KougaxMuramasa is such a strange pairing to me, but I am enjoying writing it. I am deeply honored that so many people are tuning in.

I can't tell you that angst moments won't happen again -- if they do, please trust in me to steer you from one emotion to the other, the way a good storyteller should. If you want to chat with me about the story at large, you can leave reviews or PMs. On my profile page is the link to my journal where I'll be backfilling and explaining a few things I couldn't put in the notes from time to time.

I'm still trying to write 1-2 hours of fanfic a day. Considering this has become a series, I could spend that time writing a whole chapter. It really depends on the Muse and her level of favor on me for the day -- you writers out there know what I'm talking about!

By the way, if you're curious about the Moonbathingverse (my 1st storyverse), it is about to come off of hiatus :) My beta is still taking care of our granny after surgery and he's promised to help me with the plot twists of that cat & mouse game.

Stay tuned!