She didn't go to school the next day. Or the day after. She couldn't face Eli. He had uncovered her dirty little secret. He would shatter everything.
She could hear the pounding on her door every day. Eli begging her to let him in so he could talk to her. She tried to ignore it. Finally she couldn't take it anymore. She swung the door open forcefully.
"What the hell do you want?" She snapped at him. His eyebrows shot up in surprise.
"Will you please just let me in so we can talk about this?" He begged her.
"There's nothing to talk about. And I'd appreciate it if you just left me alone." She said coldly, closing the door, leaving him standing on the porch.
'She looks worse' He thought to himself. Her cheekbones stuck out a little more, her eyes were a darker shade of gray, her skin was a little paler than before.
"Please just let me in!" He called out. The door swung open again.
"Fine. Whatever. If it'll get you to shut up." She said, walking away, leaving the door open for him. He couldn't force her to eat. He couldn't. She plopped down on the couch and brought her knees to her chest. He sat down next to her.
"Talk." She said in a monotone voice, showing no emotion in her gray eyes. Eli drew in a deep breath.
"Look, I know you haven't been eating…" He began, but Clare shook her head.
"You're wrong." She said, a last attempt to try and fix this.
"I'm not wrong, Clare." He said. "You need help. You can't keep doing this." He finished.
"You're overreacting." She whispered to him. His eyes went dark.
"God dammit! I'm not overreacting! You're just skin and bones!" He shouted, making her flinch and scoot away from him. Her eyes were wide with fear. His expression softened.
"I'm sorry." He whispered. He took her hand in his, trying to calm her down.
"Y-you aren't gonna t-tell anyone, are you? She asked, looking like a scared child.
"Clare…" He began. Her eyes widened. She knew where this was headed. She retracted her hand, jumping up from the couch.
"No…" She whispered, running up the stairs to her bedroom. He followed quickly behind and stood in the doorway. She spun around, her face streaked with tears.
"I can't believe you're doing this to me!" She shouted. She grabbed the headphones he had given her so long ago and threw them at him. He dodged them and they narrowly missed his head.
"I hate you!" She yelled at him. She threw her English notebook at him. It hit him in the chest before falling to the ground.
He strode over to her and grabbed her wrists. She tried to fight him, struggling against his grip, but she was too weak, it was too much for her, and she eventually collapsed in his arms.
He carried her to her bed and laid her down. He laid down next to her and wrapped his arms around her. Clare's eyes opened slowly and she heard the faintest whisper.
"I wish you knew how I felt about you." Eli's voice. His arms wrapped around her. She was in heaven. She smiled to herself and closed her eyes, drifting into unconsciousness.
When she awoke again, his arms were still around her. But she didn't feel the dazed bliss she felt before. She felt self conscious.
She wiggled out of his arms. He was still asleep. She backed away from him. She felt tears fill her eyes. He knew. He knew. He had found her out and he wanted to make her fat again. He wanted to shatter her control. He wanted to shatter her world.
Her best friend had become her enemy. She felt sick at the thought of Eli ruining everything and betraying her. This time, when she threw up, it wasn't forced.
She leaned back and felt hot tears slip down her face. This wasn't how things were supposed to be. Eli appeared in the doorway. His eyes were pained as her dull gray orbs looked up at him.
"Will you go for a walk with me?" He asked her quietly. She nodded and wiped her tears, getting up from the floor shakily. She grabbed his arm to steady herself, then pulled back, but he caught her hand in his. She left it there as they walked outside. She didn't have a jacket on. She was freezing.
"God, it's cold out." She muttered to herself. Eli looked over at her in surprise.
"Clare, it's 75 degrees out." He said, but took off his jacket and gave it to her. She wrapped it around herself and grabbed Eli's hand again. They walked in silence for quite some time.
"I'm really worried." He finally said. She shook her head.
"I don't understand why." She whispered. "I'm not a little kid. I can handle myself."
Well, you've obviously proven that you can't." He snapped out. She pulled her hand back and shoved it in the jacket pocket.
"Why are you doing this to me? I can't get fat. Do you want me to die?" She said to him angrily.
"You're dying now!" He said to her, not believing what he was hearing.
"No I'm not! Just a few more pounds."
I can't eat anything I can't remember I stretch myself across the world I can't remember I'm staring in the mirror I can't remember I can't remember The color of my skin
Without shoving my hands down my throat
And I refuse to meet the world without smearing on makeup
With my hair blinding my eyes
Blinding my eyes
The last time I've seen my own eyes
Or the color of my skin
Do you know what it's like
to feel ugly all the time?
Pushing my limits for your entertainment
And you had the nerve
To call out my weaknesses
And drag me through the dirt
The last time I've seen my own eyes
Or the color of my skin
Do you know what it's like
to feel ugly all the time?
Looking back at the person I hate
I'm staring in the mirror
Looking back at the person I hate
I'm staring in the mirror
Looking back at the person I hate
I'm staring in the mirror
Looking back at the person I hate
The last time I've seen my own eyes
Or the color of my skin
Do you know what it's like...
The last time I've seen my own eyes
Or the color of my skin
Do you know what it's like
to feel ugly all the time?
Do you know what it's like
to feel ugly all the...