"Are you gonna go say hi to your friends?" Quincy questioned gently. All four boys were still looking at me; however, I was glued to my spot, unable to tear myself from Kendall's gaze. His eyes were still cold.

"I'd rather not. Besides, I have to get to the interview." I glanced up at him and begged, "Please tell me I need to get to the interview."

"No, silly. You still got some time until you actually have to meet them. Go say hi." he smiled and nudged me toward them. Curse you Quincy. But it wasn't his fault. He didn't know what had happened between me and that boy.

Somehow I managed to drag my feet to the sofas where the members of Big Time Rush sat.

"Camille!" Carlos jumped out of his seat and gave me the biggest bear hug I had ever gotten.

"Hi Carlos." I gasped out; he was squeezing me so tightly that I could barely breathe.

"Uh, Carlos..." Logan began, trying to pry Carlos off of me. "Can you let go before she dies from suffocation?"

"What?" he finally let go of me, and I began gasping in sweet oxygen. You never know how much you'll miss something until it's gone. "Oh, sorry. I just haven't seen you in a billion years!" he grinned.

"I've missed you too, Carlos."

Logan then pulled me in for a softer, gentler hug. As he pulled away, I wondered what he would have to say to me. He had, after all, been the closest person to me, other than of course...Kendall...and...her, though she had only been friends with me up until...that. However, he said simply said, "Hey. How have you been?"

"Fine." I lied. As he withdrew from me, James pressed by him to give me a hug too-a quick, short one, although it gave me just enough time to smell the aroma of hairspray wafting from his hair. It was lighter now, its natural light brown color. As usual, he looked like a god.

But he also withdrew, and my breath caught in my throat as I waited for Kendall to greet me- if he would greet me at all. He was still seated, his hands folded into one another and his arms resting on his legs. He looked up at me with those gorgeous green eyes and gave me a curt nod, followed by a soft smile (which I knew was forced) and said, with almost a sweetness in his words, "Hey Camille."

"Hi Kendall." I replied, my voice quivering. Logan and James exchanged a quick glance-so quick I barely caught it. Kendall looked away, his smiling fading as quickly as it had appeared.

Then Carlos began groping at the air, as if trying to catch a leaf or feather...even though there wasn't any IFO (identified floating object) anywhere in sight. "Carlos?" We all asked.

"What are you doing?" Logan questioned.

"Trying to feel the awkward." he burrowed his brow, and continued groping at the air. Logan face palmed, and James shook his head. Oh my god Carlos. He was unintentionally making the moment even more awkward than it already was-and that was really saying something, considering the fact that I was sure me and Kendall both wanted to disappear into thin air.

My throat was feeling closed, but I knew I had to say something. "So what are you guys doing here?"

James answered. "Doing an interview with Pop Tiger."

"We were just waiting for-" Logan was interrupted by four ringtones-one playing "Famous", two playing "Big Time Rush" and one playing The Spongebob Squarepants Theme Song (I'll give you one guess on whose phone that was). All four boys checked their phones. "We were waiting for our limo, which just came."

"C'mon." Kendall stood, and I forced myself not to look at him. "We should get back to the Palm Woods now."

Logan and James gave each other one last, swift glance before heading toward the door, but Carlos remained on the red couch, still hard at work at his pointless task. "I said..." Kendall grabbed the back of Carlos's shirt-not gruffly, but with just enough force to snap Carlos out of his trance. "we are going."

He then proceeded to yank Carlos across the lobby by the cuff of his shirt. "Bye Camille!" Carlos smiled brightly as he was forcibly dragged toward the door, walking-and repeatedly tripping-backwards. I waved and watched them walk away.

Then, just as Kendall reached the door, he let go of Carlos, who scampered after his two companions, who were already outside. He turned back toward me, meeting my gaze full-on. I stood there, blinking, my lip trembling, as we faced each other, alone, for the first time in ages. His expression was stone-cold, and impossible to decipher. He seemed to take a tentative half-step toward me, and then pulled his foot back. He looked down at the ground, then back at me before shaking his head and walking out.

I don't know how long I stood there; it could have been hours. Quincy came up behind me. "They were nice, and cute." (no, Quincy is not gay...but he's like the older sister i never had. he says things sometimes, and it sounds like something a girl would be saying to a younger sibling). he glanced at where I was staring. "Especially that Kendall guy."

"Yeah." I whispered. For some reason, my eyes believed it was the perfect opportunity to start leaking-slowly but surely clear drops of tear water rolled down my cheek. I could feel my hand trembling slightly, and I had to sit down to prevent my legs from snapping in half.

Yes, he's the most gorgeous, nice, sweet, funny, talented guy ever...and I broke his heart.

He hates me.

Quincy was dumbfounded. "What's wrong? Why are you crying?"

"Yes, why are you crying?" I turned my tear-stained face to see a woman with a short, mousy brown bob, tiny, dark brown eyes, and a navy power suit standing behind us. She had on a sly smile, and in her hand was a netbook laptop.

It must be one of the interviewers.

I immediately put on a smile. "Practicing for a new audition." It was one of the oldest lines I knew, and I had personally proved that it could get you out of any awkward kissing, crying, or slapping situation. Quincy handed me a tissue from the lobby desk. He didn't look convinced, but he knew better than to argue with me in front of an interviewer.

"Oh, very nice, Miss Roberts. Now, if you're done, would you like to have that interview?"

"Sure, Mrs..." I squinted at the name tag on her jacket. "Hoopes."

She turned on her heel. "Follow me." she led me and Quincy through a maze of halls, offices, and windows until we finally reached our destination. I told Quincy to wait for me outside, and Mrs. Hoopes and I stepped into a cozy little room with two white sofas which faced each other. A tiny table stood between them, with some little chocolate squares and mini brownies. My mouth watered. My image consultant had cut almost all of the delectable, chocolaty and sugar-saturated snacks from my strict diet.

But what she didn't know wouldn't hurt her.

"May I have one of those?" I asked. I knew i really shouldn't, but it wasnt like i was going to pig out. One little square wouldn't kill me, or my 'figure'...

"Of course." she said, sitting down and crossing her legs in a professional manner. I shoved a tiny square into my mouth and sighed in chocolate bliss. It tasted so good, I couldn't resist taking another.

And another.

And another.

It was a few moments before I realized that the woman was staring at me, her neatly-trimmed eyebrows raised.

Eyebrows...

"I'm sorry." I mumbled, swallowing the chocolate.

I'm soooo sorry.

"Of course." she stated loftily. "Now, about your new movie..."

The interview proceeded as normal, with the woman asking me questions about the new movie I was in, my favorite thing about acting, my inspiration to become an actress, yada yada yada, bla bla bla. I answered each question with precision. I knew the next part was coming, but I was still struck by sudden stomach swirls when the woman finally switched the topic. "So, who is your current celebrity crush?"

I giggled slightly. "Uh..." I remembered the name from my paper. Shia Lebouf. All the girls love him. Just say Shia Lebouf. "I would have to say..." C'mon, just say it already! But even the thought of it made my tongue feel like sandpaper. "I...don't really have any right now."

"Oh, come on. We're both girls here." She said in a silky voice that was obviously faked. "You can totally tell me. Unless...you don't have a crush because you're already 'taken'." She even used the air quotes around the word'taken'. I giggled again.

"No, I can't say that I have. But I am always looking for Mr. Right. I-I guess...well, all the girls love Shia Lebouf, right?" I smiled weakly.

"He is quite a cutie." I suppressed a cringe. I think Shia would be insulted if this lady thought he was cute...it was certainly awkward-sounding when she said it.

"That will be all, Miss Roberts. Thank you."

"No, thank you." I smiled, once more thanking God that I could act whenever I needed to be able to fool magazine snobs. I let my masquerade slip as soon as I was out of the door. Quincy escorted me through more winding halls until we came out a back door, where the limo was waiting for us, hidden behind some foul smelling dumpsters; all the while, I was still thinking about my last answer. I am always looking for Mr. Right.

Yeah, you found Mr. Right. You found him over a year ago. You found Mr. Right in the form of Kendall Knight.

But then you let him go.

Quincy opened the door for me, and I climbed in, letting the tears cascade freely down my face.

Twenty minutes later, I was back in my apartment, going through the other suitcases that had just arrived at the Palm Woods-the three that I didn't carry with me. It was one of the perks of being famous-you didn't have to worry about whether or not you would fall over from all your luggage. You had other people to do that for you.

So, I had divided all my belongings into four suitcases. The first was the one with some clothes and general needs-make-up, my specially concocted shampoo, conditioner, and other hair products, 'girl things', etc. The second had the rest of my clothes in it. The third was the smallest, but was filled entirely of shoes and accessories.

The last, however, was my favorite-my memory suitcase. I kept my most prized possessions locked away in this box, including (but not limited to) the script from my first successful audition (a one-line speaking part in "Without a Clue"), my various pictures in gold and silver-trimmed frames, special fan letters and fan art, and last, but not least, some old magazines that had been very memorable-so much so that I had refused to throw them out. Back home, this would drive my parents crazy, considering the fact that I wouldn't see my carpet at all from time to time-it was entirely covered in mags. Though I had cut down my magazine addiction, there were a few that I couldn't bear to separate from.

After setting all my other stuff into my bureau and closet, I sat on my bed to look through the fourth suitcase-I usually did this whenever I was feeling low, and considering what had just happened, I figured it might cheer me up.

I regretted my choice when I picked up a random magazine and saw it was the one with a whole mini-mag...on Big Time Rush.

Don't go through it. Resist temptation. Put it down right now, missy!

So of course I opened it and began to flip through it.

There was some Jelena (Justin Beiber and Selena Gomez) drama and style guides, which I barely skimmed. Finally, I got to the cover page of the "Big Time Mini Mag". The background was the official BTR poster-I couldn't help but smile, thinking of when they had come back from that photo shoot, apparently after being mauled by Dak Zevon fans. Even when in pain, Kendall had been adorable.

I turned the page and relived the story I knew too well. The story of four, average, hockey-playing guys that had been discovered and whisked to L.A., where they had many adventures-what the magazines didn't know is that I already knew all about these wacky escapades, and all the little minor details that the world would never know. Since I had left the Palm Woods, Big Time Rush had

There was a pang in my chest, but I let myself turn to the last page, the page where Big Time Rush talked about their crushes and girlfriends. This magazine was from a few months ago, and, at the time, they hadn't had any girlfriends. I laughed openly at their own 'celebrity crushes'. I knew James was going to say Nicole Shernzinger-he still claimed he was going to marry her someday. Apparently Logan and Carlos had been quite shy about this question, but eventually Pop Tiger was able to pull the names "Debby Ryan" from Carlos and "Selena Gomez" from Logan (Logan was, by far, hotter and overall better person that Justin Beiber, in my opinion). Kendall had, as the magazine quoted, 'chosen the right to remain silent.'

However, I knew that Big Time Rush's love lives (or, more accurately, the lack thereof) had changed. Logan was currently going steady with some techie girl that he had met during one of their video shoots-they had just gone public. Though he hadn't found anyone specific, James had been seen on multiple dates with lots a girls, mostly models. Then, there were the most current rumors that Carlos was seeing none other than Debby Ryan, whom he had admitted in the magazine as his celebrity crush.

Kendall was the only one who had remained single.

Through dull eyes, I glanced at Kendall's interview. "My perfect girlfriend would be someone who...well, first of all is honest with me. And has a great sense of humor. Most importantly, she has to have my complete trust. And yes, if I met a fan like that, I would date her."

Would he ever date someone who had already broken his heart? I glanced down at the article again.

Trust.

For some reason, I didn't think he would be so trustful of me anymore.