If you enjoy this story, please check out T.A.P. That. Have a lovely day!
I apologize profusely in advance for the small sexist joke I made, and anything else that people may over react to.
Somehow, me getting off of work tired out of mind writing a crack!fic like this is a good thing based off of the positive feedback. I don't understand why, but now for some reason the story grew a plot. So expect something to happen.
Bobby, Hillbilly Car Mechanic Demon Hunter
Who's the biggest idjit in the group?
First off, the word is IDIOT dumbass. Secondly, John. Fucking idjit left right as the show picked up, he missed out on all the fan girls.
The last time you saw John you threatened to shoot him- why?
Okay, well see tequila and demon hunting don't mix. He thought I was a damn Wendigo just because I decided to chase him around the house with arms outstretched screaming- "Gonna getcha! I'm gonna getcha!" He's such a fucking drama queen.
When do you feel comfortable hatless?
When I'm ninety percent no drunken fan will insist on trying to steal it based on a dare. Currently, I'm at a seventeen percent.
Batman or Superman?
After doing extensive research- oh wait, fuck, I don't have to research this because it's so damn obvious! BATMAN. He does research (like me), has awesome gadgets (like me), kicks a serious amount of ass (like me) and always shows up at the right moment (like me). I AM BATMAN.
Have you ever run into a Sparkly Vampire?
Once, upstate some silverware themed town. Rained all the damn time too, I had to wear an extra hat whilst I slayed 'em. I think I have to go back again this year too, there seemed to be a lycanthropy problem…
Do you know a guy that knows a guy that can get what you need?
No. I AM that guy. The only person I look to is in the mirror.
Do you have any organization for all of your books?
Yes. I put on a blindfold, spin around three times and point. That's the one I need. Right there. Up a little and to the left.
What do you think of the boy's relationship?
Platonic. Except when Dean's drunk- Then it's just awkward the way Sam leads him on.
If they made a movie of your life, who would play you?
Jim Beaver- that man can ACT. He's also a fellow BAMF.
How often do you seriously work on cars?
All the time. But it's very personal. I don't need people watching me and my automobiles.
What was the tip-off your wife was possessed?
She refused to cook.
… Anything else?
Well, she also insisted that I take off my hat, because it didn't look "sexy." LIES.
Is there anything else, aside from construction, that you like do on your weekends off?
Write fanfiction. My screen name is: RockSaltandCars91
How did you manage to make more bullets for the Colt?
I stared down the gun, it had to bend to my will or die trembling.
Do you ever have nightmares?
Well, there's this one where I'm afraid that I'm too AWESOME to exist. Nope. Turns out my awesomeness is what keeps it together.
If there is a fight between Sam!Girls and Dean!Girls will you be a referee?
When. Where. Yes please.
o-o-o-o-o
"Wait, Bobby, you agreed to do WHAT?" Dean Winchester yelled through the phone.
"It seemed like a good idea," Bobby shrugged in his South Dakota junk yard.
"Well, yeah, but it's not fair to the Sam!Girls…" Dean whined. "They're so fragile and nerdy, I'm afraid the Dean!Girls will crush them too easily."
Over the phone Bobby heard a smack, a cuss, and then Sam was on the line. "Bobby. Get here right away. This fight is going down."
"The seals broke so soon!?" Bobby said jumping up to grab his coat.
"No. This is bigger than the damn apocalypse Bobby. This is fandom."
Bobby nodded his head agreeably. "Be there soon."
He hung up and left.
Back at the motel Castiel had appeared with a jar of jam in one hand. "Guys," he whined, "Can you open this? I can't break the seal and I really want a PB&J."
"Why don't you just get Lillith to do it…since she's been so good about breaking seals lately?" Dean muttered darkly.
Sam sighed, and flicked his wrist. The lid popped off the container. "If you'll excuse me," he got up quickly and left, "I need to go talk to a few … people."
"What's his deal?" Casitel asked. He snapped his hands and white bread with peanut butter appeared.
"Like I fucking know. The whole point of this season is we haven't reconnected yet." Dean threw his hands in the air.
Sam was well past the motel now, steely determination written on his face. Nerds! Ha. More like warriors, he thought.
Meanwhile a puddle of ectoplasmic goo squished next to Sam's computer back at the motel. Because of it's supernatural powers it managed to access the World Wide Web. Hell had been horrible, but what he saw online... he shuddered. But he curiously braved on.
....To Be Continued
If you know who's next, for the love of god keep it quiet. But yes, ask questions.
Explanation of terms:
BAMF= Bad Ass Mother Fucker, in case you didn't know.
WIN= not an acronym, actually, just a word to imply an extra amount of awesome. So awesome, it's like scoring a touchdown in the last few seconds and the whole team WINS.