Chapter 4

The next few days I tried to lay low. Ron and I were still talking and such but a little more flirtatiously. I didn't know what the hell was going to happen with Hermione. Parvati said she wouldn't leave her room for anything and she accidently drank Hermione's pee because she thought it was a bottle of apple juice.

"Potter?" I looked up there was professor Umbridge staring but at me with her disgustingly sweet smile.

"Yes Professor?" I wasn't in the mood to talk. I had a lot on my plate, like worrying about how Hermione's bastard child was cookin', and Snape had been busting my balls lately.

"I would like to have a word with you after class." She said too happily. "Alright" I said. I was trying to go over anything I had done wrong lately. Sure I had dropped a couple dung bombs on Hermione, but that's what girls like. I only had 10 more minutes of class anyways. I spent those last minutes shooting spit wads at Hermione and Parvati. Then it was finally time to go. All of my classmates slowly filed out of the classroom.

"So you wanted to talk to me Professor?"

"Oh Harry, call me Dolores…." She said as she unzipped and stepped out of her dress revealing an all black bustier with a miniscule black thong and matching heels. Her body wasn't exactly the most appealing. It reminded me of the time I walked in on Dudley dancing in Aunt Petunia's lingerie. Her butt also reminded me of Dumbledore's, kind of saggy and lots of dimples. Her shoulders were very broad, but I must say she has a fantastic body structure to be a linebacker.

"Harry, you are failing my class, but I know how you can get some… extra credit."

"ERRRRRRRRR." I was too shocked to say anything else.

"SHHHHHHHHHH. Don't speak; let me do the talking…" At this point I was starting to panic, I looked around for any exits, but there was nowhere to escape. Umbridge pulled her wand out of her cleavage with a swish and a flick smooth jazz started to play.

"Well I really do need the extra credit" I said as I gulped.

"Shhh shh shhh. This is a no talk zone..." Then she pounced. I couldn't do anything but just take it; I knew even if I said no, she wouldn't stop. She began to kiss me, but it was more like she was trying to eat my face. She was very rough and strangely strong. She slammed me against the wall repeatedly as she licked my face like a dog that's too friendly. Then she stepped away from me.

"Strip" she said as she giggled giddily. I obeyed and got all the way down to my whitey tighties. She did the same, first sliding down her corset revealing her very small muscular tittles. Then she swiveled her hips as she pulled off her panties.

"What The fuck?" I screamed. Staring back me was Umbridge's dick. She pulled off her wig and revealed her short dark blonde hair.

"You're a man?" I gasped horrified.

"Yes I am, and you're gonna be my bitch!" he said in a much lower voice than what I was used to. Now, I do enjoy being with men but not when a few minutes ago I thought they were a woman. I found my chance to run and I sure did. I didn't bother to take my clothes I just sprinted. I looked back to see his face turn to pure rage under all the make-up. She I mean he looked like a raging bull. I was half way through the hallway when he started to chase me. I ran into a blob of second year's which slowed me down. When I turned around he was right on my heels. I let out a girlish scream.

"POTTER!" he growled. This made me scream more as I sped up. I had to find somewhere with a lot of witnesses. I knew where to go. I turned a sharp corner surprising her, and I ran full speed into the great hall screaming all the way. I turned around to see her still behind. I stopped for a split second to see her and then.

"SMMAACKKK" our two bodies slapped each other as she tackled me. I hit the ground hard losing my breath and seeing stars.

"Ssssshhhhhhiit." was all I could manage to say. He then got off of me and walked out of the hall. I looked around stunned, my head still spinning.

"Mr. Potter, come with me." I looked up to see Dumbledore standing in front of me with his hand outstretched. I grabbed it and he helped me up. We made our way to his office in silence. I just then remembered that I was still in my underwear.

Dumbledore closed his door behind me."Well damn!" he said while giggling. "You sure are the charmer aren't you?"

"MEEEEEEHHHHH" I uttered a sharp cry. I was still trying to figure out what just happened.

"Umbridge is a man?" I finally MANaged to ask (pun intended).

"Well yes, I was also shocked at first. I first found out at last year's Christmas party. She got drunk on too much eggnog. She insisted that I go back to her room. I was feeling festive so I thought, why not? Then she took off her clothes and then I found out she was a man. I am gay, so I decided to fool around for a while. The next morning I took off in a hurry. I was so embarrassed and she has been angry with me ever since. That is why she is trying to kick me out of Hogwarts. The bitch!" Dumbledore said bitterly.

"That actually makes sense…. Sort of." I didn't feel like asking questions.

"Mr. Potter you have had a very eventful night. I am sure you want to have a little alone time." Dumbledore stood up and walked me to my room.

When I got to my room I didn't really feel like talking to anyone. I went straight to bed, I didn't even put on clothes.

The next morning I was feeling better and I got a letter.