"Hi Meredith, it's Elena." Elena said feebly into her phone. She hadn't spoken to Meredith since the transition, simply for having nothing to say to her. Elena didn't blame Meredith insomuch as she didn't know what to feel for the woman that inadvertently saved her life by killing her. "No, I'm fine. Actually, I'm calling about Damon. Have you heard from him?" Elena waited to hear something, anything, to give her a hint of where he went or why he just took off like that. She knew being a vampire would scare off people sometimes, but she never imagined what scaring Damon off would look like; now she could picture it really well. "Oh ok." She tried to keep the disappointment out of her voice. "No, I'm sure he's fine. Could you just please let him know that I'm looking for him if you hear from him?" Without Alaric or Stefan, Elena couldn't think of anyone else he would've confided in, but she knew Meredith had helped Damon out in the trailer last week and figured she was her best hope. "Ok, thanks. Bye."
It had been two days since Elena had told Damon what had happened between her and Stefan, two days since she told him that she wanted to be with him, really be with him. He looked at her as though she was possessed, muttered something about having to go somewhere, and then left without a word as to where or for how long he'd be gone. She hadn't slept in two nights, she kept feeling guilty for wanting Damon and watching Stefan go, she was worried about her brother's new calling, about what Klaus had planned for him and Tyler and Caroline; most of all, she kept thinking about blood. She couldn't stop, it was like a darkness that was always pumping beneath the surface of her skin. Matt's blood was helping her through it, but she didn't trust herself after last time so she was feeding much less than she had to, and only when Caroline or Tyler was present; when someone could pull her back like Damon had done. Her world was, as usual, falling apart, and not even Damon was there to pull her back when all she wanted was to go too far.
Still, school beckoned. The remnants of normalcy beckoned, though it was feeling increasingly like a waste of time. She couldn't help but think that she could always be in school, she would always be a teenager, but without Caroline, Matt, Bonnie, Tyler and Jeremy she barely wanted to be there now, let alone 50 years from now. And they would all move on, some would grow old and she would have to watch them live lives as she became the auntie that never grew older but still rocked the awesome presents come birthdays and Christmases. And the others would maybe travel the world, or carve their own lives out of the immortality they had been given, assuming it didn't get taken from them at some point. And these were the thoughts that were whirling around Elena's head every moment of every day and night, never ceasing, never calming, and all she could feel was panic for all these different thoughts in many different ways. And the only time she ever felt calm, the only time her brain would take a rest and she could take a breath and have it mean something, was when she was with Damon. And right now, she had no idea where he was or what he was thinking.
The bell rang, telling Elena she had History. Alaric's class. Elena stared at the bell that had so much power over her school life, that told her where to be and when. Suddenly she knew she couldn't make it to Ric's class, that last period would just have to do without her today. As Elena walked off campus and began to wander about the town, she had no concept of the time that passed, minutes or hours, and little inclination to find out. Without meaning to, she found herself in the cemetery. Usually she would go and speak to her parents, but after seeing her mom – what looked like her mom – on the bridge, she hated herself for thinking it, but she needed space from them too. She had no idea what they really thought of her being a vampire, whether the Hunter's portrayal of her mom was accurate or not, and it scared her to death.
"Elena." In the midst of her internal monologue, she hadn't even felt his presence surround her. Elena stopped and turned to see Damon. For a second there were no words, just the space between them, and the countless gravestones around them.
"You're back." Elena observed, not knowing what else to say to him at this point.
"I am." Damon confirmed, equally at a loss.
"Where did you go?" Elena asked, afraid to move.
Damon took a breath. "I went to see Stefan."
Elena didn't know what to say to that. "And now you're back."
"I am." Damon said evenly.
"So what? No explanation or..." Elena began, the anger rising in her voice. "You disappeared, Damon. I told you... and you just left."
"I know. I'm sorry. I had to clear my head." Damon admitted, taking a few experimental steps towards her.
"Of me?" Elena asked, mostly confused.
"No." Damon shook his head. "I'm just... What you told me, Elena, about you and Stefan, and then you and me, I'm just a little thrown. After everything. It will always be Stefan. You said those words to me, several times, and I guess they eventually sank in." Damon confessed.
"I know, I'm sorry." Elena took his hand in hers.
"But then you tell me it's over with Stefan, and it's everything I ever wanted with you Elena, but..." Damon played with her fingers with his.
"But what?" Elena whispered.
"You know you and Stefan aren't together now because you're a vampire, right?" Damon said in one breath.
Elena looked lopsidedly at him. "It's more complicated than that – "
"But at its most basic level, Elena, that's it exactly." Damon brought his free hand up to caress her cheek the way he had so many times before, the way he did when he knew that's the closest he'd ever get.
"I won't deny it changed me Damon, you know it did, but it didn't create something that wasn't already there. It magnified it. It magnified it so much that I couldn't hide it from myself anymore, or Stefan." Elena admitted. "I'm sorry it took me becoming a vampire to see this, but that's what it took and I can't change that."
"I understand all that." Damon said, stroking his hand through her long, dark hair and out of her face.
"Then what's wrong?" Elena asked gently.
"Elena, it took you becoming a vampire for you to tell me this... and all of that is great, perfect even, for as long as you're a vampire." Damon sighed.
"What do you – You mean the cure." Elena took a small step back from Damon to fully appreciate what he was saying. "You mean you think my feelings for you will change if I get the cure and became human again."
"Not if, Elena, when, when you get the cure." Damon said forcefully. "Don't pretend you don't want it."
"I thought you didn't believe in it." Elena said sceptically.
"It's not even about that Elena, whether it exists or not, human or vampire I love you, all of you, in any form you're in." Damon professed, the intensity of his passion searching her eyes for a hint of the same. "It's about whether you can love me, if you changed back."
Elena clasped his face in her hands and pulled his face closer to hers while she was on tiptoes; they were so intimately close that she could have compelled him. "Damon, you have to believe me, that in any form I'm in, I know now what this is. I know I made a mess of getting here, I know that, and I am so sorry for hurting you along the way, I wish I could take that back." Elena released him slightly, falling back onto her heels, but not letting him go. "But despite whether I am human or vampire or a doppelganger or a flying banshee, I know one thing will never change: I am now and have always been a better version of whatever I am when I'm with you." Elena smiled, knowing in her heart that it was the truth. She searched Damon's face for understanding, and his taut expression relaxed, his eyes softened.
"I've wanted this for so long." He whispered. Elena felt a single tear slip down her cheek and she felt herself nodding. For the first time since she met the Salvatores, there was at last freedom. Freedom to love one person wholly, no more being split between being with the person she thought she should be with and the person she knew deep down all along that she had to be with, to survive, to thrive, to grow in every way... except maybe physically.
She felt his lips press against hers, felt his body move closer to hers still and nothing had ever felt more right. That hunger for blood was satisfied when she was with Damon, the decibels of thoughts were muted, and on that one firm spot where she stood, she felt she could move heaven and earth, as long as Damon was beside her. And Damon, as he held Elena in his arms, felt her power against his own, he realised that Stefan was right; the fantasy would've been enough if that's the way he had to live the rest of his existence. But to be loved by her, to be the one that she chose to be with, was far better than enough; it was extraordinary.