Chapter 4 There is another …

Scott paused for a moment. "Jack. I'm going to tell you something. I haven't told Ianto, even when he told me about you. You're not the only Immortal human living here in the 21st century … there is another. Please don't ask me who he is or where he is. He's a very special friend of mine who beggedme never to reveal his identity. You are the only person I've shared this with … and I'm only sharing this because you have a common gift. I'll refer to him as TT, although it in no way lines up with his real name … his originalname which he holds close to him. He's lived for centuries here on Earth, along with other potential Immortals, reincarnating after each death. But now … here in the 21st century … TT is the only Immortal of his kind remaining. Don't ask me to explain further. I've already told you so much. And the reason I've told you is because you share his fate."

Scott paused again before continuing, "TT has loved and lost … countless times. He has lived with his wives, his children, and grandchildren. And he has watched them all die … throughout the centuries. In each reincarnation, he has loved with all his heart, knowinghe will have to endure yet again … the pain of loss. But he told me once that though he could spare himself that agony by simply distancing himself from people, that he would never do that. He explained that for him … living, loving, losing helped shape him into the Immortal he is … one who still feels … still cares … still loves … still shares his love with another. That takes incredible courage, Jack, but it can be done. And I'll tell you something else. Besides Ianto, TT is the most caring, loving, beautiful person I have ever met. It is my honour and my privilege that he calls me 'his friend'."

Jack was stunned into silence. There was another … like him.

Scott continued, "You will never be alone, Jack, while my special friend walks the Earth. He knows his fate … to be the one left … still alive when the people of Earth … when Earth itself, disappears. He faces that fate with courage, Jack. Courage I could only dream of. Tell me, Jack. Would you be willing to be that courageous?"

After a pause, Jack responded, "I _ I don't know. Scott! I want to meet him! I have to meet him!"

Scott replied, "Yes … yes, I think you're right. I think you both need to meet each other. I had wondered about it when Ianto first told me about you. I think you're right. Leave it with me, Jack. I'll contact him. I can't guarantee that he'll want to meet with you, but I'll try and persuade him. Not just for your sake, Jack. But for his sake also. I've worried about him being alone throughout the eons of time. Now he won't have to be. Now there's someone who knows exactly what he must face. And perhaps Jack … perhaps you will learn from him. How to be a person who lives, loves and loses … with courage."

"Yeah", Jack agreed, humour in his tone, "Maybe he and I can hook-up in the future?"

"Ahhh… no, Jack. He's … well, he's most definitely heterosexual. Sorry. Doubt there's a chance of a hook-up with him for you. But his friendship, his kinship with you, would be invaluable."

"Damn! I get to meet an Immortal who won't go for me. But hey, you're right. Meeting another person like me … that is more than I could ever have hoped for … dreamed of. And I owe it all to you, Scott."

Scott protested half-heartedly, "Whoa there! Like I said, I can't guarantee he'll want to meet you. But I'll get in contact with him as I promised … and I'll ask him soon. But my priority is Ianto!"

Jack paused as a vision of his beautiful lover floated in his mind. "Yes … yes, of course." He whispered.

Scott drew a deep breath, hated himself for what he was about to say, but knew for his sake as much as for Ianto's sake, he had to ask … had to hear Jack's answer.

Scott spoke strongly. "Jack. Ianto tells me that last night when you were together, you told him about all the people you have loved and lost … all the people you love and can never have, including one of your own team members. Is this true? And why would you do that to someone you profess to love?"

Jack sighed deeply and felt sudden jabs of pain course through his body. He began. "I _ I shared with him who I was … who I am … in a way that I thought was open and honest. No secrets between us. All out in the open. What I didn't know was that when Ianto made our refreshments, he had drugged mine. You see … I had planned to culminate this deep sharing, with a declaration of love and commitment to Ianto. That in spite of all my past loves … in spite of those in the present who still share a piece of my heart, in some form or another … it was Ianto I chose to only love … and only him. But … but when the effects of the drink overcame me, I foolishly decided to wait until the morning to make my declaration. And the rest is, as we say, history …"

Scott gasped down the line. "Oh, Jack! Jack! Ianto has misunderstood what happened last night. He needs to know the truth. You need to tell him. I can arrange this … when we get back to Cincinnati. He's gonna need to rest first, you understand. I'll give you my home phone number and text you when he's rested a bit and then you can talk to him. Tell him!"

Hope had soared briefly, overpowering the pain in his heart at hearing Scott's words! But then … guilt gnawed at his gut as the images of what had happened with Gwen … how his team mates had reacted … intruded into his mind.

"No!" Jack whispered in a broken tone, "No, Scott! I don't deserve Ianto. Not after what I did last night … not after what I did this morning."

"What are you talking about, Jack" Scott asked, confusion in his voice.

Jack began, his heart clenching in pain. "When I got to work this morning, I was trying to figure out where Ianto had fled to … whom he had run to. Of course, I found you and left my message. You see, Scott, I had it all in mind to get Ianto back on the first flight back to Wales … back to me. I was going to explain it all to him over the phone."

Scott responded, "Yeah, well that makes sense to me. That's why we're on the phone now, isn't it Jack? So why the hesitancy now?"

"Because Scott", Jack began, head bowed in shame and tears welling in his eyes, "something happened here at work … something I truly regret … something that may well mean the end for Ianto and me."

Scott's tone became irritated as he snapped, "What happened, Jack? What?"

Jack continued in a pained voice. "One of my colleagues here at work, the one whom I harbour feelings of attraction, desire and longing … she came into work this morning as usual, and knowing I was upset, offered to care for me, comfort me. I was furious at her … knew she had dressed provocatively just to tempt me! She didn't even know Ianto had gone until another colleague at work informed her when she came in! Yet she had still plannedto seduce me … in front of Ianto! I was so angry at her for her pettiness! Her betrayal to Ianto … her betrayal to her husband, Rhys … a really good man! So I confronted her with her devious intentions! We shouted at each other! Then to top it all off, in the heat of our argument, I yelled out my love and my sexual desire for her in front of two of our colleagues … just after she had finished yelling out the same to me! Now I'm locked in my office trying to keep her away from me because ever since she heard my declaration, all she wants is me! My other colleagues now hate me for what they heard, what they witnessed this morning! Although it's not what they believe it to be, I don't love Gwen in the way she now believes, I love only Ianto! But I've made such a mess of things! I ache for Ianto … I want only Ianto … I need Ianto … I love Ianto. But I've created another mess … and I don't know how to fix it!"

Jack began to cry. Scott was silent, unable to respond to that horrible revelation Jack had just made. Jack understood that he would be disgusted with him. Jack knew he deserved that. He continued on in a broken voice.

"So I guess what I'm trying to say, Scott, is that over a long period of time, I've only succeeded in _ in eroding the incredible, tremendous and overwhelming love that Ianto held for me in his heart. I _ I pushed him to the extremes of his endurance and to the utter limits of his patience and understanding. My _ my so-called efforts to show him I truly love him have failed; I've been unable to be faithful to Ianto for one fucking day … despite the fact that I know he's the _ the 'One' for me; my one true love, my soul mate! Scott … I don't deserve to have the love of Ianto Jones … I've p_proved this to everyone around me time and again; proved it l_last night to Ianto when I tried to rid myself of the demons of past lovers and unrequited love by reciting it as a litany to him; and p_proved it to myself this morning that in spite of what's happened. I am t_truly unworthy of his love. He deserves better … he deserves someone who isn't Captain Jack Harkness! He deserves a b_better love … one that I can't give him. S_So I'm letting him go … whether it's to you or to s_someone else. It's the only decent and loving act I c_can perform for him now … s_setting him free! I'm sorry Scott to burden you with all this, b_but I want you to know why Ianto is c_coming to you as a broken man. It was me that b_broke him! I'm setting him free! I _ I, I'll always love _"

Jack sobs and tears finally overwhelmed him as he could no longer speak a single word and his cries escalated into deep moans of agonised despair. The phone dropped out of his trembling hands as he succumbed to his utter misery and grief.

A voice snapped loudly, breaking his focus as he stared up in a daze trying to see who it was … but his door was still locked. There was no-one in his office. Then his head whipped down as he realised it was Scott still on the line shouting to him.

"JACK! JACK! PICK UP THE PHONE! PICK. UP. THE. PHONE! NOW!"

With a trembling hand, Jack picked up the phone and placed it to his ear and in a scratched voice whispered, "I'm here … I'm here."

Scott lowered his voice to a gentler, soothing tone and said, "Jack! Try and calm down please. Can you calm down for me?"

"Yes" replied Jack quietly.

Scott continued. "Answer me honestly, Jack! This is important. Have you slept with her … had sex with her? Today or at any other time?"

"No", he gasped, "I've never done that despite all my desire and her continued provocations! I want her and Rhys to be normal. I want Ianto more."

"I told you before I believe your heart is divided. After that declaration you made of love and desire to Gwen, I believe my earlier assessment holds true. How can you possibly believe that it is okay for Ianto to accept you back with your divided heart? How can you think that behaviour such as this is okay and Ianto should just come running back into your arms when Gwen now thinks … and would probably be only too happy to share with Ianto … the fact that you made a declaration to her? Ianto has been gone less than 24 hours and you've declared your love to Gwen! Added to that, last year you ran off with a man whom you claimed earlier held your heart … you abandoned Ianto! I think, Jack Harkness, you need to really look at yourself and consider whether what you have to offer Ianto is really love … love in terms of what Ianto needs … wants … deserves. Because Ianto is 21st century born and is the kind of person who is a 'one-person' man. He's not a philanderer, Jack and he's not impulsive as you are. Are you really being fair to him by offering your divided heart to him?"

Jack remained silent, guilt and regret overlaying the pain in his heart. He knew Scott's words were true no matter how much he hated them … hated himself for being so divided in his heart.

Scott continued. "You say you want Ianto and only Ianto. I think you need time to prove this … not only to Ianto, but to yourself. If Ianto had been able to let your continued behaviour roll over him like water, then we wouldn't be in this situation, would we Jack? He wouldn't be halfway over the Atlantic now. Ianto can no longer cope with your version of love. If you want Ianto back, I suggest to you that you need to change. And if you decide that you can't … that your needs, your desires, your impulses, your other loves, are much more important to you … then let Ianto go! He deserves better, Jack!"

Jack's heart was breaking as each word Scott said pounded into his head like nails in a coffin. But the worse part? Scott's truth found a home in him … and Jack didn't like it.

Scott sighed at Jack's continued lack of response, unsure whether what he was saying was getting through to Jack or not. He pressed on. "Another point I would make to you, Jack. You seem to expect Iantoto come running back to you? I haven't heard you once offer to come over here and get him? Is that how you operate in your personal life, Jack? Expect your lover to come running back to you even though he has done no wrong?"

Finally, Jack responded. "I _ I didn't think about it. Didn't think about coming to get him. I guess I should have. And you're right, Scott. About everything _ about all of it! He just kept accepting what I did, what I said, all my flirtations, all my indiscretions … I know I hurt him by doing it all! But he just kept on forgiving me. I guess part of me thought I could just carry on!"

Scott drew his breath in sharply. "Whoa there, Jack! Don't go blaming Ianto for being too understanding … too forgiving! We both know that Ianto has an enormous capacity for love. Some people might consider him weak for letting you get away with so much for so long! The fact that Ianto finally called a halt to it all, underlies how strong he really is. It also shows you that he considers himself worth far more than the value you placed on him … and your relationship with him."

Jack began to cry again. Scott was right in everything he said. But Jack knew that he couldn't cope with it all right now … he was in too much of a mess. He wanted Ianto back so desperately but he just didn't have the resources to handle everything. First of all, he knew he had to deal with Gwen … decisively … once and for all! Before Gwen decided she would leave Rhys for him. Not just for his and Ianto's sake, but also for Gwen and Rhys' sake. His actions had wreaked considerable damage to Gwen's marriage … and he had to fix it!

Jack sucked back his tears and took a deep breath. "You're right about so many things, Scott. You're not that old, are you? Yet you are a leader of Torchwood and you have the wisdom and compassion of someone way beyond your years. No, Scott. That's not flattery … that's my observation of you."

There was an embarrassed silence. "Well … thank you Jack. And you are a better man than you think you are … perhaps somewhat misguided in your views of 21st century love. Perhaps a bit uncertain of who it is you really love. But the fact that you've been able to take the punches I've just dealt out to you? Well … that tells me I am talking with a man who sometimes listens. Perhaps this horrible mess will give you the time … the strength … and the wisdom … to sort out your life."

Jack grunted in acknowledgement, wiping the spilled tears with his free hand.

"Good! Now listen carefully please. Is there someone there at work you can turn to? Get support from?"

"No", replied Jack in a small voice, "there's no-one. Owen and Tosh hate me and don't want to speak to me because of what they witnessed this morning. And Gwen … well, Gwen just wants me to fuck her!"

"Shit! Okay, I see. That's not going to help you, Jack. Trust me. It won't help at all!"

"I _ I know."

"Is there someone you can ring? Someone who can come and help you? Or someone you can go to?"

There was a pause, then Jack shook his head and whispered, "No. There's no-one."

"Are you sure about that, Jack? You must have someone! Surely you have a special friend or something?"

A thought entered his head … the Doctor. He replied more firmly, despite the fact that his voice still scratched out the words, "I _ I think I can contact someone who might be able to send my special friend here. It's a long shot, but I can try!"

"Good, Jack, that's really good! Okay so, can you use another line and still keep me on this line? Maybe put it on speaker phone? If you need me, then I'm here."

"Yes. Yes I can. I'll do that."

"Then I want you to do that now, Jack. Will you do that for me please?"

"Yes. I'll just put this phone down while I ring."

"Good, Jack. That's really good."