Chapter 4 Roads Untraveled

Cas put his bag in the back seat and sat shotgun with a huge grin. He and Dean had hardly been able to spend time together lately. Gabriel was hounding him with 'brotherly advice' and had even taken to hanging out with him and Amelia. Amelia found him vulgar and he made her nervous.

But none of that mattered now. He had worked a long day and was ready for his road trip celebration. No more thoughts about Amelia except what he had to say right now. "Guess what."

"What?" Dean asked, turning and giving him a soft smile.

"Amelia isn't pregnant."

"What?" Dean looked confused. No wonder.

"I was at her place last night and needed some Tylenol. I went in her medicine cabinet and saw her birth control pills. She's still taking them. Then I, and I'm not proud of this, lifted the lid off her bathroom trashcan and there it was."

"Dude," Dean pulled back, making a disgusted face.

"Pads."

"Jeez, Cas," Dean winced.

"So, I confronted her."

"Yeah? What'd she say?"

"She said she was scared I was going to back out."

"What a bitch," Dean blurted.

"Well, she spent the rest of the night begging my forgiveness. And trying her hardest to not let me go on this trip."

Dean swallowed at that. A guilty look flitted across his face and Cas' smile faltered the briefest second.

"And that's enough about that!" Cas laughed, pulling his seatbelt on.

Dean sat there a bit longer. He could tell Dean had plenty more to say about it. "She's not pregnant?"

"Nope. Not pregnant," Cas assured.

"That was pretty manipulative, Cas. Doesn't that make you...worry?"

Cas pressed his mouth tight and looked out the passenger window. "Just drive."

"Why are you marrying her, Cas?"

Cas sighed heavily. "It's...it's too late to back out now. I had my chance. I had a million chances. We have plans, Dean. And, I know it was a really shitty thing for her to do, but she's just so scared I'm going to back out. She's worried I think she isn't good enough. That her family that drives her crazy will drive me away too. And I'm not gonna be that douchebag that leaves his wife at the alter."

He looked Dean in the eye. "Are you going to support me?"

Dean hesitated. "You know I only want the best for you, right? Gabe too. I guess we just don't see her the way you do."

"It's done. We have our license already and everything is set." He turned to look back out the window.

Dean watched him a moment longer, then backed out and they were off.

Cas was still trapped. Even the car felt confining, so he put down the window to let air rush in.

Dean had the music playing at a low roar once they reached Lawrence City limits and they took turns picking tapes from Dean's box. They spoke very little the first three hours. After jamming to some Queen, Dean pulled the tape out and turned the radio off.

"Remember that time we drove seven hours to eat at that Mexican place?" Dean asked, a grin tugging his mouth.

Cas laughed. "Yes. I believe you educated me on levels of heat."

"You ate those peppers like they were nothing," Dean laughed. "The owner was flipping out because you just kept going hotter and hotter!"

"I wonder if our picture is still hanging on the wall there," Cas mused. "He seemed quite enamored with both of us."

Dean laughed and the road just disappeared behind them.

An hour later, they stopped for gas and coffee. "You wanna drive?" Dean asked quietly as they walked back to the car.

"Sure. I'm not even tired," Cas said.

Dean handed the keys over easily. "I'll sleep. Just pull over or wake me up if you get tired."

Cas nodded, taking the driver's seat, Dean riding shotgun. "You could stretch out in the back," he offered before he put the car in drive.

"Nah. I'm good up here," Dean grinned.

Cas turned on the radio, finding a 70's rock station and zoned out for hours as the highway stretched on and on.

Cas glanced over when a semi cut him off, seeing Dean was fast asleep with his jacket in a ball for a pillow. He wondered how often he was going to be able to see Dean once he was married. His lease was up on his condo next month. The plan was to move in with Amelia, finish her lease that ended in March, then buy a house. He wanted a house badly. Privacy was something he never felt like he had enough of. He had been living in dorms and apartments since he was 18. Now, at 26, he wanted his own walls. His own yard. Space between his neighbors. A fireplace. Yeah, he really wanted a fireplace. He wondered if Dean knew how to use one. He would need help with that. And painting. Redoing landscaping to bring a place back to life. He wondered what kind of house Amelia would want. Why had they never talked about that? Would she want a house out of town? Please, God, not another condo. The thought of walls on both sides of him that were shared with neighbors made him want to hyperventilate. It was the second time tonight he wanted to roll the window down and gulp fresh air. He did not, however, not wanting to wake Dean up. If he were buying his own house just for him, he would get a three bedroom with two floors. A deck would be nice. Out in the woods would be ideal. He needed some nature. The residency he did in Chicago taught him he was not a city guy. He wanted a smaller town. He did his last year of residency and a year internship in Kansas. He and Dean had reconnected when Dean moved to Lawrence with a family friend to open their own auto shop. Now it was Lawrence's most reputable auto shop. And the guy, Bobby, was family. Dean was happier than Cas had ever seen him. He was single, Benny having left him to move to New Orleans where he was originally from. When his internship was done, Dean had jokingly told him to move to Lawrence with him. He seemed more than happy that Cas did so. Amelia was from two towns over, so Dean was slightly surprised he chose a job closer to him than her. But that was just how things had worked out. He stayed with Dean his first two months in Lawrence, then got his own place. He was sharing an office with another ophthalmologist, Anna Milton. They worked well together and had a very reputable business themselves.

Highway 54 was long and fairly redundant in the dark. The music did little to entertain him. He was stuck with his own thoughts for hours while Dean slept. He knew one thing for sure. There was something wrong with what he was about to do. The wedding was another step in the wrong direction. He tried to think of ten reasons why he was marrying Amelia. He couldn't. He tried to think of ten things he liked about her. A few of those were pretty flimsy. He tried to think of his top ten moments with her. Funny stories to share. There had a few. They dated the last four months of their senior year. They had fun then. But once he left for school, they drifted apart. He tried to think of ten movies Amelia liked. Ten songs she would want to dance to at their wedding. Shouldn't this be easier? He knew for sure it should feel like a huge thing he was doing and not like he was checking off a box on his life to-do list.

Maybe Gabriel had been right. Shit. No, that couldn't be.

Gabriel was ridiculous and totally self absorbed. There was no way he had Amelia so pegged.

And Dean, well, Dean never liked her. Frankly, she was just in his way. That made Cas stop and think. He needed gas, he might as well stop and change this dangerous train of thought anyway. And besides, it was too late. He was NOT gonna be that guy. The one who ruined everyone's lives by canceling a wedding that was taking place in five days. There was just no way out of this. None. He loved Amelia and when they were married, he would learn all the things about her that he didn't know. They would have years to learn each other.

"Cas?" Came Dean's sleepy voice from next to him. "Where are we?"

"New Mexico," Cas answered finally. He felt Dean's hand on his arm.

"You alright?"

"I...I'm ready to sleep, I think. We need gas." His eyes still looked out the windshield blankly. He blinked them and looked at Dean.

Dean was checking their location on his phone. "Damn, an hour outside Logan, New Mexico. You made good time. And I slept like a log."

Cas grinned, Dean's hand returning to his lap as he put his phone away. "I can drive. I'm good to go."

Cas nodded and got out to fuel up. Dean went in and got a cup of coffee for himself and a steaming bowl of shredded wheat for Cas.

Cas furrowed his brow at the hot bowl of cereal.

"I made it just how you like it. Just eat it and then go to sleep."

Cas took the bowl and got in. The seat was still warm from Dean and he ate as Dean pulled back onto highway 54. "Did I miss anything?" Dean yawned.

Just 8 hours of me realizing I'm ruining my life. "No."

The cereal was warm and sweet with blueberries in it and slices of almonds. It was good and hearty. Cas had not realized he was hungry. Or so tired. He put the bowl and spoon in the trash bag and yawned. "Thank you."

"Yeah, no problem doc."

Cas picked up Dean's leather coat and wound it into a pillow, Dean giving him a side-eyed smile, as he made himself comfortable. "Should be light soon."

"Yep." Dean turned the radio on low and Cas settled against the passenger side window.

He woke when the car lurched to a halt. "Dickhead," Dean muttered.

Cas blinked into more wakefulness. He was lying down on the front seat, his head partially on Dean's thigh. The jacket that had been his pillow was over his head. It smelled like Dean. And leather. He could see bright patches of light where the leather buckled up in places. Dean's hand rested on his arm, his elbow on Cas' shoulder. The car rolled forward again at a slow pace.

Cas pushed the coat away, blinking rapidly in the bright light.

"Morning, Sunshine," Dean grinned down at him.

Cas sat up slowly, running a hand through his hair, Dean grinning twice as wide. "Shut up," Cas laughed, knowing he was going to say something about his 'sex hair'.

He glanced around. They were on a highway packed with cars.

"Construction," Dean explained.

Cas sat back while Dean went around the car in front of him, flipping off the lady yapping on her phone. "Keep your shitty tin can away from my baby next time," he yelled, leaving her in the dust as the traffic dispersed and moved faster.

"Dumbass pulled right in front of me back there. Idiots."

Cas rubbed his eyes waking up more fully. "Where are we?"

"Arizona. Making good time too. Let's stop for a real meal. I'm starving."

"Sounds good," Cas yawned. He pulled his phone out. It was 12:45. He had three voicemails and seven missed calls from Gabriel. "Gabriel must have figured out I left town," he grinned, glancing at Dean.

"Call him. Let's see what he says," Dean grinned.

Cas called him and put it on speaker.

"Where the hell are you?" Came Gabriel's annoyed voice.

"Somewhere in Arizona. Why?"

"What? Why? Let me guess, you are fleeing the country to avoid Amelia."

"No, Gabriel."

"Then what the hell, Cassie? What's in Arizona?"

"Besides me and Dean? Not much," Cas grinned.

"Dean? You left the state two days from your wedding and took Dean? Please tell me you're eloping."

Dean laughed.

"No. We're getting Sam, Dean's brother and bringing him back to Kansas for the wedding. That is in five days, not two."

"Sam? The gonna-be-a-lawyer kid?"

"That's the one," Cas sighed.

"Hello, Dean-O. I assume I'm on speaker phone."

"Hey, Gabe," Dean answered.

"What the fuck are you doing dragging my baby brother across the damn country the day before his wedding?"

"Five days, dude. And don't worry. I'll have him home Friday morning. The wedding is on Saturday."

"Do me a favor," Gabriel said seriously. "Get really, really lost."

Cas rolled his eyes and Dean laughed. "We'll be there in plenty of time. Just pick up our suits Friday, would ya? We're gonna be pretty tired when we roll into town."

Gabriel sighed. "I thought that was 'best man' duty. Last I checked, I'm just suit stand-in number two."

"Don't be a bitch," Dean laughed.

"Fuck you, Winchester. I never did like you."

"Bye, Gabriel," Cas said, shaking his head.

"Bye, assmunches," Gabriel mocked.

He hung up the phone and Dean pulled off the highway and into a truck stop.

When their food came, Dean cut into his country fried steak with zeal. "I love truck stops," Dean said around a mouth full of food.

Cas nodded, his chin dripping with juice from his burger.

"So, what did Amelia say about our road trip?" Dean asked.

Cas shrugged. "She...we had a fight about it, actually."

Dean nodded, looking down as he ate. "She still really doesn't like me, does she?"

Cas swallowed and wiped his chin off, brows furrowing. "She likes you, Dean. She just gets insecure."

Dean looked up, their eyes meeting and Dean looked away. "I hope she lets me hang around some times. I mean, don't worry, I'm gonna give you guys plenty of space, but I hope she let's us hang out."

Cas could tell that Dean was actually worried about this. "Dean, there is no question about that. She will be my wife, not my boss."

Dean nodded, looking like there was something Cas wasn't getting. But he had to let it go. He had spent all night thinking about Amelia. He wanted to just...not think about Amelia.

"This burger is awesome," Cas grinned.

"Not as good as mine," Dean smirked.

"No, Dean. No one's burgers are as good as yours. If you ever quit being a mechanic, you can open up a burger joint."

Dean grinned proudly at that.

Back on the road, the pair spent an easy silence as Arizona was behind them and they headed north into California.

"Does Sam know we're coming?" Cas asked as the sun set.

"Nope."

"You're gonna make him cry," Cas said, giving Dean a warning look.

"Like a little baby," Dean grinned.

Cas shook his head. "I haven't seen him in over a year. Since the last time we drove out here in such a rush."

Dean nodded. "That was fun."

"No. That was...". Cas shook his head. Sam had been a disaster. They broke into his apartment, picking him up off the floor, where he was laying in his own vomit. After a shower and the pair of them man-handled him to the rehab facility, Cas dealt with the aftermath that was Dean. The anger, the rage, and worst, the silence. Through it all, Cas was Dean's back up. When they got home, to Dean's, all he could do was hug him, assure him for the umpteenth time he had done the right thing, and leave for work.

"We made good time so far. Let's stop for the night."

Cas nodded, pulling out his phone and reading a list of motels.

"Dude," Dean laughed, "The Magic Fingers Express? That's epic!"

"It's in 12 miles," Cas laughed.

"No way! That place has got to be skank central!" Dean laughed.

"Get off at the next exit."

"No, Cas."

"Yes, Dean."

"There is no way-"

"It's my ridiculous bachelor road trip. We're doing it," Cas laughed.

Dean struggled for another argument but finally shook his head, slumping in submission.

Cas laughed at the picture of the gaudy sign that looked like a Magic Fingers massage box. A giant gold coin lit up to go into the slot.

They pulled up and both men raised their eyebrows.

"Cas," Dean said, voice full of concern.

"Just do it," Cas grinned, watching the giant light-up coin blink in and out.

"If we get crabs," Dean threatened, "I will never let you live it down."

"Noted," Cas smirked.

They opened the door to the room and stepped in. Silver and gold wallpaper with coins raining down around them covered all the walls. The carpet was brown and worn down. There were two double beds with thin gold bedspreads that looked like they'd been here since 1972.

A Magic Fingers box proudly connected to one of the beds.

"I've stayed in some shitty places," Dean started.

"Oh please," Cas scoffed, "this is nicer than our first apartment!"

Dean whacked his arm and Cas promptly whacked him back, both laughing.

"Dibs on the shower," Dean said, heading for the bathroom.

"Dibs on the magic fingers," Cas grinned, flopping onto the bed. They had been in the car for the past 24 hours. Sam was only 2 hours away.

Cas rummaged through his jean pockets and pulled out a handful of change, putting it on the nightstand between the beds.

Cas opened the drawer, seeing a bible inside. It always fascinated him that every hotel and motel room had a bible in it. No matter how trashy the joint. Bibles were there. He slid the drawer shut and checked his phone. Amelia had called twice. Gabriel had texted. He shut it off and flopped back, closing his eyes. He was tired.

"You gettin' a shower?" Dean asked, bumping his knee with his. Cas had fallen asleep just that quick and had to shake the sleep off to function again.

"Yeah." Cas made short work of the tiny, slightly frightening bathroom.

It was all cold water, making Cas rush and come out teeth chattering. He crawled under his covers in just his pajama pants.

He heard a clunk next to his head and the world began to shimmy. "What the hell?" He jumped.

Dean laughed and Cas soon joined him.

Dean took a picture of Cas, capturing the Magic Fingers box and Cas' face red with laughter.

"You have to feel it," Cas laughed, scooting over. "It's just vibrating! There's no 'massage' to it!"

Dean laid down, only in his boxers, and said, "Luuuuuke, I am your faaaaaather."

They laughed again and the bed stopped.

"Aw," Cas sighed. "It did actually feel kinda good."

"Right?" Dean laughed, putting another coin in. They both laid back this time, letting the vibration shake the road off their bones.

Dean woke the next morning feeling much better than he expected. Until he realizes where he was. It's not the thin, scratchy gold bedspread or the shiny wallpaper that have his eyes widening. It's the head of hair nestled down into his chest. He had just been having the most delicious thoughts. Ones that made him grind his hips. His body froze into stillness. Cas moaned or groaned or made some sort of deep sound hot against his bare chest. His leg moved, pulling out from between Dean's and his hand slid away from his hip. He dropped back onto his back, his head rolling along Dean's arm, facing him. He was asleep still, lips slightly parted and breath even. Dean had no idea how not to wake him, but he needed to figure it out before Cas woke up and freaked out.

Like a living nightmare, Cas' brow furrowed and his eyes blinked open.

Close his eyes and fake sleep?

Apologize profusely?

Cas' eyes opened, looking right at him.

Fuck.

"Sorry, I musta fallen asleep," Dean said, his heart thudding.

Cas nodded, sitting up slowly. "Me too. Damn Magic Fingers."

"What time is it?" Dean asked quickly getting out of the bed and pulling clothes out of his bag.

"8:30. What time is graduation?"

"1:00"

"Breakfast?" Cas asked.

"Yeah. I'm starved."

They awkwardly got dressed and out the door in no time. Dean was relieved to see that Cas was not freaking out. After all, nothing happened anyway.

Breakfast was good. Warm sunshine baked their pale winterized skin as they ate outside at some hippy-dippy bistro. Dean had been quite pissy about the whole stupid ordeal.

"What the hell kind of 'breakfast' place doesn't have bacon?" Dean complained loudly, Cas pushing him through the crowd.

"You got me bean sprouts on a tortilla, didn't you?" He snapped at Cas.

"Of course not, meat man. Just eat it. You'll like it," Cas smirked.

Yeah, so. Maybe it was okay. Sorta. Until he had to make a mad dash for the bathroom later that morning. Damn rabbit food.

Dean pulled his phone out and clicked a few places, handing it to Cas. "I tracked Sam's phone. We can track him down and shock the shit outta him."

"What is it, exactly, that occurs on the first birth of a child that graces them with genes to be an asshole?"

"Aw, Cas, come on. He's gonna be stoked."

"I'm sure he will," Cas relented.

Dean followed Cas' directions and they pulled up to a crappy brick complex.

"Nice," Dean muttered, looking none too thrilled about leaving his car unattended.

"He's here," Cas pointed at the building.

"This place is a dump. Remind me to burn all his shit so he doesn't bring bedbugs home."

"Or in your car," Cas muttered, regretting it the moment he saw the look of horror on Dean's face.

"I was kidding," Cas said, squinting.

"I don't think you were," Dean panicked. "Is that a thing? Can they get in your car?"

Of course they can. Carpet, upholstery, why would it not be possible? "No, Dean. Definitely not. I was kidding."

Cas turned, leaving and heading for the dilapidated building.

Dean swore under his breath and caught up to Cas in the entry way. They walked in, looking at all the mailbox labels.

"Bingo," Dean said, finding Winchester by 34A.

On the third floor, and no, there was no elevator, they found 34A and Dean knocked hard on the door. The door opened two inches, held tight where two chains could be seen to hold it secure.

Sam scowled at him for several seconds. The door slammed shut and the scrabbling of chains on wood could be heard before the door flung open.

"Dean!" Sam gasped. "What? You're here! What happened? You couldn't handle the wedding? Are you okay? Cas is an idiot if he-"

"Sam!" Dean yelled, face paling. "CAS and I came to see you graduate."

Sam stepped out into the hall, seeing Cas standing to the side with a furrowed brow. "Oh, shit," Sam blushed. "I mean...holy shit! I can't believe you guys came to see me graduate." Sam stepped back, giving Dean an apologetic wince. Dean did all he could not to growl.

"Yeah. We thought we would surprise you."

"I'm...shocked," Sam laughed stepping inside his apartment and the pair followed him.

Sam hugged Dean so tight it almost made him gasp for air. "I can't believe you came here."

"Wouldn't miss you finally graduating. I'm proud of you, Sammy."

He felt the hug crush a gauge tighter at the nick name. Dean had stopped calling Sam, Sammy, when the drinking and drugs had damn near ruined everything. When he refused to get rid of Ruby.

"I'm gettin' you out of here today," Dean said firmly.

"Yeah," Sam nodded, letting go and stepping back. "Yeah, I want out of here. And I'm ready to go."

He wiped a tear away, shaking his head in wonder. "You're here."

"I'm here," Dean grinned.

Sam stepped back again, seeing Cas again and hugging him as well. "Thanks for coming, Cas."

"Always, Sam," Cas said, hugging him back with a grin.

The apartment was a one room efficiency with a tiny bathroom. Paint peeled from the walls and ceiling. The floor was tile that was cracked in many places.

"I don't have much," Sam said, running a hand through his long hair. "Some clothes. Books. My computer. That's pretty much it."

Dean hated the apartment. His brother was better than this. He deserved better. He hated the thought of him sleeping on a mattress on the floor. Using the few dishes that sat washed and dried on the tiny counter. It wasn't dirty really, just very dingy.

"Yeah, we can load it now and take it with us or come back later, " Dean said, his eyes lingering on the bars over the windows.

"Let's do it now," Sam shrugged. "My rent is paid through next week and the super knows I'm leaving, so we can just leave what I don't take."

Cas carried two boxes down to the car and stayed there while Dean and Sam went to get the rest. It was sad that Sam, such a bright kid, had so little. That school had gone so roughly for four years. It had been so difficult to watch. He had met Sam years ago when he would come to get Dean or come and visit. They were friends.

Sam's first year had started out strong. He quickly fell madly in love with a girl named Jessica, who died in a car accident the weekend of Halloween. It had been tragic and Sam had not recovered from it. He stayed at school, because going home was no better. By March, he was sleeping with another girl name Ruby with short, blonde hair. She was so vastly different from Jess. Sam quickly spiraled from there. The fact that he had graduated at all was so good. Dean getting him out of here was even better. Sam was family to Cas. He wanted him to succeed. And he wanted him to be happy. He looked healthier than Cas had seen him in the last four and a half years.

The brothers came out of the front door again and Cas opened the trunk to help load the rest of the bags.

"Let's do this," Sam cheered, clapping Cas on the shoulder as he walked by. Cas automatically took the backseat, as he always did when Sam was with them. He had a suit on and his gown slung over his arm.

"You look great, Sam," Cas grinned, getting in the back, next to a small pile of bags.

"Thanks. I run a lot. Eat as healthy as I can. It helps."

They drove to campus and dropped Sam at the gym, finding a place to park.

Dean took a seat on the bleachers, Cas sitting next to him. "I shoulda got him a present," Dean said. "A card, at least."

"You being here is a present," Cas grinned sadly. He kept his gaze focused on the crowd slowly filling the stands, watching the rows of empty chairs on the floor.

Once the graduates had been seated and the speakers started, Cas let his mind drift. What Sam had said when he saw Dean at his door had not gone unnoticed. He just had to wait until he could think about it. He had intended to wait until they were mind-numbingly on the road. But the boring speeches were giving him too much space to stop the thoughts.

Sam had thought Dean was so disgusted with the wedding that he would come to California to get away from it. Dean must hate Amelia more than he thought. Dean was his best man. How could Sam think he was so upset that he could run away from being his best man?

But that's not what had happened. But Dean had blushed so hard. The brothers had talked about something. He was missing something.

They cheered loudly for Sam, Dean snapping pictures. It was a moment in life to share with family. And he was. He was there.

Dean and Cas made their way outside when they were finished. They waited in the hot sun while graduates slowly began making their way outside and finding their own clusters of family and friends.

"I'm glad we did this," Dean said quietly from beside him. "Thank you, Cas, for doing this with me. It means a lot that I got to be here today."

Cas turned to see the unusually sober expression on his friend's face. "I'm honored I was able to be here for such a milestone in Sam's life," Cas answered, quietly. Something between him and Dean suddenly felt thin and fragile. Their eyes met hesitantly and Cas licked his lips. "Dean, if I...if I..."

At that moment, Sam bounded up to the pair, pouncing on them with huge hugs and even a few tears. They took pictures and Sam said goodbye to a few friends.

And that was that. Dean had Sam back.

Cas spent the next 26 hours in a daze of driving and sleeping and thinking.

He knew one thing for sure. He had no idea why he was going through with this wedding. Other than he hated to let people down. And he was beginning to suspect that if he did go through with it, he would be letting down the one person that mattered the most. Dean. And Dean wasn't supposed to be the one person that mattered most.

But he was.