Chapter 4

Megamind had spent the day trying to track down Hal Stewart. The Warden had been right, he had all but disappeared. If not for his hold-up of the 7-11 he may have vanished from sight. He visited the 7-11 and interviewed the clerk, who was getting mighty tired of the whole thing.

"Look I tolds the police, I tolds that old man with the moustache, I tolds that little reporter woman and now I'm telling you I don't know nothing. He was just some fat loser in a jacket who stole chips and cash and left. I don't care who it was and I don't even care if he's caught. I'm just about due for another break in anyway. Are you all going to harass me about that one too?" he growled.

Megamind returned to Not Evil Lair with an extra-large extra-green Slurpee and a bag of candy bars. At least the visit hadn't been a complete waste of time. He could use a sugar fix. He sat in his office demolishing his Hershey bars and did what every good researcher did when confronted with a dead end.

He typed 'Hal Stewart' into Google.

There were a few sites which were just old reviews on Roxanne's news stories which cited him as the camera man. Then there was another entry at about number fourteen on the list...

"A blog?" he wondered and clicked on the link. There were several video files uploaded, followed by user comments. Number of followers: 7. Megamind snorted. He was no social networking guru but even he knew that was pretty lame. His smirk faded as he watched the videos one after the other; each one got less funny than the one before.

Hal escaped from prison. He had hidden until after dark and then broken into a bargain store, stealing clothes and food. Then he had met a girl and moved into her place (unfortunately he hadn't been dumb enough to mention her name), and convinced her he merely wanted to clear his name so they could be together. The last video though... You led me on; prancing around like the slut you are in those short skirts. I'm coming for you .It was as the Warden had feared. Megamind had to find him before it was too late.

Megamind wrote down the web address and went to visit the local police department. He didn't claim any expertise in the web. His abilities were more suited to robotics, engineering and gene-splicing synthetic brains into mechanical suits.

Of course the police had been glad to help him but they already had so many top-priority cases that Hal Stewart was fairly low on their list. Megamind shook his head. He supposed they were right but still...he would have to take care of protecting Roxanne himself.

Roxanne.

He moped around the house, watching something on TV and not really paying much attention to Minion's stay-at-home-dad adventures. He tried to track down Hal's IP address for himself but short of Googling 'Hacking for Dummies' (which he had tried with little success) he couldn't really figure it all out. If anyone could do this it would probably be Roxanne, using her nosey reporter skills, but he hadn't heard from her all day. He didn't know if she had called or texted him. It didn't matter. He couldn't tell her about Hal. It would just upset her.

Megamind hadn't been game to check his phone. But then Hal could also have her tied up in a dungeon somewhere... He raced upstairs and checked his phone. No calls, no messages. He toyed with asking her if she was all right but then that would open up the opportunity for argument and the dumping of him; alone (but not in the rain this time) and he didn't want that. He didn't want her knowing about Hal anyway. It would completely ruin the wedding buzz she was on and she didn't need to know. If they were still getting married. He could protect her himself. Still he kept checking his phone every few minutes until the tension grew too much and he ended up giving it to Minion.

"Here. Hold this for me will you? Let me know if Roxanne calls."

Minion gave him The Look.

"Sir, why don't you just call her?" he hadn't needed to tell the fish about their argument. One look at Megamind's crestfallen expression that morning had told him everything he needed to know.

"Because if she can talk to me that means she can dump me and I don't want to be dumped so as long as we don't contact one another we're still getting happily married in five days time." Megamind said. Minion gave him a flat stare.

"With all due respect, sir, that's the dumbest thing I ever heard. What are you two fighting over anyway?" Megamind sighed.

"I don't even know. I told her I was wearing a cape to the wedding and she went all angry alligator on me." Minion shook his head.

"A cape sir? Really?"

"She said something about wanting a normal wedding. No robots, no brainbots, no capes or spaceships, just a normal wedding." He looked mournfully at Minion. "That cancels out my entire side of the guest list."

"Well...the wedding is kinda supposed to be Roxanne's day. Maybe you should just give her what she wants. You have the rest of your lives to fight over stuff that doesn't matter."

"Until one day she decides I'm just too abnormal for her." He said. Minion wasn't sure what to say.

"Yeah...um...I think I can hear Rei crying I'd better go." He said and went outside to the coi pond. Megamind frowned.

"I thought they didn't make sounds yet..." Minion hurried outside, leaving Megamind alone. "Oh, right, got it." He had to get his mind off it all. He went back to his office. Right. It was time to make a serious attempt at locating Hal.

He Googled 'how to hack' and prepared to make himself an expert.

By eleven o'clock that night he had succeeded in his endeavour. He had hacked into Minion's personal computer (and was slightly disturbed at some of the nature documentaries he had found under the folder 'porn'), the Mayor (boring man. No porn at all). He tried to find the Warden's computer but he didn't seem to use one other than for work. He found Roxanne's friend Barbie's laptop. She spent a lot of time on in the sci-fi section. She seemed to have an alien fetish. Huh. That explained a lot…

Finally, after becoming fairly accomplished he flexed his fingers over his keyboard and prepared to track down Hal Stewart when...

"Sir? You have a message from Roxanne." Minion said from behind him. Megamind shivered.

"And?" he steeled himself for the awful news that he would be spending eternity sleeping alone and watching Bridget Jones' Diary until one day he himself was found on his living room floor dead and being eaten by his own pet alligators...

"It's okay sir. She just wants you to pick her up from the bar. It's her bachelorette party, remember?"

"Oh yes...what should I say?" Minion facepalmed himself with his free hand. Minion Junior was in the other arm giving Megamind a curious look.

"How about 'On my way'."

"'On my way'? But what does that mean?" Megamind asked, not knowing the whole relationship code dictionary yet.

"It means you're picking her up from the bar." Minion said patiently. "Are you all right to drive? Have you been drinking? Or are you on coffee?" His boss had that weird glassy-eyed look he got for a number of reasons. Overwork, too much caffeine, alcohol, or watching The Matrix Reloaded...

"Coffee. And learning to hack. Relax Minion I can drive. I'll go and get her now." He said, trying to inject enthusiasm into his voice.

"Sir I know Roxanne. She isn't going to dump you over a cape." Minion assured him. Megamind attempted a cocky grin on the way out, wishing he felt anywhere near as optimistic as the fish did.

Megamind pulled the invisible car into a 'No Parking' zone outside the bar. He could see their party fairly distinctive through the first-floor window above him. Shiyounin seemed to be grinding with at least three young men on the dance floor and that strange red-head with the alien fetish was entangled with a large, bald man who Megamind could have sworn had a blue tinge to his skin (of which there was a lot on show). He sent a message to Roxanne (who he couldn't see) and a few minutes later there she was, on the ground floor walking more or less steadily towards him. He flicked the invisibility cloak off and waited for her to open the door.

She got in, bringing with her a huge bunch of red roses. Megamind's voice failed him. She looked beautiful in that dress. He had always loved the red one.

"Hey." She said as she got into the car. She paused when she saw his face. "What's wrong?" she asked.

He stared out the windshield and drummed nervously on the steering wheel. Just get it over with, his inner voice shouted at him.

"Are you breaking up with me?" he blurted out. Roxanne's eyes widened.

"What? Why? Are you...breaking up with me?" Her memories of their fight were a bit hazy thanks to the alcohol. She knew she had upset him but didn't realise it was that bad.

"No! I'm not. I mean I don't want to but I thought you might..." She threw the roses into the back seat and gripped him in a powerful, awkwardly placed hug across the gear shift and hand break.

"Megamind! Is that what you thought? It was just a fight! A stupid, stupid fight." He shut his eyes and held her.

"You're sure?" he ventured.

"Of course I'm sure. I don't care about the cape anymore. I don't care if you want to wear your leathers and show up on the hoverbike! I love you." She said, voice lilting strangely.

"I don't care about the cape either Roxanne. I'll burn it if you ask me to." He held his breath, hoping she wouldn't. They were so warm and comfortable and stylish...

"Don't be silly. Wear the white one. It always did look good on you." She took his face in her hands and kissed him. The 24 hours' worth of stress he had just endured hit a peak and then melted away as her lips pressed against his and he gladly accepted her invitation to deepen the kiss.

"I love you Roxanne." She patted his shoulder a little too hard and for a little too long, and the scent on her breath spoke of much tequila. "Just out of interest how much have you had to drink tonight?"

"Ohhh...more than I can remember." She said, sounding quite content at the fact. "Less than Shiyounin though." Megamind looked up at the window of the bar. "She said she wanted to get a cab home." Roxanne said. Oh crabnuggets, thought Megamind. He thought these Bachelorette Parties were supposed to be filled with quiet drinks and girl-talk. Clearly not. Her hands were on his body now looking for the zipper on his jacket and he pulled away.

"Roxanne! We're in a car illegally parked on the road outside a bar." He protested. She pulled him into a fierce tequila-shooter flavoured kiss and he felt his pants tighten slightly "No! We have a house for a reason!" She trailed her lips across his jaw until she found his ear and gently sucked on the lobe. Megamind's face flushed. Damn her! "Not here Roxanne. Just...let me drive! Stop that!" she grazed his ear with her teeth and her hand crept into his lap. "Damnit! Give me a minute!" He revved the engine, engaged the cloak and drove as fast as he dared with her impish teasing going on. He knew he wouldn't make it all the way home and so sped to a lookout on the edge of the city he had once used as a missile launch platform and killed the engine. It was dark and Megamind could barely see his bride-to-be other than the faint shine of moon and star light on Roxanne's pale skin.

Megamind unbuckled his own seat belt and scooted over into Roxanne's seat. His mouth found hers and her kisses became intense. She broke off and stared into his eyes.

"I'll never leave you Megamind. I promise." She said. If she said something, she meant it. Megamind pulled her back to his mouth and caressed her body through the silky dress. Her curves were lesser these days. He was looking forward to feeding her up on pizza and Chinese food so that she'd fill out properly again once they were married. She just wasn't Roxanne without those killer curves. Damn carb-free wedding diet! He grabbed her butt under the skirt and squeezed it gently. At least she still filled his hands and then some. Speaking of which…Megamind grinned.

"What's this then?" he murmured into her ear and slipped his fingers under the elastic of her thong. His lips found her neck and she moaned.

"Need one…with this dress." She answered. He pulled the zipper down on the back of her dress and tugged it down over her breasts. She sighed happily when he put his tongue and his teeth to good use.

Before long the passenger-side seat was reclined, the windows were fogged up and that thong was happily lost somewhere. Megamind sat blissful, jeans pooled around his knees with his girl riding him with the sort of enthusiasm only a combination of alcohol and a recent fight could produce.

At that moment all was well with the world.

Back home the two of them made their way upstairs to their bedroom. Neither of them could be bothered getting changed and simply stripped off and climbed into bed. Roxanne took her usual position with her head pillowed on his shoulder and wrapped her arm around his waist.

"Oh and by the way, it's really sweet of you but could you please stop sending me flowers? My desk is just about covered in them." Megamind smiled and shook his head. Clearly she was still a little inebriated.

"I've only sent you one bunch this week." He laughed. "How small is your desk?"

"Huh. Must have a secret admirer then, I've had four in the last two days." She murmured against his chest. Megamind's chest tightened.

"Out of curiosity when exactly did you get them?" he asked. There was no answer save for a quiet snore.

Suddenly he wasn't sleepy anymore.