Thanks to everyone who reviewed and took part in my poll. You'll have to wait for the next chapter to find out which name won! I know this is a very quick update, so I warn you not to get used to it. :)
Disclaimer: I own none of these characters, the brilliant Jane Austen does.
Madness as Usual
No matter what time of day, his wife would always be talking, he mused as he hurriedly dressed. But years of practice allowed him to dress quickly and make it appear as if he were paying attention while he was pursuing happier thoughts in his head. Though nowadays happy thoughts did not come often. Rapidly throwing on his shoes, he made for the door to reach the sanctuary of his library.
"Mr. Bennet!" His wife cried shrilly, making his face cringe. There were many times when he could not find her monologues amusing and early morning was one of those times.
"What is it, my dear?" He asked politely.
"Oh, Mr. Bennet! Where are you off to in such a hurry? You have not heard the end of my visit to Mrs. Lucas!"
"Quite frankly, my dear, I have no wish to hear it."
Mrs. Bennet sat there stunned for a minute before her usual oblivious nature returned. "Oh, you are just teasing me, Mr. Bennet! So, I was just about to tell Mrs. Lucas the wonderful news about Lydia-"
"I am quite sorry to interrupt you, but I have urgent business waiting for me."
"Oh, I see," Mrs. Bennet replied looking a little hurt, but suddenly brightening. "No matter, I shall finish my story later."
"I cannot wait," he said dryly, his sarcasm lost on his wife.
Climbing down the stairs, he peeked into the morning-room where his two remaining daughters were sitting. Mary was studiously reading a thick book while Kitty was yawning and starting to work on her latest bonnet.
"Good morning, girls," He said cheerfully.
"Good morning, Papa," came mumbled back.
His face fell unnoticed by anyone as he made his return to his sanctuary. He remembered two startling different daughters who would have stood up with smiles on their faces and given him a kiss before returning to whatever they were doing. Of course, sometimes Lizzy would follow him into his library to talk or look at the paper which now lay unopened for him on his desk. He shook his head and forced himself to stop wishing for what he could not have. He should be happy and grateful that his favorite daughter had found a husband that she loved. Still, he thought selfishly, why should he have to suffer for it.
Opening the paper, he tried to immerse himself in the price of flour which had again risen. But his traitorous mind kept leading his thoughts back to his two favorite daughters.
"This is madness!" He said in frustration, slamming the paper down on the table. His head rested in his hands as he stared glumly at the empty grate.
He remembered, as he stared, how just two weeks ago he stood there burning a letter from his first son-in-law. The ruffian was asking for money for his wife for her condition. He had written back saying that although he had sympathy for his daughter, he did not have any money to spare. Afterward, he had burned the letter with its mocking hand in the very same grate that he looked at now. All of a sudden he started and a slow smile crept across his face. A letter. He still could not believe his stupidity even as he hunted for some clean paper and his new pen. Then again, he was never much of a letter writer. He was finally ready to write when the door opened and the maid announced breakfast. Glancing unhappily at his unwritten letter, he reluctantly left for breakfast since he knew nothing would be accomplished on an empty stomach.
The dining room showed him that his wife and remaining daughters had already started to eat without bothering to wait for him.
"We are most sorry for starting without you, Papa, but the meal was beginning to become cold," Mary said practically as she helped herself to a plate of steaming bacon.
"I see," her father replied sagely as he sat down.
"Mr. Bennet, do you know what is happening tomorrow? I am shocked that I forget to tell you already! Dear Jane is coming home! We should visit her in the afternoon. Imagine being away from her family a full four weeks! We can wait at my dear sister Phillips' house since all the carriages have to pass it to get through town. Though we shall probably have to wait an hour or so before actually arriving at their house. You have no need for the horses tomorrow, do you Mr. Bennet? Of course you would not. Oh, I cannot wait to see dear Jane. I always knew those two would be happy, always. I never doubted either of them for a second."
As Mrs. Bennet paused briefly for air and some eggs, Mr. Bennet took his opportunity.
"My dear, though I also long to see Jane, consider waiting for an invitation or at least a few days. They will be traveling from London and no doubt very tired."
"Yes, they will not want to be bothered by us and will prefer their own company in solitude to a horde of guests," Mary began wisely.
Kitty rolled her eyes as she knew Mary would soon launch into some sermon or another. Honestly, she mused, Mary should go into the church, she makes a perfect reverend. Of course, the vision of Mary in preacher's robes and powdered wig and dolefully delivering her sermon was found very amusing by Kitty. So amusing that she was engulfed by uncontrollable giggles. Mary looked at her with an expression of contempt at interrupting her lecture which only caused Kitty to laugh harder.
"Kitty, have some compassion for my nerves!" Mrs. Bennet exclaimed from her end of the table. "I might as well just drop down dead right this minute for all the attention anyone pays to me. My nerves, my poor nerves, they get more unbearable everyday and all you every do is make them worse! And poor Jane, her father not even willing to see her after so long though I try to persuade him. Then even she will not take us when the Collinses come and throw us out of this house!"
"Mrs. Bennet, I assure you we all have the greatest care for you nerves. As for Jane, I would dearly wish to see her, but it is not right to go banging into their house just moments after they arrive!"
"Mr. Bennet!" She sputtered, preparing to begin another chapter in "The Woes of the Most Honorable Mrs. Bennet".
"I am returning to my library," he said curtly before his wife could start. "And I do not wish to be disturbed unless someone is dying."
Marching away from the table, he caught Mrs. Bennet's startled looks and Kitty's alarmed face. Mary, however, seemed not to have noticed the argument that had just taken place. Shaking his head, he continued to his sanctuary and poured himself a nice glass of brandy.
"Look at what you have done, Lizzy," he said into the silent room. "I am resorting to brandy, of all things, for company."
Taking a sip for good measure, he settled down to begin the task of writing. After a quarter of an hour of work, the letter read.
My dear daughter Lizzy,
He stared unbelieving at the clocking ticking resolutely on the mantle pieceSurely it could not be this difficult to write to his favorite daughter. Should he have met her that day in person, he would not have been able to part form her. Now that he sat ready, all of his thoughts seemed to have disappeared to be replaced by a blank wall.
I must be getting old, he thought unhappily.
"There is nothing to do around here anymore," Kitty griped to her sister who was annoyed at being disturbed from her book. "I wish another regiment would come. Perhaps then I could find a husband like Lydia. Though I would never do anything so scandalous as elope."
"I think that it would be better for you to improve your mind by reading than fretting over a silly regiment," Mary stated with enough pompousness to rival Mr. Collins. "That new book that came from the traveling library is very interesting."
"You cannot mean Lessons for the Modern Bride?" Kitty asked scandalized.
"The very same," Mary replied, oblivious. "If you are so concerned about getting a husband, you should learn the proper behavior for every young bride."
Kitty felt that she should scream if she were to be confined with her sister for much longer. Tilting her head to one side, she read the name of the book that had Mary so enthralled. She made a disgusted sound as she read Lord Scott's Lectures: Practical Advice for Young Women. What would some stuffy old Lord know about young women, she thought scornfully. Kitty glumly returned to her bonnet which was refusing to allow a new blue ribbon to be sewed onto it. All too soon, the whirlwind that was Mrs. Bennet blew into the room.
"There you are, my dears!" She exclaimed in happiness, waving a piece of paper to them. "Lydia has written again, see for yourself! I am so happy for her, my dear, dear girl. The first to marry and the first to be with child. Oh, Lord! I fear she will do something silly, surrounded by all those officers up North. I shall write her again and warn her not to ride or stay up late dancing at all those balls. As it is, she should be quite large enough now. Oh, just three months! Three months and I shall be a grandmother! My first grandchild, my first granddaughter! Oh, that I should have lived to see this day!"
Here Mrs. Bennet collapsed into her chair from her frenzy and Kitty dutifully took the letter out of her mother's hand. Mary haughtily marked the page in her lectures before joining Kitty in reading the letter. Trying to decipher Lydia's childish writing, they figured out that she was indeed growing larger every day and believed she felt her daughter, for of course it would be a daughter, kick her that very morning. For once Mrs. Bennet's fears were not unfounded as Lydia wrote that she had no intention of stopping any of her usual pursuits because of her child.
"She will kill her child if she carries on that way," Mary whispered sagely.
"Do not speak of Lydia that way, of course she will not harm her child," Kitty replied through her blind loyalty to her sister. "You are just cross because you have not found a husband."
Mary colored slightly as she replied, "At least I can be content without having crowds of gentlemen around me. As for yourself, you are just spiteful because you are no closer than myself in finding a husband."
Kitty colored brightly in shock and rage. "I am closer to finding a husband than yourself 'fore I am not plain."
A pained look passed briefly over Mary's face before being hidden behind her usual composure. "I have always been aware of that defect, so I have many accomplishments instead, something you do not have. You have no talent and have only youthfulness to recommend yourself."
Kitty knew those facts were true, but to acknowledge them silently to oneself and having another say so to your face were entirely different things.
"The letter, my dears, I wish to see Lydia's letter!" Mrs. Bennet exclaimed from her chair, completely unaware of her children's bickering. Indeed, she only had thought for her favorite daughter.
Kitty reacted first and snatched the letter from the table. As she returned the letter to her mother, the latter still had another announcement to make.
"My dears, I wish the both of you would go visit your Aunt Phillips and tell her of Lydia's news. Indeed, I would go myself, oh, but you cannot imagine what it would do to my poor nerves."
"Of course, Mama," Kitty replied, desperate to leave her prison, if only for an afternoon.
"That's my girls," Mrs. Bennet replied with a smile usually reserved for Lydia. "You may leave after dinner and stay as long as you wish. Oh, and do stop at the apothecary and see if he has anything that could help these horrible headaches I have been having."
"Of course, Mama," Kitty repeated.
Five sheets of paper, half a glass of brandy, and seventeen pen nubs later, Mr. Bennet finally completed his letter to Elizabeth. Just in time too, he mused as the clock told him that dinner would be served shortly. It must be a sort of illness, he thought, that I cannot even write easily to my own daughter. He pushed the thought out of his mind as he wrote the address onto the letter. The clock on the mantle piece chimed just as the maid opened the door to announce dinner.
"Very well, Hannah. Would you please give this letter to John and have him send it through the post?"
"Of course, sir," she replied with a curtsy.
Mr. Bennet set off down the hall to endure another meal with his family. Mary and Kitty, he noticed as he sat, were silent and all he had to do was tune out his wife's endless monologue.
"Mama," Kitty asked. "May I leave for Meryton now? I fear if I delay, I may miss my dear Aunt Phillips."
"Of course, child, off you go," Mrs. Bennet replied, telling her husband for the fifth time why their daughters would be leaving. "Mary, why are you not ready? Surely you are leaving with your sister?"
"No, Mama. I have a new piece of music I wish to learn and-"
"Music? You pound away on that infernal instrument more than is good for you! Go with your sister, perhaps the exercise will bring some color to you. You are so unnaturally pale, nothing at all like Lydia."
Mary left will all the dignity that she could muster after another of her mother's unexpected attacks. She quickly caught up with Kitty as she strolled down the road to Meryton. Neither sister spoke to the other and they soon arrived at their Aunt's house. Mrs. Phillips was very excited to receive her nieces, though Mary was still as studious as ever. As they sat in the parlor, Mary picked up the nearest book while Kitty and Mrs. Phillips sat close to the window. From this vantage point, the two gossips could spot anyone down on the street below since the weather was fine and the windows thrown open. Kitty noted with pride that her aunt treated her more equally now, though she did not realize that she was merely taking over Lydia's old position.
"It is a sorry day for Meryton, my dears," Mrs. Phillips began somberly. "The government has decided that we have fulfilled our civil duty and they shall not post another regiment here for another four years."
"Four years!" Kitty burst out in alarm. "I shall be quite old by then. If only Papa would let me visit Lydia."
"I, for one, am quite glad the regiment is gone," Mary began.
"We are well aware, Mary," Kitty replied with a slight sneer. "Hullo! Who is that man there, dear Aunt? I cannot say I have seen him before."
"The one in the blue coat? He is just a clerk your uncle hired for his business. I believe his name is Mr. Stadbury and he is quite of a marriageable age. A very efficient worker, so your uncle tells me, though such a complete bore. I asked him over to a small dinner party shortly after he arrived and do you know what he did? He refused to sit down to cards and said he preferred a good book instead. Then he sat down, nice as you please, and read some dreadful lectures for the entire evening. My cards were quite ruined as I had hoped he would make a fourth for bridge. I fear I shall have to invite him to most of my parties now that he is in business with your uncle."
"How terrible! He seems so plain anyway. That blue makes him look dreadfully ill," Kitty continued obliviously. "Have you heard about Lydia?"
The pair at the window were easily distracted into another area of thought.
Mary, however, was quite unhappy with this turn of events. She dearly wished to learn more about this Mr. Stadbury.
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