AN: I owe you guys 3 apologies. 1: this is an hour late (or 2, depending which time zone you're tracking - i changed to a different one today). I have a legit excuse though: I was driving for 11 hours alone and therefore had no time to write until later. 2: This chapter is not as heavily edited as usual. (You can blame that on the whole driving thing. I'm really tired.) And 3: It's a little shorter than usual. This is a result of apologies 1 and 2. So collectively: sorry. i tried. i really did. :(
Happy 7th day of Ficmas! The next Insubordinate update should be sometime...hopefully before the new year (although this whole 12 days straight of writing and editing is wearing me out so I might need a few days off before I write more). To the RiRen fans (all of you, I'd hope) I have posted the smut fic (Levi Takes the Cake), and I will have a special 3 shot Christmas fic starting the 23rd that I'm pumped about, so stay tuned for that.
Otherwise, I do have one warning: If you haven't read the manga, there are some minor spoilers in this chapter. They will be followed by legit spoilers later, so I suggest you read the manga if you don't want to be confused or spoiled.
Enjoy! :) I look forward to your reviews!
Hanji was sitting on the bed, talking to the brat when Levi returned. There was no sign of Ackerman or anyone else from the kid's fan club – as he sometimes mentally called the members of the 104th who'd followed Eren into the Scouting Legion – in the room, for which he was immensely grateful. What he was not grateful for, however, was the topic of conversation between the two.
He tried so hard to never be in the vicinity when the scientist went off on one of her 'titans are so fascinating' rants. And yet, here he was. Standing in the middle of a hospital room, forced to wait until she took a breath – it could be awhile – so he could talk to her.
Finally, he couldn't take it anymore. "Hanji. As fascinating as I'm sure the brat finds this, I have something a bit more important to talk to you about."
Eren bristled, indignant. "I'm sitting right here, you know! And I have a name. And it's not shitty brat, in case you were wondering." Somehow, in the short time Levi was gone, the brat had grown even more impossible than before.
"Well, if you continue to act like a shitty brat, then I'm going to continue to treat you like one."
"How would you like it if I called you 'short grumpy old man' then?"
His eyebrow twitched in irritation over the height comment. "Please do; it seems meeting an early demise is a wish of yours. I'd be more than happy to grant it."
"Yeah? Well, you –"
"Enough. Levi?" Hanji interrupted. "You said you had something you needed to talk to me about?"
He smoothed his already perfectly pressed cravat. "Yes. I think it's past time to move Jäger back to headquarters. I spoke with Erwin, and he wants you to continue the experiments as soon as possible." Levi knew Hanji would read between the lines; they needed to send Nile the impression that nothing was wrong with Eren, and there was no better way than getting him out of the hospital and moving him back to where he was supposed to be.
A look of confusion crossed on her face for a moment before being replaced with one of understanding, then one of sympathy. "Sorry, no can do."
"What?"
"Look," she motioned to Eren as she spoke. "I don't argue he should go back to headquarters. In fact, I agree on that one. But according to what I've heard from Mikasa, Eren passed out not once but twice during the mission. And they were both somewhat related to his transformation into his titan form. All the experiments involve Eren's titan form, and if he can't transform without losing consciousness, then he's useless. No offense." She directed the last to Eren himself, who was staring at her like she'd grown two heads.
"Twice?"
"Yes, brat, twice. Once while you were still sitting on your horse, and the second time was when you were thrown out of your shitty titan form."
Green eyes widened. "I was thrown out of it?"
Levi furrowed his brows in confusion – not concern – and opened his mouth to respond. How could the kid have not remembered?
Hanji interrupted again before he could ask. "See what I mean, Levi? I can't experiment on him like this. Something could go really, horribly wrong, and I don't know where we'd find another shifter who isn't encased in crystal to test on." She turned to the brat once more. "Not that you aren't my first choice, of course."
Levi had to agree with her; they had no idea what would happen to Eren if he turned now. They couldn't afford to lose him for the sake of some stuck up pigs sitting comfortably in the inner city. But at the same time, if they didn't supply some kind of results to them, they would lose the brat to those same pigs.
Hanji seemed to read his mind. "I have a plan though. See there's this notebook written by a former Legion member named Ilse Langnar –"
"I don't need to hear the story. Just the plan."
She deflated, looking more than a little disappointed in his lack of interest. "Right. Uh, well, you see in this notebook –" he gave her a harsh glare " – it's relevant! Anyway, the notebook mentions something about a titan speaking before. And not only does it speak but it mentions a name: Ymir."
"Ymir? Like the one from my class?" This time it was Jäger who interrupted.
Hanji looked thoughtful. "Well maybe…But there are actually others too. I had Moblit look into it. We're going to begin interviews tomorrow."
Levi raised his eyebrow. "Interviews. You're going to sit down all 100 Ymirs and ask them if they might know a titan that was mentioned in some shitty notebook?" It was a terrible plan for so many reasons.
"Seventeen. There are seventeen Ymirs. And no…we were just going to ask them what they knew about the titans beyond the walls…and judge it based on that."
He snorted. "This is a shitty idea."
"Well you tell me what to do while we wait for Eren to heal! I can't just give them nothing!" Hanji was an emotional person, Levi knew this. She got too easily attached to her test subjects, going so far as to name them, and was personally offended when people didn't show an interest in her experiments. But all of that was nothing compared to the emotion she was showing now. Hanji never, never showed fear. So it was a sign of just how much stress the Police and Erwin were putting on her that she showed it now.
In a rare show of compassion, Levi reached out to pat her shoulder. He meant it as a sympathetic gesture, but instead it just seemed awkward. "It'll do. Good luck." It was the best he could do.
The next day saw Hanji and Moblit sitting in an inn room, rented as a makeshift interview – or interrogation, as Moblit kept calling it – area. Hanji had been considering doing this ever since reading the notebook the first time, and had sent letters to all the people listed as being named Ymir – and alive – within the walls ages ago asking them to come in for an interview. She hadn't given them any details, of course.
As she'd told Levi the day before, there were 17, and all of them had yet to show. She knew she should've sent them with the king's seal…
A soft knock on the door brought her hopes back up. "Yes, come in!" She turned to Moblit, whispering hastily. "Don't say anything to imply they're being suspected of – Hi! What's your name?"
"Ymir Lundkvist." A short, ginger-haired girl stood before them, staring timidly at the ground.
"Well, Ymir," Hanji smiled generously, "why don't you take a seat? We won't bite, promise."
The girl obeyed.
"We just have a few questions for you," she continued once the girl was seated. "See, we're trying to find ways to improve the military's teaching on titans, so we chose a random group of names for people to interview."
"But I'm not in the military…" The girl mumbled, gaze still locked on the floor.
"Well, yes. We need to know what civilians think as well. Everyone in the military starts as one. It helps if we know what they learn as kids, so we can better teach them." She came up with, hastily. The girl thought for a moment, chewing on her lower lip, before nodding in consent. Hanji smiled as Moblit took out his pen, poised to write. "How old are you?"
"14." Scribble.
"What do you think a titan looks like?"
And so it began.
She asked all seventeen different Ymirs – including the one Eren mentioned graduated with him – questions ranging from: "How many different classes of titans are there?" To "What do you think a titan would say if it spoke to you?" The answers to the questions were only half the importance; the other half was how the Ymirs answered. For a few of the more intimidating ones – "do you think titans can recognise individual humans?" – at least one of the interviewees was supposed to avert their gaze, or laugh at the question as if it were preposterous. That was their sign that the girl was lying.
The problem was none of them acted the way Hanji and Moblit expected. At the end of the day, after saying goodbye to the seventeenth Ymir – a thirty year old mother of two with the last name Eklund – they were no closer to deciphering the mystery of the notebook. Hanji didn't even have to look through Moblit's notes to know it was a dead end.
She hung her head in defeat. "Levi was right; this was a stupid shitty plan."
Moblit didn't respond; he just continued to quietly gather their things, letting Hanji wallow in misery. She listened to the rustle of papers quietly for a few moments, trying to decide what she was going to put into the fake report to Erwin and Nile, when a thought suddenly struck her. She bolted upright, not startling her assistant at all.
"She knew."
"Hmm?" He was walking around the room, looking around for something she'd dropped – or thrown – no doubt.
"The Ymir! The one the titan in the notebook was talking about. She knew. That's why she didn't react the way we were hoping!" She was so proud of herself for figuring it out, she almost neglected to realise their next problem. Hanji groaned once it struck her. "But if she was able to be that calm and collected, how can we possibly figure out which is her?"
Moblit cleared his throat, standing in front of her, hand outstretched with the pen she'd forgotten she'd chucked across the room. She took it silently, knowing a cleared throat meant he had something to say. "If you were somehow associated with the titans and didn't want anyone to know about it, what would you do?"
"Uh…" It was a harder question than it sounded; why would Hanji ever not want her name associated with the titans? She was the resident expert, as far as she knew. "Fake my death and go into hiding?"
"A tough feat when all of humanity is confined within two layers of impenetrable walls." He had a point. Despite the area being relatively large, it was too dangerous. Ever since the first wall breach five years ago, there was now the very real risk the walls could go down at any moment. Hiding within them was suicide from that alone, and that wasn't to mention what else went on in there. So option A was out.
"I don't know." She, after all, would never be put in such a situation.
"Where is the best place to be where you can hide in plain sight, still get a decent meal, and draw all suspicions away from yourself?"
Of course. She grabbed the papers out of his hands and flipped through them until she came across the notes on the Ymir with no last name. "We already have one traitor from the 104th. Who's to say there isn't another one?" She and Moblit shared a look of grim understanding. Looked like another of Eren's friends wasn't so friendly after all.
Eren paced around his hospital room restlessly. Hanji had told him they would leave for headquarters together and to wait here until she came back, but that was early in the morning. He'd already been there for too long; he'd only been unconscious, it wasn't like he needed to be treated like a baby.
He wasn't even sure what the big deal was. So what, he didn't remember what happened during part of the last mission? He blacked out half the time he was in his titan form anyway; it came along with being a monster.
He sighed, kicking at the legs of the lone chair in the room before sinking to the ground. In all honesty, he would prefer to just do the damn experiments. They made him feel useful, and he was curious about his power too.
It just didn't make sense that he woke up one day and was suddenly able to transform into a titan. And not just any titan, but one that didn't eat humans. You would think he would know this about himself.
Eren played with the key dangling around his neck. The stupid key was supposed to open the door – literally – to all the answers. But that stupid door was probably broken, shattered during the first breach of the wall. And anything important in the basement was either destroyed beyond repair or gone along with his good-for-nothing father. He wasn't even sure why he still wore it on his neck.
But, still, he couldn't bring himself to throw it away.
Man, he could be stupid sometimes. It was just a dumb key; it probably wasn't even the same one his dad showed him that day he left. So why was he still holding it in his fist?
No wonder Levi had him stay and watch the horses. Even conscious he couldn't control himself. It must be terrifying to see him running around as a titan.
The brunet laughed bitterly at himself. Since when was he so cynical? He was bright, hopeful, and happy even before his mom was killed. Even after, he was still driven and inspiring and…and human. It wasn't until he discovered his stupid titan power that he started doubting himself, hating himself, thinking he was a monster.
He just wished he could go back to how it was before he graduated. He wanted to laugh at Sasha stealing meat and bread with everyone else. He wanted to fight with Jean about something other than Marco's death. He wanted to spar with Annie and learn the new move she'd just kicked his ass with. He wanted to be normal again.
And maybe – if he were just an ordinary human with the goal to kill all the titans – Levi would like him. The real him. Not 'the greatest military asset'. Not 'the key to all the titans' secrets'. But him as Eren. Just Eren.
He still couldn't get that damn kiss out of his head. It played over and over in his mind when he was trying to sleep, followed by the never ceasing loop of questions. Why did Levi kiss him back? Did he just want to take it further because he was…horny? (Just thinking the word made him blush). Was he even human in Levi's eyes?
The last one, he was starting to doubt. The Corporal hardly ever even called him by his name. And yesterday all he'd seemed to care about was whether Hanji could continue her experiments on him. His titan form. Not him.
The constant cycle of remember, question, remember, question was driving Eren insane. Because he wanted so badly for Levi to like him for who he was. To want him as him.
He should never have stopped Levi when he tried to take it further. At least then he could've pretended Levi wanted him the same way he wanted the shorter man.
Man, he was so stupid. Levi had offered him everything he wanted on a platter and he turned it down. Like some kind of stupid shitty idiot brat.
Eren was still wallowing in self-pity when a sharp knock on the door alerted him to Hanji's return. "You ready?"
He looked up, not quite registering her presence still. Finally, he pulled himself out of the rut he'd dug and fallen into. "Huh? Yeah. Yeah, I'm ready." He stood grabbing his jacket and throwing it over his shoulders. Back to headquarters they went.