The moon shone yet a little brighter than the previous night - something that Froggy wouldn't have known, as Big had decided to close the curtains before going to bed that night.

Big was once again asleep.

If genetically-mutated frogs could have bags under their eyes, Froggy would have had them. For once, Froggy had no need to look around before hopping into the living room; Big was snoring, and Froggy knew that his beloved owner was asleep. Leaping onto the computer, he fired up its word processor once more and positioned himself on the keyboard. He just shook his head before starting to type.

Sonic the Cat, Chapter 4, by Yoshi 2.1. Let's just get this farce on the road. I have enough to say later.

(The original story will be in plain script. My commentary will be sectioned off and in bold.)

Chapter 4

Blaze this is foolish, would you please let me go?", Sonic asked Blaze, who was still carrying him over her shoulder.

You know what else was foolish? Reading this fanfic. More on that later, though.

Let you go, but sweetie, if I do that you'll just run away again", Blaze replied.

Well, yeah, that's what I've been doing all day just so I could escape from you", Sonic said sarcastically.

How on MOBIUS was that supposed to be sarcastic? He's being perfectly honest.

You sound so cute when you use sarcasm honey, it arouses me", Blaze said lovingly.

Number of People on List of Those Confirmed to Not Know What Sarcasm Is: 2

Members of List: Yoshi 2.1, Blaze

Man, there is just no way I can make her leg go of me, wait a minute, maybe there is, I hope this works", Sonic thought.

Leg go my Eg go.

Then, without warning, Sonic began tickling Blaze, who started laughing as he tickled her. Sonic knew for a fact that Blaze's weakness was that she was ticklish, and he was using it to his advantage.

Blaze isn't exceptionally ticklish; if she were, then Cream would have mostly certainly used this to her advantage when playing with her.

Hahahahahaha, stop it, it's too much, please stop hahahahahahahaha", Blaze said in between laughs.

Unable to take the pressure, Blaze was forced to drop Sonic. This gave him the opportunity to dash away while she still laughing. Unfortunately, Blaze spotted him running off and dashed off after him. This time, she was hot on his trail, she saw him up ahead and started speeding up to try and catch up to him. Luckily for her, Sonic was unaware that she was behind him. Thinking quickly, Blaze then got an idea. Crouching slightly while still running, Blaze then launched herself at Sonic and tackled him, knocking them both to the ground, with Blaze turning Sonic over on his back and pinning his arms down.

How. Just how.

The first chapter made it perfectly clear that Sonic is still as fast as he always was - and this is the hedgehog(-turned-cat) that breaks the sound barrier on a daily basis. Blaze is pretty fast, but she's not anywhere near that fast… and if anything, squatting to crouch while running should've slowed her down IMMENSELY.

Honestly, try running while crouching. How do you even do it? You're not getting anywhere fast, and you're certainly not going fast enough to bust the sound barrier.

I… ugh.

How did you catch me?", Sonic asked.

That's what I want to know.

I was able to run fast enough to catch up to you and then tackle you to the ground", Blaze answered.

No, he means "How were you able to go that fast?" It's a valid question that has no adequate answer.

You just don't give up, do you?", Sonic commented.

Nope, I love you too much to do that", Blaze replied cheerfully.

love

verb

feel a deep romantic or sexual attachment to (someone).

…Well, it would seem that the definition of love does, in fact, encompass the possibility of it being purely sexual. I looked up that definition to take another shot at Blaze's continual use of that word, but it seems that she was actually using it correctly. Technically.

What I want to know is what caused her to suddenly fall head over genitals for the first blue cat she saw to begin with.

Why didn't you believe me when I told you it was me?", Sonic asked changing the subject.

What are you talking about?", Blaze asked in confusion.

Sonic then gently pushed Blaze off of him and got up from the ground and dusted himself off before continuing to speak.

Gently? Too fucking kind, Sonic. Too fucking kind. I would treat somebody who forced unwanted sexual advances on me far less kindly… if I were to interact with them at all. Unfortunately, being a genetically mutated frog doesn't get me many dates.

What I mean is, when I told you that who I really was earlier, you didn't even recognize me, you thought I was somebody else with the same name", Sonic explained.

I don't understand, what are you saying", Blaze asked.

This may be the first time in this fic that Blaze has made a valid statement. Sonic is being extremely cryptic. I expect that Yoshi 2.1 made him speak this way for dramatic purposes.

Poorly written dramatic purposes, if the previous three chapters have been anything to go by.

Blaze, its me Sonic, it really is me, if you don't believe me, take a good look at my eyes and tell me what you see", Sonic told her.

Well, that wasn't actually terrible. I mean, green isn't exactly a terribly uncommon eye color, but for a desperate hedgehog, that was actually a fairly reasonable attempt to get her to believe him.

Doing as she was told, Blaze looked deeply into Sonic emerald green eyes, and stayed like that for eight minutes, then it dawned on her.

Eight minutes?!

I know that my suspension of disbelief has already been completely and irrevocably shattered, but this just annihilated the remains in a new way. Try staring into somebody's eyes for eight minutes. Just try it. I'm serious, ask somebody if you can do it right now.

…Well? Wasn't it really boring? Ain't nobody got time for that.

Oh my god, it really is you Sonic", Blaze said in surprise.

See I told you, you should've listened to me before", Sonic said.

Yeah, but then this story would only be one chapter long - and then we wouldn't have gotten this amazing, beautifully-written masterpiece of a fic that Yoshi 2.1 has crafted for us!

Oh, I am so sorry about that, It's just the moment I saw you like this, I couldn't help but fall in love with you, anyways I didn't mean to cause any trouble for you, you must think I'm a stupid cat", Blaze said in sadness before she turned to walk away. But Sonic grabbed her hand, turning her back around to face him.

I smell a bad cliche coming up. I mean, not counting the one that just happened. (Just be honest, Blaze. "Fell in love?" Just tell him that you wanted him to do terrible, lewd things to you. Preaching about how you "fell in love" with a guy you'd just laid eyes on is just… no.)

No, I don't think you're a stupid cat, in fact, I think you're beautiful beyond all odds", Sonic told her.

Well, I think that you're stupid, but that's not your fault. You're just trapped in this godforsaken story that is stupid "beyond all odds".

WHYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY

Blaze couldn't help but blush as her cheeks turned cherry red. No one has ever called her beautiful before in her whole life.

No boyfriends? No parents? What kind of neglectful, lousy life did you live before now?

You-, you really think I'm beautiful Sonic? ", Blaze asked shyly.

Oh, so we're shy now? You're chasing this random guy all over Station Square, telling him that you love him and forcing kisses on him and threatening to snap the arms off of random bystanders who won't tell you where he's gone, but just get called beautiful by this same guy once and you're suddenly shy? This isn't just OOC for the original Blaze; this is OOC for the depiction of the Blaze that Yoshi 2.1 has given us.

Fuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuck thiiiiiiiiiis.

Of course I do, you're far more beautiful than Amy or Rouge for that matter", Sonic admitted.

Whoa there, tiger.

Aw, that's so sweet", Blaze replied.

Yeah, I know, actually there's something that I've been meaning to tell for some time now", Sonic said.

I would say "Come on, he's not really going to go for the 'I've been in love with you the whole time' cliche garbage after all that's happened", but Yoshi 2.1 has shattered my faith in him too many times in this fic to really believe that.

Really, what is it?", Blaze asked.

Well, the truth is, um, uh, it's kinda hard to say, but, I love you Blaze", Sonic admitted.

…Well, there you have it. Here's the moral that Yoshi 2.1 is trying to teach you, kids: if you REALLY love a man, chase him against his wishes, sexually harass him in both word and deed, and then start beating yourself up in the hopes that he'll turn around and comfort you. He'll HAVE to fall for you then! It's kind of like Stockholm Syndrome, except you're being chased instead of being placed in captivity. Heh, get it?

NO

NO

FUCK THIS

WHY

I CAN'T HOLD MYSELF BACK ANYMORE

WHY, SONIC?

WHY?

HOW COULD YOU DO THIS, SONIC?

HOW COULD YOU DO THIS, YOSHI 2.1?

WHY?!

Blaze had a look of surprise on her face after hearing what Sonic just said. It made her heart beat more faster than normal, she couldn't help but feel affected and flattered by his confession. As it turned out, before she even met him as a cat, she already had a crush on him back when he was a just a hedgehog, but she never had the confidence to tell him. After having known him for only two years, she figured now was the time to let him know of it.

So she already loved Sonic, but when she thought that he wasn't around, she fell head-over-pussy for a random blue cat that she'd never met before. And Yoshi 2.1 just drops this on us NOW.

But if you loved me all this time, why did you run away from me all day", Blaze wondered.

Because he's dumb. Like this story.

Because you chased me all around town trying to catch me and make me your cat toy", Sonic replied.

Amid all the insanity, we actually have a valid point. I'll give credit where credit is due. Just because you're interested in someone doesn't mean that you'll let them do terrible things to you.

Still, fuck this shit.

Yeah, I couldn't help it, It's just that I never met another cat before, so I just lost control of myself, my hormones just got the best of me", Blaze said.

…Really. In all your years, you've never met a cat before.

I call utter bullshit.

Oh yes, I know that for sure Blaze, you were a little bit rough with the kissing, you've got a habit of using your tongue a lot though", Sonic commented.

About that, I got that habit from my mother, she always used her tongue whenever she kissed my dad. In fact, she french kissed every guy she dated during her high school and college years", Blaze replied.

Things We Learned In This Paragraph:

Blaze must have been lying her ass off two paragraphs ago, because she's obviously already met her own parents, who must have been cats.

Blaze's mother has a shocking lack of sexual discretion when around her daughter. (French Kissing your man in front of your kid. Really.)

Blaze's mother apparently also likes bragging about her sexual exploits to her kid.

…Suddenly, Blaze's over-the-top horniness in this story makes sense. Terrible, horrifying, actual sense. She apparently had a shit role model for a mom, which is why she acts likes this.

Fuck you, Yoshi 2.1.

Oh, well that explains it, but then again, I gotta say, you've got some soft lips, probably got those from your mother too", Sonic said.

"You leave my mother out of your cheesy, godawful pick up lines," a sensible Blaze would've commented snappily.

"Shut up, logic and dignity aren't allowed in this story," Yoshi 2.1 retorted before typing the next sentence.

You think my lips are soft do you , well how's about kiss just to confirm that", Blaze said seductively.

Kill me.

Hmm, you read my mind", Sonic retorted.

They embraced each other and lean their faces towards each other, until finally their lips met. It didn't take long for Blaze to slip her tongue inside Sonic's mouth, all the while pushing him down on to the grass, climbing on top of him, and locking her legs with his. Sonic tried to slip his tongue into her mouth, but Blaze's tongue overpowered him, pressing itself down on his own. They continued kissing for several hours until after a while they finally separated, leaving a trail of saliva in between their lips before it dissolved away.

The problem here is that Yoshi 2.1's writing style is reads like a ten year-old's, but contains sexual content that no adolescent child should know of.

Ugh.

How was that honey cat", Blaze cooed.

I loved it, but not as much as I love you, Blaze the Cat", Sonic replied.

I love you too, Sonic the Hedgehog", Blaze returned.

Please, call me Sonic the Cat", Sonic corrected her before she leaned down for another kiss.

Many Months Later…

Yay, now we get an Epilogue.

BUT WAIT! THERE'S MORE!

Sonic and Blaze have been in a relationship for 5 months now. Since then Sonic eventually got used to being a cat, seeing that it wasn't so bad after all, and he decided that he was going to stay that way from now on, even if his friends disagree with it. The lovely cat couple was currently walking down the sidewalk while they were holding hands.

Well Blaze, what can I say, being a cat sure is enjoyable for me, I should've realized it before", Sonic said.

Yes, you should've", Blaze agreed.

Damn. Look at all of these terrible cliches.

I mean really, I got Knuckles, Shadow, and Silver to recognize me, and best part is, now that I'm a cat, If I ever run into Amy, she won't even know its me", Sonic said.

What. Amy can be pushy, but when you get over her overbearing crush, she's actually a very kind person and a good friend. Wanting to keep her in the dark as to what's happened to him for over a timespan of "many months" is both cruel and completely unlike Sonic.

…Bah, who am I kidding. Yoshi 2.1 has already established that he doesn't give a damn about portraying Sonic or Blaze or Shadow or anyone for the people they really are.

Yeah, could things get any better than this", Blaze commented.

Actually, yes they could", Sonic replied as he let go of Blaze's hand and got down on one knee in front of her.

don't do it

Sonic, what are you doing?", Blaze asked feeling puzzled.

don't you fucking do it

Blaze the Cat, I love you, will you marry me?", Sonic asked her as presented her with a diamond ring.

you

fucking

imbecile

You just HAD to find a way to make this story even worse.

Blaze's eyes filled with tears of joy and happiness, she couldn't believe what had just happened, Sonic had just proposed to her in a loving fashion, she was overwhelmed with happiness.

My answer is yes, yes I would love to marry you", Blaze squealed with glee as she embraced her new fiance in her arms and kissed him on the lips.

Cliches, more cliches, ugh.

It was official now, Sonic and Blaze were engaged to be married.

One Year and two months later…

So let me get this straight. It took them mere months to get engaged, but they took over a YEAR to get married?

bull

fucking

shit

All of Sonic's closest friends were gathered at a local church in Station Square for Sonic and Blaze's wedding. Tails, Knuckles, and Shadow were Sonic's best man and groomsmen, while Cream, Marine, and Rouge were Blaze's bridesmaids. The rest of the gang was among the crowd of wedding guests. Among them were Silver, the Chaotix, Cream's mother Vanilla, Big the Cat, and the Babylon Rogues. Vanilla had noticed that Vector was crying.

So, I have several of problems with this.

1. Shadow has come a long way from his first meeting with Sonic, but he doesn't care enough sappy business to even attend weddings - much less serve as a groomsman.

2. Rouge knows who Blaze is, but they're not nearly close enough for Blaze to be interested in wanting Rouge to be her bridesmaid. Also, observation of Blaze and her behavior has indicated that she's QUITE unhappy about her lack of bosom. The website known as TV Tropes has even mentioned it. Would she really be able to get over the jealousy that Rouge probably generates in her?

3. So Silver's just there? He's a generally good kid, is far more socially capable than Shadow, and is an actual friend of Blaze's. Why isn't he a groomsman?

4. Big's there without me? Horseshit. Where Big goes, I go. (Unless I'm being kidnapped.)

5. Where the hell is Amy?

6. It bears repeating that Big is there without me. That's a crock of fucking shit.

7. I smell a cliche coming from Vector's direction.

Vector, what's wrong dear, why are you crying?", Vanilla asked him.

Nothing's wrong, It's just that I love weddings so much", Vector replied tearfully while wiping his tears with a tissue.

Aw, there, there, big guy. Would you like a hanky? I left mine next to my big old bag of worn out cliches.

The "big guy is actually super sensitive and blubbers at anything" cliche is overdone and pisses me the fuck off.

Oh Vector, that's so sensitive, I like a man with sensitivity", Vanilla said as she held Vector's hand affectionately.

Was this really just included to put a moment in for Vector and Miss Vanilla? Come on.

Vector just blushed in response, which made Vanilla giggle.

Oh, sweet Master Emerald, don't let sweet Miss Vanilla become a slut, too.

Meanwhile, at the altar, Sonic and Blaze were currently standing together holding hands. Sonic was wearing a fresh black tuxedo with a red rose on it. Blaze was wearing a white silk thread wedding dress, which had tiny little red diamonds engraved in it. Then everyone then kept quiet as the minister began speaking.

You can't "engrave" diamonds into anything. You also can't "engrave" anything into a wedding dress. The word that you're looking for is "embedded", Yoshi 2.1. Get a fucking dictionary.

Dearly beloved, we are gathered here today to join Sonic the Hedge-, sorry, Sonic the Cat and Blaze the Cat in holy matrimony, if there is anyone believes that these two should not be together, let them speak now or forever hold their peace", the minister announced.

I do, but unfortunately, I can't just hop into this fic and let everyone know what a horrible arrangement and relationship this is.

Do you Sonic, take Blaze to be your lawfully wedded wife, do you promise to love, honor, and cherish her",

I do

And do you Blaze, take Sonic to be your lawfully wedded husband, do you promise to love, honor, and cherish him

"And by 'love, honor, and cherish him', we mean 'habitually sex the fuck out of, with or without his consent,'" clarified the clergyman.

"Been there, done that!" Yoshi2.1!Blaze chirped happily, forcing another French Kiss on her poor, sexually abused man.

Yes I do

By the power vested in me, I now pronounce you-

STOP! STOP THE WEDDING!", Yelled a familiar voice.

That's what I wanted to say. Unfortunately, I don't think that I'll be able to celebrate this; taking a look at the list of people attending the wedding, we have a notable exception who Yoshi 2.1 would have conveniently left out for the sake of having her burst in at the worst possible moment.

Everyone gasped and looked in the opposite direction as Amy Rose came running down the aisle, straight up to Sonic and Blaze.

I fucking knew it.

Amy, what are you doing here?", Sonic asked in anger.

Says the guy who didn't invite one of his oldest friends to his wedding. Asshole.

SONIC HOW DARE YOU CHOOSE TO MARRY BLAZE, I THOUGHT YOU LOVED ME", Amy shouted angrily.

Whoa there, bitch. There are many reasons to oppose this marriage, but that is not one of them.

AMY, I'VE TOLD YOU A MILLION TIMES THAT I DON'T LOVE YOU", Sonic yelled back.

YOU DO TO, HOW COULD YOU BREAK MY HEART LIKE THIS?",

Great. My fears from the last chapter have been confirmed: Amy is yet another crazy bitch that Yoshi 2.1 created out of an actual person who is actually not like that.

WHAT THE *** ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT YOU CRAZY ****",

Yes, the script actually says this. This narrative has no qualms with describing French Kissing and grinding in full, terrible detail, but will censor out swear words with asterisk.

What the hell, Yoshi 2.1.

HOW DARE YOU INSULT ME SONIC",

YOU'RE RUINING MY WEDDING",

She didn't need to; this wedding was already ruined by virtue of the fact that it's based on a terrible union that happened over the course of a few months with explanation that was terrible when it was there and scarce when it wasn't.

I DON'T CARE",

Jerk.

SOMEONE GET HER OUTTA HERE",

It's ok, Luigi and I got her", said Mario, who grabbed Amy by her right arm while Luigi grabbed her left arm. As the Mario Bros. dragged her out, she yelled back to Sonic.

Mario and Luigi?! The pot-bellied plumber and his younger twin brother that Big, Sonic, and the others met at the Olympic Games? What are they doing here? They weren't on the attendance list!

THIS ISN'T OVER SONIC, YOU WILL BE MINE SOONER OR LATER, JUST WAIT AND SEE, YOU'LL SEE WE WERE MEANT FOR EACH OTHER", Amy yelled.

Oh, dear.

IN YOUR DREAMS PSYCHO", Sonic retorted.

The sooner Amy was out of sight, Mario and Luigi came walking back in.

Well, Amy's taken care of, we tied her to a tree, she won't be going anywhere soon", Mario informed him.

Thanks Mario, you're a life saver", Sonic said.

No problem", Mario replied.

We were glad to help out", Luigi replied.

Afterwards, the minister continued with the wedding.

As I was saying, by the power vested in me, I now pronounce you husband and wife, you may kiss the bride",

Everyone cheered with joy as Sonic and Blaze shared a kiss. It was now official. Sonic and Blaze were now officially married.

"It was now official. Sonic and Blaze were now officially married."

This message has been brought to you by the Department of Redundancy Department. We will now return to our regularly scheduled program.

Meanwhile, Amy was still outside, tied to a tree like Mario said, angry over how Sonic chose to marry Blaze instead of her.

Stupid Sonic, he thought I wouldn't know that he was a cat or that he was getting married, hmph, I knew it all just by eavesdropping on conversations about it, well if he thinks he can settle down with Blaze, he's got another thing coming, he'll see, he'll see that she's not right for him and he'll come running to me in no time at all, I guarantee it", Amy said while smirking evilly.

uuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuugh

Uh oh, it looks like Amy's got something evil on her mind, she might try to break up Sonic's marriage, how will she do it you ask?, that's gonna be a secret for now.

This is the worst way to sell anyone on reading whatever you'll write next, mark my words.

Well, this is my final chapter, sooner or later I'll make a sequel to this story. It'll be called, "Sonic The Cat: Love & Revenge".

This would have triggered a complete and utter meltdown from me under normal circumstances, but… well, I already knew about this "sequel" since this afternoon. I'll get back to this after we finish.

Okay, it's not as funny as my last three chapters, but it should still be interesting.

Neither this chapter nor the last three chapters could ever be described as "funny" by any sane reader. Except in a "hahaha, this shit is so bad, it's hilarious" kind of way.

And by the way, the part where I have Mario and Luigi make a guest appearance, I thought of that idea while I was making this chapter.

The fact that it was a last-minute idea is very obvious. They weren't listed in the paragraph telling of who came to the wedding, but were still around to haul Amy out regardless. This means that they just magicked their way in between paragraphs.

I hope you like it, I worked very long and really hard to make this.

I didn't like it, and I will have to drink very long and really hard to forget this. But more on that later.

Disclaimer: All rights to Sonic the Hedgehog belong to Sega, no copyright was used in the making of this story.

Sonic the Hedgehog belongs to no man, and no copyright law in the universe is going to stop him.

…Comment if you get the reference.

P.S.: Mario & Luigi belong to Nintendo, again, no copyright allowed.

Well, this would be the end of it. This would be the part where I would hit "Post", turn away, and never look back.

The problem, however, is that I'm not done.

Earlier today, when Big was taking an afternoon nap, I was online and received an email from an anonymous reader. This reviewer knows exactly who I am, and - after informing me that this fic has two sequels - demanded that I continue reviewing Yoshi 2.1's work with Sonic the Cat and posting those reviews.

If I do not comply with these demands, this reviewer will ensure that Big will find this fic and read of it.

If you do not know my beloved owner, then you don't know how terrible this would be. Big is a simple soul. A bit dense at times, but still a wonderful fellow. Reading such terrible, poorly written things about his beloved friends would absolutely confound him. His mind might be permanently affected. What's worse, if he mentioned it to one of his friends… well, they'd all be horrified. I cannot allow such a thing to happen.

So, I will review the sequel. And the sequel's sequel.

The review for the sequel's first chapter will be posted at about the same time as this one. It may not be viewable by all, due to the M Rating that the original fic is rated under.

For those who are morbidly curious enough to read it, you may find it on my profile or by allowing your search engine to permit M-Rated results.

For those wise enough to not read it, you have my blessing to leave.

Froggy out.