AN: This chapter was actually soooo much fun to write :D I hope you like it as much as I do!

My Secret Life As A Superhero

Chapter 4

Of Firewhiskey And Drunken Confessions

October thirteenth is my favourite day of the year. (Alright, apart from Christmas, Thanksgiving, Halloween, Bonfire Night, Easter and, of course, Valentine's Day!)

It's the anniversary of my birth! Did you get me something ludicrously expensive? No? Now I'm sad. (Just kidding.) I'm seventeen and, with that, a legal adult! Which just means, that I can keep doing all the things I have been doing, but nobody can arrest me for it. It's brilliant. I'm free! Nobody can stop me now! I shall take over the world! Okay, maybe not that, but I'll definitely have a wicked party with Draco. In our room. With booze. Lots and lots of booze.

Two hours later...

Everything's so colourful. And pretty. Okay, totally didn't mean to think that. I think I've had one bottle too much Firewhiskey. Draco's no better. He's sitting on the floor next to me, leaning against his bedpost, a goofy grin gracing his face. Yeah, he's had too much alcohol too. (Although, I'm not really sure if there's such a thing as too much alcohol.)

I'm lying face down on the floor, licking the wood. I wanted to see if it tastes like liquorice. I think it does.

I just thought of something funny. I let out a sound that's neither a giggle nor a snort. It's something in between. I realised that it only takes one drink to get me drunk; but the problem is that I can never remember if it's the fifteenth or sixteenth! I'm a hilarious old donkey. Donkey? Where did that come from? I'm too beautiful to be a donkey! I'm a stallion; a stud.

"Yo, Cupid!" Draco gives my head a kick with his foot. "I want to play a game! Play with me!"

I want to play a game too, but the floor is so nice and soft. I feel like a butterfly, licking liquorice flavoured grass. "Play with me!" Yet another kick in my head. Alright, alright, I'm heaving my self up.

"Let's play rock, paper, scissors." I suggest, taking a long swig from my Firewhiskey. I like that game. It's easy. My brain is too fluffy, no, fuzzy, to deal with mentally challenging follies.

"That's a baby game." Draco giggles, "We're babies, Blaise-y. Goo-goo!"

"Ga-ga!" I shout back, and we both roar laughing; rolling around on the floor, our bodies a tangle of flailing limbs. Draco punches me in my (incredibly handsome) face, laughing like a maniac, "Stone wins over your face!"

I reach for the whiskey again, my mood is too good to worry about whether he broke my nose.

"A toast to me! Hooray! To me!"

"To you!" Draco snatches the bottle from my grasp, swinging it so that whiskey splatters all over the floor. Now, I suppose, it tastes like liquorice dipped in practically pure alcohol. "And that men's ears should be to the abuse of temperamental women deaf, but not to flattery!" he starts bowing to an invisible audience, muttering thanks.

I grab a new bottle, and open the cap with a clumsy flick of my wand."To being old sacks that can do whatever they fancy!" We grin at each other and clink our drinks.

"We're not old sacks, Blaise! Where's your dignity! We're elderly."

"I don't like veggies! Elderly people eat mushy veggies. They're all icky." I pout, eyeing up the floor again, it looks a lot tastier than over-cooked vegetables.

Before I can start licking the dark wood again, Draco bursts out laughing, "Elderly people shouldn't eat healthy food; they need all the preservatives they can get!"

That's funny, really funny. Now I'm biting a pillow (it tastes a little of candy floss), trying to suppress another wave of mirth. "Well," I gasp, "that's great, 'cause firewhiskey is pure alcohol!"

"AND ALCOHOL'S A PRESERVATIVE!" we scream out together, slapping each other's backs.

"You know, Blaise," Draco slurs, once we've more or less calmed down. "My grandmother, she started walking five miles a day when she was sixty. Now she's ninety-seven and we don't know where the hell she is!"

This, again, causes us to be racked by an avalanche of hearty laughter. We're entering the giddy phase of being drunk. This bit's always fun. It's a nice, bubbly feeling when everything you say is absolutely hilarious.

Out of the blue, Draco asks, "What did the witch say upon returning to her ginger house?"

Oh, so now we've moved on to riddles and jokes. I totally suck at this, but Draco's a genius. "I don't know, what did the witch say upon returning to her ginger house?"

A wide grin spreads across his face, "Home sweet home! Get it? 'Cause it' a ginger bread house?"

I giggle, I really feel like eating some ginger bread. Shame it only gets served at Christmas.

Draco raps his knuckles against my skull, "Knock, knock."

Oh, yay! I love knock-knock jokes! They make me laugh. And snort. Not that snorting is something I'm proud of, or anything."Who's there?"

"Ike!" Draco spreads his arms out, falling on his back.

I clap my hands together excitedly, this is so much fun! I feel like skipping though a field, cuddling bunnies and having tea-parties with rainbow coloured unicorns! "Ike, who?"

"Ike n't stop laughing!" That's it. We're guffawing uncontrollably, sloshing our drinks as we wrestle on the liquorice flavoured floor.

Being seventeen sure is fun. Lot and lots of fun. Fun with glitter, sprinkles and all things nice. It's an explosion of niceness!

Draco pulls himself off the (by now sopping wet) floor, arm wrapped around his bedpost, and reaches his other hand out to help me up too. Once I'm up, I stagger around a bit, before leaning, more or less securely, against the bottom of my bed.

"Blaise, my handsome mate, we shall sing you a song! For your birthday." He starts humming a wobbly little tune. My face lights up; oh how I love that song. It is the most awesome song in the history of awesome songs. We made it up the first time we got this drunk, on Draco's thirteenth. It's actually a wonder that we remebered it, we were completely wasted that night.

We stagger together, linking arms as we start to skip around in a circle, singing merrily: "Mary had a little lamb, her father jinxed it dead!" at this point we jump apart and shout: POW! Then we start our little dance again, "Now it goes to school with her, between two hunks of bread!" we drag the last note out. Draco has a fabulous tenor voice, but I've got an even better baritone.

I scramble onto my bed, taking another swig from the bottle I'm still clutching securely in my hand. The Firewhiskey burns as it goes down, and it feels good. Sort of...fiery.

Draco giggles like a girl as he picks up my boxers from the floor and chucks them up to me. Surprisingly, considering the state I'm in, I catch them with my free hand. I'm quite proud of myself. It's an addition to my already astoundingly perfect superpowers accurate hand-eye coordination even when intoxicated. I drop my bottle, it's nearly empty anyway. The last remnants of the scolding liquid trickle out and soak into my silk pyjama bottoms. But I don't care. I've got another ten pairs stowed away somewhere at the bottom of my trunk.

I decide to pull my boxers around my head, letting the elastic snap. I like my boxers. They're white with little red love-hearts. Now, if a teacher decides to crash our party, I'll be at least wearing something. That's right. All I'm wearing are the boxers around my head. And I don't care! 'Cause I'm so drunk that I might as well be a dwarf named Samuel who's favourite game is tick-tack-toe.

Draco hops onto his bed, twirling around and chugging down the rest of his drink. "I have to tell you something, Blaise-y!" he practically shouts at me, "I am in love with Hermione Granger! Have been since fourth year! I'M IN LOVE!"

Alright, I won't lie. I totally wasn't expecting that. I mean, I would have been less surprised if he'd told me he's actually a super-sized glittery fairy. But this is great! Draco's my newest project! YAY!

"Draco" I say, leaning forward, wobbling slightly. "I'm in love with Ginny Weasley. Have been since second year! And she will be mine, as Granger will be yours!" We let out a burst of manic laughter, and then I start jumping up and down, screaming at the top of my lungs: I AM CUPID!"

AN: DUN DUN DUUUUUN! :D Haha, tell me your thoughts :)