Chapter Two
Now it's back to me! PitFTW!
Disclaimer: I'll tell you when we own Nintendo!
For a moment, Master Hand froze at the snide tone of the man's voice, as well as the uncanny resemblance to known mercenary Ike Greil standing in front of him. The giant hand had just been about to brew a nice pot of tea before turning in, but this had to happen before he could even add the sugar.
Great, just great…
He sputtered for a moment as the imposing figure's cold blue eyes swept over him, a small smirk playing at his lips. To be certain, there was something… off about this man. Whether it was the numerous stains of blood all over his chest or the two identical puncture holes in his stomach. But what surprised the giant floating limb most was not the wounds all over his chest or the fact that he had just thrown off a rather adorable turtle Pokemon like it was nothing but a piece of trash.
It was the two gleaming, maniacal sparks within his eyes…
Master Hand cleared his "throat" to recover himself. "Erm… right…" He surveyed the room some more, taking in the enraged Sheik look- alike shrieking at Zelda, the two identical Samus' gawking at each other, the two Roy twins holding flaming chair legs above their heads, the Ice Climbers and the cloaked figure with ice still rushing from their mouths, Link with another cloaked figure hanging onto his sword and snarling, and the two Pits who were still wrestling each other on the ground. All in all, it was pure pandemonium.
Damn, he hated his job…
Master Hand noticed the two figures that had climbed out of the way of the fight. With one snap of his fingers, all of the hoods in the room fell off, revealing the terrifying faces underneath. Everyone gasped.
It was bad enough that a bunch Pit, Ike, Sheik, Samus, and Roy look- alikes had strutted in their home like they owned the place, but this was all too much. No words could describe the horrors they saw hidden underneath those hoods. While the smallest of them cowered in fear, the strongest found themselves to be absolutely frozen in terror and repulsion. In front of Link was an identical face, except his mirror's teeth was filled with razor killers. Seeing that he was exposed, the beast ripped off his cloak revealing; tattered beige shorts, a shirtless body cover by a crest of fur, claws on his hands and feet like blades and a long tail. Two heads greeted the sight of the Ice Climbers as they saw their mirror, two heads on one body. The cloaked figure holding Clown Marth climbed down and allowed to smashers to look at her deformed figure.
Whether the Ice Climber look- alikes (taking advantage of the exposure and now making out) or the Peach and Lucario fusion creature repulsed them more, it was hard to say. All that matter right now was that there were freaking clones of his Smashers standing right there in front of him.
Oh, what a night…
He pointed at each of the Smashers who had mirror images of themselves. "You people… and you…" He pointed at the clones. "In my office… now."
The Roy look- alike without a shirt stepped forward, his features defiant. "You can't tell me what to do you big meanie!"
"Roy!" the Ike clone snapped sharply, "Watch your tongue!" He turned back to Master Hand, forcing a good natured smile on his lips. "Please excuse my… idiot. He had a rather rough night tonight…" The man bowed, his top hat threatening to fall off his head. "We will be happy to accompany you to your office, good sir… just try not to let those bastards back there try to kill us again, please."
"Why you little-" the smasher Roy started forward, only to be held back by the two Hylians as flames danced around his sword. The other one blew a raspberry at his counterpart.
The Ike in the top hat roughly grabbed the boy by the hair and dragged him out, ignoring his kicking and crying. With nothing else to do, Master Hand picked up the Ike he knew by the cape and he too floated out, leaving confusion and chaos in his wake.
"Whoa, whoa, lemme get this straight…" Master Hand said. "You're telling me that… that you're the Ringmaster of this…" He gestured to the small group in front of him, "These Circo de la Luna people?"
"That is correct," Ringmaster Ike replied. "My little group here and I were running away from some… under appreciative individuals, we'll say… they didn't like our show you see, so…" He shrugged. "We had to show them what it was like… besides, we only really fucked up one for life… the other ten were fine."
All around him, the jaws of the Smashers dropped while the Circo de la Luna members merely nodded in agreement (Nana and Popo did stiffle a giggle though). One of them, the Peach and Lucario fusion, only stared in disbelief at everything around her. She stared in particular at the picture of Mario, the first Smasher, mounted on Master Hand's wall.
"Anyways, we need somewhere to stay," the Ringmaster told him, lazily stretching out and putting his muddy boots on Master Hand's neat desk. "So how's about we stay for a bit, Mister Hand, and we won't kill everyone here, deal?"
Master Hand was greatly taken aback by his shrewdness. Ike, who had just recovered, looked ready to faint again. Pit was glaring across the table at his counterpart, who looked anything but the typical "virgin angel". Samus was still looking completely shocked and Link was doing his best to try to keep the snarling… thing… on the ground away from Zelda, while at the same time holding back the Sheik look- alike with his sword. Peach, meanwhile, was standing and protecting the quivering Ice Climbers behind her dress.
"Erm…" Master Hand hesitated. "I'm sorry, but we don't really have any room and it's kinda on a tight schedule right now with the tournament and everything…"
That was when the Marth in the clown costume stepped forward, his bottom lip in a small pout. His eyes were large and puppy dog like. "Please sir… we're really cold… and really hungry… just for a little bit…" His gaze was like something Marth of Altea could never pull off. In fact, said prince was recoiling in horror at his counterpart's masterful persuasion technique.
"Well…" Master Hand had to give in. "… Alright. But on one condition…"
Clown Marth smiled, showing all his dirty teeth. "Thank you, mister!"
Master Hand cleared his throat. "Yes… well, you see, since I suppose you are all counterparts of each other, you ought to bunk with your mirror image because you guys know each other best, and-"
A collective "NO!" rang out from all sides. Every single Smasher except Peach and Zelda jumped up and faced their clone with rage in their eyes. Meanwhile, the Circo de la Luna was relatively fine with everything, save the acrobat, Samus, who had just wrapped her arms tightly around Clown Marth.
"I can never leave him!" she cried, pulling the boy closer to her barely clad body. His face was pushed so deeply into her breast that it was very, very hard to discern his blue hair from the rest of her bra.
This time, Master Hand put his "foot" down. "I'm sorry, Miss, but it'll have to be." He pointed at each of the Smashers and their clone in turn. "I don't want to be hearing of any form of fighting or… or anything in these halls, you hear me? There will be consequences if I found out!"
"Yes sir…" the fused Ice Climbers chimed in unison, smiling at each other almost… seductively. Popo and Nana, the Smashers, hid behind Peach's skirt in fear.
Ringmaster Ike stood up, taking care to smash his foot onto his counterpart's as he did. "I thank you, Master Hand… rest assured, the Circo de la Luna will do its best to follow all of your rules as long as we remain in these halls." Then, with a flick of his cane, he was gone, followed by the other circus members.
"You can't do this, Master Hand," Marth whimpered, "Those people… didn't you see the looks of them! I mean… all that blood…"
Roy was still fuming from his defeat earlier. "That other me… he's a complete idiot!" The Marquis of Phrae kicked at his chair. "I'm not that stupid! And I certainly do not play with fire like that guy does! He's going to hurt someone at this rate!"
Samus scoffed. "At least yours is decently dressed… that… that woman is not me! She dresses like a slut and… it's disgusting…" She was struggling to keep her tone professional.
"They're here to do nothing but cause trouble," Link said harshly, "We should send them away as soon as possible!"
"No, Link," the hand said gravely, "They are people in need of a place to stay… the Smashers are more than fighters, and you know that… many of us… we're heroes… we help those in need…" The hand let out one final sigh. "Please… just go to bed…"
Link couldn't stand it! He stomped back and forth around his room, trying to gather his thoughts. These strangers turned up on their doorstep, assaulted them, and nearly killed every Smasher in the room! What was Master Hand thinking!
The Hero slammed his fists onto the desk in his room, his anger reaching boiling point. "I can't believe he's doing this to us!"
"I-I'm… h-h-h-herez…" a voice said in the doorway. Link didn't have to turn around to know who it was. Truth be told, his beast- like counterpart disgusted him. Covered from head to toe in greasy, blood covered fur, the creature was a beast of strange and devious looking actions. Every word he spoke sent a shiver down Link's spine, but the Hero just barely managed to keep his face impassive as he turned around at last to face his lion clone, down on all fours.
"Erm… Hi…" he muttered, taking care not to vomit as the lion entered the room, his foot and handprints trailing blood. The Hero could easily see that same blood gushing from huge gashes on his back, but he just barely managed to keep his face impassive.
The Lion eyed him with slight interest. "Y-Y-You… lookz… l-like…"
"I know," Link interrupted quickly, "Believe me, I know…"
"AHHHHHHHH!"
Thwack! Thwack! Thwack! Thwack!
He knew that voice. The Hylian's alarms blared like sirens in his mind as soon as that scream tore into his room. It pierced his heart like a spear, sharp and cold. There was no need for him to recognize that sound as only one woman in the entire world would ever scream and still sound beautiful to the Hero's ears.
"Zelda!"
Ignoring the completely confused lion, Link tore open his door and ran outside, buckling on only his Master Sword and Hylian Shield. He left everything else except his bow and quiver of arrows on top of his bed. The princess' screams grew louder and louder as he ran, as well as the sounds of very, very sharp objects hitting the wall.
Thwack! Thwack! Thwack! Thwack!
"I'm coming!" he answered as another scream ripped through the air. "Zel, I'm coming!" With no other choice, Link slid down the banister as he came to the stairs and shoved several Smashers out of his way.
"Watch where you're going, Dink!" Ganondorf shouted as he was pushed down.
Finally, after what seemed like a million years, he reached her door. With one swift kick, the door burst into splinters and right before the dust cleared, he could clearly see about half a dozen needles headed right his way. The Hero only had seconds to react as the needles hit the wall behind him, some of them bouncing off his shield.
"STUPID BITCH!" the woman inside shrieked as the familiar blue spark of Naryu's love flashed on the other side of the room. "I THOUGHT I GOT RID OF THAT STUPID FREAKING FACE OF YOURS!" Another round of needles found their way over to where Princess Zelda stood, but she just barely managed to reflect them back with Naryu's Love.
"Zelda!" Link ran forward, needles biting into his flesh as he pushed his princess down to the ground, shielding her with his body and his life. He knew he only had one shot and he had to make it count. Taking a deep breath, the hero pulled his trusty Hero's Bow out and aimed at the enraged woman, ready to strike. He pulled back the string and let it fly, watching as the shaft zoomed through the air.
The Sheik look alike only had seconds to react as the arrow soared towards her wrist. She ducked and dodged it, managing to survive a blow that would've crippled her wrist if it hit. She glared at the man who shot the arrow, the Lion Link doppelganger, who was doing everything to protect the woman she hated. Her eyes flared with anger and hatred as she prepared to launch another barrage of needles at the couple on the ground.
"W-What… goingz… on…?"
Next chapter: Pikana
Not enough Zelink...
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