Trigger warning for this chapter! Sorry it took so long to post this, Thanks to those who have reviewed so far, I love getting reviews.

Chapter 4:

Anna glanced around as she walked into the servant's hall. Thomas was there, and he too glanced up as she walked in. "Sure would be nice to have a cup of tea." He said, looking straight at her and the tray she held in her hands.

Anna sighed, and then gave Thomas the cup of tea she'd been planning on drinking herself. The water was still hot, she could pour herself another cup. "Careful, it's hot."

"What's this?" Thomas asked, taking the cup. "No sassy comment?"

Anna ignored him and set the second cup of tea down in front of John. "I'll be right back." she told her husband quietly, he began to stand, speaking.

"I can get it, you sit. You need to rest." Anna began to protest but John smiled at her and pushed the tea towards her as he used his other hand to grab his cane. "Water still hot?"

Anna nodded, defeated and sat down. She took a sip of tea as John left the Servant's hall.

"What's wrong?" Thomas asked.

"Like you care." Anna shot back, she wasn't in the mood to play games with the Under-Butler.

Thomas continued to sip his tea and watched Anna carefully. She did her best to ignore him as she rested, both she and John had been on the go since early in the morning and she knew that Lady Mary had a busy afternoon.

John came back in and sat next to Anna, he had a new cup of tea with him and he smiled at his wife. "His Lordship said he'd be retiring early tonight, and since Lady Mary is letting you have the night off after dinner, I thought we could go for a walk later."

"That sounds nice." Anna said quietly, aware that Thomas was listening to their conversation. "I've got some mending of Lady Mary's that I had planned on doing, but I can leave it until tomorrow once you get off."

John's response was cut off by a bell ringing. The three servants glanced towards the wall. "That would be me." Anna realized, she stood and left the servant's hall. As she exited, she heard Thomas ask "What's wrong with Anna?"

"None of your business." John's firm voice echoed into the hallway.

The rest of the day passed quickly and soon John was entering the Servants hall where Anna was waiting for him. They left and took advantage of the sunlight to take the long way home, they were nearly there when there was a loud bang and some shouting. The noises were so sudden that Anna whirled around, trying to place where the sound had come from. If Green was back and hurting another woman she'd have to plead guilty for murder. You know you want this. I'll show you how to have some real fun. She could almost feel Green's hands on her again and instinctively, she twisted away from him.

"Anna, it's okay." She could faintly hear John's voice and she desperately grasped onto it like it was a raft and she was drowning. "Anna, can you hear me?"

"John?" She felt arms wrap around her and she could smell something comforting, she tried to come back to reality, she knew it was a flashback, You ever have this much fun with that sad old cripple? She knew it wasn't happening again, but it felt so real.

And just like that, it was over. She could feel the cool breeze, could feel her chest heaving as she tried to breathe.

"Anna, it's okay." She looked up at John, suddenly aware of her tears. He reached out and gently wiped her tears. She reached up and clutched at his hand, they weren't normally physical in public like this, in front of their neighbors but Anna didn't care about propriety at the moment. She needed John's comfort. "The Peterson's son slammed their door, Anna."

Anna nodded, taking in a shaky, gasping breath. "I know." she said, now recognizing what the sound had been.

"Are you all right to walk the rest of the way home?"

Anna nodded and clutched at John's arm the rest of the way home. "I just..." she trailed off.

"You had a flashback, happens all the time with shell shock."

"I haven't been through the war." Anna contradicted quietly.

"You've been through hell, battle is hell." John said, his voice was quiet so the children who lived near by wouldn't hear him swearing. "I'd think you unfeeling if you didn't have flashbacks."

They entered their cottage and John turned Anna around. "Why don't you go take a long bath and then we can read some before we go to bed?"

Anna forced a smile, John was doing his best to comfort her. In reality she only wanted to go to bed, but the hopeful look on his face made her change her mind, before everything had happened she and John had usually spent their evenings reading from a book, she'd missed that. So she smiled and said, "I'll get the water ready."

"No, you go sit and pick out the book you want to read from, I'll get the water." John turned her so she was pointing towards their bookshelf and then gently pushed her towards it. "I'll call you when your bath is ready."

"I feel like I'm being waited on, like Lady Mary." Anna teased, she didn't notice the sudden gleam in John's eye as they separated and went to different parts of their cottage.

John hurried to get the water ready for Anna, her comment about being waited on had given him an idea and he hurried to get it ready. He pulled the box he needed out of the closet where he'd hidden it and grabbed what he needed before taking his surprise into the washroom.

"It usually doesn't take you this long to get the water ready, is something wrong?" Anna called up the stairs.

"Nothing's wrong, I'm making sure everything is perfect."

" All right."

John quickly finished his surprise and hurried downstairs to Anna. "Your bath awaits mi-lady." He told her. Anna smiled as she held up the book she'd chosen. John recognized it as his favorite. "What about some Robert Frost?" she asked.

"Sounds wonderful." John said, he guided Anna upstairs, he made sure she entered the washroom before him and smiled as he heard her delighted gasp.

"John what is this?"

"It's time for you to be waited upon." John said, "Get into the bath and relax."

Anna looked around at the washroom, John had lit several candles and had set out some new soap and a bottle of lotion Anna didn't recognize it and she pointed to it, "When did you get that?"

"Last month is Ripon, I was waiting to give you all this for our anniversary, but I couldn't wait that long." John admitted, looking sheepish.

Anna threw her arms around him in a sudden hug. "John, this is a wonderful surprise."

"I hoped you'd like it."

"I love it."

"Get in the bath and I'll read to you." He directed, his smile making him look 10 years younger.

Anna stripped, carefully folding her clothes and setting them on the shelf that John had thoughtfully cleared for her clothes. She felt a little bashful, striping in front of John, it wasn't like he hadn't seen her without clothes before but they had prepared for bed separately ever since she'd been attacked, nearly a month before. Her bruises had all but disappeared but she still felt a little self conscious about her body.

"Once you're done in the bath, I'll leave you to dry off and change into your night dress and I'll go get the next part of your surprise."

"I don't deserve you." The words came out before Anna could stop them.

"And why would you think that?"

"Because I've been..." she trailed off trying to think of a proper way to word it.

"Assaulted."

Anna nodded, "Something must have made him pick me." She took in a breath, getting courage so she could say the next words, she knew John wouldn't like to hear them but it was how she felt. She stared at the wall, faintly realizing that there was a spot that needed to be repainted. "What's wrong with me that made him..."

"It's what's wrong with him." In true John fashion, he wouldn't hear a word against her.

"John."

"Anna." The soft but firm tone made her look over to him, "Men who do that, are sick, evil creatures who need to hurt women to feel like they are worth something."

Anna let out a breath as she sank even deeper into the bath, "How could someone do that though?" she asked.

"Sometimes there's not a why or because." John said, he was flipping through the book. "Sometimes it just is."

Silence reigned between the two of them as John flipped through the book still, apparently trying to find a specific poem.

"I hate flashbacks." Anna decided.

"They'll dissipate in time." John promised.

"They make me feel like I'm not making any progress."

"You are." he sounded so certain of himself that Anna looked over to him.

"I can't see it."

"I can." John responded, he scooted closer to the bath and looked Anna in the eyes. "After you had your flashback, when we were outside, you reached out to me." Anna was confused, not making the connection. "That's the first time you've reached out to me since the attack." He could see understanding dawn in Anna's eyes.

"It only took three weeks." she huffed, reaching for the soap. The loving look John sent her though, made her heart swell.

"It takes time, you're doing wonderfully."

"Maybe I'm expecting too much of myself."

John chose not to answer her, he thought she was expecting too much, but he could tell her mood was an argumentative one. No matter what he said she'd probably find something wrong with it. Instead he held up the book. "Do you mind if I start reading?"

Anna smiled then, a true smile. "Read on, my orator."

John smiled and began to read. "How countlessly they congregate, O'er our tumultuous snow..."

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