Chapter 4: The Condom.

Disclaimer: I do not own Bleach, I just imagine messed up scenarios involving the characters.

Byakuya Kuchiki

"Byakuya?"

He didn't even hear her. The outside air coming from the open door felt nice and he debated whether he should run out on her and go for a walk by himself. Yes, that indeed sounds like a fine idea…

While still pondering his next move ought to be, he was hit violently in the head by a hard foreign object, completely catching him off guard.

"Good! Seems like I finally got your attention Byakuya boy." Said a very satisfied Yoruichi.

"Any last words?" he said coldly while reaching for his blade in retaliation for being hit in the head with... What exactly was it that she threw?

It was 'the remote' to that 'contraption' similar to the one his wife had.

"As much as I'd like you to eat my dust Byakuya boy, we have work to do. Unless you'd already forgotten why we're spending so much quality time together?" Yoruichi said with the same playful grin as always.

Hisana. Hisana, remember Hisana, remember you love her. He repeated to himself. Only for his beloved would he go through such humiliation. Ever since that one night Hisana confessed a desire of hers, it has been the only thing he could think of and was having trouble figuring out what he ought to get her for her upcoming birthday. One day, desperation hit and he finally swallowed his noble pride and requested the help of Shihoin. She was the only other option next to Rukia and he'd rather his sister keep her image of him intact.

The very familiar music started playing and Yoruichi grabbed his hand and placed it on her waist and began moving her hips. This was probably their fifth dancing lesson and it still felt as uncomfortable as ever. The song had been one of the many favorites of Hisana and Yoruichi decided that it would be the most fitting for this type of dance. As he and Shihoin made their way across the dancefloor time after time, he started to get into the rhythm and for once was doing splendedly well. Just when he started feeling confident that he might not necessarily make a fool out of himself in front of his wife, Shihoin abrubtly stopped and turned off the music.

"Good. You FINALLY got the basic steps down. Now we move on to the hard part." he could feel his eyebrow twitch a little. Hard part? Was this itself not hard enough?

She made her way to the other end of the room and turned the stereo back on. "The key to mastering the art of dance is in mastering the art of seduction. Or so I've read…" She muttered that last part quietly under her breath. She moved her hips and made her way closer, step by step.

"As the male, you are expected to lead your lady and have her shaking mercilessly in your arms. Your masculinity must be like a shield to her and you must also seduce her with it." she reached him and once again grabbed his hand to put on her waist. "Your lady is under your spell and is offering you the comfort you so desperately desire. She wants more of you. She wants all of you. She is giving all of her to you."

Byakuya, never in his wildest dreams imagined that dance could be so complicated. He always saw it as just moving one's body in according to the music. This might be troublesome after all…

And he followed Yoruichi's lead. All the while thinking to himself what has he gotten himself into.

Rukia Kuchiki

"Blue or Yellow... Or pink. Pink might be good too." Rukia heard her sister say from her bedroom.

They were picking out what Hisana should wear for the 'wedding'. Rukia still couldn't believe it, she was going to be there for this. Even though it's going to be the simplest ceremony known to mankind, it's still the union of her older siblings. The thought made her a very happy camper.

Rukia suggested from her position deep in Hisana's closet, a few kimonos that Hisana could wear, but Hisana couldn't make a decision and they were getting nowhere. So she walked out of the closet and took another look at the ones she had on the bed.

"Man, it's hot out today." Hisana whined. Rukia was taken aback a bit because her sister wasn't even wearing a kimono. She was wearing just a plain, black, no lace corset with fitted pants that reach up to her ankles and a light green haori over the strange ensemble. When you think about it, it's a little weird but the look did fit her. Hisana took off the haori and opened the door connecting the master bedroom to the private garden. Rukia just threw herself on the bed next to the spread out kimonos and let out a deep sigh. She must have alerted her sister with this because Hisana immediately turned and looked at her.

"Is something on your mind? You've looked preoccupied all morning." Hisana asked.

"No, not really. Just-... uhh… Nevermind."

"Go on..." Hisana insisted while shoving the kimonos aside and laying on the bed opposite Rukia. Both heads placed next to each other, each just staring at the ceiling above them.

"It's just Ichigo. I don't know what to do... I guess you can say we've been seeing eachother, I mean he's been spending quite a few of his weekends here lately and plus last night we almost..." Rukia stopped, realizing what she thoughtlessly almost blurted out.

"You almost what?"

Rukia blushed a deep shade of red.

"Uhh.. Well.. You know.. Uhh.. Sex." Rukia managed to get out.

"You almost had... Sex?" Hisana asked trying to confirm the situation.

"Y-yeah." Rukia was glad her sister was still looking up at the ceiling; it made this situation just a bit easier.

"How come you didn't?" Hisana continued staring at the ceiling.

Rukia's eyes went wide. She really didn't expect that particular question, she was expecting something more along the lines of 'How could you let yourself be seduced by that boy?' or 'You are a Kuchiki for chrissakes, act like one!' or at least something more Kuchiki-like. This was an honest question and Hisana wasn't passing judgment on her sister's actions at all. Hisana is more than just the title of noble lady Kuchiki, Rukia… She is first and foremost your older sister. She heard Sode No Shirayuki say, Rukia didn't expect to hear from her zanpakuto now of all times.

"Uhm, 'cause he realized that he didn't have a condom or anything with him and he wasn't even sure if shinigami needed one in the first place. And that's basically why we wound up stopping..."

"Oh… Okay." Hisana simply said. An awkward few minutes of silence then insued.

"Hey Rukia?"

"Mmm?" Rukia responded, glad that the silence has come to an end.

"What exactly is a condom?" Hisana asked honestly. Rukia sat up in a seated position and turned to face her sister on the bed. Wait a minute. She has to tell her older, already married sister, what a condom is?! This is messed up!

"Well Nee-san, a condom is… something the male wears… d-during intercourse t-to prevent p-pregnancy." It was a miracle that Rukia made this sentence a coherent one.

"That sort of thing exists?" Hisana asked with wide eyes, now sitting up as well.

"Yes, it is very common among the young people in the world of the living."

"How does it work?"

Rukia's eyes went wide for a second and then remembered that she's never actually seen a condom before, except for that one in health class at Ichigo's school. Wait a minute…

"I think I have one after all, let me go get it." With that Rukia flashed out of the room. After rummaging through her room and leaving her Chappies thrown all over the floor, she flashed back to her sister's room.

"Here it is…" Rukia held in her hand the small wrapper. Hisana eyed the tiny little thing curiously when Rukia practically shoved it in her sister's face for her to see.

"Uhh… First of all it needs to be opened like so, and then voila!" Rukia did not expect it to be so slimy and made a face. Hisana examined it with curious eyes and moved her hand to touch it. Rukia then carefully proceeded to roll it out, revealing it to be quite long.

"Look Nee-san, it is… uh lubricated and… uh stretchy like a balloon." Rukia demonstrated this last part by nervously and violently pulling the thing between her two hands, but much to her misfortune the thing slipped between her fingers and went flying across the room. Hisana quickly ducked out of the way so that she wouldn't get hit and then Rukia heard the thing smack against something that did not sound like the door it was headed toward.

Byakuya Kuchiki

Byakuya was tired. Tired couldn't even begin to explain how he felt. Every second that it took to get to his house he spent asking himself why he would subject himself to this torture and humiliation.

Because you don't have the slightest idea what to buy your wife for her birthday and decided to do something that will make her extremely happy and as a bonus you guarantee your own happiness as well?

That was the answer he kept hearing from Senbonzakura the whole time and it was getting annoying, so he decided against debating this matter for the time being. He entered his house and without hesitation headed for his bedroom. Normally, after a day like this one, he would head for the training area and blow off steam. But his muscles were sore enough as it is, and all he could think of was that bed of his. Finally reaching his destination, he swiftly slid the door open, with closed eyes, thinking that he can finally be at peace now. Unfortunately for him, instead of the peace he desired, he found himself violently slapped in the face by something wet. By force of habit, he already had his hand on the hilt of his zanpakuto and was already in position to retaliate.

What is it with me today? Do I have some sort of target on my head or something?

"Oh my goodness! Byakuya, are you okay?" Hisana's concerned voice asked him.

"I am alright, no need for concern." He responded while wiping the excess goop on his face.

"What may I ask… was that?" He tried to hide his annoyance because Hisana was there, but sometimes he could not help it.

"Ni-sama… I… Well… I…" Rukia not surprisingly started stuttering upon hearing the question, but it was Hisana that shocked him with her reaction, for she started laughing... Loudly.

Rukia saw this and immediately blushed. However, she was quickly put at ease when a very out of breath Hisana pointed her finger at Rukia's flaming cheeks and Rukia couldn't help but start laughing as well. Hisana had then an even louder fit, for she clutched her stomach and bent over in pain.

Byakuya was not amused in the slightest and very patiently waited for his wife and sister to desist from their sudden laughing attack.

You know you like it when she laughs like that you old softie. He heard his Zanpakuto say.

Hisana Kuchiki

The water was scalding, just the way she liked it. This was her favorite place in the mansion, next to her private gardens of course. The master bath. It was extremely big, beautiful and luxurious, another guilty pleasure to add to her already growing list. There was an open window that showed the bright white moon and the stars surrounding it, truly a beautiful sight to behold. There were faint sounds of chirping birds in the distance and it was like music to her ears... She leaned her head back and just enjoyed it, all of it... Her solitude however was soon interrupted when she heard a male voice in the room with her.

"I see that the lady of the noble house of Kuchiki likes it hot..." Hisana jumped to cover herself, for she did know this voice, but couldn't for the life of her put a face to it. She soon answered herself when she saw a black cat sitting on the window sill.

"Oh goodness, don't frighten me like that Yoruichi!" Hisana said when she unfolded her arms from in front of her and went back to her relaxed position.

"Mind if I join you? I promise not to get fur in the lovely master bath." Yoruichi said after she leapt off the window sill.

"Mmm… Just don't let my husband catch you."

"Catching me, dear lady Kuchiki, is something poor Byakuya boy can only dream of." Yoruichi said once she finished transforming into her human form. Hisana laughed a little, she secretly found her husband's relationship with Yoruichi quite amusing.

"So how have you been Hisana?" Yoruichi asked once she was comfortable.

"I can honestly tell you I have never been happier in my sorry little life. Absolutely grateful to be alive..." Hisana answered truthfully with her eyes closed.

"Quit talking about yourself like that, we've all got our own little demons in life, y'know..." Yoruichi told her in a serious voice while leaning back and closing her eyes.

Hisana simply just nodded at that, again leaning her head back. She really did need to put the past behind her, but no one can argue that she hasn't been trying to forget it. After a while in silence Yoruichi spoke up again.

"And are you still crying Hisana?" she asked with a tone equaling the previous one, all the while still keeping her eyes closed.

"Not since I came home…" she once again answered with the truth. She hasn't let the opportunity present itself yet, when she would feel a spell of sadness wash over her, she would use the oldest trick in her book… Dance it away.

"Good. There's nothing to be crying about anyways. You've got a husband who is absolutely crazy about you, an adorable little sister who secretly admires you and you've got friends Hisana. You've got lots of friends who love you this time around." Yoruichi said while moving over to her and taking her hand underwater.

"Goodness, what are you trying to do? Trying to get me to start?" Hisana sarcastically asked at feeling of tears trying to make their way out. Yoruichi just smiled and put an arm around Hisana's shoulder.

"Nah, just trying to make damn sure you get the message."

Thaar we go again. Remember folks... Review me. I'd love to hear back from you. I'm also open to suggestions of any kind. So shoot.

Until next time...

~Snikee