Deadpool's POV

So here we are, the next chapter after my feisty femme dutifully sliced off my 'fuck you' finger, and though the author had the absolute power to speed up the healing process to make it full size again, I have a nub the size of a peanut for a middle finger.

"I hope this is REAL fucking funny to you, Author! You power-tripping, son of a-,"

I said as I flipped my nub off to the skies in protest.

{I uh…I wouldn't piss them off too badly, they could make it FAR worse.}

Suddenly Harley moved towards me and took my hand in her own, slowly bringing the nub up to her mouth. Her deliciously pink tongue idly licked at the nub with a devilish grin and I felt my knees go weak and my suit tightened around a certain part of my lower half.

%His PENIS!%

"I dunno, Poolarooney…I think it's kinda cute!" Harley exclaimed as she smiled at me before taking a step back again.

"You just absolutely love torturing me, don't you? I could get into that," I said as I cocked my head at her. Was my continuous spell casting techniques finally starting to work?!

All she did was smile at me in response and that was all I needed to affirm that yes, she did indeed enjoy torturing me which meant that Project-Deadpool-Pants-Invading was on full force overdrive. We continued to walk down the streets.

{Do we have an actual lead to where these people are or are we just going to wander aimlessly until they fall into our laps?}

"That is precisely what we're going to do, Voice. All the more time to woo my would-be looney lover," I said as Harley looked over at me with a scrunch of her nose.

"I know ya ain't talkin' bout me," she said and I moved up alongside her, idly wrapping my arm around her waist and winced, expecting to be pummeled again, but when that didn't happen, I took it as an opportunity to survey the situation.

"Think about it Harley-Kins, endless bloodshed, tandem gunning, stuffing our faces with food at every turn, mass control over the Fourth Wall, introducing our voices…and not to mention the mind blowing, earth shattering, kinkiest sex anyone has EVER accidentally witnessed," I said as I paused and looked sidelong at her, waiting for a response.

%Well…I personally would totally do us!%

{We…do us ALL the time; we need to step it up!}

Harley turned her head towards me as, again, the whole world seemed to go in slow-mo as she wasn't making a motion to hit me, or spit at me, or even roll her eyes at me…was she…was she actually about to consider my proposal?

"Pooley I-," she started to say as I leaned in towards her to listen when suddenly, the all too familiar sound of a katana being unsheathed from its home rang through my ears. I glanced over my shoulder to see that both of my own swords were firmly placed before I turned around completely to face a rather large fellow that I indeed recognized.

{Holy shit….it's Slade Wilson. I was totally kidding earlier!}

"Motherfucker, why now? WHY?!" I cried out. Just when my Senile Siren was about to see the appeal of bunking down with yours truly…this douche bag shows up. Slade Wilson also known as…Deathstroke.

Quick run-down, Deathstroke used to be in the army…went through some secret experiment that he was lied to about, got super strong, got a little bit of healing, and had some major anger issues…became a mercenary, blah blah... You'll find out more as I'm about to ream this guy through the motherfucking coals with all the dirt I know.

"Poolboy…," I heard Harley stammering as her form moved backwards, her mallet at the ready. I quickly turned around and idly placed my hand on the top of the mallet, bringing it back down to her side.

"Harley, my dear, why don't I take this one? I know your super-dee-duper strong, but I can be sliced a million ways from Sunday and live to tell the tale. I haven't even gotten to dive into the ethereal pond that is your vagina yet. And I don't do dead chicks."

%Weeeeelll…%

"Ok, she was actually…Death itself, that doesn't count!" I corrected the voice as Harley stared on at me confused, her lips parting as I could just hear the whine building up in her throat. I raised a finger to place it across her lips.

"You are woman, hear you roar and all that jazz, my pretty little psycho…but believe me when I say this has nothing to do with male over female, but rather comic company vs comic company and well, it's been a long time coming." Harley crossed her arms over chest with a humph and rolled her eyes. Ah, there was cynical Harley once more as she turned with a flick of her pigtails to stand off to the side.

"There we are, now just chill out over there and play with your beaver, but I call dibs for nexties!" I exclaimed as my head suddenly ducked from the light swooshing sound that emanated through the alley, a katana colliding with the nearby brick wall.

{I'm actually surprised he waited that long to do that, I mean it's been what two minutes?}

%Aww, see the Author ain't that bad, and look, our finger is back!%

I glanced down to see my middle finger fully restored and to be frank, I was relieved seeing this, as it would've just completely thrown off my katana game. That'd just be embarrassing, considering the current company.

"Deadpool…what the hell are you doing here, you second rate freak?" Deathstroke spoke as he stood motionless and all intimidating like with a katana in each hand. The wind made the little do rag ties at the back of his head flap around. Aww, I didn't have any little flappies to flop about in the wind!

"Second rate? Aw, are we a little sour that I was made in your image but not…considering my ability to break the Fourth Wall, my comedic craziness, and oh! I can see TWICE as good as you can?" I teased as I unsheathed both my swords, having the sinking feeling that shit was about to get real and I couldn't say that I often got to have a good ol' fashioned sword fight! As predicted, Deathstroke let out a growl as he sped forward, slicing both katanas through the air at me, my arms going into double time as I deflected each and every one of his blows before one nicked me in the shoulder.

"Oh ouchies! Don't you just hate when you nick yourself shaving?" I said as the newly formed cut quickly began to heal itself.

"How would you know…you haven't grown hair since your body became a walking testicle," Deathstroke retorted and I had to admit, that was actually quite good.

%Walking testicle…heehee, we kinda do…%

{Let us concentrate!}

"Ooooh, Dickstroke's got jokes! Are we trying to compensate for how much cooler I became than you ever were?" Deathstroke growled even louder after that remark, but I leapt forward before he had the chance to and immediately proceeded on the offense, going slicey-dicey as fast as my arms would allow. But what the fuuuuck, he always seemed one millisecond ahead of me and I felt like the day I started watching YouTube videos on how to fight with katanas all over again! Suddenly, as I was in the middle of doing a really bad ass spinny move, he predicted this motion and his katana sliced across my abdomen. I looked down and quickly moved to gather some of my intestine that had snuck its way out.

"Okay…that one smarted. You seem angry, was it the Dickstroke comment or the fact that I am right about having become more cool and popular than you?" I spoke mostly as a distraction to give my body a second to heal the wound once my guts were back inside me.

"Seriously, Slade…old buddy, old pal, my bro from another hoe…who happened to have the same last name. We should be best buds!" I exclaimed, holding my hands out to either side of me as if going in for a hug as Slade's sword sliced through the air in front of me, my back going into Matrix mode to avoid the blow.

"How dare you even begin…to compare yourself to me or call yourself a mercenary," Deathstroke retorted, thinking that would actually insult me in some kind of way I was assuming?

%Merc-with-a-Mouth to you buddy!%

"Oh come on now, I was a knock off of you, you were a knock off of Captain America…although a really crappy knock off; at least he was able to handle the super soldier serum without going all berserker mode permanently. Tell me, how'd your wife feel about that?" I asked as I motioned to my right eye socket.

Little background, when Slade went crazy from the serum, his wife got so angry at him and so scared that she actually attempted to kill him by shooting him in the head! His mild healing factor was able to keep him from dying but he lost his eyesight in that eye, and you thought I was fucked up!

Suddenly, my body was being launched through the alleyway, with Deathstroke as the linebacker, his forearms planted firmly into my chest. My back collided harshly with a nearby brick wall as his half blue/half orange mask stared into my own red and black one.

{I think we hit a nerve!}

I took advantage of his rage, hoping it'd cloud his freaky 10 steps ahead of me bullshit, as I removed one of the pistols from its holsters and shot Deathstroke in the arm. He left out a growl as he staggered backwards and I cocked my head at him.

"Oooh, is your wound going to heal as fast as mine do Slade? I'm going to guess not, considering you couldn't even keep your own eyesight. Not to mention Wolverine doesn't even exist in your world and that's where my nifty healing abilities hail from. They're very handy!" Suddenly, my body was being made into swiss cheese as Deathstroke unleashed fury with what seemed every fucking gun he had on his person.

{Well, we should've seen that coming.}

After what seemed to be a hundred rounds implanted throughout my body, I looked down at the numerous holes littering my suit. Motherfucker, there goes another one. I glanced up to Deathstroke who's chest was heaving as he continued to pull on the triggers to either of the guns he held, the ammo already have run dry.

"Isn't it just infuriating? I can't die!" Deathstroke again growled…what was with that anyway, it was as if he could only speak cave man and nothing else. He removed a grenade from his belt and pulled the pin before running towards me.

"We'll see about that," he remarked before his body suddenly just disappeared as it launched high into the sky. It was Harley and her beloved mallet as I turned to see her put a hand on her hip and rest the mallet upon her shoulder. I stood dumbfounded for a moment as I looked from Harley to the visibly diminishing form that was Deathstroke before a sudden explosion went off in the sky. Both my hands went to my head.

"Harley! Did you just-did you just fucking kill Deathstroke? He's like a nemesis that the hero seemingly, despite his crazy talents, powers, and weapons, NEVER kills!" I exclaimed, still grasping my head with both my hands.

"Don't know, don't care, good thing we ain't heroes, huh?!" Harley bellowed with a bit of pride and actual…truth to her statement.

Before anyone has a cow, I should probably inform you that of course Deathstroke is way too talented to let a grenade kill him mid-air, but it was a pretty funny thought, huh?

"Let's get-a couple things straight 'ere Poolboy. Nobody puts Harley in a cornah. I stepped aside just this once so that there could be this epic battle between you and 'ol Strokey-tool, but just know…it ain't happenin' again. I get too bored, and start thinkin' of all kinds of crazy stuffs to do." Harley spoke as she continually took steps forward, all the while raising a stern finger up at my face.

"Crazy stuff liiiike hide the banana in the oyster?" I attempted, as I stood my ground despite her insistent steps toward me and that finger that brought up horrible memories of parental figures that momentarily existed in my childhood. She scrunched her nose.

"Ew bananahs and oystahs? No! Look stop distractin' me with yer sexy smack talk!" she bellowed as my body took a completely different stance, both my hands moving to my hips in display.

"So you…think I'm sexy?" I asked as she crossed her arms over her chest.

%She hasn't punched us yet…that's a good sign!%

"How would I know? Ya nevah take that goofy mask off! Yer arse seems pretty sexy though," she said with a shrug as my face lit up from beneath my mask.

"So you're saying there's a chance!" I said as I turned my back to her, idly bending over to display my, if I may say so myself, second best asset, that the red of my suit just seemed to accentuate. Harley offered a slight smirk before speaking.

"In yer dreams, Poolboy," she said with half of a grin as she moved past me and I stood up right to catch a glimpse of her own arse as she sauntered past.

{We're getting to her; that was definitely a smile!}

"Oh trust me, I do dream…every morning, afternoon, mid-evening, evening…," I began to say as my mind suddenly trailed off into another one of those day dreams, the immortal melody of "Endless Love" by Lionel Richie & Diana Ross playing as smoking hot Harley was completely naked, I, of course, completely naked save for my mask as well. We played with a can of whipped cream as she proceeded to cover each of my nipples with a heaping pile of cream and I traced a banana down her navel towards her-

"Earth to Deadpool!" Harley shouted which made me jolt from my current daydream.

%Aw man, we were just getting to the good part!%

I shook my head as I trotted to catch up with her like the good little puppy dog that I am.

"You do realize we ain't gotta single lead tah find these goons, right?" Harley asked rather matter of factly and I nodded vigorously.

"Absolutely, just as I've also noticed we've been running into random characters for the past two chapters…who's next Green Lantern?"

"Aw gee, I hope not…he's more-of-a stick in the mud than Batsy and his suit is just so…animated. Blech. Besides, I like the color red better anyhow," Harley commented as a finger rose to idly play with one of her pigtails.

%Oh, score!%

I glanced down to the stuffed beaver in Harley's arms and cocked my head.

"I do believe I called dibs on getting to play with your beaver next. So…," I said as I bent down to stare on at the stuffed beaver that was cradled to her right hip.

"Shall we play Hopscotch or Go…Fish?" I said as I turned my head to the skies.

This is just too much fun.