A/N: Thanks everyone for your continued interest! This update is long overdue! I had to go back to school after break, and it was my last semester and you know. Plus the entire left side of my laptop keyboard is no longer working. Let's just say I was watching a hilarious video one day with an open bottle of water next to my hand and well, you can imagine the rest. I'm getting another one soon but in the meantime, it's partial onscreen keyboard for now. Anyway I'll still try and update every week so don't fret yet! Thanks again to everyone who reviewed and kept an interest I this story.

Enjoy chapter 4!

Disclaimer: I don't own Harry Potter. End of story.

Summary: Hermione Granger is in a tight spot. She's just graduated uni after studying Journalism (whatever possessed her to do that!) She needs a job, and most importantly these jeggings that were once to die for will probably squeeze the life out of her if she doesn't remove them soon! Enter Draco Malfoy. Yes THE Draco Malfoy (As if there were any others?) The brilliant architect of Malfoy Industries. But wait, what do they have to do with each other? "And anyway, why would you stuff your flesh in clothing that looks like it's about to eat your ass Granger?" Hilariousness ensues.

Chapter 4: The Bottom Flasher

"What the bloody hell are you doing here?" Draco barked at Hermione as he snatched his hand away from where he was about to reach for hers. He couldn't believe he almost touched Granger! God what was wrong with the world? Wait maybe this was a sign that the end was near or something.

Draco quickly swept his eyes over his surroundings.

Well the street still looked intact.

And there weren't any fireballs falling from the sky.

And the ground had yet to swallow them up, so maybe he exaggerated a little.

"What do you mean what am I doing here? I have just as much a right as you to be here! In fact what are you even doing here?" Hermione retaliated back.

"You do know this is muggle London right?" she placed extra emphasis on muggle just in case he was too dense to realize where he was. Actually what was he doing here? This was Draco Malfoy, former Death Eater. Son of a Death Eater, who coincidentally also annoyed the shit out of her at Hogwarts. The same one who seemed to love hurling the "m" word at her every chance he got. Honestly, what was he doing here? In muggle London?...Oh. Merlin. No.

Hermione's mind went into overdrive dreaming up countless scenarios of why Draco Malfoy could possibly be here. Like on the street. Near a car. And multiple muggle things like that lamp post over there and that motorcycle. She really hoped this whole situation wasn't part of a devious plan…like reviving Voldemort or something.

She didn't think she had anymore fight left in her to run after those idiot death eaters again. That was exhausting enough the first time.

"Yes I know this is muggle London. I'm not an idiot Granger, do not treat me as such," Draco snapped at her, as he got up from kneeling.

Hermione started to get up, but as she lifted her knees, there was a loud tear.

Merlin's stockings this could not be happening right now.

NO. NO. NO.

FUCKING HELL!

NO.

JUST NO.

Her pants were ripped.

And Draco Malfoy was right in front of her.

Please don't ask. Please don't ask. Please don-

"What was that? Granger, did that just come from you? It just sounded lik—"

"I'm sure it was nothing," she said as she started lifting herself up slowly. She had her back to him, so he couldn't see anything. Now she just needed him to leave and stop talking to her so she could apparate away or something.

"Well, I would say this was a pleasure. But it wasn't, so I hope this never happens again," she said and made to step out of the way, but Draco grabbed her upper arm.

"Granger, it sounded liked something just ripped in half…or you possibly let out a loud gaseous noise," he said as he wrinkled his noise as if sniffing something unpleasant. "I know it wasn't me, so it must be you. What was it? I've never heard flatulence sound like that so I doubt that was it…but then again you are so terribly muggle… " he trailed off looking at her for an answer.

God, why was this asshole so hell bent on making her life a living hell? She hadn't seen him in six years and he was still tormenting her. And about having gas in public no less!

"I said it's nothing," she returned barely above a whisper as her face started turning that violent shade of red.

"Now would you release my arm before you start the third wizarding war?" she finished with a deadly glare.

"Unclench your knickers from the twist they're clearly in," Draco threw back with a smirk as he released her arm and Hermione's face became a vivid beet red. Malfoy meant the comment as an insult but little did he know just how much of a twist her knickers were in. It seemed when her pants ripped, her knickers decided to add to the discomfort by bunching up and giving her a ridiculous wedgie. To add to the discomfort, the cold January air was creeping its way into the newly formed opening on her backside. Oh this day could not get any worse!

"Alright Granger let's cut this super fun meeting short shall we? Run along. Off you go," he commanded sarcastically as he still stood in front of her and made no attempt to move.

"Can you move out of my way then?" Hermione said with a sigh.

"Actually, you're in my way. You see, you're preventing me from continuing on my journey as you and your mass seem to be permanently parked right in front of me," he said.

Merlin's soggy balls. Was he serious?

There was enough space on either side of them for him to walk away but he was standing there claiming she was blocking his way? And with her mass? This arrogant, useless, sodding excuse of space!

"Malfoy-" she opened her mouth to retaliate but stopped. If she indulged him, she would never leave here and she'd most likely get frost bite on her ass.

She decided to just step out of his way. She would turn around as she started walking away, so he couldn't catch a glimpse of her bare butt cheek even if he turned, and she could apparate quickly.

"You know what? Forget it. I'll leave," she finished and she stepped to his left, but as she took a step forward and attempted to turn before Malfoy could get a shocking view of anything, she felt his arm grab her shoulder, locking her in place and preventing her from turning around.

Now she had her back (and bare bottom) facing him.

Oh good lord in heaven.

"Not even a good-bye, Grang-" he started to say as he turned around and caught a view of her peacoat…and wait, what was that peaking out of her jeans?

Oh dear God, was that Granger's bum?

It all came together as the puzzle was completed in his head.

The rip. Her bum. The rip. Her bum. The rip, her bu-

Before Draco had time to finish that thought, he saw a crème fist coming towards his face, and the next thing he knew, he was falling backwards towards the ground.

The last thing he remembered was seeing Granger turn clutching a hand on her backside as she disappeared in thin air.

He was also pretty sure his nose would be broken when he woke up.

You know, whenever that was.

"UGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!" Hermione screamed out loud as she collapsed on her couch.

Why?

Why her?

Of all the people in the world to get a rip in their pants and accidentally flash a bum, why did it have to be her?

More importantly, why him?

Of all the people in the world to run into while she had a rip in her pants, why did it have to be Draco bloody Malfoy.

Why did he have to be walking on the same street as her when that happened?

In fact why was he even alive at all?

Last she heard, he was busy building an empire of some sort because apparently, daddy's money hadn't quite dried up yet. Of course she just as well ruled him off as dead. As the saying goes, out of sight, out of mind, and he had been nowhere near her sights and was definitely out of her mind.

Well at least until today. Which brought her back to this current situation.

Draco Malfoy had seen her bum.

I mean he must have. There was no way he couldn't have. Her pants had ripped bigger than she first anticipated, enough to expose a view of her left butt cheek which wasn't covered because of that stupid wedgie.

Hermione left out a large grunt and tried to calm down.

Maybe he wouldn't even remember it and if she were lucky, maybe that punch she threw at his face would have knocked the memory out of him, so he would have no recollection of having even met her on the street.

He had also fallen down hard on the ground so hopefully he had some sort of concussion.

Even as Hermione realized that the thought was terrible, she desperately hoped it was true. She had left as soon as she saw him fall to the ground and she wasn't going to stick around so he could catch a second act of her rouge bum.

He was probably fine and was just faking his fall anyway she thought to herself as she realized she may have potentially committed a felony.

Reassuring herself that she probably did no such thing, she tried to calm down. That only lasted a couple of seconds though as the realization that Malfoy saw her bottom hit her full force again.

He would probably tell everyone he knew and embarrass her to no end. Soon she would be known as Hermione Granger, the bottom flasher.

Jesus freaking Christ.

As her mind went into overdrive for the second time that day, thinking of scenarios in which people started throwing underwear at her as she walked the streets, she realized something.

She would probably never even see that stupid douche again. Whatever rumour he did spread would probably be shot down anyway. The situation was so absurd, it couldn't seem real to anyone who heard. They'd probably think Malfoy was making it up.

Yes. That's right. She had the up hand in this situation.

If the rumor somehow did become widespread and anyone confronted her about it, she could just lie and say she hadn't seen Malfoy and wasn't even aware he was alive.

Okay so that last part was a bit much…everyone knew he owned Malfoy Industries and his stupid viewers (she had a serious intuition he stole the TV muggle's watched and passed it off as his own) were practically in every household (except the hers and the Weasleys of course), but she could still pretend she had yet to lay eyes on him since the war.

'This situation is looking up', she thought and got off the couch to change out of the blasted jeggings or whats-its that caused this unfortunate situation to begin with.

She strolled out of her living room and walked into her bedroom to pull off the offending green pants and perhaps burn them and bury their ashes, when a name popped into her head.

Carwyn Allington.

In all her hysteria, she'd forgotten about her blind date, who she'd worn the stupid jeggings for anyway. She totally stood him up. The poor bloke was probably at the Leaky Cauldron cursing her out.

She grabbed her head in her hands and heaved an even deeper grunt.

When did her life get to this point?

She was Hermione bloody Granger.

Pants don't rip on her, exposing her bum to annoying former school mates, and she most certainly never forgot dates…or anything for that matter.

She grabbed a quill and paper from her table and scrawled a note she planned on sending to Allington later on.

But first, she had a lot of explaining to do to Ginny Weasley. By now, the red head would probably know she'd never showed up on her date. She was sure Ginny was probably sitting somewhere in the Leaky Cauldron under some ridiculous disguise trying to keep an eye on how her date was going…either that or she got some unsuspecting assistant to do the dirty work for her.

Except Hermione had not actually appeared. She could see the rage in Ginny's eyes already and the accompanying lecture. She grabbed a handful of curly locks and pulled.

She was going to need some serious glasses of red wine for this one.

A/N: Well, how was it? I know it was shorter than normal, but I really wanted to get a chapter out so no one would think I've abandoned this story. Plus semi-typing using the keyboard and onscreen keyboard is hard! I had no idea just how much I used the letters "w" and "d" but being unable to type normally with them has given me an appreciation! There's bound to be a missing letter in the story here or there, so if you see any, do let me know. Anyway, I hope you enjoyed this chapter and reviews are always welcome!

Until next time. Dyearts